“That was unfair to you and to her,” Megan admitted candidly. “I’ve done everything I can think of to make it up to each of you. I will tell you how sorry I am forever, if that’s what it takes.” She looked into Jess’s eyes. “Will that ever be enough?”
“I don’t know,” Jess said. “I want it to be. I want it to be behind me, so I can move forward, not just with Will, but with anyone. I’m not sure it’s possible for a kid to seal off her heart, but I think that’s exactly what I did. I’m terrified to feel that way again.”
“So you don’t trust anyone,” Megan said sorrowfully.
“Not a hundred percent, no. I’ve even been cautious with Abby, Bree, Kevin and Connor. They left, too. Oh, the circumstances were obviously different, but I still felt left behind. I resented them for a time, too, though I know they didn’t deserve it. They had their own lives to live, just like you did.”
“Oh, sweetie, you have no idea how awful that makes me feel,” Megan said, her eyes brimming with tears.
Jess thought she’d come out here to get her mother’s approval of her relationship with Will, but she realized now it was to air all of this old anger and bitterness. She and her mother had been tiptoeing around each other ever since Megan had come back to Chesapeake Shores a few years back. There had been peace, but not reconciliation.
Jess recognized that it was time either to let go of the past, or accept that they would never share the bond of mother and daughter again. She realized how desperately she wanted that bond, and the only way to have it was to forgive.
Swallowing hard, she stared into her mother’s tear-filled eyes, saw the genuine pain, and somehow her heart released the last of the anger she’d felt for so many years.
“I want things between us to get better,” Jess whispered. “I want my mom back.”
Megan opened her arms and Jess walked into them. “I’m right here, sweetie. I’m right here.”
They were both openly crying when Mick found them to announce that Sunday dinner was on the table.
“Everything okay here?” he asked worriedly.
“Everything’s good,” Megan assured him, a catch in her voice.
He looked toward Jess, awaiting her answer.
She couldn’t seem to squeeze a word past the lump in her throat, but she nodded.
Mick gave a nod of satisfaction, then left them to make their way back to the house on their own.
Jess knew the reconciliation, so long in coming, would be bumpy, but today had been a good start. Linking arms with her mother, she slanted a look at her.
“Quite a day, huh?”
Megan smiled, her cheeks still damp. “The very best,” she agreed. “I finally feel as if I have my family whole again.”
Ever since they’d sat down at dinner, Will had been watching Jess, lines of worry etched on his face. Jess had tried smiling to reassure him, but he didn’t seem to buy the smiles or her upbeat chitchat with the rest of the family. As soon as dinner and the cleanup had been completed, he snagged her hand.
“How about heading back to the inn?” he suggested. “You can show me the progress your dad has made on the attic.”
“You’re going to be amazed,” she told him, as eager to be alone with him as he seemed to be with her. “The windows are in and the views are fantastic. Let’s go.”
“Sneaking out?” Abby inquired, looking amused when she caught them leaving through the kitchen door.
“Nobody’s sneaking,” Jess said indignantly. “Everybody’s busy. They won’t even notice we’ve left.”
“Only reason I know to slip out without saying goodbye is because you don’t want anybody asking what you’re off to do,” Abby teased. “As your big sister, it’s my duty to ask.”
“And as your very independent sister, I’ll tell you it’s none of your business,” Jess retorted. “You have plenty of other siblings to watch over like the mother hen you’ve always been. Go interfere in their lives.”
Abby laughed. “What am I going to do now that even you are too grown up for me to boss around?”
“Believe me, Caitlyn and Carrie will be teenagers soon enough,” Jess reminded her. “You’ll have your hands full with those two.”
“Don’t remind me,” Abby said. “Thank goodness for Trace. They actually listen to him. Their father and I are considered the enemies already.”
“Maybe it’s time for you to think about adding to your family,” Jess said, broaching a subject that almost no one else had dared. “I know Trace would love to have a baby or two of his own. Have you considered it?”
Abby’s expression froze. “Now it’s my turn to tell you to butt out,” she retorted.
The unexpectedly sharp tone of voice told Jess that she’d stumbled into something very touchy. “Will, why don’t you wait for me outside?” she suggested, determined not to drop the topic now that it had been raised.
When he’d gone without comment, she turned a penetrating look on her sister. “Okay, what’s going on?”
Abby frowned. “Didn’t I just tell you to leave it alone?”
“You know I never do what I’m told. Sit down and talk to me. Is there a problem?”
Abby sat, but she avoided Jess’s gaze. “Not with me getting pregnant, if that’s what you mean. We haven’t been trying.”
Now Jess knew she was treading on tricky turf. It might be easier to back down, but she thought about what Abby would do if the situations were reversed. She’d push until the other person got a troubling subject out into the open.
“Why not?” she asked her sister.
“You know what happened when I had the twins,” Abby said. “Wes immediately wanted me to quit work and stay home.”
“And you’re scared Trace will do the same thing?”
Abby nodded, looking miserable. “No matter how many times he swears to me it will never happen, I’m scared to death he’s kidding himself. I’m afraid that once a new baby’s here, he’s going to balk at me going off to work in Baltimore every day. And then what? We start fighting all the time? Wind up divorced the way Wes and I did? I love my career. I’ve worked hard to get where I am.”
