by C. M. King
"Because we haven't lately.” She kept her voice firm.
"We talked at dinner."
"Not about anything important.” She frowned. “You know what I mean."
"We need to talk about important stuff?” He finally turned around in the chair to look at her. Once his gaze took her in, he seemed happy to find her out of her uniform, wearing a sleeveless white shirt and brown pants. He himself obviously hadn't had time to change yet.
She saw his now all too familiar look of desire cross his face. He was clearly thinking about how fast he could get her out of her clothes. “Don't give me that look,” she ordered.
"What look?” Innocence filled his face, although his eyes gave away his real thoughts.
"You know what look.” She lifted her eyebrows. “Don't even be thinking about it.” Rieko pointed a finger at him when he smiled at her. “Leeza said that we need to talk, just talk, no sex, and I agree with her.” She crossed her arms.
His face wrinkled in confusion. “Leeza?"
"Leeza Carpenter,” she answered.
"Ensign Carpenter?"
"Yeah.” Rieko nodded.
He seemed more perplexed now and a little upset. “You discussed this with Ensign Carpenter?"
"I have to talk to somebody about you,” she stated. He must know enough about women to know that they did such things.
"Why?” he asked. Or maybe Stuart didn't know such things.
"Because that's what women do, talk to their girlfriends about the men that are currently confusing them by making mad passionate love, then walking out and not even staying the night.” The words rushed out of her. Somehow, he seemed even more lost by the conversation now.
"Can we just talk?” she asked. Her voice came out more pleading than she had wanted.
"What all have you told her?” Confusion laced Stuart's voice, although his face remained rigidly solid.
"I haven't told her anything private or personal, I promise,” she answered. She could not betray him like that.
"You told her about the sex?” An awe-struck look of disgust filled his face.
"Well.” Rieko shrugged her shoulders and hoped he wouldn't want to know how much detail she had given Leeza. “Does that bother you?” She had thought it wouldn't.
He ignored the question, something he did with most things he wished not to answer. “So, you're here because Ensign Carpenter told you we need to talk?” He rose from his chair and sat beside her on the bed.
"Yeah.” Rieko nodded. It wasn't like it was Leeza's idea really. It had just taken Leeza's demands to get her over here tonight.
"Could we have a quick shag first?” Stuart had a completely serious and straight face.
"Stuart.” Her shock held a joking manner. More and more he acted like this: up-front, coy, and quick witted.
"Shagging after talking probably isn't allowed either.” He feigned disappointment. Rieko mockingly glared at him. Men and their one track minds.
Stuart gave his best innocent look and then shrugged one shoulder. “No harm in asking,” he said. Rieko silently noted how cute he could be. “So, what are we talking about?” he asked, probably to get rid of her look, showing how much of an utter guy he was being.
"Your father,” Rieko answered.
The crooked smile that had begun to form on his features crumbled. “Can we pick a new subject?” His voice pleaded, not masking his desire to avoid talking about his father. “Is Ensign Carpenter seeing Taylor?” he asked to the subject.
"That was a private conversation,” she told him.
"The sex between us wasn't?” He quirked an eyebrow at her.
"I don't know what they are doing and neither do they,” she answered. “Of course, if you believe the ship's rumor mill, he could really be interested and/or seeing Dulchman or Elliots."
He looked at her with shock. “Ensign Elliots is a man."
"Yeah.” Rieko shrugged a shoulder. “It's just a rumor."
"I know for a fact that Taylor is very heterosexual.” Stuart's tone sounded blunt. “Believe me, he's very attracted to women.” Rieko wondered what firsthand knowledge he had about any of that.
"Maybe he's just as attracted to men sometimes.” She managed to keep the smile from her face. “Or maybe it's just a silly rumor."
"It would explain a few things,” he stated.
"Like?” Rieko lifted an eyebrow.
"What man uses conditioner?” His voice held almost horror at the thought.
"The kind that wants soft shiny hair.” She would play along for a bit, even though she knew he was clearly trying to avoid talking about anything important.
