I wasn’t sorry.
Sue me, but I’d enjoyed it. The only reason I’d stopped was because it was Mia. She wasn’t a female I had any right to kiss. Christ, she was here with a date. A guy I couldn’t stand but if she liked him then that was all that mattered.
I clearly had issues dealing with Mia being a friend and also a woman I was sexually attracted to. Common sense would probably dictate that I break off the friendship but that was not going to happen. That left me one option. Get over it. Stop drooling over her and straighten up. I’d ignored Mia’s female allure for a couple of decades; surely I could do it again. Maybe I could find a lovely woman and ask her to dance. The world was full of possibilities. All I had to do was look farther than the house next door.
Feeling much better and full of resolution, I marched back into the party determined to find a distraction, whether blonde or brunette. I’d apologize to Mia as well and mean it this time. I didn’t want to ruin what we had. It was too good. If she asked me again why I’d kissed her I’d simply say that she looked so lovely I couldn’t help myself. It wasn’t far from the truth. We’d talk it out like we always do and everything would go back to the way it was before. I’d promise to behave and she’d accept my apology. Mia was good like that, so forgiving. Which might explain why she was here with that douchebag named Trent.
When I entered the hotel ballroom I didn’t see Mia but I did see her friend Emmy also entering the party. I made a beeline straight for her, cornering her next to a carving station.
“Have you seen Mia?”
I’d always had a feeling that Emmy didn’t have a high opinion of me and tonight was no exception. Her smile fell and she appeared to not want to answer. In fact, I was sure she was going to tell me to shove off when she finally replied. “Not lately. She left the party for a few minutes and then came back. She was dancing with Trent last time I saw her.”
The thought of Trent touching Mia didn’t sit well with me at all. He was such a jerk. I could see it as clearly as the back of my own hand. I’d gone to school with assholes like that and he wasn’t fooling me for a second. He wasn’t good enough for Mia, although I couldn’t think of one man that was. I sure as hell wasn’t. Not that I was looking to be her guy, because I wasn’t. I wouldn’t ruin our friendship over a temporary fling.
“I need to talk to her.”
“She’s having fun, Josh. Why don’t you just leave her alone?”
I didn’t have time to explain. “I need–”
Emmy rolled her eyes and waved away my objection. “Yes, yes, we all know it’s all about you. Do you even care about Mia? Because she’s having a good time tonight and she doesn’t need you to find little tasks she can do for you to make your life easier.”
“Little tasks?” I repeated. What in the hell had Mia been telling her friends? “What are you talking about?”
Emmy’s lips twisted in distaste. “You need Mia to help with your video games. And you need Mia to help you pick out Christmas and birthday gifts for your family. You need her to help you pick out wall paint and furniture and I think she even helped you pick out your car, too. Leave her alone, Josh. It would be kinder if you did.”
With a huff, Emmy turned and walked away, making her the second woman who was pissed at me tonight. A personal record and one I was not proud of. I honestly had no idea what Emmy was talking about, but I did get from her that perhaps I wasn’t as thankful for all that Mia had done for me. My dad had said I was spoiled and it was looking like he wasn’t the only one with that opinion. Was I that much of a jerk? Was it really all about me? I needed to take a long look at myself, no matter how painful it might be.
It was time to leave this party. I was angering each guest one by one and that needed to stop. Emmy thought I wanted to ruin Mia’s evening and that wasn’t the case at all. I’d go home and call her tomorrow to apologize. The night had not gone the way I’d expected and it would be far better to cut my losses.
Stopping briefly to let Luke know I was leaving, I headed for the exit. My brother hadn’t tried to convince me to stay but I’d be getting a phone call early tomorrow morning for all the details. He’d want to know what was going on and then he’d give me his absolutely not asked for opinion about it all.
As it was a Saturday night, the foyer of the hotel was busy. The bar was off to the right and it did a brisk business on the weekends. For a moment I slowed by the entrance, thinking I might go in and grab a much-needed whiskey but that would only mean I’d have to call a cab to get home. I’d had one and a half beers and two was my limit when it came to driving. I could have as much alcohol as I wanted when I got home.
I passed by the alcove that led to the restrooms and caught movement from the corner of my eye. It was Trent and Mia, and the bastard had her by the arm while she was struggling to pull away. A red tide washed in front of my eyes and the frustration of the entire night came to a head. Any other time I would have thought it through but not tonight. The kiss. Mia. Trent. Emmy. It had all been too much.
I stomped over to the couple and grabbed Trent’s wrist. The one that was attached to the hand holding onto Mia. I squeezed as hard as I could until he let go and Mia staggered back, rubbing her arm. If she had a bruise there tomorrow, I was going to kick this little shit’s ass from here to Chicago and back.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Spittle flew from Trent’s mouth and landed on the carpeted floor. His face was red and quite unattractive. Not so much the rich playboy at the moment. I cast a quick glance at Mia to make sure she was okay.
“Are you alright?”
She nodded, still rubbing her arm. Her eyes were bright with tears and that just pissed me off even more. This guy was scum. “I am. I just want to leave.”
That was fine with me.
“I’ll take you home.”
