by Heidi Champa
“I should let you get back to work, Kevin.”
He moved past me and disappeared, leaving me breathless. I shook my head, trying to shake loose what had just happened.
* * *
My phone rang first thing in the morning, even before my alarm went off. I knew before I even picked up that it was Tim.
“This better be good, Tim.”
“Don’t start, Kevin. I need you to go up to Gary’s on your own today. The dog has gone crazy, shitting all over the house. Margie won’t let me go to work until I take him to the vet. She’s going crazy, cleaning up for the holidays, and the dog’s ruined her favorite area rug. Fucking thing. I’ll try to be there by lunch, but we can’t show up late. I’m counting on you, kid; don’t fuck this up.”
“I think I can handle it. I’ll see you later.”
I rolled over and sighed. I knew I should feel angry, but I didn’t. The thought of being alone in the house with Gary didn’t seem so bad. In my logical brain, I knew nothing would happen, but a guy could dream, couldn’t he? Maybe if I hurried, I could still catch him in the shower. Just as I was ready to reach into my boxers to enjoy the mere thought of Gary soaking wet, my alarm went off. So much for fantasies.
Not only was Gary not in the shower when I arrived, he was heading out the front door. My heart sank as I saw him walk toward his waiting BMW.
“Hey, Kevin. How are you?”
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“I’m good. I have to run, so you’ll be on your own. I hope that’s okay. Help yourself to a drink or anything you need from the kitchen. I should be back soon.”
Before I could respond, he waved from the car and sped away. Hearing Tim in my head, I went inside and got to work. The guest bedroom was to be outfitted in blue as well, lighter and brighter than the kitchen. The room was bigger than my living room and had more windows. Despite all the edging, I managed to finish pretty quickly. After I was done, I couldn’t resist taking a stroll around the quiet house. I hated to admit it, but I was a snoop. Not a rifle-through-drawers-type weirdo, of course. Just curious. One of the best parts of my job was seeing how other people lived. I went down the hall to the master bedroom.
Tim was right about the photo. On the nightstand next to the bed was a picture of a blonde sitting in a beach chair. I told myself that could mean anything, that she could be his mother. The rest of the room was simply furnished in typical male surroundings. I stared at the unmade bed and felt my cock stir just a bit. God, it really had been too long since I got laid.
The master bedroom was fine, but the Holy Grail was just one door away. The office—the room we didn’t have to paint. I stopped outside the closed door, thinking about what Tim said. I couldn’t afford to fuck this up. But my curiosity was killing me. I turned the knob and pushed the door open slowly. My mouth dropped open as I took a look around. Despite the clutter on every surface, the office still managed to look neat. A giant nautical map hung on the wall, pushpins growing out of it in small clusters. Model ships were on nearly every shelf, and the curtains had tiny nautical flags all over them.
The bookshelves were calling my name, stuffed to capacity with books stacked haphazardly in every direction. I ran my finger over the spines, noticing a theme. In between all the sailing books, I found a surprise: history books. They were everywhere. This guy was killing me. Cute, smart, rich, and now, a history buff. I continued scanning until I saw it. My favorite history book was tucked in a corner, well worn and obviously well read. I pulled it out from the rest, flipping it open to a familiar page.
Before I could stop myself, I was sitting on the leather couch, reading my favorite part. The house was quiet, and I kept my ears open for Tim’s arrival. But soon I was engrossed, the words blocking out everything else. I had just finished the chapter when I heard a voice from the doorway.
“What are you doing?”
It was Gary. Standing in the doorway, he looked angry. More than angry, he looked furious. I dropped the book down on the table in front of me and jumped up.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I was… I was just… God, I’m sorry.”
I ran down the stairs, not knowing where to go. I stood at the front door, panicking. Tim was going to kill me. This certainly classified as fucking up. I heard footsteps getting closer to me, but I was stuck. I turned around just as he came into the room. His face was unreadable, and I started talking before he could yell at me.
“Look, Mr. Jordan, I’m really sorry. I know I had no right to do that. I didn’t mean to invade your privacy. I promise it won’t happen again. I know you’ve heard that before, but I’m serious. Please don’t say anything to Tim. I really can’t afford to get fired.”
He didn’t say anything. He just continued to move closer to me. I braced myself for the inevitable. I knew he must be furious—his anger was evident when he caught me in his office. I stared at his green eyes, sweat forming on my back. I knew I should stay quiet, but I made one last effort to save myself.
“Go ahead, Mr. Jordan. Yell. Scream. I’m used to it. Tim freaks out on me weekly. I promise I won’t cry. Well, not a lot, anyway.”
At first, he stayed stoic, but eventually, he smiled. He pulled the book I was reading from behind his back.
“I told you, it’s Gary. Don’t worry, I’m not going to scream at you or have you fired. I have to admit, I was surprised to find you in there. And maybe a little pissed. But then I noticed what you were reading. Interesting book choice. I wouldn’t have had you pegged for a Captain Cook fan.”
I sighed in relief, my muscles finally relaxing a bit.
