“Being the big brother does,” Kevin countered.
“You might want to ask Connor how that worked out for him today before you head down that path,” she retorted, relieved when Will returned. At least she trusted her brother not to say anything to embarrass Will in front of Ronnie, a relative stranger to the family dynamics.
Unwinding from the frantic night, Jess realized she was glad that Will was here to be a part of it. It felt natural, just the way it had back in the old days when they’d all hung out together. For the second time today she wondered if maybe she’d been making too much of the step from friendship to dating. Maybe it would only mean more comfortable nights like this.
She glanced over and saw the way Will was looking at her, the barely banked desire in his eyes. Her pulse kicked up several notches. She revised her thinking. Maybe it was a little scary after all, the impact he had on her senses. One of these days very soon, she was going to have to decide. Until then, perhaps she could get away with acting like a very young teenager and restricting their dates to things they could do with a crowd. Just imagining Will’s reaction to her self-protective strategy made her smile.
The demand for Lunch by the Bay superseded anything Will had anticipated. Even if he’d wanted to go on a date himself—with Jess or anyone else—he was too busy to schedule one. At least that’s the excuse he’d given himself for not asking anyone out after the disastrous date with Anna Lofton a few weeks ago.
Okay, that and the fact that things actually seemed to have taken a turn for the better with Jess. He knew she couldn’t be rushed, so he was trying to wait for her to reach the same conclusion he had, that they deserved a chance.
Occasions like the chance encounter at the festival and the relaxed evening they’d spent that same day at the inn seemed to be easing her defenses. He just needed to be patient. Of course, years of being patient should have been sufficient practice, but it was getting harder.
A few days after his late-night stop at the inn, he was hunched over his computer keyboard at the office when the door opened and Jess walked in. He stared at her in surprise. It was the first time she’d ever crossed the threshold into his professional domain. Come to think of it, it might be the first time she’d ever sought him out, period.
She stood looking around the room, her gaze filled with curiosity. “No couch,” she noted.
“Not all shrinks have them,” he replied, diving into the conversation cautiously as he tried to figure out what had brought her into enemy territory. “Most people prefer sitting in a comfortable chair.”
“Did you try the whole sofa thing?”
“For a while. Then I redecorated.” He grinned. “Did you really come here to discuss my decor?”
“Honestly, I don’t know why I’m here.”
“Did you want a session?” he asked, enjoying the quick flush of color the question brought to her cheeks.
“You’re the last person I’d want poking around in my psyche,” she claimed. “You do that enough when we bump into each other.”
“Jess, contrary to whatever goes on in that head of yours, your psyche is the last thing on my mind when we run into each other.”
She perked up visibly. “Oh?”
Since he didn’t intend to lay his heart at her feet only to have her trample on it, he asked again more pointedly, “Why are you here?”
She moved around the office, picking up a magazine here, a piece of sculpture there. When she retrieved a seashell from a shelf behind his desk, she held on to it, studying it curiously.
“Did you find this around here?” she asked.
“On the beach by your house, as a matter of fact.” He met her gaze. “Don’t you remember?”
“There are probably thousands of seashells, Will. Why would I remember this one?”
“You cut your foot on it when you were about fourteen. You were bleeding all over and trying not to cry. I carried you back up to the house so Nell could bandage your foot.”
“And you saved the shell?” she said incredulously.
He shrugged, feeling ridiculous. “At the time I thought I was taking it away so it couldn’t pose a danger to you or anyone else again. Then it just sort of stayed with me.”
“To remind you of playing Sir Galahad?”
“Something like that.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“I wish you would.”
“Had you ever thought about kissing me, I mean, before that night at Brady’s?”
He smiled at her solemn tone. “All the time.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He laughed at that. “You never seemed to want me to. In fact, you’ve been nothing but prickly around me practically from the day we met. And after I became a shrink, forget it. Just like earlier, you act as if you’re terrified I’ll see something inside you that you don’t want anyone to know.”
“I don’t really have any secrets,” she said. “I think everyone in town has always known all my business.”
“Then I shouldn’t scare you, should I?”
“Probably not,” she said, then met his gaze. “But you do.”
Will felt as if the earth had suddenly shifted under him. “Why?”
“I don’t know.”
Sensing that he was teetering on the edge of a precipice that could forever alter their relationship, he asked casually, “Want to go to dinner tonight and see if we can figure it out?”
“That sounds an awful lot like a session to me,” she said warily.
“I don’t take my clients out to dinner,” he said. “It’s unethical.”
She regarded him with a penetrating gaze. “So if you ask me a question, it’ll just be because you want to know. You, Will.”
He nodded solemnly. “Just me.”
“Okay,” she agreed at last.
Will mentally shouted a few choruses of hallelujah, then stood slowly, feigning nonchalance. “I’ll get my jacket.”
As they walked outside, Jess slanted a sideways look at him. “So, when you know me better, will you fix me up with another one of those Lunch by the Bay clients of yours?”