Trent stepped forward, swaying on his feet and reeking of whiskey. What kind of shape was the rest of the wedding party in? “The hell you will. She’s my date.”
More spittle, more red face. I had no fucks left to give. Every ounce of my body was screaming out to protect Mia. She wasn’t going to spend another minute with Trent.
“Just walk away. Don’t make this worse than it already is.”
Of course, Mr. Daddy’s Money couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Or his fists to himself. He took a swing at me, awkward and ill-timed because he was obviously inebriated.
This wasn’t my finest hour.
So I punched him. Right in the jaw. Trent stumbled back and then fell on his ass because he could barely stand up. I didn’t hit him as hard as I could have but it was enough. He’d feel it tomorrow and that was the plan. He needed to think about what he’d done.
Mia’s eyes were wide and she was staring at me as if she’d never seen me before. I don’t think I’d ever hit anyone in her presence. I slipped her hand into mine and tugged her away from a complaining boyfriend. Trent was still lying on the floor bellyaching about how unfair it all was. I leaned down to say one last thing.
“Just a word of advice. Don’t manhandle women like that. And whatever you do, don’t you ever hurt Mia. Do you understand?”
A small crowd had gathered around us and I had a feeling I knew what was next. The cops. I didn’t really want to be around when they showed up, although he had swung first and was clearly in the wrong. I hurried toward the exit, now glad that I hadn’t valeted the car.
For once, Mia was silent as we left the hotel. I bundled her into my car and pulled onto the road that would lead to the main highway. Neither one of us had said a word.
“You want me to take you home?”
To my surprise she shook her head. “I’m not ready to go home yet.”
I’d just drive until I figured out where to go.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Mia
Fighting an internal war with myself, I sat next to Josh in the car. Angry and hurt didn’t even begin to describe my emotions and they were too complicated and
jumbled for me to make any sense out of them. I wasn’t even sure why I’d allowed him to lead me out of the hotel except that the last thing I’d wanted to do was stay there. Now we were driving down the road together and my conflicted self didn’t know whether to jump from the vehicle or stay where I was. I was leaning toward the latter as the outside was cold and the car was warm.
I’d told him I didn’t want to go home and he’d accepted that answer. We weren’t headed for my condo or his place, either. I didn’t know where he was going to take me but I trusted him.
I know, I know. Why should I trust him after what he’d pulled in the solarium? I was incredibly devastated by Josh backing away but that was one moment in decades of otherwise trustworthy behavior.
His actions in the last hour had infuriated and exhilarated me in equal measures. Pulling away after our kiss had broken my heart but his intervention when Trent had been a drunken dick was far different. I’d never seen Josh punch anyone, let alone hit a guy because he was hassling me. It was out of character for the man that I knew. Just like that kiss. He certainly wasn’t himself tonight.
The drive lasted quite awhile and I had no idea where we were going until we were there. Josh turned down the long dirt road and a million memories flooded my mind all at once.
The lake. All those lazy summers that I had thought would never end.
Our families had come here so many times when we were young. Picnic baskets stuffed full of food, including my mother’s famous fried chicken. There had been inflatable pool toys, sunburns, and then when the sun went down, a bonfire and marshmallows. Such innocent fun and the images were so clear I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face, smell the coconut tang of suntan lotion. I could even smell the acrid smoke from the fire and taste the sweet stickiness of the s’mores. I would give anything to go back to that time just for one day. Back when my worst problem was freckles and whether Shelby would eat the last hot dog. I didn’t know how good I had it until I grew up.
My already shattered heart ached for that little girl, so innocent and naive. She had no idea what she had ahead of her. The good and the bad. Such amazing highs and such horrendous lows. If I could give her some advice I’d tell her not to worry so much. Have fun with her friends and eat the chocolate. But most of all I’d tell her not to accept anything but the best from the people in her life. Don’t settle for okay or mediocre.
Josh parked the car in the same place our parents always had, under an awning of oak trees. They’d grown larger since the last time I’d seen them, although only their outline was visible in the moonlight. The trees were a few feet from the two familiar picnic tables and the sandy shore of the lake. The headlights skimmed over the surface of the water, completely calm and serene. I was so used to the laughing and running around that it was strange to hear nothing but the crickets singing. There were no people, and I’d bet even the squirrels were asleep. Josh and I might as well have been the only two people in the world.
But we weren’t and there was unfinished business between us. I had so many questions but didn’t have a clue how to ask them. He was like another person tonight and I wanted to know why.
So of course, I was the first one to speak, filling the void with words. A neutral topic that wouldn’t make the tension between us any worse.
“I haven’t been here in years.”
“I think the last time was my high school graduation party. I wasn’t even sure I could still drive back here, to be honest. I’m surprised they haven’t made this a city park with a gate.”
We were speaking so softly as if someone might hear us.
“What made you come here?”
The silence stretched on so long I didn’t think he was going to answer, but he did.
“I don’t know. It wasn’t a conscious decision. I was just found myself driving in this direction. I guess I wanted to go someplace where we were always happy.” He’d been staring straight ahead but now he turned to me, unclipping his seatbelt. His features were shrouded in shadow, making it impossible to see his expression. “I didn’t mean to be such an ass tonight, Mia. The fact is I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing most of the time these days. I’ve always been working toward a goal but now…? I just don’t know. My dad says I’m spoiled. Fuck, I probably am. I just don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do or be. Do you ever feel like that?”
