by Tyler Lahey
“I…will.”
She looked him up and down. “You don’t look so good, Jax. Take care of yourself, will you? For me?”
Jaxton nodded, biting his tongue. He grabbed two plates of cooked meat, some candy, a piece of stale bread, and a browning apple. “Thanks. There are still apples this late?”
The short girl with the knife smiled at him, broadly. “From the groves down by the river.”
Jaxton looked at the officer, standing proudly in his black boots and blue shirt. “Good to see you again Todd. You take care,” he said sarcastically.
Harley followed him out.
Reluctantly, Jaxton continued their conversation. “So, Harley. Safe to say you and Liam are having some troubles?”
She shrugged and ran a hand through her auburn hair. “You’ve been gossiping. Tsk tsk. I guess it isn’t a secret.”
Jaxton noticed two other men staring at her tight pants greedily. “I can’t imagine why.”
She stopped him in the empty hallway, still smoky from last night’s torches. “What are you getting at?”
He stared at her evenly, pleased his gaze didn’t falter. “I hear you’ve been spending a lot of time with Agis.”
Her pretty little nose twitched, freckles and all. “This isn’t a TV show. This isn’t a movie. This isn’t a book.” She blew a tendril of hair out of her face. “How am I supposed to explain this without being cliché? I am not the same person as I was at school. So yeah, things have changed. I have changed. Who hasn’t?”
“Liam is crazy about you. Don’t fuck with him.”
“I was crazy about him too. He was such…a man when everyone else was a boy. I mean, the way he looked after me. The world has changed. Everyone has changed, except for Liam. Now he’s the boy, among men.”
Jaxton shook his head, feeling his stomach shouting at him. “He’s as much a man as I, or any of us.”
She was breathing more heavily. She had obviously given this some thought. “No. He isn’t. He’s not… violent. He shies from using force. And that’s all there is anymore! Violence. And he doesn’t take what he wants. In this world. How can you operate if you don’t take what you want?”
Jaxton took a step back. “So you’re done with him because he’s respectful and he’s a pacifist. Fucking hell I did not expect to hear that from a woman in 2016.”
She giggled despite herself. “And for the record, I haven’t had anything to do with Agis.”
Jaxton kept walking. “There should be a prominent yet at the end of that statement.”
She jogged to catch up, and laid her fingers on the back of his neck, running them over a long scar. “What’s this from?” Her fingers tickled.
Jaxton felt himself looking at her lips, which were soft. Then he jerked back. “Harley. Don’t touch me again like that.” His voice was gravely.
She looked hurt, and shocked.
“Don’t do it.”
He jogged up the stairs and shook his head to clear it of the anger, and ran headlong into someone he did not expect. Elvis broke out into a huge grin.
“My god no one tells me anything! You’re back? And the hair! Shaved. The women around here aren’t prepared for it.”
Elvis laughed confidently, and with ease. His demeanor had changed. “I am back. I just got sick of eating raw squirrel.”
Jaxton laughed too, and then stopped. “Wait, did you actually do that?”
Elvis clapped him on the back. “Do you mind if I come with you? I heard about Adira, and I wanted to see her.”
“Of course brother. I just ran into your vixen too.”
A voice interrupted them. “You two! Gymnasium. Lieutenant’s called an urgent meeting. Everyone attends. I don’t care about the food. Let’s move.” The gangly officer with pale skin was sauntering towards them with a dozen people behind him.
Jaxton shared a glance with Elvis. Adira would keep resting.
By the time they got to the gymnasium, it was full with curious and impatient survivors. Jaxton saw Duke and Wilder, and joined them. “What’s he got cooked up now?”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
Agis took a step up onto the creaking wooden bleachers. His thick black jacket was, unsurprisingly, police attire. You could almost make out his breath on the air in the space under those metal rafters. Everyone seemed to be present, save a number of officers he had grown to recognize. His heartbeat began pumping with a little more zest. Adira wasn’t used to being alone for too long. It would be all right, he reasoned.