Will stopped dead still and stared at her incredulously. Thankfully, before he uttered the first indignant thought that came to him, he saw the definite twinkle in her eyes. He deliberately held her gaze until she shifted uneasily, then licked her lips nervously.
“Well?” she prodded.
He smiled. “Not if tonight goes the way I’m counting on it going.”
She swallowed hard. “Then that kiss a few weeks ago, it wasn’t just a fluke?” she said as if not quite sure she could trust her own impressions or his actions, as if she needed to clarify before she risked anything. “That’s what you want, Will? Us together, as a couple?”
He regarded her solemnly. “I’m not sure how many different ways I need to say it, but to be perfectly clear one more time, yes. I think it’s way past time for us to try,” he told her, his expression solemn. “Don’t you think so? Isn’t that really why you came to my office tonight?”
“I think it’s terrifying to be changing what we already have,” she admitted candidly. “Have you really thought about what will happen if we start sleeping together?”
“All the time,” he said, amused.
“What if we’re no good at it?”
He laughed. “Oh, I think we’re going to be great at it.”
“How can you sound so sure? Maybe we should just test it, see how it goes, before we get emotionally involved.”
“Jess O’Brien, are you suggesting we have uncomplicated, no-strings sex right now? Sort of get it out of the way, then decide what comes next?”
Her gaze met his. “I think I am.”
Despite the almost overwhelming temptation to let her have her way, Will forced himself to give her a chiding look. “I do not put out on the first date,” he teased. “Besides, we’re right out here in public. I guarantee you that our first time together is not going to be on the grass i
n the middle of the town green. What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t make our first time romantic?”
“I honestly don’t know,” she said. “But I think I’m ready to find out.”
That was the absolute best news Will had heard in years. He knew that changing their relationship wasn’t without its share of risks, but it was time. Past time, according to the way his blood was suddenly racing.
“Then we’ll have dinner as planned,” he said. “Brady’s or somewhere more discreet?”
She gave him a wry look. “Given that my family seems to have spies everywhere, we might as well go to Brady’s.”
“Start as you intend to finish, then, right out there in plain view,” he said approvingly. He noticed the sudden hint of panic in her eyes. “It’s going to be okay, you know. It’s a date, Jess. One simple meal. Some conversation. Nothing we haven’t done before a thousand times.”
Despite his reassurance, though, they both knew it was a whole lot more. Tonight’s dinner was going to be served with hopes and expectations, and with the very distinct possibility of sex for dessert.
13
Jess was on edge all during dinner. Not that the conversation lagged for even a minute. Will was the perfect gentleman, too. He didn’t even try to hold her hand across the candlelit table. Still, the intimacy between them seemed to have hit a new level. And yet it hadn’t. It was confusing.
“You’re overthinking this, aren’t you?” he said, regarding her with amusement.
Jess sighed. She should have known he’d be able to read her mind. “Don’t you think it’s kind of weird, being here like this?”
“Like what? Two old friends having dinner together?”
She scowled at the description. “But we’re not just two old friends having dinner, are we? We’re two people who’ve introduced the prospect of having sex into their relationship.”
Will frowned. “Maybe I was wrong earlier,” he murmured.
“About what?”
“Not having sex right away,” he explained. “It seems to be the only thing on your mind, like this giant hurdle you need to get over so you can relax.”
“Please do not try to tell me you aren’t thinking about it,” she said.
“I’m content to live in the moment,” he insisted.
She didn’t believe him for a minute. Men were always thinking about sex or having sex. Wasn’t it the driving force of their lives? She shook her head. “Sorry. I’m not buying it.”
“Why not?”
She told him her theory.
Will chuckled. “You really don’t think much of men, do you?”
She shrugged. “Well, my experience has been somewhat limited.”
Will stared at her with surprise. “How limited?”
His stunned expression put her on the defensive. “Well, I’m not a virgin, if that’s what you’re thinking. Not that it’s really any of your business, but Kevin and Connor didn’t always make it to Moonlight Cove in time to rescue me from my reckless self.”
His expression turned wry. “Good to know, but just so you also know, I really, really do not want to hear any details.”
“As if I’d share them with you,” she said testily, then sighed. “But what I’m really trying to explain is that I’m not very experienced at the whole relationship thing. Surely you figured that out a long time ago. You’ve been around. When have I ever dated anyone for longer than a few weeks or a couple of months? I obviously have a short attention span. I guess it must come with the ADD territory.”
Will shook his head. “There you go blaming your ADD for something that’s much more easily explained by the fact that those other men have been wrong for you and you’ve been wise enough to figure it out sooner, rather than later.”
“Okay, you’ve said that before, but why are you so sure of it? Maybe I’m just flighty.”
“How long have you been friends with Laila and Connie?”
“They’re older, so it’s fairly recently that we’ve become friends, but I’ve known them all my life.”
“So those could be described as long-term relationships in some ways,” he persisted. “I suppose.”
“And you’ve been working with Gail since you opened the inn, right?”
