by Snow, Lucy
The younger officer chose that moment to step forward and grasp Harrison’s left arm. That turned out to be a mistake. With a flash Harrison had gripped the younger officers wrist and begun to twist.The younger officer yelped in pain, shaking before dropping to his knees, his face a mask of hurt. With his other hand the officer began to unclip holster.
“Stow that, patrolman,” The older officer said, before looking back at Harrison, Who continued to twist the younger officer’s wrist. ”Let him go. You don’t want to make things worse for yourself.”
Harrison paused, then I saw his grip slacken and the younger officer, still on his knees, was able to get wrist free, cradling it in his other hand, His eyes filled with tears. Harrison looked down. “I’m sorry about that,” he whispered.
“Yeah, well, we’ll see if the patrolman here can see it in his heart to forgive you. You’re still didn’t have to come with us.”
“But Harrison didn’t do anything wrong!” I shouted.
The older detective stayed calm. “We’ll figure that out down the station.”
The younger officer stood up, shaky at first, still running his fingers over his twisted wrist. Focusing again on Harrison, He snarled, “put your hands behind your back.”
Harrison’s eyes widened, and mine must have also. “What?”
“You heard the man,” the older officer said, “we wanted to do this nicely, but you had other ideas. Put your hands behind your back.” The force behind his words was clear; Harrison would be leaving in handcuffs.
My head was reeling from all of this. I couldn’t believe in the space of 10 minutes, Harrison and I had gone from almost having sex in my bedroom to me watching as the police arrested him for saving me from a date rapist the night before. I just couldn’t put all the pieces together, and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I had to steady myself on the banister of the staircase.
Harrison seem to accept his fate, and turned around, facing away from the officers, and our eyes met as I blinked through the tears. “It’ll be okay, Laurel,” Harrison whispered in my direction. “This isn’t anything that hasn’t happened before. I’m used to it by now.”
I shook my head at him. Even if he was used to this, I wasn’t. Sure I had seen him deal with the police in the past, but that was when we hated each other. Now, in such a short amount of time, we had begun building something so much more, so much more loving, so much more connected.
And all of a sudden, he was being dragged away. I couldn’t take it.
“You have the right to remain silent,” the older police officer began, as the younger reached into his belt and unclipped his handcuffs. “Anything you say may be used against you…” The older man droned on, repeating the Miranda rights he must have said thousands of times by now.
Harrison winced as handcuffs closed around his wrists behind him, and I saw a look of glee, over the younger police officer’s face. Clearly he was enjoying this, small and petty revenge for the embarrassment Harrison had caused him just a couple minutes earlier.
Harrison’s eyes never left mine. He tried to tell me and would be okay, but I was in no shape to listen I couldn’t believe all this was happening. Why us? Why now?
Why couldn’t things just be easy for a change?
Instead of things just happening the way they should, there were always pitfalls to avoid. Always obstacles getting in the way. Nothing, it seemed, was ever as easy as it sounds.
Harrison was still speaking, still whispering to me. “Don’t worry about it, Laurel. Just take care of yourself. I’ll be fine, I’ll be home soon.”
“Is there anything you need me to do?” I asked, wiping away the tears. “Is there anyone I can call?” He knew I wasn’t a lawyer. And I knew he wasn’t a lawyer.
“No, don’t call anyone. I’ll be home soon as I can. Don’t worry about it. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
I broke, and rushed towards him. The younger officer tensed up, like he was getting ready to stop me, but quickly the older officer shook his head, and the younger officer relented I threw my arms around Harrison’s neck after closing the distance between us, and hugged him as tightly as I could. Just a few minutes ago this closeness between us, meant something so much more passionate and sexy did now.
Now I was just scared for him. I wanted this to go away, I wanted the police to go away, so we could be left, so we could explore each other without the world getting in the way.
We hugged as close as we could with Harrison’s arms tied behind his back by the handcuffs. I had to resist kissing him all over his face and neck, but soon Harrison shook his head, pushing me away. I stepped back, and for the first time got look at him so helpless. This tall and powerful and newly loving lion of a man, in chains and unable to do what he wanted.
And me unable to hold him like I wanted to.
The older police officer cleared his throat. “We’ve got to be going, so we can clear this up as soon as possible.” He put his hand on Harrison’s shoulder and pressed gently to one side. Harrison took the direction and bowed his head, turning away from me, toward the door.
Only then did I realize that the front door was still open, and the cold air was pouring into the house. Outside in the dark, by the light of the porch, I could see that the snow was coming down more heavily than when we had come home.
I shivered, realizing just how cold I was for the first time. “When will he come home?” I asked the older officer as they stepped out the door.
He looked back over his shoulder at me. “I’m not sure. It could be a while. I’m sorry to ruin your holidays.”
They walked down the steps as I stood in the doorway, my arms around my chest, trying to stay warm, but also trying to put on a brave face, even though Harrison couldn’t see me. It was more for my own benefit, though it really didn’t help at all.
Inside I was falling apart.