"Or has a conversation in the shower?” His voice now held outrage. “That is a very private time. You do not talk to others who might also be in the bathroom with you."
"Maybe he's just in touch with his feminine side?” She knew that was likely a big part of it. She wondered why Stuart hadn't mentioned Taylor crying at the movies yet. “You have been avoiding the chosen subject."
"Have I?” He looked at her innocently. “I said I'd like another.” His accent made the statement came out thicker than usual.
Rieko sighed and searched for another subject. “How many other women have you been with, slept with?” She wasn't really sure if she wanted to know the answer. She knew there had been several before her. Stuart looked a little miffed at this question as well. “Would you rather talk about your father?” Rieko asked, making him cringe.
"No.” His voice sounded sharp. Then he furrowed his brow in thought. “I never really kept tally."
He wasn't getting off that easy. “Okay,” she said, “a few, several, a lot?"
He cocked his head and continued thinking. “Maybe not quite a lot,” he answered finally. “How many men have you slept with?"
Oh yeah, Rieko thought, that was the problem with this question. He could throw it back at her. “A few,” she answered. He seemed to want something more. “You're not getting an exact number."
Stuart shrugged his shoulders. “Sure. Did all the relationships end on bad terms?"
Rieko wondered how exactly the questions were turned to her? “No. Just a couple. It doesn't mean the other endings didn't sting a little."
"They hurt you?” His voice held genuine concern.
"I wasn't always the one getting hurt. Sometimes I was giving it too.” She sighed. “It's the ones that don't even count that hurt the most.” She thought about those few men she had spent so much time pining over, only to have nothing come of it. “It's harder to let the hope that maybe they'll come to their senses die."
His intense eyes held such warmth and concern for her. “I promise you, Rieko, I'll try not to hurt you,” he whispered.
"I know,” she told him. “So, were any of them—the ‘not quite a lot’ of women—serious?"
"Mostly they were very on the spot, fairly casual.” He lifted one narrow shoulder in a shrug.
"As in one night stands?” she asked.
"A few,” he answered. “Believe it or not without Taylor tagging along with his inept fortune with women I can actually do quite well picking up women at bars.” When had he and Taylor tried to pick up women in bars? Rieko decided to leave that for later.
"There were a few that weren't that casual.” He spoke quickly before she could ask any questions. “Some I wanted to let in, tried to.” His pace slowed and his voice turned sorrowful. “Others who knew enough to know I wouldn't, so left it at ‘just sex’ and didn't let themselves get too attached."
"You hurt some of them?” Rieko asked, softly.
"Yeah.” He tightened his lip and nodded his head. He leaned back on the bed and shifted to get more comfortable. “I was almost married once,” he said. It shocked Rieko that he had ever even considered it. He didn't really seem the type.
"My school sweetheart,” he continued. “Dad really liked her, a good British girl with honey blonde hair and lovely green eyes, a very good cook.” He sighed, lost in an image of this
old girlfriend. “She made Yorkshire pudding that...” He shook his head. “We grew up together, and she was in love with me since we were little.” Rieko would agree he was an easy man to fall in love with.
"I thought if somebody loved me so much and thinks I'm their soul mate, certainly I could return the favor given time,” Stuart said. “She was my first.” His voice softened, perhaps remembering that long ago moment. “It just seemed the natural thing to do: get married, join the Royal Navy, have a couple of sons to give good MacEwan names to."
Rieko wondered if this was Stuart's plan or his father's.
"It wasn't her I had to leave for.” He frowned. “It was him.” He spoke about his father using only a pronoun. “I left her too.” His voice filled with regret. “She was one of those people you don't transplant, she didn't want to be anywhere but Great Britain. It didn't really hurt leaving her."
He shook his head. “Still, I was concerned about her. I wanted her to get over me. I felt guilty about hurting her. I felt really bad about that.” He paused for a bit and Rieko was a little sorry she had rehashed all those forgotten memories.
