It is. I never had any because it would risk our family’s secret getting out. Brady, on the other hand, had friends and a girlfriend. I wish I knew what he thought when he committed suicide. Then I remember what Brie said. She panicked because I saw the poster.
I hate bringing up the subject, but needing to understand my brother, I ask, “If I hadn’t seen the poster, would you still have tried to commit suicide?”
“Huh?” Her head snaps up, and an awkward look shutters her eyes. “Ah… I don’t know. Why do you ask?”
Pushing an arm under my head, I stare up at the ceiling. “I wish I knew why my brother did it. He didn’t leave a note.” Not wanting to talk more about that night, I change the subject. “Have you thought about how you want to decorate your room?”
Brie shakes her head but then says, “I have a million ideas.”
“Do you want to paint the walls a different color?”
She thinks for a moment, then says, “Maybe just the one wall. A light blue would be nice.”
“I’ll help. We can spend your birthday redecorating your room.”
There’s a moment’s silence, and then Brie whispers, “Colton.”
“Yeah?”
Her arm wraps around my waist, and she gives me a squeeze before she snuggles into my side. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Her words make a huge smile spread over my face. Lifting my head, I press a kiss to her hair. “I’m glad I found you in time.”
“Me too,” she murmurs.
I lie awake as Brie drifts off to sleep, and only once it’s me and my thoughts do I admit to myself that I have a crush on her. But I know it will take a little luck and a lot of patience before I can ask her to be my girlfriend. In the meantime, I’ll be the best friend she’s ever had.
Chapter 16
BRIE
Mom: Stop throwing a tantrum and get your ass home.
I woke up to the message waiting on my phone and have been staring at it for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to reply.
My heart is stuck in my throat, and I’m filled with familiar apprehension.
I still have to get changed for school, but can’t bring myself to move. There’s a soft tap on my door, and my head snaps up. “Yes?”
“Can I come in?” Colton asks.
“Yeah.” I get up from the bed, my gaze darting back to the phone in my hand.
Colton comes in and asks, “Why aren’t you dressed?”
I hold the device out to him. “I don’t know what to reply with.”
He takes the phone and reads the message. “Oh, that’s easy. You don’t reply and just delete the message.”
He hands the device back to me, and my gaze darts between his eyes and the message. “But… it will make her angry.”
Colton places a hand on the side of my neck, giving me an encouraging smile. “Brie, she’s already pissed off, and it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have a say in your life anymore.”
I still feel apprehensive but also realize Colton is right. I’m living with them now, and there’s nothing my mother can do about it.
“Unless you want to reply,” Colton adds.
I shake my head. “No.”
I suck in a fortifying breath and read the message one last time before I delete it.
When I glance up at Colton, there’s a proud smile on his face. “Get ready, or we’ll be late.”
I nod, and as soon as he leaves the room, I quickly change into my uniform.
It feels weird living with the Lawsons’. Like it’s not my house. It’s also frequently in the back of my mind that they might tell me to leave at any time. Kinda like I’m on vacation with them, and one day I’ll have to return to my mother.
My eyes dart to my phone, and I regret deleting the message. I should respond.
What if things go wrong here? Where will I go then?
I draw my bottom lip between my teeth, and trepidation tightens my insides.
Colton wouldn’t do that to me. Right?
Ugh, this is really hard. What do I do? I really don’t want to go back to my mother.
Maybe I should get a job.
My eyes widen at the thought.
Yeah, I’ll get a job, and then if things go wrong, I can maybe find a place of my own.
Deciding to look for work after school, I feel a little better and leave my room. When I reach the front door, Colton presses a kiss to his mom’s cheek.
With a quick wave, I dart out of the house.
On the way to school, Colton mutters, “It’s finally Friday.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “This week was super long.”
“Do you want to do anything tonight?” Colton asks.
This will be the first weekend I won’t have to deal with my mother, and the thought alone makes my blood rush through my veins with exhilaration. “Anything is good.”
“Want to show me around town?” he asks. “I’ve been here for three months, and I only know where the store and school are.”
“Okay,” I agree, excited to spend time with Colton. I’ll also be able to see if there are any job vacancies in town.
After Colton parks the truck, we walk into school, and it’s the same as yesterday. Students stare, but no one says anything.
We take our seats in English, and minutes later, Colton drops a piece of paper on my desk. Opening it, a wide smile spreads over my face.
‘It is never too late to be what you might have been.’ – George Eliot.
I glance at Colton and mouth the words ‘thank you.’
Knowing he meant well by giving me the quotes, I have to admit I missed them.
As the day progresses, there’s no sight of Sully and Michael. I find myself relaxing a little and not feeling as anxious.
That is until Lindy and her friends corner me at my locker before social studies.
“Dang, just when I thought you couldn’t look gloomier,” she taunts me.
My muscles tense, and I glance at Colton as he walks closer after shutting his own locker.
He glares at Lindy before turning his eyes to me. “Tell her to go to hell.”
Crap.
Okay.
I suck in a deep breath for courage.
