by JoAnn Durgin
That feeling only intensified when Julia returned to Cedar Rapids the next day. He considered sending her e-mails or calling her, but that wouldn’t be appropriate. Every time he recalled the way she pitched in to hand out gifts at Regency Hall, assisted with senior swim, carried a ball of yarn in her pocket to help match the dye for Hannah, cleaned his house, and gave him direction with Bailey, Jake smiled.
Images of Julia captivated his waking moments at the station. He wasn’t doing much more than going through the motions. Above all, he couldn’t allow his distracted thoughts to put anyone in danger if they were dispatched on an emergency. He knew Dylan noticed his preoccupation but kept his observations to himself for once. Thoughts of Julia came to him at random moments: sitting at his kitchen table, repairing the toys—often with Andrew by his side—and even while reading his evening devotions. He spoiled Bailey, perhaps, by allowing her to curl up beside him, but she was good, warm company.
“I’m in a real situation here, Bailey,” Jake said, stroking the puppy’s soft fur. “I’m in love with a woman I can’t have.” He barely knew Julia, yet what he felt for her in such a short time was so much more than what he’d ever felt for Nicole. If nothing else, his time spent with Julia had shown him it was best to wait for the right woman. He needed to trust the Lord to work everything out in His timing and in His will, not his own personal timeline.
Dylan’s comments the night of the soup kitchen nagged at Jake’s brain. It gave him a smidgeon of hope for a future with Julia, not that he’d wish ill will on her fiancé. She didn’t strike him as disingenuous or insincere in any way, and he wouldn’t trade those special moments with her for anything. Yet could he trust a woman who was promised to another yet seemed to flirt and encourage him? What was it Dylan said the night of the soup kitchen? Something about Julia “supposedly” having a boyfriend or words to that effect? Where her mysterious fiancé was concerned, Jake knew nothing at all about him. In his heart, he understood why he hadn’t pushed the issue of Julia’s relationship with her fiancé. He didn’t want to hear the truth. In this case, as cliché as it was, ignorance was bliss.
Dylan was right to break them apart when they stood on his front porch; he stopped what could have sent him over the edge with Julia. For the first time since his accident, Jake knelt beside his bed to pray. His life was full of irony these days; his physical pain was healing at the same time his emotional well-being was in turmoil. Bowing his head, clasping his hands together, he poured out his heart to his Savior. Lord, I need Your direction with Julia. Show me Your will. If we’re meant to share a future together, please show me the path. If not, close the door and help me to have a peace about it.
Climbing back into the bed a few minutes later, Jake grabbed his Bible, and it fell open to the middle. Ah, his other secret. Like most people had an advent calendar, he kept a private one: “Days until Julia’s Return.” For all he knew, she’d be wearing her engagement ring by then. Then again, maybe not. Picking up his pen on the nightstand, he crossed off one more day.
16
Sophie Sinclair arrived two days before Christmas—healthy and robust with a shock full of golden hair like her mother’s. As Julia walked out of the hospital with her nephews after they visited with Hannah and their baby sister, she spied Jake speaking with Caroline in a quiet corridor. The sight of him was enough to make her heart pound. Asking Tyler and Andrew to wait, she walked over to them with hesitant steps. “Hi.”
Jake whirled around so fast, he startled her. “Julia! I thought I might see you here today. Congratulations, auntie.” His smile started out slow and easy before erupting into one of the most gorgeous, welcome sights she’d ever seen. The glimpse of that endearing dimple made her weak.
I’ve missed him Lord. More than I realized. “Is something wrong?” she asked, noting Caroline’s worried expression. “Can I help?”
“It’s Mr. Picasso,” Caroline said, sniffling and pulling a tissue from her pocket. “Old fool was restringing Christmas lights on the roof and fell off. Can you imagine?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I hope he’ll be all right.” Julia enveloped her in a warm hug.
“His pride’s more hurt than anything else,” Jake said. “He fell into fresh snow, and that was a blessing. Ben’s a very fortunate man. No bones were broken.”
