by Mari Carr
Her comment caught him off-guard. “JD?”
Leah tilted her head, confused. “About his cancer. I can’t imagine Compton Pass without him.”
Sawyer stared at her, trying to process what she was saying. Cancer? JD? “What the fuck are you talking about?”
He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, so angry, but pieces fell together, adding up to something he simply couldn’t—wouldn’t—believe.
Leah paled, dropping his hand. “Oh God. I’m sorry. I thought you knew.”
“Knew what?”
She bit her lip, shaking her head slightly. “I shouldn’t be the one to say—”
“God dammit, Leah. Tell me.”
Tears formed in her eyes, and he briefly wondered if he’d frightened her. When she spoke again, he understood what was driving the tears. “JD has pancreatic cancer. He’s dying.”
“No.” He shook his head. “That’s not possible. There’s no way Sam would have kept that from me. You must’ve heard wrong.”
Leah didn’t respond. Clearly she wouldn’t criticize his brother for doing exactly that. Sawyer recalled Sam’s phone call last night. There’d been something in his voice. He’d thought there was a complication with Silas. Now…
“How long have you known?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe a month. Or actually, more than that.”
Sawyer’s head exploded. “Are you kidding me?” He ran his hand through his hair, trying to understand. He pulled his cell out of his pocket. “I need to call Sam.”
Leah nodded, but didn’t say more.
Sawyer clenched his fist when he heard his brother’s casual answer. “Hey bro.”
“Sam.” He didn’t bother to hide the coldness in his tone. If Leah were telling the truth…
“What’s up, man? Didn’t expect to hear from you this early. Not since you were so busy.”
“Yeah, that’s me. The brother too fucking busy to come back to Wyoming.”
There was a brief moment of silence on the other end before Sam tried to take cover from the torpedo about to blow his ass out of the water. “Sawyer, I can explain—”
“Tell you what,” Sawyer interrupted. “Why don’t you start with the part where you tell me what the fuck is going on with JD?”
Sam sucked in a deep breath for what was coming next. “Sounds like you already know.”
“I want to hear it from you. The person who should’ve told me to begin with.”
“JD forbade us to say anything to you.”
The overpowering need to hit something churned in his gut. Where was a sturdy oak when you needed one? He bet he could break every bone in his hand and still not feel the pain over the one growing in his chest.
“And being the good little son, you did exactly what your daddy told you to do. Say the fucking words, Sam.”
“It’s cancer. JD’s dying.”
Sawyer doubled over. He put his hand on his knee as he fought a wave of nausea.
“I’m sorry, Sawyer.”
Sawyer’s vision went red. He didn’t need his brother’s fucking pity. He’d needed the truth. He forced himself to stand upright, took a deep breath and struggled to hang on. He could do this. “I’m coming home. Tonight if I can swing it. If not, on the first available flight.”
“I’ll pick you up at the airport,” Sam offered.
Sawyer glanced at Leah—her face rife with anguish. “No. I have a ride. I don’t need any favors from you.”
“God dammit, Sawyer, you’ve got to let me explain—”
Sawyer exploded. The time for discussion had long since passed. “When I get there, I’m kicking your ass. Explain it to my knuckles. Might take a piece out of Silas’s and Seth’s hides for good measure. Share that message with them, will you?”
He clicked the phone off before Sam could reply. He’d heard all he could stand from his twin, uncertain which hurt worse—his father’s cancer or his brother’s betrayal.
He stared at the waves and dragged air into his lungs. The ocean, which had sounded so loud earlier, was nothing but a quiet din in the distance compared to the sound of his heart pounding mercilessly loud and fast. He wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced true terror until this moment.
Leah gently touched his arm. “Sawyer?”
He cleared his throat, unable to face her. Part of him yearned to fall into her arms and cry like a fucking baby. He wouldn’t do that. He sucked in another deep breath. Fought for control.
“I need to go home.”
“I know.”
When his raging emotions were locked away once more, he looked at her. “JD’s dying. They didn’t tell me.”
“Did Sam give you a reason?”
He shook his head. “Not a good one. All my brothers are home?”
She nodded. “Sam came home a couple months ago. Right after Seth moved back. You didn’t know that? When’s the last time you spoke to your family?”
He considered the question, trying to remember. “I’ve been at sea for the past eight weeks. I was out of contact a lot and then I dropped my last damn cell phone overboard.” It didn’t matter. None of that was relevant. His brothers had had plenty of opportunities and ways to reach him. They simply hadn’t.
The shock and pain at JD’s diagnosis gave way to rage so bone-deep it almost shattered him. Sawyer welcomed it. Anger he could channel, use to his benefit. He might be helpless in the face of his father’s illness, but by God, he wasn’t some weak-minded boy. His brothers had always considered him the baby of the family. They were about to get a rude awakening to exactly how much of a man he’d grown up to be.
His fists clenched as he plotted retribution. He was going to kick every single one of their asses from Wyoming to Kansas.
Leah wrapped her hands around one of his, trying to loosen the tight grip. “Give them a chance to explain, Saw. You’re angry and hurt, but violence isn’t going to change what’s happened.”