Sometimes truth hits a person right between the eyes, waking them up to reality. This was one of those times. I’d put Josh on a pedestal for so long I’d forgotten he was only human like the rest of us. I think perhaps many of us had though, including Josh. He was beating himself up about something so commonplace, yet he thought he was the only one.
“All the time,” I answered. “Practically every single day. But I think I’ve figured out why life makes us feel that way. If we didn’t, we might not try harder. We might get complacent and simply float through our days. I don’t think we were meant to do that.”
“When did you get so wise?”
I smiled in the darkness, knowing the exact moment life had come into sharp focus for me.
“When I had a gun pointed at my heart. That will straighten out your priorities quick. I was just going through the motions before that moment, half asleep. I can’t go back to who I was before.”
“I liked her. There was nothing wrong with her.”
I shook my head, although I wasn’t sure he could see in the darkness. It was strange how the lack of light made it easy to talk like two kids in a blanket fort with nothing but a flashlight, except all we had was the moon and the dashboard.
“She was fine but she simply sat back and waited for life instead of going after what she wanted. I won’t do that again.”
“So what is it that you’re going to do or go after? What do you want that you didn’t have before?”
The million-dollar question. I’d give him the two-dollar answer. Heaven knew I couldn’t tell him that he was my prey, although right now that game seemed very far away.
“Love. On my terms.”
I could hear his chuckle over the engine and the heater. “You weren’t ever going to get it with that asshole.”
I actually kind of felt sorry for Trent. He would forever be known now as that asshole or that douchebag. Shelby and Brad had probably heard the story – or at least Trent’s version of it – by now and they were going to have to pick sides. What a fucking mess.
“I know. He was…practice.”
It was the best explanation I could come up with. That tension that I’d felt in the solarium of the hotel was back but this time it was a thick wall between Josh and me. Each one of us on our designated side.
“He was a jerk. You could do a hell of a lot better.”
“Yes.”
There would be no arguing. I wanted peace between us and besides, he was right. I was so tired, bone deep. My plan to get over Josh hadn’t worked and my plan to make him fall for me wasn’t working either. I wanted… Shit, I didn’t even know what I wanted. Peace. Tranquility. Someone to hold me at night and tell me I’m pretty. Apparently, that was all too much to ask for.
“I don’t know how you ended up with a guy like that–”
“Stop,” I commanded, laughing at his tone. “Just let it go, okay? He wasn’t that important. He never was.”
My palm itched to smack Josh. He couldn’t see what was right in front of him. He was important, not some jerk of a guy.
“He hurt you.”
Rubbing the spot on my arm where Trent’s fingers had surely left a bruise, I nodded. “Just physically, and it will fade. You need to let it go.”
It was then that I remembered that I hadn’t thanked Josh. I could have held my own. Trent wasn’t the first guy to think he was owed something after a few drinks, but the chivalry was nice. It was so rare these days.
“Thank you. He was getting ugly. I was about to take off my high heel and hit him with it.”
“That might have improved his looks.�
�� Josh shifted in his seat turning his body towards me. “How can you just let this go? Doesn’t it piss you off?”
Unbuckling my own seatbelt I also turned to face him, stretching my legs slightly and kicking off my uncomfortable heels. The heater vent blew directly on my knees, fluttering the skirt of my dress, and making the car toasty warm despite the chilly temperatures outside.
“I’m not letting it go. Shelby and Brad are going to hear all about this, and can I just say that I’m not thrilled about my sister marrying a man who has friends like Trent. I will also give Trent an earful the next time I see him, which might be the rehearsal dinner for all I know. But he will hear from me about his behavior. But I have to tell you that he’s not the first guy to get handsy or try something.”
“I’m not sorry I hit him.”
“I’m not sorry either.”
Laying my head against the seat, I listened to the hum of the engine. Josh reached down and flicked on the radio.
The oldies station. Perfect for our walk down memory lane. My eyelids grew heavy as the sounds of the eighties drifted over me. After everything that had happened, I needed about a week of sleep. I was just about to drift off when I felt Josh move. I didn’t bother to open my eyes, assuming he was going to buckle his seatbelt and drive me home.
When he touched my face, it was unexpected. My flesh sizzled where his fingers brushed my cheek, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. My lids wanted to open but I firmly kept them shut, not wanting to see his face, if I even could in this light. He was only being kind and that’s not what I needed from him. If I kept my eyes closed I could pretend for a few minutes that he hadn’t battered my heart and tossed it away earlier.
“Mia.”
He was so close I could feel his warm breath when he spoke. I had begun to tremble, not from the cold but from the heat that was coursing through my veins. I was debating the wisdom of opening my eyes when I felt the touch of his lips on mine. Tentative at first and then more demanding when I didn’t push him away. He tasted of beer and bad decisions. This was a horrible idea and I’d regret doing it, if not right after then sometime very soon. But my heart was already in ten thousand pieces, so what else could he do to me?
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