The younger police officer opened the back seat of their patrol car, parked next to Harrison’s car, and put his hand on Harrison’s head pushing him down into the car. Just before his head disappeared, Harrison took one more look at me, and nodded, smiling that winning smile at me.
I used to hate that smile, now, though, I wasn’t so sure it was all that bad.
The car drove off into the night, and I stood in the doorway, still cold, but barely feeling it, for a few more minutes before I closed the door and fell to the floor, crying my eyes out.
Chapter 16 - The Night
I couldn’t remember a night as bad as that one.
I was just happy our parents weren’t around. I don’t know what they would’ve done if they were, or if they’d heard about Harrison being arrested. Our stepmother would’ve cried, clearly, just like I had, but my father, well, I’m not sure what my father would’ve done. Back in high school he would’ve stormed around the house, shaking his head and muttering, yelling to no one in particular, wondering aloud how he could reach Harrison, how he could make him see that he was throwing away his life.
But now that Harrison had been through four years of military, and seemed to be on a better path for himself, I don’t know how my father would react.
I do know how to react myself. All of these thoughts rushing through my head, pushing against me without stopping. Just wanted this to go away, I wanted Harrison to come back in the door, tell me) that it had all been a mistake, that the police understood what Harrison had done and why he had done it, and that he was free, and that we were free to get back to doing…exactly whatever it was we been doing when they arrived in the first place.
But, as I lay in a heap on the floor in the foyer of our house, the door stayed closed. I didn’t hear the police car coming back up our street to park again and let Harrison out. I didn’t hear anything at all. The house made its customary creeks and groans as the air, and other things, shifted around, but other than that there were no signs of life other than my own heavy breathing.
I don’t remember how long I lay there, feeling myself warm up, as
the heater kicked into overdrive, grumbling all the way that someone had left the door open for far too long. I just wanted to lay there until someone came to help me up, someone came to tell me what to do next.
I just didn’t know.
Finally, eventually, I picked myself up off the floor and looked around. The house which had seemed so bright only a few minutes ago, bright with the potential of love and romance and lost all under the same roof, now looked drab and dark in the cold winter of Summitville. Like someone had turned the brightness knob almost all the way down.
I moved around the house like a zombie, like a ghost, as if I hadn’t been there before, but yet I knew the layout perfectly. So many thoughts ran through my head, wondering what Harrison was going through, what he was thinking, what he wanted me to do, what our parents would think. So many thoughts that I couldn’t make sense of any of them, couldn’t slow my mind down long enough to pick one and run with it. So, instead, all these thoughts ran Inside me, ran with me.
The house didn’t provide any respite, though. There was nothing here to make me feel any better. My room, long my haven against the rest of the world, seems too much like Harrison to make me feel any better. Despite the fact that he would take in all his clothing out in his hurry to meet with the police downstairs, the room still smelled like him, still smelled like his manly scent of sandalwood. I closed my eyes and let the scent wafted over my nose, breathing in as deeply as I could, wanting to hold a piece of him as long as I could.
I stepped to the window in my room, peering out into the night, trying to see what Harrison had saw just a few minutes earlier when he noticed the police car parking, noticed the officers getting out and walking toward our door. I wonder what must’ve run through his mind.
He was no stranger to the police, but I’ll bet he must’ve thought he’d left that life behind him, for years in the military, four years fighting for his country, serving when so few volunteered to do so. If that were me, I’d have walked around with a little bit of an ego, a little bit of knowledge that I had fought for, I have defended all that I saw around me.
Harrison didn’t seem to walk around with that kind of complex, that feeling that the people around him owed him something. I was impressed, the old Harrison lorded every small thing over everyone else within earshot. It was impossible to forget any time he had ever done something good for a change.
I smiled, thinking maybe that was because the good things he did were so few and so far between at the time.
I didn’t want to spend any more time in my room, hiding away, so I stepped out and found myself standing in front of the door to Harrison’s room. I had seen inside it on many occasions, but it had been years since I’ve stepped inside. Back in high school Harrison has installed a lock on his door. Our parents had not been happy with that, but as transgressions went, that was one of the small ones, and by then our parents had learned to pick their battles with him.
It took me a long time to learn that. In the meantime I just avoided him as much as possible.
I rested my hand on the doorknob to Harrison’s room, and debated going inside. I turned the knob just to see if it was locked, and was surprised to find it unlocked. Harrison must have left it that way; that wasn’t like him. Privacy was usually so important to them.
I don’t know what possessed me to turn the knob all the way and push his door open, but I couldn’t stop myself. The door fell open silently, throwing the light from the hallway into Harrison’s dark room.
Before I stepped inside, I felt around the wall with my hand till I found a light switch and flicked it on. The light was low, mood lighting, the kind of light you’d use when you brought a girl back to your room. I shook my head, not sure whether to laugh or sigh in dismay. Typical Harrison, why did I ever expect him to change?
Harrison’s room looked like it was in the state of transition. He still had posters up from bands he used to listen to back in high school, but there were boxes around as well. Boxes with their lids open, old memorabilia and things from his past flowing out from them. It looked like he was in the process of putting one life away and setting up another.