She was wrong. Violence was exactly what he needed.
Chapter Five
They reentered the bedroom they’d left only a few hours earlier. Dead silence. Sawyer closed the door, snicking the lock into place. Pain was etched in every line on his face and Leah ached to take some of it away. He’d managed to snag the last seat on the same flight home as her, but it wouldn’t leave until morning. Waiting one more night was going to be hard for him.
“Sawyer—”
He raised his hand, halting her attempt to talk. “I need—” He was breathing rapidly, his eyes dark with anguish. He paused as if fighting with himself.
He didn’t say more. He didn’t have to.
She knelt slowly before him, the action visibly jarring him. Her gaze never left his face as she assumed the submissive pose. “I know what you need.”
He reared away, pressing his shoulders against the door. For a moment, she thought he might unlock it and run.
“I can’t be gentle.” His warning confirmed her suspicions. He’d held back. He hadn’t been honest about his own desires.
That thought touched and infuriated her simultaneously. It was so typically Sawyer to try to shelter her. Even when she didn’t need his protection.
“Last night, you said the only thing that would anger you was if I hid my feelings.”
His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Did you?”
“No. You did, though.”
He started to deny her assertion, but she cut him off.
“You wanted more from me, Sawyer, but you didn’t take it. You acted like last night was enough.”
“It was.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”
His chest rose and fell rapidly. She wondered if she was wrong to taunt him, then she decided he might welcome a distraction, something to take his mind off the tragedy awaiting him at home. It was clear he’d been devastated by what he viewed as his brothers’ betrayal. Her Sawyer was a man who prided himself on being strong, in command of his own destiny. His brothers had t
aken that power away, stripped away his right to decide what was best for him.
“I don’t regret a single minute of last night, Leah. You’re new to this lifestyle. I had to take it slow.”
She flung her hair over her shoulder. “Stop treating me like some weak little girl who can’t take care of herself. If you don’t think I can be what you need, maybe I should find someone else.”
She started to rise, but he halted her, his strong hands pressing on her shoulders. “Don’t test me on this, Leah. Now isn’t the time—”
“Give me the white wristband back. I want the chance to find a Dom who isn’t afraid to take off the kid gloves. I told you last night, Sawyer. We have too much history. This just proves my point.”
Sawyer gripped her hair tightly in his fists. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
“I’m not staying.” She was trying to provoke him, but her threats were working some sort of magic on her as well. Last night, they’d only scratched the surface of her desire for pain and dominance.
She wasn’t certain they’d ever break through this barrier unless she prodded. Her pussy grew wetter, hotter as she imagined exactly how much more she could take from him. “I need more.”
His fingers loosened, and she could tell she’d shocked him. She broke free of his grip and rose, stepping away before he could grab her.
“God dammit, Leah. I won’t let you leave. You’re mine.”
“Ha!” She darted to the left, putting the bed between them as a barrier. Her heart raced when he took a step closer, his stance firm, menacing, sexy as hell. “I’m not that easy.”
Sawyer put his hands on his hips. She rejoiced when the pain that had ravaged his face all day faded, replaced by determination. Her powerful man was returning. Maybe he didn’t have control over what was happening in his family, but she could give him this chance to take charge, to find his bearings for a little while.
God, she wished she were so benevolent. Truth was she was a selfish bitch, and she was forcing his hand for her own greedy purposes.
“Don’t make me chase you, rose. I warned you last night about saying no to me.”
She shrugged nonchalantly. “You’d have to catch me first.” She taunted him, beckoning him with her finger. “Come and get it. If you think you’re man enough.”
He reacted like a sprinter to the starting pistol. She’d expected him to go around the bed, so she was caught off guard when he lunged over the king-sized mattress. She bolted to her right in an attempt to escape. Sawyer anticipated her direction, charging after her. His fingertips brushed her arm, but while he was forced to find his balance on the mattress, she was on firm ground.
She dashed to the door, struggling with the lock. If he’d failed to engage it, she would have made it to the hall. Instead, the few seconds it took were seconds she didn’t have. Sawyer pressed her against the door, trapping her with his body before she could open it.
His lips touched her ear, and he practically growled at her through gritted teeth. “What are your safe words?”
She shook her head. She wasn’t quitting.
“Let me hear the words, Leah.”
“Fuck you.”
He bit her earlobe—hard. “Fucking say them.”
She tried to shove him away, then threw an elbow into his gut. He grunted, but didn’t move.
“You’re going to pay for that.”
She snorted. “Empty threat. I’d like to see you try to back it up.”
He reached for her hands and she struggled. She wouldn’t make this easy for him.
As she batted him away—her nipples tight, her pussy on fire—she realized she needed to battle him. She wanted him to force her. It was the only way her mind would accept his domination.
“Last chance, Leah. Safe words. I can’t promise…”
His warning drifted into nothing. Rather than reply, she lifted her leg and stomped on his foot with all the power she could muster. His surprise gave her the time she needed, and she escaped his hold. She’d only managed to take a few steps toward the bed when Sawyer tackled her from behind. His momentum propelled her facedown on the mattress.