“I used to be a history major in school. And I like boats. So, you know….” I blushed, feeling stupid. But he just laughed and took a few steps toward me.
“I teach history. Naval history, to be specific.”
“You’re a professor?”
“Yeah. I’m taking a sabbatical to write a book.”
“A professor who writes books. Must be a good life.”
“I’ve done okay.”
“I would say that is an understatement.”
“I know what you are thinking. How can I afford a place like this on a professor’s salary? I couldn’t, but my dad left it to me.”
“I wasn’t going to ask.”
“Sure you were. I would. That’s usually the first question I get.”
“So you’re not going to tell Tim? I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
“I don’t see any reason to. If you’re interested, I have other books you might like. Of course, you may have read them already. I know history majors read a lot.”
“Well, I didn’t get that far. Most of the stuff I’ve read has been on my own.”
“You didn’t finish? Why not?”
I looked down. This was not a conversation I wanted to have, not with the cute professor. Running my hand over the back of my neck, I tried to think of a good reason why I would have left school. Before I could say a word, he stopped me.
“Hey, Kevin, look. It’s none of my business. I just mean, and don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t seem like you should be painting houses.”
“Thanks. It’s just a long story.”
“Maybe you can tell me sometime. Hey, are you hungry? I was just about to make myself a sandwich. You want one?”
I opened my mouth to refuse, but one look at his eyes made me stop. I nodded and followed him to the kitchen. My eyes fixed on his hands as he worked. He was chatting as he went, but I barely heard him. I hadn’t meant to stare, and I hadn’t meant for him to notice. But I did. And he did. I turned my head to hide the flush of my cheeks, until I noticed his cheeks redden in kind.
“So, Kevin. Do we have time for this long story, or are you going to make me guess?”
I swallowed hard, wondering if there was time for me to think of a good-sounding lie. But his eyes were so kind, I decided to go with the truth.
“Well, the short version is my dad gambled away my college money. We we
re too rich for me to qualify for aid, and I’m not smart enough to get a scholarship.”
“I don’t buy that. You seem pretty smart to me.”
“You don’t really know me that well.”
“I’m usually a pretty good judge of character.”
“Well, anyway, I had to drop out. I want to go back, but it’s not easy to save money. Tim’s great, but this job only pays so much. I have to keep a roof over my head.”
“You’re still young. You have time. I’d hate to see you give up on something you really want. Believe me, I’ve seen a lot of people do it. They always regret it.”
He reached his hand out and touched mine, letting it rest a second too long. I panicked and pulled away faster than I should have.
“Thanks for the advice, but I know what I’m doing.”
I stood up to put my plate in the sink, trying to keep my distance from a guy who was quickly turning me stupid. He caught my wrist before I could get very far, turning me to face him. My first instinct was to push him away and run out the front door. But I didn’t. I felt the pad of his thumb run over the inside of my arm, just like it had in the bathroom. His fingers eased their pressure. He backed me up against the sink, his knee slid between my legs and another smile played across his lips.
“Do you know what you’re doing now?” Gary leaned in further, his lips almost touching mine.
“No. But I have a feeling if I do what I want to do, I might regret it.”
“If you don’t do it, you’ll never know.”
Everything inside me wanted to kiss him, to wrap my arms around him. But something stopped me. Luckily for me, I did. I heard Tim’s car door thud shut behind us, and Gary reluctantly stepped away from me. He walked out of the room and upstairs as Tim barreled into the house and told me all about how the dog ate an entire chocolate cake.
* * *
Things got back to normal with Gary. Neither of us mentioned what happened in the kitchen, or more importantly, what didn’t happen. The rest of the week, I spent every spare moment talking to Gary. As we finished with each room, he would bring the furniture back in. I took advantage of Tim’s continued jolliness and talked Gary’s ear off about books, sailing, and teaching. We had more in common than I ever could have imagined, right down to the wealthy family. Of course, his family hadn’t imploded, but the way he grew up was the same. I was just finishing the last coat of paint in the master bedroom when Gary walked by, carrying a chair.
“Hey, it looks great in here.”
“Thanks, Gary.”
“I hope my family appreciates it.”
“When are they getting here?”
“Day after tomorrow. It’s hard to believe that Christmas is almost here.”
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t muster much excitement about the holidays, even for Gary’s sake. He set the chair down in the hall and walked into the room.
“So what are you doing for the holidays, Kevin?” His voice echoed off the walls. I searched for an answer, but I didn’t have one.
“Nothing, really. I don’t see my family much anymore. Last year I went to a friend’s house, but he’s out of the country this year. I’ll probably weasel my way into Tim’s Christmas party, just for the free food. His wife, Margie, takes pity on me this time of year.”
“But basically, you’re alone?”
“Yeah. I guess so.”
His eyes had a familiar look to them. It made my guts churn to see pity coming from Gary. He moved closer to me, but I didn’t want him to touch me.
“Kevin, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m fine with it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Sure I’m sure. Look, Gary, I’m glad your family cares so much about you. But I’m not you. I don’t have that.”