Before I can think of anything to say, Lindy sneers, “Should’ve known the psycho and freak would become a couple. You know, birds of a feather and all that shit.”
Her words hurt because she’s insulting Colton, but I still can’t think of a way to respond.
Then Colton steps between us and glares at her, “Jealous much?”
Feeling a little braver, I mutter, “Green isn’t your color.”
Colton lets out a burst of laughter, and throwing his arm around my shoulders, he nudges me forward. Glancing over his shoulder at Lindy, Colton says, “Stop looking for attention from Brie. It makes you look desperate.”
Once we’re a distance away from Lindy, Colton smiles down at me. “You did good.”
I turn my gaze to him. “I did?”
“Yeah,” he gives me a sideways hug.
It makes me feel ten feet tall, knowing Colton is happy with the single sentence I managed to get out.
Walking to class, my chin lifts slightly higher, and I don’t feel as intimidated by the other students.
COLTON
When we get home, I go look for Mom while Brie changes out of her uniform.
“No, Jonah,” I hear Mom say before I nudge her bedroom door open. Mom’s pacing up and down at the foot of her bed, a frown on her face.
My heart immediately begins to beat faster, knowing she’s talking to my father.
“I want a divorce.” Mom lets out a huff and stops pacing, then hisses, “I won’t let you near Colton.” There’s a couple of seconds pause from her, then her voice climbs with anger, “I don’t care!”
I’ve never heard her talk that way to my father, and it fills me with hope that she’s finally done with him.
“Don’t come here,”
she bites the words out.
I move forward, and only when I reach for the phone does Mom notice me. She begins to pull away until I say, “Let me talk to him.”
Mom hesitates for a moment, then relents and hands the device to me.
When I press it to my ear, I hear Dad say, “We all need to sit down and talk about this. I have to tie up things at the office, and then I’ll fly out to Black Mountain.”
“No, you won’t,” I growl, my anger quickly raging out of control just from hearing his voice.
“Colton?” Dad asks, and I can hear he’s caught off guard. “Son?”
“I’m not your son,” I grind through the rage, overwhelming me. “Don’t you dare come here.”
My eyes lock on Mom. She’s gotten so much better the past few days. I don’t want him near her.
Or Brie.
God, he’ll undo everything.
“I have a right to see my family,” he snaps.
“No, you don’t. You lost that right a long time ago.” My voice starts to tremble from all the effort it’s taking to stay in control and not lose my shit. “I swear I’ll put you in the ICU if you so much as set foot in this town. I won’t hold back anymore.”
“Oh, that’s rich,” he chuckles bitterly. “Fine, then I don’t see why I have to pay for your sorry ass to attend that elite school. I’ll cut off all financial aid to you and your mother.”
My temper shoots through the ceiling, and I shout, “I’ve never wanted your money.”
Mom grabs the phone from me and presses it to her ear. “Don’t threaten Colton with money. You will pay alimony. My lawyer will be in touch.” She cuts the call and then reaches for me. Wrapping me in a hug, she says, “He’ll be out of our lives soon.”
I shake my head and pull back. “Not as long as we’re taking his money.”
“It’s his responsibility to pay alimony. Let me handle it.”
I stare at Mom, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to ask her if she really can handle it.
She must see the doubt on my face because she says, “I know I’ve let you down in the past, but I’ll make up for it. I promise. I don’t want you worrying about things anymore. I want you to focus on completing your senior year so you can go to college.”
I shake my head hard. “I’ll get a job. I’ll look after us.”
Mom lifts her hand and places it against my cheek. “My sweet boy. You’ve grown up too quickly.” She shakes her head. “It’s not your responsibility. I know you don’t have much faith in me, but I… give me a chance to be the mother I never was.”
I don’t want to hurt her, but can’t stop myself from asking, “Why now? Is it because of Brie?”
Mom’s eyes lock on mine. “I’m not going to lie to you. Seeing what happened to Brie was a wake-up call. It was hard to accept what was happening to us, but Brie’s circumstances have shined a bright light on it.” Mom’s voice begins to falter, and a tear sneaks over her cheek. “I let him abuse you. It’s one hundred percent my fault. I should’ve protected you and Brady. I’ll never forgive myself for allowing it to happen.”
Emotion wells in my chest, and I clench my jaw.
Mom lets out a sob, then squeezes the words out, “I’m sorry, Colton. I’ll always regret it, but I hope I can make it up to you.”
What about Brady?
How will she make it up to him?
Part of me wants to hug Mom and tell her I forgive her for never protecting us. But, the other half of me is still too angry. Still too raw from losing my brother to such senseless violence.
‘He abused her as well,’ my heart whispers.
Torn in two, I can only shake my head.
I’ve been strong the past four months because I was scared I’d lose her as well. Now that she’s getting better, the cracks are starting to show, and all the heartache is spilling back into my life.
“Please, don’t hate me,” she sobs.
I hate seeing her so upset, and again, I put my mom’s needs before my own, and I pull her into a hug, murmuring, “I don’t hate you. I just need time.”
Mom nods. When we pull back, she says, “I promise to make it up to you.”