She tried to regain her freedom, but Sawyer had the advantage of size and strength. His entire body covered hers, leaving her powerless.
“You’re mine,” he said again.
Her heart rejoiced at the declaration even if her ever-practical mind screamed a reminder that this was only a short-term deal.
She might not be able to physically resist him, but she wasn’t finished fighting yet. “No,” she taunted. “I’m not.”
His body tensed. When he went for her hands again, he captured them with ease. He pulled them behind her back roughly, retaining his grip on them with one of his. With his other hand, he lifted himself away from the bed, dragging her along with him.
He might not accept the word no, but she didn’t doubt for a moment, he’d release her the instant she uttered one of her safe words. She’d never felt so exhilarated, wondering how it was possible to experience so many emotions at once—fear, excitement, desire.
He led her to the wooden structure she’d noticed secured to the wall the night before. So much had happened between them, and yet she hadn’t had a chance to ask him about all the odd furnishings. They didn’t stop moving until she was face-to-face with the large, rather-threatening-looking frame.
“X marks the spot?” she asked.
“It’s a St. Andrew’s Cross.” That was the only explanation he gave as he twisted her, pressing her against the leather pads, strapping first one and then the other hand to the structure. Her head rested against the wall on which the cross was affixed.
“Shoes,” he commanded.
Leah didn’t need further explanation as she toed off her sandals. Sawyer’s hands appeared at her waist as he removed her shorts and panties. His hands lightly caressed her hips and thighs as he knelt before her.
Taking her ankle in his hand, he pulled until he could secure it to one foot of the structure. Leah shuddered. While she’d enjoyed Sawyer’s bondage last night in bed, there was something so much more exciting about being bound against the beams. Last night’s capture had seemed intimate while this couldn’t be misconstrued as anything less than true imprisonment, helplessness.
Sawyer hooked her other ankle to the last leg of the cross and stepped away. She was spread-eagle against the wall, the chains at her feet and wrists allowing her no opportunity for movement.
“Do you love this shirt?”
Leah noticed the scissors he picked up from the desk. She shook her head. Without another word, he cut the T-shirt and bra off her body, rendering her completely naked.
She was breathless with anticipation. A drop of arousal trickled down her inner thigh. This was the single hottest moment of her life.
Sawyer ran his hand along her stomach. She shivered at the gentle touch—a direct contrast to the wicked hold of his straps. He dragged his fingers along her slit.
“So wet,” he whispered.
“Please,” she groaned when he pulled them away. She needed to be touched, taken, anything.
“You were a naughty girl, Leah. You have to be punished.”
“Yes,” she hissed.
He placed a kiss on her forehead, and she sensed his conflict. He couldn’t separate the Leah he’d known from the woman she’d become. He’d always viewed her as someone he needed to protect.
“You aren’t allowed to come until I say so.”
She nodded. She remembered that rule.
He gave her a wicked grin. “I’m not going to give you permission.”
She frowned. “What?”
“I’m going to play with you until you have no choice but to come. Then I’m going discipline you for disobeying.”
He glanced around the room, his gaze landing on the leather bench near the bed. She imagined a repeat of last night’s amazing spanking.
She wished what he described didn’t sound so damned appealing. She
was having a hard time thinking of anything Sawyer did to her as punishment. “Isn’t that cheating?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. Do you want it?”
“God, yes.”
He chuckled. “I can’t really punish you, Leah. I know what you’re doing.”
Her heart lurched painfully. “You do?”
“You’re distracting me. Giving me a chance to be in control.” He placed his forehead against hers. “You’re saving me.”
She blinked rapidly, refusing to mar this moment with tears. Instead, she threw out a taunt. “You know, I’ve never noticed how much you run your mouth. Any chance I can get you to shut up now? Less talk, more action?”
He raised his eyebrow and pinched her nipple roughly. “Watch it, Leah.”
She gasped when he increased the pressure on the tight nub. Her head fell against the wall, and she groaned. “Mmm. Where did you put those nipple clamps?”
Sawyer didn’t respond. Instead, he applied the same pressure to her other breast. “Topping from the bottom again. Bad girl.”
She paid for her wayward tongue, as Sawyer promised she would. He took the meaning of self-restraint to an entirely new level as he tormented every inch of her body. He covered her with little bits of pain—a bite on her breast, a pinch on her thigh. Then he’d kiss each tiny hurt better with his lips. After nearly a half an hour of teasing her breasts, he finally gave her the clamps she’d requested. This pair was different from the ones the night before, the tension stronger.
Leah groaned when he placed them on her nipples. Bolts of arousal weakened her resistance to come. He’d told her not to. Leah’s pride wouldn’t let her give in easily. She resisted her climax, pushing it away until she was physically wrung out.
Her body was on fire, but he’d sealed her fate when he’d told her she’d lose. He’d known what he was doing. He’d piqued her stubbornness, and now she was paying for the character flaw.
She clenched her fists and forced herself not to look down, as Sawyer knelt between her legs, sucking on her clit like his life depended on it. Her entire body trembled as she tried to defy her orgasm. When he drove two fingers into her pussy, it was a lost cause.