Jess gave her sister’s hand a squeeze. “Of course you have. I don’t think you’re giving Trace half enough credit, though. He actually likes being a stay-at-home dad to the girls. He can do his work at home. There’s no reason for him to insist that you be there, too. He’s not Wes, and the situations just aren’t the same.”
Abby sniffed, found one of the ever-present tissues in her pocket and blew her nose. “That’s what he says,” she conceded.
“Oh, sweetie, I certainly have a mountain of trust issues of my own, but even I can see that Trace has never given you a single reason to doubt him.”
“I do know that,” Abby said.
“Then keep talking. Don’t let this drag on until it’s too late and all the options are gone.”
“Yeah, the ticking of my biological clock is pretty loud these days.” When she met Jess’s gaze, her expression remained troubled. “I can’t help wondering if it’s more than the whole Wes thing.”
Jess regarded her with surprise. “Such as?”
“I was just seventeen when Mom left. I took over with all of you. In some ways, I feel as if I’ve had not just the twins, but four other kids. Maybe that’s enough for me.”
Jess had never considered the toll Abby’s sense of responsibility toward all of them might have taken on her. “Then you need to talk that out with Trace, too. Here’s what I see, though. You’re a great mom despite your career. Trace is a fantastic stepfather, but the two of you should have at least one kid together.” She grinned. “But, hey, my opinion isn’t the one that counts.”
“Actually, your perspective is helping. Trace and I have been over this so many times, I feel as if we’re talking in circles.”
“Then I’ll add one more thing. Maybe once you have one baby and see how smoothly it goes, you’ll even have a couple more. That big old house he
bought for you should be filled up with kids.” She touched her sister’s cheek. “I know from experience how blessed they’d be.”
Abby gave her a watery smile. “Thanks for the pep talk. You’re pretty smart.”
“I’ll bet I’m not telling you anything your husband hasn’t already said. Listen to him, big sis. Trace loves you, and he would never, ever do anything to take your work away from you. He understands that it’s a big part of who you are. Better yet, he’s going to be right there with diaper duty and all the other demands of raising a family. You’ll have a partner.”
“I know you’re right,” Abby said. “He’s right. I just get these flashbacks, you know?”
“Believe me, I know,” Jess said.
Abby sighed heavily. “Okay, your work here is done,” she said, waving Jess off. “Go with Will and do whatever it is the two of you are going to do.”
“Not that we need your permission,” Jess said wryly, “but thanks.”
Jess found Will waiting patiently for her just outside the kitchen door. “How much did you overhear?” she asked.
He didn’t bother trying to deny that he’d heard most of it. “It’s a complex situation,” he said carefully. “But you gave her good advice.”
“The same thing you would have told her?”
He smiled. “Pretty much. Not that she asked me. You have good instincts when it comes to other people, Jess. You should start listening to some of your own advice, especially when it comes to choosing the people you can trust.”
She lifted her eyes to meet his. “Intellectually I know I can trust you, Will. It’s just this gut of mine. It hasn’t quite made the leap.”
“But you did make some kind of progress today with your mother, didn’t you? I saw it on both of your faces when you came inside to dinner. You looked lighter, and whenever Megan glanced your way, she looked happier than I’ve seen her in a while.”
Jess nodded. “It was kind of huge, actually. I had this big argument with myself about letting go of the anger, or holding on to it and never having the kind of mother-daughter relationship I’ve been missing all these years. I decided I’d been punishing not just her, but me, by withholding my affection and forgiveness.”
He smiled at her. “So you let it go.”
“I did. It was pretty amazing, actually. I made the decision, and it was like it all just vanished in a puff of smoke. I’m sure it’s not really going to be that easy, but it was a start, Will.”
“A great one,” he agreed. “One of these days I hope you’ll be able to do that with me, just decide I’m one of the good guys and open up your heart to me.”
“Maybe I’ll try having another one of those stern talks with myself and see what happens,” she said, not entirely in jest. “In the meantime, I like where we are.”
“Which is?” he asked.
She frowned at the question. “You don’t know?”
“I want to hear your interpretation.”
“Together. A couple. Friends finding our way toward something more,” she said. “I don’t know how else to put it.”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. “That’ll do for a start.”
The kiss, chaste though it was, stirred something inside her. It went way beyond friendly.
As they got closer to the inn, she slanted a look toward him. “This friendship thing,” she said casually. “I’m thinking it still needs to have benefits.”
Will regarded her with amusement. “Is that so?”
“What do you think?”
“Since you’ve lured me over here and I haven’t objected, I think the benefit package is definitely open for discussion.”
“Then isn’t it a good thing that my room is even closer than the attic?” she said. “Better yet, it has a very comfortable bed.”
“All an important part of the negotiations,” Will agreed. “One question, is the bed an antique?”
“No, why?”
“Squeaky springs.”
Jess laughed. “It doesn’t matter. The last of the guests checked out hours ago. If we change our minds and decide to make love on the staircase, there’s nobody left to be shocked by our behavior.”