“Friends. Friends. Thank you for coming. It’s damn cold in here, so I’ll try to make this quick. I wanted to update you on the current food supply, and the other projects we have undertaken. I plan to rebuild the dam next spring, and stock it with fish as you attempted before. Again, the fields will be sown with crops. We won’t be stopping there, however. All the fields around the church will be sown. We have enough people now, that such supplies are necessary. The-“
Already Jaxton droned his melodic, friendly voice out. He was thinking about Adira. He needed to find out when she could begin some sort of re-integration program. It wasn’t healthy for her to be only interacting with him. Now that her physical injuries were healing, he was eager and determined that her mental and emotional faculties would be, at least partially, healed where they had been so painfully scarred. His mind snapped, unbidden, to the imagery of her lying there in that dark room that reeked of blood. She had been wailing in the blackness. He snapped back with a supreme effort of will. Jaxton frowned. Agis’s eyes were flicking to the double doors behind them all at random. As he continued to discuss supplies and the infected, his glances increased in frequency.
Suddenly, they burst open behind him, and eight officers came strolling through in their uniforms.
“Ah. Friends. The real purpose of our meeting.” Agis continued as the officers filtered into the crowd. “It took me some time, some time to get up to speed on how you lived before. I have heard,” his eyes flicked to Jaxton, “some terrible things about how you used to treat each other. About the prevalence of violence in the community. This…” He raised his hand with the practiced zeal of a natural orator, “is unacceptable in my community. Long have I stressed to you the principles by which we will conduct ourselves. And taking the law into one’s own hands is not one of them.” He paused, sensing a hundred sets of ears were totally fixated on his words. “That is why I have taken it upon myself to remove any temptation from the community. Your guns have been taken, and are now part of the community’s stockpile.”
There was a howl of confusion that rolled through the bumbling crowd. Agis held up his hands. “Quiet, please! Your guns will now be part of the selection available to our guards, hunting teams, and extermination squads. There will be no loaded weaponry inside the Citadel, unless you are an officer of the law.”
Some in the crowd threw up their hands. “You can’t take this!” Another man shouted, holding up a rifle. Wilder roared, “Not a fucking chance!” and raised his own. Most, however, had left their guns in their rooms. The vast majority would now only be armed at Agis’s will.
“Please, allow one of your own to speak.”
Bennett took the stage. Jaxton chuckled darkly- his friend was visibly nervous. He began over a chorus of shouting and grumbling. “I am here….I am here to tell you all how I feel about this. And as one of the community I hope you will find my opinion valuable. How many times did we pray for a return to normalcy? How many times, did we all pray for a return to real, tangible morals? Too many times.”
Bennett continued. “Examine where we were a month ago, and where we are today. Food. Protection. A plan. These things we have. These things Agis has provided us. We should all continue on this path, and take one more step towards normalcy. What kind of society would have everyone armed with deadly weapons?!” There was a smattering of rejection, but it was more subdued.
“Stand with me on this issue.” Some clapped. All the officers did.
Lieutenant Agis stood with his hand placed on Bennett’s shoulder. “I know some of you still have personal weapons on you at this moment. I would now ask you volunteer to turn these weapons in. If you do not, we will not take them by force. That is not what we are about. We will, however, be forced to resort to meaner measures. The food supply from the cafeteria will be off-limits to any who refuse to hand over their weapons to the collective. Stand with me friends… everyone has a place.”
When he dismounted and left, the crowd remained. Jaxton tried to judge it, but it was hard.
Wilder was peering around him. “Did they actually buy that?”
Duke was with him. “Some of them certainly did.” They watched as a handful walked up to police officers and handed them their pistols, shotguns, and rifles.
“Not all.” Elvis said, indicating a few holdouts. “Not me.”
“Nor I.” Jaxton said calmly. “We never give anyone power over us. Not anymore. Life’s too short to be fucking around with that shit.”
“Be reasonable, guys.” Joseph edged his way into the circle.
“Not a chance, Cleric. Back the fuck off.” Wilder clutched his rifle strap greedily.
Jaxton held out his hand. “Easy, boys. Come on now. Joseph is a friend. He’s just a friend we don’t agree with.”