"I broke her heart,” Stuart added, finally. His pain for his actions showed. Was this why he was afraid he could hurt her as well?
"What happened to her?” Rieko asked.
"She found somebody else,” he said. “Got married to him, has a couple of kids. I always hope she loves him as much as she loved me.” He shook his head. “I don't think she really does. I ruined the whole life she had planned."
He looked over at her. Oh damn her turn, Rieko thought. “Who was your first time?” he asked.
"I'm not answering that,” she said, bluntly. “You threw away my entire first subject."
He scrunched his face a little in thought. “Okay. You know the captain from before, how?” He tried again.
"That's a long story.” It wasn't really one she wanted to get into.
"Humor me,” he said. Rieko sighed. He had just told her a long and unhappy story, and it was her who had wanted to talk.
She sighed deeply and began her story. “I don't really remember when exactly we first met.” It seemed so long ago now. “Shawn went to the Earth Space Fleet Academy with my oldest brother, Tiro.” She thought back to that time, Tiro and Shawn all young and just starting life. “I used to have such a crush on Shawn."
Stuart looked a little perplexed by that. “You have a crush on the Captain?".
"I had a crush, when I was like ten.” She had grown out of it years ago. “He got Tiro to play water polo.” That was the major reason for her starting the crush, seeing Shawn playing water polo. “You know, the captain played in college?"
"The captain? An athlete?” Stuart asked.
Rieko nodded her head in reply. “For Stanford. They were fairly good. I'd go to the games sometimes.” She thought back on those forgotten memories of Shawn getting out of the pool, a kind smile on his face. “There he'd be all wet and muscular in only those small tight fitting swim suits.” He had been something to look at back then. “Not that he's not good looking now, because he certainly is.” More grown up and filled out with that air of real maturity that he still didn't fully possess when he was in his twenties.
Rieko lifted her head from the memory and noticed Stuart's clearly jealous expression. Maybe she had said all of that too dreamily, it's not like she really thought of Shawn like that anymore, too much else had transpired for that.
"If it's any consolation, I think more than half the time he still sees me as that little girl.” She knew for a fact that he did. He had always been so kind about her little school girl crush, making sure he made it clear he wasn't interested, but being very polite about her girlish advances. “Stuart, you have nothing to be jealous of. Besides, Shawn and Tiro were such good friends."
"They aren't anymore?” Stuart asked.
She looked back up at Stuart. She had used the past tense. How many years had it taken for her to start doing that? If she talked about Shawn, it was hard not to mention Tiro. He was the reason that she knew Shawn so well.
"Tiro's dead,” she answered softly.
Stuart's eyes looked shocked, but he held his face solid. “I'm so sorry, Rieko."
What did he have to be sorry about? He didn't have any idea. She never talked about it. “It's okay,” she said. “It happened a long time ago. It just doesn't always seem that way.” She really missed Tiro, then again likely everyone that had known him missed him. “Some stupid freak Earth Space Fleet accident with an EV suit,” she explained. It was one of the reasons they made her uneasy about them, well that and she was slightly claustrophobic. “My family prefers to avoid talking about the subject.” Which was why she hadn't mentioned that Tiro was dead when they had talked about him before. “We all know, we just don't ever mention it."
"They probably don't like Earth Space Fleet much,” Stuart said.
"No.” Unlike his father, her parents did have a real reason for their mistrust of Earth Space Fleet. “They're not big fans of it."
"They aren't mad that you're in the fleet?” Stuart lifted an eyebrow.
Rieko shook her head. That would take a little background to explain. “Much as I hate what had happened to Tiro, I couldn't resist studying astronomy. I tried studying math and physics and even chemistry for a bit.” She shrugged. “My biggest interest was always astronomy. It's always been my one true passion, something passed on from Tiro and all his bedtime stories about other worlds. My parents can't dislike my choices for something I'm so passionate about."