“Because he’s so ornery, but for once I’m grateful,” Caroline said, wiping away a tear. “I don’t know what I’d do if—”
Jake pulled her close and patted her on the back. “Shh. He’s going to be fine, Caroline. He’ll be up and around tomorrow, and you two can insult each other like old times.” The older woman laughed a little and swatted his arm. Chuckling, he mouthed to Julia that he’d take care of Caroline.
“I’ll be praying for him. The boys are waiting, so I’d better go. It’s great to see you…both.”
“You too, honey,” Caroline said. “Welcome home.” That sentiment made Julia smile.
“Dylan sent me a picture of Sophie earlier today. She sure is a beauty.” Jake’s brown eyes bore into hers. “He invited me over for Christmas since my folks and my sister are staying in Florida this year.”
Julia wanted to jump up and down with joy, but she nodded instead. “Our parents decided to stay in Arizona, but they’re coming in a few weeks once Hannah and Dylan get more settled with Sophie.” An idea popped into her mind. “Caroline, if Mr. Picasso is feeling up to it, the two of you are welcome to join us for Christmas.” She caught Jake’s pleased expression and noticed he stared at her hand.
“Why, that would be lovely. We’d really enjoy it. Let me know if I can bring anything,” Caroline said.
“Just yourselves.”
Jake smiled. “I’ll try to be on my best behavior, Miss Sinclair.”
“Not on my account, I hope, Mr. Marston.”
He chuckled as Julia headed back down the hallway. Being around this man triggered flirting instincts she didn’t know she possessed. It energized her, but delaying the inevitable made her feel guiltier than ever. What a fool I’ve been.
Later that evening, on her way to grab a few items for Hannah and the kids at the corner market, Julia slowed the car as she passed Mr. Picasso’s house. Jake was balanced on a ladder, stringing Christmas lights along the bottom of the porch. She needed to confess and tell him the truth on Christmas; it was way past time. He deserved it, and she should have told him before she’d left Starlight earlier in the month. She’d convinced herself nothing could develop between them. With her living and working in Cedar Rapids, how could a relationship work? Plus, she’d wanted to give him space in case he wanted Nicole back in his life—and hadn’t yet realized it.
All excuses and you know it. Jake wasn’t the only one who’d taken a fall. In certain ways, her fall was every bit as dangerous. The hard truth smacked Julia in the face: once she confessed and told him the truth, Jake might very well kiss her good-bye forever.
Lord, give me the right words.
17
Christmas Day dawned beautiful with sunlight reflecting off the snow and streaming through the windows of Hannah and Dylan’s kitchen. Four more inches had coated the ground overnight.
The ham was in the oven, and pies were cooling on the counter, the delicious aromas making Julia’s stomach rumble. Working together in the kitchen mid-morning, Jake helped her prepare a few casseroles and did whatever she asked without question.
“You’re amazingly adept at this cooking thing,” she said, handing him an onion to chop. She shooed Hannah out of the room a few times and told her to go rest and concentrate on taking care of Sophie.
“Hannah tries to do too much, and I know she’s grateful you’re here running the show today.” The warmth in Jake’s tone suggested he was equally pleased. “And I don’t know about adept, but I’m getting some decent experience cooking for the guys at the station. By the way, they prefer the spicier version of my chili, but I’m learning to make it milder. Think I’ll call it ‘“Julia’s Tame Chili.�
��” Even his dimple winked at her.
“Better than ‘Julia’s Lame Chili,’” she said. “OK, that was corny. Sorry. Seriously, I look forward to trying it, but I’ll still take it with a side of milk.”
They traded favorite holiday memories of people, events and special gifts as they continued their work. Julia had a hard time not staring at Jake. Dressed in black dress pants and a deep red sweater, he was beyond handsome. He also wore a wonderful cologne that reeled her in, making her heady.
Hannah meandered in and out of the kitchen, sometimes with Sophie in her arms.
When Jake offered to hold the newborn, Julia watched with wonder as he held her against his chest. He laughed at Julia’s obvious surprise. “Believe it or not, I’ve held a few babies in my time, although not usually this young.” Supporting little Sophie’s head with his large, gentle hand, he kissed her rosy cheek. “Nothing softer.”