“They seem to be in strong supply.” Duke whistled lowly, and craned his head towards Bennett, who was speaking animatedly with several others.
“Does it not make sense to you?” Joseph questioned with rich sincerity.
Jaxton turned his shoulders to face the shorter man head on. “On the whole, it makes total sense. But it doesn’t matter. For my part, I will never give up the ability to protect the ones I hold close.”
“Aye.” Wilder snapped, and thumped his chest.
“Amen,” Elvis whispered. There was an infectious excitement in the group- they would not bow to the demand.
Joseph shook his head mournfully, and turned away. Jaxton shouted after him. “Cleric. Get some extra chairs, I intend to join your discussion group tonight.” Joseph did a sort of bow, and then turned with a bit of pop in his step.
“You do?” Wilder asked.
Jaxton nodded fiercely, with a glimmer of his old fire burning under light grey eyes. “Aye. And so do you three.”
…
It had taken her ten minutes to convince Jaxton to allow her to walk alone. But she had done it, much to her lover’s loud and resigned grumbling. She kissed him tenderly on the forehead. “You’re like a big grumpy baby. And you need a bath.”
She tiptoed her way down to the lower level, past rooms full of snoring and rustling. There was something peaceful about the knowledge that the school was full of dreaming people. It was the first time she had walked through the lobby in almost three weeks. Her slippers slid on the tile floor as she neared the front entrance. A female officer stepped in her way, with a pouty face and something to prove. Adira sighed, annoyed it was still so easy to find clichés in this new society.
“S’cuse me miss. Can’t be going this way after dark. Lieutenant’s orders.” She raised her chin, almost so she was looking down at Adira past her long nose.
“Honey. How old are you?”
“What? Me? Twenty six miss,” the girl said sheepishly.
Adira looked around blatantly, behind her and to the sides. The pair stood alone in the glow of fragile white moonlight that shone though the sole un-blocked piece of heavy glass.
“Don’t call me miss. We’re practically the same age, too. Call me Adira.”
“Ok, Adira. I’m sorry but we can’t have anyone outside at night.”
Adira sighed again, and looked with longing into the darkness. “Hun, listen. I’m going to go outside, but before I do I’m going to explain myself. Then you can do whatever you want.”
The girl placed one hand on her hip, but her eyes softened a little.
“I’ve been cooped up in this building for three weeks straight now, most of it in a single room. I was attacked, you see, by a man, and he broke my ribs. Then I had to kill him. And I love my best friend to death but I need to get out- breathe that air, that crisp, clean, cold air that I can see right now, through that glass. I need to feel it in my lungs, and I need to take it in. I need to do that, do you understand? I need to do that.” Adira exhaled deeply, and slowly, a whistling accompaniment to the officer’s contemplative silence. Adira began moving the wooden beams that acted as locked for the doors out of the way by herself.
After a moment, the officer helped her. “I’ll have to watch you. Don’t go far,” she whispered.
Adira touched the woman’s hand in thanks, and emerged into the early December night. The moonlight was bright, so bright it cast shadows on the frigid ground beneath her feet. Adira took a few steps out, to the middle of the driveway, and raised her hands. She stood in a haze of little snowflakes, which landed in her hair affectionately. She took a deep breath, and the air rushed into her body like in a frigid knife. But it felt good.
There was a single torch moving towards her in the night. A stocky man with a great black beard held it in one hand, and a pistol in the other. He had a great big furry brown hat on atop his shaggy head, and a baby deer with white spots slung over his shoulder, next to a sniper rifle.
Adira shot a glance back to the doors, where the female officer was watching calmly. Adira turned back to the approaching character.
He spoke first, as little snowflakes sizzled out in the yellow flames. “Evenin.”
He didn’t feel threatening. “Good evening,” she responded in a frank tone.
“You from the north? Canada, like.”
She frowned and smiled. “No…. why would that be?”
He pointed at her torso with his pistol. “Well, cuz it’s freezing out here. And you’re wearin’ a funny lookin’ pair of flannel pants, and a t-shirt, with some slippers.”