"Anyway,” she continued, “After graduate school, Shawn talked me into Earth Space Fleet. He said I'd be great at it.” She really was honored by that. “I would have never done so without his encouragement.” It certainly had taken a little talking into. “If anyone else had suggested it, I would have told them I wasn't interested."
"My family would be quite a bit more scared about having me out here if Shawn wasn't the captain.” In their eyes the fact that Shawn wanted her out here, made it all right in their view.
Well, if she had gone and told Stuart this much, why not tell the rest? “Shawn was with Tiro when he died,” she spoke. “They used to visit on breaks and leaves together, and after Tiro died, my family kept inviting him. Like a part of Tiro is there if Shawn is.” Shawn is a bit of a reflection of Tiro. There are parts of them that are very much alike. “I think Shawn feels kind of the same about visiting my family."
There was a time after Tiro's death they had all needed each other. His death had come as such a shock, so unexplained and unexpected. It had hurt so much, for Shawn as well as them. In the process of healing, they had grown so close that the intertwining bonds that held them together were no longer visible.
"He's basically family,” she said. A Hayashi family get-together without Shawn wouldn't be complete, their family wouldn't be complete without him. “Being on the Resolution together was hard at first. Serving with him, being distant and proper.” Shawn didn't want there to be talk of them being too close, it might lead people to the wrong conclusions. Maybe she had needed that distance from him to learn how to professionally interact with him. “It really has taken time to think of him as ‘Captain’ and not Shawn, but there are times now he is just Shawn and it's nice.” Times when he calls her Rieko like he's Shawn, even if she does have to answer back with ‘Captain'.
"I know that as long as he's here, I'm safe out here,” she said. She had doubted about whether or not she really wanted to be out here, but she had never doubted she was safe. “Not that you, Taylor, Mike, and the rest of the crew don't look after me as well.” Maybe if she wasn't the little sister of three older brothers, it might bother her.
"Shawn...” She paused. “I've always had a feeling they shared words right before Tiro died, words that involved my family and me.” Shawn never spoke about there having been words, but she was sure there had been. “He looks out for me like Tiro would, if he could.” A little piece of Tiro was out here in t
he stars with Shawn.
Rieko sighed deeply a little drained from the story, but happy she had shared it all with Stuart. “Well, that was longer than I intended. Your turn again."
"We haven't already talked enough?” he asked a little dismayed.
"No.” Her answer was flatly stated.
"Well?” He resigning himself to further onslaught of questions he didn't like.
Okay, Rieko thought, a question that did not involve his father. At that moment, Stuart swiftly climbed off the bed, crossed to his desk, and slightly moved a cup of paint brushes. Then just as swiftly he returned to the bed and arranged himself in the same position he'd been before.
"Sorry, been bothering me,” he said. Rieko looked at him with confusion, wondering why it was necessary. “It was out of place,” he answered her unspoken question.
"Did you even move it?” She hadn't seen him more than touch it. Stuart just looked back at her and didn't dignify her question with an answer. “How long has it been bothering you?” She felt a bit afraid to hear the answer.
"Since I noticed it,” he said. “After I sat down on the bed.” He looked worried about what she would think. “Should've made sure everything was in place before I got up."
"Anything else out of place?” she asked. His room was spotlessly neat and organized like always. Even the model pieces were ordered. If all it took to be out of place was being a millimeter off, everything could be out of place.
"Well, the...” He started to answer, then stopped. Fear showed in his eyes. Rieko shot him a gentle look, trying to encourage him to finish. “Bed sheets are rumbled,” he continued. “I can straighten that when you leave."
The bed, she thought. “We're sitting on it and you're going to be sleeping on it soon enough.” It must be getting late now.
"Possibly not for a bit,” he replied.
So, the bed had to be neatened from them sitting on it? “Attention to detail is his?” Rieko asked. She made sure to leave his father anonymous, like he preferred.
"I've already said that.” He frowned. “He thinks everything should have a place and be in it. There's nothing wrong with order.” He defended his father, or maybe he defended his own actions.