“Here, you might need this,” Hannah said, draping a burping cloth over Jake’s broad shoulder. “After all, you don’t need a girl drooling all over you.”
Julia glared, but Hannah appeared not to notice. As always, her mother’s intuition proved fortuitous when Sophie spit up all over the cloth.
****
A few hours later, Hannah seated Jake to Julia’s immediate left at the dinner table. The conversation flowed lively and loud. Caroline cut Ben’s ham into smaller pieces. He didn’t protest and grabbed her hand a few times with a look of adoration on his weathered face. Falling off the roof must have done something to strengthen the bond between the two, and they weren’t so openly at odds with one another. Tyler and Andrew fought over the last spoonful of mashed potatoes until Dylan solved their dilemma by plopping them on his plate. Baby Sophie slept through it all, giving Hannah a break.
Julia’s gaze fell on the infant more than a few times, and she sensed Jake’s eyes on her. She managed to eat most of her dinner, but her stomach was unsettled every time she thought of the upcoming conversation with him.
After their meal, Dylan took his Bible in hand. As they gathered quietly in the family room, Julia chose an armchair, and Jake sat on the sofa between Andrew and Tyler. Children gravitated to Jake, and she could see why. Hannah told her Andrew helped Jake fix a number of the toys for the Christmas drive, but she wasn’t sure which of the two enjoyed it more.
Standing beside the hearth, Dylan read the Christmas story as their dad usually did, and a wave of nostalgia washed over her. She’d need to plan a long weekend in Starlight during her parents’ visit. Focusing on her brother, Julia’s heart swelled with pride whenever one of his sons interrupted with a question. They were thoughtful questions, and both she and Jake joined in the discussion a few times. Hannah rocked with Sophie in one corner, and Julia hid her smile when she noted Caroline’s head rested on Ben’s shoulder as they sat on the loveseat.
Not long after, Jake offered to help clean the dishes, but Julia encouraged him to go play a game with the boys while Dylan talked with Ben and Caroline.
“You’re going to tell Jake later, right?” Hannah asked, handing her a plate to load into the dishwasher.
“That’s the plan,” Julia said, keeping her voice low in case anyone made an unexpected appearance in the kitchen. “I’m nervous about it, so I’d appreciate your prayers.”
Hannah turned off the water and wiped her hands on a dishtowel. “I’ll do you one better. Come with me.”
She followed and sat down at the table with her sister-in-law. Taking her hand, Hannah closed her eyes and prayed for the Lord to give both her and Jake a spirit of calm and peace. When she finished, Julia added a few words and wiped away a tear. “Thanks, Hannah. I know the Lord will help me.”
“He will, sweetie,” Hannah said, patting her hand. Her faith was so strong, and she was such an inspiration. “You might be surprised by what happens.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, let’s just say—”
Jake burst through the kitchen door with Sophie in his arms. Julia’s heart melted a little more at the sight of this man who’d managed to wrap himself around her mind, and her heart, in such a short time. Was she crazy?
“Hannah, your sweet baby girl needs your attention.”
“How is that possible? I fed her a half hour ago…”
Julia almost laughed at the way Jake wrinkled his nose. “I’m, uh, not talking about that kind of attention.” He patted the baby’s bottom. “She’s warm, and I’m pretty sure she could use a diaper change.”
Tyler came into the kitchen, and he laughed. “You’ve got a puppy, Uncle Jake. Sophie’s like Bailey.”
“Yeah, but puppies don’t have diapers. Those are a little complicated, so I’ll leave that to your mother, kiddo. Unless you want to learn.” They all laughed when Tyler slapped his hands on both cheeks and pretended to faint. Jake carefully lowered Sophie into Hannah’s arms. “Dylan went outside to get more firewood, or I’d ask him to do the honors.”
“Mom, where’s the mistletoe?” Tyler asked, giggling and looking straight at Jake.