Adira found herself laughing. “I guess I am. Who are you?”
“Friends call me Billy.” His drawl was thick, and he had to be near sixty years old, despite the stocky frame.
“Did you kill that baby dear, Billy?”
“I sure did. Not too proud of myself, neither. Shoulda let it grow up and then take her down next year. But I couldn’t tell, the sun was setting.”
“You were hunting tonight?”
“Earlier, yes miss. Lieutenant’s got me in charge of the hunting seein’ as I’ve got some real experience on the matter…and I have to produce. Up to me, you see.”
Adira mused, looking at the falling snow. “So you arrived with him. What kind of man is he?”
The stout man was suddenly flustered. She caught him sneaking a glance towards the female officer, who stood just out of earshot. He gestured broadly. “Lieutenant’s a mighty fine man, I think. Strong man. Can be a bit, demanding, I guess you might say, at times. He’s gotten me here today. Alive and breathin’, which is more than all those poor ones out there, stumblin’ round in the dark, can say. Lieutenant’s a fine man.”
Adira narrowed her eyes, “Yes, you already mentioned that.”
Billy huffed.
“I hear he took the guns,” she ventured.
The cheeks puffed up, and he pushed the air out with a wheezing sound. “Yup. Yup he did.”
“Some of us aren’t too keen on that idea.”
Billy shrugged elaborately. “I…I don’t know. Who’s to say, if it’s a good idea or a bad one?”
Adira stared him down. “We are.”
Billy said nothing.
“I don’t know how I feel about it yet, honestly. I just wanted to see what you thought,” she said honestly. “If he means well, it’s probably a sound move.”
“Sound move?”
“A sound move. A good move. Means a good move.”
Billy nodded and stroked his beard. “A good move.” His brow furrowed. “What exactly are you doin’ out here? You alright?”
“No, not really.” Adira kicked some
snow.
“Hmmm. Wanna talk about it?”
She looked at him. “No, not really.”
Billy nodded, frowning. “Well, alright. Perhaps I’ll be goin’ then.”
“I have a problem, Billy.”
“Alright what’s on your mind, I’m good at these sorta things.”
“A problem. My problem, is that I’m very…mistrustful of men, in a way.” She had no idea why she was speaking like this; she had refused to talk to the doctor Annabelle, or any of her friends. Even with Jax she was silent. But the kettle was boiling; something had to change. “Let me lay it all out for you, Billy, because for some reason I trust you, and if you don’t mind my saying, you’re a totally ridiculous human being. And I like that.” Billy shrugged with his bushy eyebrows raised.
She continued. “As I was saying, I have a…mistrust of men. All men. It’s like a hatred, almost, but its something else. I hate them, and I hate that they make me feel that way, do you follow? Anyways, I can’t get rid of my hate…and I’m in love with a man. A man who I don’t want to let down. He’s all I have, you see, and I can’t lose him. But a part of me, a part of me I despise, hates him. Do you understand?”
Billy was still frowning, and showed no sign of recognition. Adira continued, “I don’t know how to get over this. How to remove these feelings. If it can even be done. I don’t know.”
Billy said nothing for several long seconds, and Adira was starting to feel like a fool in the snow. But then he spoke. “I don’t know much specific like what you was sayin’. But I do know…I know what you might expect me to say. You might expect me to tell you all bout love, and maybe a lil’ bit on human goodness. And how if you love the man, anything is possible. Let me tell you, miss, ill tell you that’s not how things are. I can’t tell you what you need to do, I wouldn’t know anything about that, but I can tell you that here, and now, and especially in a time like this, these relationships are blurry. Nothin’ but grey, not sharp, black and white like. And love, if I might say, ain’t never black and white. Y’all are young. There are no rules. There’s a bunch of other women in there, some good lookin’ ones too. There come a time when, despite himself, this man you love will start to resent you, even though he knows you can’t help it.” He sighed. “Guess what I’m tryin’ to say is….you needa do whatever you can, to get back to him. Don’t make any excuses. Be stronger than him. He won’t understand, maybe.”