Will looked a little too intrigued by the idea. “The staircase, huh? And the foyer? What about the kitchen?”
“All to ourselves,” she said, laughing. She met his gaze. “What on earth do you have in mind?”
“You’ll see,” he promised, a wicked glint in his eyes.
“It’s going to be quite an afternoon, isn’t it?” she asked, her breath catching in her throat and her pulse kicking up a notch or two…or five.
“I most definitely hope so,” he agreed, grabbing her hand and leading her inside, then locking the front door behind them. “No point in taking chances on the arrival of unexpected guests.”
Jess laughed. “Who knows? It could draw in an entirely different clientele.”
“The door stays locked,” he said firmly, but that was the very last cautious thing he did.
From that point on, he showed a reckless abandon that matched anything Jess had ever aspired to, proving yet again that they were an astonishing match, even without a Lunch by the Bay computerized stamp of approval to back it up.
20
Jess was in her office Monday morning, daydreaming about her incredible night with Will, when Gail came in, her expression tense. Since Gail was the kind of woman who rarely let anything rattle her, Jess immediately sat up straighter.
“Something’s wrong,” Jess said at once. “What is it?”
“Apparently our order for this week slipped through the cracks,” Gail said, her tone filled with annoyance. “What happened?”
Jess felt her stomach sink. “What are you talking about? I know I called it in. I always call it in on Friday.”
“Well, you didn’t last week,” Gail said. “When the truck didn’t turn up first thing this morning, I called the food distributor. They had no record of an order being placed on Friday. I know I filled it out for you before I went home on Thursday and left it here on your desk. You were supposed to place it first thing Friday.”
“I did,” Jess insisted, trying to sort through the papers on her desk to find it. The clutter was so disorganized it was almost impossible to find anything. “I called it in, then put the original back in the kitchen afterward, like always. I’m sure of it.”
“It’s not there,” Gail said, not even trying to hide her increasing impatience. “Keep looking. I’m sure it’s buried there somewhere.”
Just then Jess found the order, without her usual checkmark and initials to indicate the task had been completed. She uttered a curse. “I’m so sorry, Gail. I’ll call it in right now. Maybe they can still get it here this afternoon.”
“They can and they will. I always keep my own copy, so I gave it to them when I called.” The tension in her shoulders finally eased and she sat down opposite Jess. “I’m sorry for coming in here so angry, but I was just so darn frustrated when I had to scramble to figure out what I could put on today’s lunch menu with what we had in stock.”
“You shouldn’t have to do that,” Jess told her apologetically. “This was my fault, Gail. It won’t happen again.”
“Yes, it will,” Gail said more gently. “Look, Jess, I know we decided a while back it would be best if you actually placed the orders, but maybe that’s not such a good idea. Maybe we should go back to the way it was in the beginning, with me handling it, then giving you a weekly report for the accountant.”
Jess hated retreating to the system Abby had initiated after the threatened foreclosure disaster, but how could she argue? “That would probably be best,” she conceded. “I thought I’d developed my own system for keeping track of things. I thought it was working.”
“It has been until lately,” Gail agreed. “I don’t know if it’s this thing with Will that has you distracted or if you’re getting bored with all the details around here or what. But this isn’t the first ti
me you’ve slipped up.”
“It’s the first time I’ve forgotten to place an order,” Jess protested.
“True,” Gail said. “But the maid had to scramble a couple of weeks back because the laundry service hadn’t been notified we needed extra linens because of a heavy guest turnover. And Ronnie had to pacify a guest who’d asked for a room on the first floor, only to find he’d been put upstairs. You’d taken the reservation, but hadn’t made a note of it. Remember those incidents?”
Years of hearing a litany of her mistakes didn’t make it one bit easier for Jess to hear these. The same acid churned in her stomach. “I’m sorry,” she apologized yet again.
“I know that,” Gail said. “And we’ve all tried to make allowances—”
Jess cut her off heatedly, “Because of the ADD. I don’t want anybody making excuses for me, Gail. I should have a handle on this. It’s not rocket science, for heaven’s sake, and I’m the one in charge.”
Gail immediately looked alarmed by her frustrated outburst. “We’re not judging you.”
“Of course not,” Jess said bitterly. “Nobody ever judges poor, messed-up Jess. They just cover for her or work around her, whatever it takes to get the job done.”
“Nobody’s judging you, Jess, or covering for you, for that matter. It’s not as if Abby’s been over here questioning us to see if you’re doing everything perfectly. She has confidence in you these days, and so do we.”
Though Gail sounded sincere, her words didn’t make Jess feel any better.
“I swear to you I’m only bringing this to your attention because you didn’t seem to be aware of it,” Gail said, clearly trying to smooth her ruffled feathers. “I thought maybe you could fix it, maybe make an adjustment of some kind before something more serious happens.”
Jess sighed. “I’m sorry. Again. I shouldn’t be taking my frustration out on you. You’re only the messenger. I will deal with this, Gail. And, yes, take over placing the orders yourself again. I have no idea why I’ve gotten so lax recently. It’s not Will. I am sure of that.”
Moonlight Cove Page 26