I wondered how long he’d spend in Summitville. He had finished his first stretch with the military, but I don’t think I had heard him talk about what his plans were going forward. I was sure he would have discussed them with our parents, if he knew what he was going to do. The new Harrison didn’t seem to keep people in the dark too long. He seemed more open with his feelings and his intentions. And I didn’t have a problem with that at all.
I stepped into his room, careful at first, as if an alarm would go off at any moment and I would be hit with a rock or a heavy book swinging like a pendulum. I tensed up, ready to duck at a moments notice. Thankfully, no attack ever came.
I stood in the center of his room and turned around slowly, taking it all in, not sure if I’d ever be in here again. It was a strange thing to be in someone’s room when they weren’t around. Until that moment I didn’t quite appreciate how important having a private space for oneself really was. I mean, I could get mad at someone for coming into my room unannounced like the rest of them, but I never gave a thought to anyone entering while I wasn’t there.
It was almost a violation of sorts, a way to see inside someone without their permission.
Harrison didn’t have any photos on the wall, except one. It was a picture of him climbing all around his father. They looked so happy together, Harrison upside down with his arms wrapped tightly around his father’s waste, his legs held high in the air and steadied against his father’s head. The photo was taken at an amusement park; it was a Ferris wheel in the background.
Other than that, and the posters, the room was entirely impersonal, like a hotel room. That wasn’t too surprising, since Harrison hadn’t lived here full time in four years, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Harrison had treated his room and this house like a hotel the entire time he lived here too.
Despite the fact that no one was home, and then no one would disturb me, I didn’t want to spend too much time here alone. Not in this room. Not with Harrison’s smell, and his presence lingering so strongly all around me.
But there wasn’t much to do by myself and the rest of the house. Sure, I could watch TV, or put on a movie, or read a book, but none of those things really appealed to me. Just then, as I stood in the doorway, trying to figure out what to do next, my stomach started rumbling. I guess that sandwich was not big enough, and the amount of, physical exertion, Harrison and I had engaged in afterward, made me hungry again quickly.
First stop was downstairs to the kitchen, to raid the fridge of leftovers. The party last night had been well attended, but there was still tons of extra food left over. Our parents were very good at making sure there was always something left over. I made myself a small sandwich, and scooped up some of the leftover salad into a bowl.
I turned on the TV in the living room, just to have something to occupy my mind a little bit while I ate. The food from last night was very good, but I could barely tasted. The movie on TV was one of my favorites, but I couldn’t really pay attention. All I could think about was Harrison in the police station. I hadn’t actually been to the Summitville police station since I was in elementary school, when we took a tour of it when we studied civic institutions.
I remember the officer towering above me, showing me the insides of some Summitville’s jail cells. I remember asking him if this was really a jail cell, if this was really where criminals stayed. It was so cold and so stark. Just a cement bench and a small combination sink and toilet. I couldn’t believe anyone could live there even for a night.
And now Harrison was there, only as an adult this time. My only experience with the police came from old crime shows, so I imagined that right now they were sweating him pretty hard. Maybe running the good cop/bad cop routine. The older cop who had arrested him seemed like the good cop, and after Harrison twisted the younger guys wrist, I could see him volunte
ering to play the bad cop.
I kept hoping I would hear a car pull up, and footsteps come out and into the house. I wanted Harrison to throw the door open and loudly proclaim his return, and then immediately take me into his arms and kissed me for hours. I wanted him to tell me that nothing was wrong, that it was all a big mistake, and that he was free, free to let go of the past and free to finally get started creating something new.
The door stayed closed, the footsteps remained unheard, and no car pulled up outside the house.
I ate so slowly, then my sandwich had gotten cold by the time I finished the last few bytes. I stared at the movie flickering across the TV, following the familiar scenes without getting anything new from it.I just kept turning over and over in my mind Harrison being so close yet so far from me, just when we were finally starting to open up to each other. Physically and otherwise.
I felt the lingering effects of his fingertips brushing across my stomach and breasts, remembered how my back had arched when pressing myself closer into him. I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the couch, dreaming in place of his rough muscles all around me, keeping me warm and safe and pressing me even further inwards.
By the time I opened my eyes the movie was over, and another one had begun. It was a romantic comedy, one I didn’t know as well as the one before. I watched it also, nothing better to do, trying to find a way to get Harrison off my mind, and not succeeding in the slightest.
I finally got up from the couch well after midnight, and made one last round of the house, turning off all the extra lights, and turning on the holiday lights outside. Our house lit up like a Christmas tree, but I didn’t feel any joy from it.
After I made my way upstairs, I stared at Harrison’s door for a long moment before entering my room.
I didn’t sleep well, angry and fitful that my sheets and blankets held Harrison’s lingering smell more strongly than I would’ve liked with him not around. I woke up several times in the middle of the night, and just stared at the ceiling, seeing how familiar it was, and wondering what kind of ceiling Harrison was staring up at at that very moment.