“Sure. What’s your point?”
“That relationship seems to be holding up okay.”
“Come on, Will. It’s not the same,” she protested.
“The same character traits it takes to have a healthy friendship or a solid employer-employee relationship are needed to have a long-term relationship with a man,” he said.
Jess didn’t entirely believe him, but he was the expert in human dynamics. “Seriously?”
He nodded. “Seriously. All of those relationships involve give-and-take, loyalty, forgiveness and, on occasion, a bit of work.”
Jess saw what he was trying to say. “But Laila and Connie know about the ADD, so they’re pretty tolerant when I mess up. The same thing goes for Gail. She pitches in to make sure I don’t let things fall through the cracks at the inn.”
“Don’t you imagine someone who loves you would do the same?” he asked.
“I guess I never thought about it that way,” she admitted.
“So, let’s get back to us. Are you scared about us jumping into bed or about us having a relationship? Because I’ve been waiting for you for a very long time, Jess, so we can move this whole thing along at whatever pace makes you comfortable.” He gave her a hard look. “Or are you already trying to create roadblocks to moving forward at all?”
Was that what she was doing? It was entirely possible. She’d gone to Will’s office tonight because she hadn’t been able to convince herself to stay away. She’d wanted something from him when she’d walked through that door. Had it been uncomplicated sex? Or had she already known deep down that nothing about her relationship with Will would ever be uncomplicated? There were so darn many unexplored feelings between them.
The fact that he sat patiently while she argued with herself was extremely annoying, but that was Will. He’d obviously built his career on waiting out reluctant clients.
She frowned, but finally admitted, “I don’t know. This is so much more complicated than I thought it was going to be.” She looked into his eyes. “Did you know it would be this hard?”
He smiled. “I knew. You’re a complicated woman. There’s no surprise for me there.”
“Then why bother with me?” she asked him. When he laughed, she scowled, “No, I mean it. I really want to know.”
“Because I have never met another woman who challenged me the way you do, who’s sexy and vulnerable and far stronger than she knows. I guess a part of me wants to be the man who’s there when you finally see yourself for the amazing woman you’ve become.”
Jess’s eyes misted with tears at his sweet words and the sincerity behind them. “That’s really how you see me? As an amazing woman?”
“Of course.”
“Why? You have to be aware of all my flaws. Do I need to list them for you?”
His lips curved. “Are you thinking you can scare me away if you do?”
“Maybe.”
“How long have we known each other, Jess?”
“Most of our lives.”
“Do you think there’s much about you I don’t know? I’ve pretty much seen you in every kind of circumstance imaginable, and what I haven’t seen, someone’s told me about.”
She wanted to believe that he’d seen all of her worst flaws, understood all of her most disastrous mistakes, and cared for her anyway, but how was that possible?
“Maybe you’re just glossing over my flaws so you can get me in the sack after all this time,” she accused lightly. “Some men will do or say anything to score.”
He looked oddly hurt by the suggestion. “I’m not most men. Besides, maybe I just see your flaws as an important part of the fabric of who you are,” he suggested. “And maybe I think they pale when stacked up against all of your good
points.”
When she remained silent, distrusting his words, he sighed heavily. “I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes,” he told her. “I wish I knew how to make that possible because until you do, you’ll always doubt you’re worthy of love.”
Jess couldn’t deny what he was saying. She’d spent her entire life—from the moment her mother had walked out and left them—focused on what was wrong with her, how much trouble she was. A pattern of belief begun at the tender age of seven and never denied, but rather reinforced, was almost impossible to shake.
It wasn’t that she believed no one could love her, because obviously her parents and her siblings did, but it was a love she’d always viewed as laced with a heavy dose of tolerance and even a sense of family obligation. Theirs was a love she’d put to the test too often. One thing she knew for sure was that if she ever did become involved with a man, she wanted more. She wanted affection that was freely given and deeply felt. No good could come of a relationship in which she felt a constant need to be testing the man’s love.
Will watched her as if he knew exactly what thoughts she was wrestling with. “Well?” he asked at last. “Are you going to bail before we even get started, or will you give us the chance we both deserve? All you have to do is take a leap of faith.”
“It might be easier to leap over the Washington Monument in a single bound,” she said dryly.
“Come on,” he coaxed. “You’ve got what it takes, Jess. I believe that, even if you don’t. Trust me just this once.”
“I do trust you,” she said, knowing that much was true, at least.
“Then you’ll go out with me again? Baby steps, if need be. Lunch. Or a movie. No pressure.”
“Can I drag along a chaperone?” she asked, only partially in jest.
His lips curved. “If you must. Just please don’t make it one of your brothers. I don’t think I could take the humiliation.”
She laughed, suddenly feeling a thousand times lighter. “Neither could I. I guess we’ll play the chaperone thing by ear.”
“How about I drop by the inn tomorrow afternoon? We can run out for ice cream or coffee or something. No big deal. Nothing too scary about grabbing a hot fudge sundae or a cappuccino with me, right?”
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