“You know, you don’t have to be alone. You could come here.”
“I’m sure your family would love that. Dinner with the kid who painted your house. The college dropout who you barely know. Right.”
“Maybe I want to get to know you.”
“Why? I don’t need your pity.”
“It has nothing to do with pity. Maybe it’s because I was attracted to you the first moment I saw you. And then you opened your mouth and you were funny and sarcastic and you love history enough to sneak into my office and read a book about fucking Captain Cook. You seem great, Kevin. I’m just asking for a chance.”
I turned and looked out the bay window. The lake was calm and still, the grey water freezing around the edges. I nearly jumped when I felt Gary touch my shoulder. He turned me around, his eyes forcing me to look back.
“Kevin, did you want to kiss me in the kitchen?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Tim came in.”
“Is that the only reason?”
I wanted to lie, but I couldn’t. “No. I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“Look, Gary. I’m a house painter. No matter what I want to be, this is what I am. You are a smart, successful guy. I can’t offer you anything. I’m nobody you want to be with.”
“That’s not true. You make me laugh. And it just so happens that I find paint-splattered hair very sexy.”
“Gary, come on.”
Before I could say another word or think another thing, he pulled me to him and kissed me. I opened my mouth to his tongue; my hands clutched at his back. It was better than I had imagined, but something in my brain was yelling for me to stop. As good as it felt, my fears hadn’t diminished. His hands on my neck only scared me more. With every ounce of strength I could muster, I gently pushed Gary away.
“Kevin, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this, Gary. I’m sorry, but, I’m not what you’re looking for.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel.”
“I’m not. I’m telling you how I feel.”
“Don’t push me away, Kevin.”
“I’m not. Tim and I are done, and I’ve gotta get going. I hope you have a great time with your family.”
He stood there watching me collect my supplies, not saying a word. With everything in my hands, we stood and looked at each other. I didn’t have anything to say. Gary took care of that for both of us.
“Happy holidays, Kevin.”
He walked out of the room, and I heard his office door close. Gathering up the last of our stuff, I walked slowly down the hall. I stopped outside the office door, thinking for a moment about knocking. But I knew in my head I was doing the right thing. I loaded up the truck and pulled out into the fast-falling snow. At least Tim would be happy. I didn’t fuck anything up.
* * *
Christmas Eve dawned freezing and sunny, and I rolled over and hid my eyes from the glare coming through my threadbare curtains. Tim had called the night I left Gary’s, commending me for finishing on time and not making him look stupid. As I suspected, he invited me over for Christmas. I didn’t commit, but I knew I’d end up there. My fridge was basically empty, and my holiday spirit was in short supply.
The snow was really falling by the time night fell. I said a silent prayer for my Chinese delivery guy, who managed to get through the mess before closing for the night. I ordered enough food to get me through until the world came back to life after Christmas. As I dug my chopsticks into the noodles and stared mindlessly at the television, I tried to shove the thoughts of Gary away with another swig of beer, but it wasn’t working.
A knock on the door startled me. The building was ghostly quiet; most of the people who lived there had gone home for the holidays. Thinking it was my crazy neighbor, I pulled open the door without looking through the peephole. I could barely believe my eyes when I saw Gary standing in my doorway, covered in snow.
“Hi, Kevin. Can I come in?”
“Um, sure.”
I watched in disbelief as he shook off and removed his slush-covered shoes. I couldn’t think of a thing to say. I just stared. Finally, he walked over to
my crappy couch and sat down. It only took him four steps to cross my whole apartment.
“You have a beer for me?”
I pulled open the refrigerator, grabbed a beer from the pack, and handed it to him, not sitting down beside him. Gary opened it, drinking three long swallows before setting it on my plywood coffee table.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”
“I’m wondering how you found me.”
“Tim. I called and he told me where you live.”
“I figured you’d be busy tonight.”
“I couldn’t take being in that house another minute with everyone hovering. And I have something for you.”
“Shit, did we leave something behind? You could have called. I would have picked it up.”
“No, you didn’t leave anything. I have a present for you.”
“What?”
“I know you’re not a big fan, but I have a Christmas present for you. Sit down.”
Reluctantly, I moved next to him and sat down, careful not to touch him as I did. He set a wrapped box in front of me, every detail perfect.
“Open it.”
Tearing the paper, I pulled the lid of the box off and threw it aside. Inside, three books, all about naval history, looked back at me. They were titles I had never read before but had always wanted to.
“Gary, this is amazing. You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know. I wanted to.”
“Well, I really appreciate it.”
“There’s more. Look inside the first book.”
Opening the book, I saw papers from a local college inside as well as an application and financial aid information. Gary laid a hand on my knee, almost making me jump. But I didn’t move.
“Gary, what is all this?”
“Kevin, you’re too young to give up on your dreams. I talked to some people at the school. They want to meet you.”
“You didn’t have to do this. I mean, it’s too much. All of it is too much. I told you I have nothing to give you in return.”