Still, I don’t want her dealing with my father alone, and it has me saying, “Don’t make any decisions regarding us without talking to me first.”
Mom nods. “Of course.”
Feeling drained, I start to walk out of Mom’s room, saying, “I’m going to change. I’m taking Brie out so she can show me the town. I think it would do her good.”
“Maybe go see a movie,” she offers an idea.
“If Brie wants to.” I go straight to my room, and shutting the door, I stand and stare at the gray bedspread.
I’ve had to be the strong one for so long, and it’s become hard to trust anyone. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to allow someone control over my life.
Mom wants to make up for where she failed us, but I know from experience that she’s no match for my father. I need to get him out of our lives.
Chapter 17
BRIE
I’ve just changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt when Colton suddenly shouts, “I’ve never wanted your money.”
My heartbeat begins to speed up, and I dart to the door. Peeking into the hallway, I can hear Colton and Mrs. Lawson talking, and it sounds like she’s crying.
Crap. That can’t be good.
What do I do?
“Why now? Is it because of Brie?” I hear Colton ask.
Am I the reason they’re fighting? Is it because I moved in here?
I can’t hear Mrs. Lawson’s reply, and it makes me anxious. I don’t want to be the reason for them fighting.
My hands begin to tremble, and I clasp them tightly together. I take a step backward as my anxiety spikes.
Minutes later, I hear Colton say, “I’m going to change. I’m taking Brie out so she can show me the town. I think it would do her good.”
“Maybe go see a movie,” Mrs. Lawson replies.
“If Brie wants to.”
When Colton comes out of his mom’s room, I dart deeper into my room, so he doesn’t catch me eavesdropping and nervously gnaw at my bottom lip.
Shoot, what do I do now?
Uncertainty fills me, but I know I can’t hide like a coward. My eyes anxiously dart around the room, and a sinking feeling inside me makes it feel as if my stomach is being sucked into a pit.
I need to find out if it’s because of me. As much as I don’t want to, I’d rather go back to my mother than cause Colton and Mrs. Lawson problems.
It’s the right thing to do, but…
I don’t want to go back to my mother.
Feeling at a total loss, my mind races for a solution.
Maybe I can… crap, I don’t know.
Hopefully, I can find a job soon, and I’ll only have to live with my mother until I’ve saved enough to afford my own place?
I inch closer to the hallway and glance at Mrs. Lawson’s closed door, then I turn my gaze to Colton’s. Quietly, I creep closer to Colton’s room. I bring up my hand but hesitate.
I don’t want them fighting because of me.
I bite my bottom lip again, and gathering up the courage, I knock on Colton’s door.
“Yeah?”
I nudge the door open and see Colton lying on his bed with his legs draped over the side.
“Ah…” I begin, but the words dry up in my throat.
I really don’t want to leave.
Colton glances at me, then sits up and mutters, “Oh, hey. Are you ready? Give me a second, and I’ll change out of my school clothes.”
Colton gets up from his bed and walks toward his closet. I shake my head, still clutching the doorknob.
I also can’t stay if it’s causing problems. I can’t do that to them after they’ve been so kind to me.
“I… I didn’t mean to, but I overheard… the fight,” I stammer.
Colton lets out a sigh and shakes his head. “Sorry about that
.” He lifts his eyes to where I am, and they look tired.
I don’t want to hurt him in any way, and it gives me the strength to say, “I don’t want to cause you any trouble. I’ll move out.”
A frown instantly forms on his face. “What?” He walks to where I’m still standing by the door. “Why would you say that?”
“I… overheard,” I mutter. “You asked your mom if it’s because of me. I didn’t hear the rest, but I… I don’t want to disrupt your lives.”
Colton lifts his hand and rubs the spot between his eyes. “It wasn’t about you.” He lets out another tired sigh. “My father called. He’s being a dick.”
Oh.
That changes things.
I’m relieved, and now that I don’t have to worry about moving out today, I see the ache in Colton’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whisper as I push the door fully open. Closing the distance between us, I wrap my arms around his waist, and I hug him as tightly as I can.
A heartbeat passes before Colton hugs me back. He lowers his head, burying his face in my neck. We stand like that for the longest time before I pull a little back. Catching Colton’s eyes, I ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I might not be able to help, but I can be there for him.
Colton turns away from me and walks to his closet. “It’s okay. I’ll just change quickly, then we can leave.”
I stare at his back, and not knowing what else to do, I let out a sigh and walk back to my room.
Minutes later, Colton taps on my door. “Let’s go.” There’s still a stormy look in his eyes, and again I wish I could make him feel better.
Feeling uncomfortable, I say, “We don’t have to go out.”
Colton forces a smile to his face, and it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Come on. Getting out will do us both a world of good.”
“Okay.” I follow him out of the house, a frustrated sigh drifting over my lips. Colton always manages to cheer me up, and I have an overwhelming need to do the same for him.
But I don’t know how to make him feel better.
We climb in the truck, and once we’re driving down the street, Colton asks, “What are you showing me first?”
Not My Hero: Black Mountain Academy Page 12