Hannah clamped a hand on her son’s shoulder. “You come with me, young man. I have a job for you.” With a parting glance over her shoulder, she hurried Tyler from the kitchen, leaving her alone with Jake.
Julia’s smile was a little shaky as she focused on Jake. “So, how proficient is a firefighter at cutting slices of pie?”
With a grin, Jake walked to the counter and pulled out a knife and spatula from the utensil drawer, holding up one in each hand. “Bring ‘em on.”
****
As they finished their pie a short time later, Hannah posed an intriguing question: “What do you most want to see happen in the coming year?”
Dylan startled them all when he smacked his palm on the table. “I’m going first on this one. What I want is for two people I love, who are sitting around this table, to finally be honest with each other and have a heart-to-heart conversation.”
Julia glanced at Jake seated across the table, but he pretended to be preoccupied with digging out the lemon from the bottom of his glass of iced tea.
“What in Sam Hill is he talking about?” Ben angled his head toward the sleeping child in the corner. “Little Sally over there probably knows more about it than me.”
“Sophie!” That correction came from several family members. The baby’s breath hitched, and she did that little shuddering thing babies often do in their sleep.
“I’ll tell you later,” Caroline said, nudging Ben’s shoulder.
“Who’s Sam Hill and what does he have to do with anything?” Tyler asked, his eyes wide.
Jake rose from the table. “If you’ll excuse me…” He crooked a brow in Julia’s direction. “Julia? Care to join me?”
She slowly pulled herself up and gave him a slight nod. “Certainly.” Her heart was beating out of control in her chest. She willed it to stop, knowing it was a lost cause.
“Are you going to visit Sam Hill?” Tyler called after them before being shushed by his parents.
18
Jake waited until Julia passed by him and led the way to the living room. Dylan gave him a thumbs-up sign, Hannah winked and Caroline smiled.
“That wasn’t the least bit awkward,” Julia said. “I apologize for—”
He sat beside her on the sofa. “Don’t apologize for your brother.” Julia’s eyes met his. “Dylan’s right. We need to clear up some things, so we can move forward.”
She nodded, but said nothing.
“Since Nicole left the door open when she left Starlight, we didn’t have any closure. I called her last week, wished her the best, and told her it’s over for good between us. We’re too different in our long-term goals.”
“I’m so sorry, Jake. I—”
“Don’t be. It’s for the best. You see, Julia, being around a certain woman the last few weeks has shown me the Lord’s best, and I know there’s someone else out there for me. The Lord’s also been working on my heart, and He’s revealed some
things to me.”
“Such as?” Julia’s blue eyes canvassed his face, making it much more difficult to think coherently much less to articulate his feelings.
“As much as I want to be a hero in the eyes of a certain woman, that shouldn’t be my primary goal. It’s my job to be a living, breathing example of His love, but the Lord should be the true hero of our hearts, if we belong to Him.” He shook his head and raked a hand through his hair.
“Jake, as much as any man I’ve ever met, you live the love of Christ through your words and actions. Any woman would be proud to stand by your side.” Her tears threatened to spill over. “I’m really happy,” she said, her voice catching, “that you’ve found someone to make you happy.”
Julia started to get up, but he reached for her hand and enfolded it in his, pulling her beside him before releasing her hand. “Wait. We’re not done.”
She visibly trembled and bit her lip. “I don’t know if I can…”
He leaned closer, gaining her eye contact. “Julia, I’m talking about you.”
“Me?” The word came out a squeak.
“Yes, but I’ve also accepted the fact that I came along too late to try and win your heart.” Even though you own it. I’ll take what I can get. He swallowed hard but needed to keep going. He drew in a deep breath. “I cherish our friendship, and I’d really like to meet your fiancé.” Did she understand how much it took out of him to make that magnanimous offer?
“OK, OK,” she said, rising to her feet. “Stop taunting me. I feel guilty enough as it is.”
He looked up at her. “Taunting?”
“Jake, there is no fiancé.” She started to pace but stopped in front of him, fidgeting with her hands as if unsure where to put them. Finally, she dropped them to her sides and gave him a helpless shrug.