by J. C. Reed
“I wouldn’t be happy, I guess.” There’s no expression on her face; she isn’t even blinking. She’s reached the stage that’s called defeat, maybe even acceptance.
“Despite him getting a restraining order against you?” Mary asks carefully.
“It wasn’t him,” Vicky says defensively. “It was his ex together with his mom. He would never do that to me.”
I set my jaw. Acceptance, my ass. She’s just being stubborn while getting nowhere.
“Never?” I ask, raising my brows. Everyone turns to look at me. The glances are reproachful. This isn’t my battle to fight. I’m only supposed to listen, not throw my two cents out there. It’s the first time I have spoken today, but damn, I’ll make it count.
“No, Kade. He would never,” she says, giving me the kind of look that screams ‘shut the hell up.’ “He loves me.”
“You sure?”
If looks could kill, I’d probably have an arrow embedded deep in my chest. “Yes, he does.”
I smile. “Not to burst your bubble, because it’s riveting and well-constructed, but can you set something straight? He’s inviting you over to his place and he expects what? That you enter through the walls? Hide in some Harry Potter cloak and move past his mom?”
Her eyes narrow dangerously. “What are you getting at?”
She thinks she can shut me up with that venomous look. I can see it in her arrogant stance.
Good that I’m not one to easily hold my mouth.
I’m too angry for that.
Last night, after she returned my phone, I peeked at the history to see why she was upset again.
She had not logged off her Facebook account, and I found a vacation snapshot of Bruce with his ex. They were obviously spending time together, rekindling their romance. And yet Vicky insists that her relationship with Bruce is still going strong.
Maybe the lie serves the purpose of deluding herself. Or maybe she just doesn’t trust me enough to tell me.
Either way, it pisses me off big time.
“He’s a worthless piece of shit, Vicky,” I say.
The room’s dead silent. Everyone’s jaw has dropped. Every gaze is turned to Vicky, waiting for her reaction, waiting for an outburst.
“It’s not like that.” She’s surprisingly quiet and composed. “I could have always said no, but I didn’t. I wanted to see him just as much as he wanted to see me.”
“Why didn’t you refuse his demand?” I ask, ignoring the latter part. “Is your life so boring that you need a guy who treats you like a spare tire? Is it the lack of attention that makes you seek out the wrong kind of attention? You’re so full of faith he’ll come around and rescue you from the mundane. Think again. This guy will always remain a worthless piece of shit, and no love from you or anyone is going to change the fact that he’s a momma’s boy.”
“Kade,” Mary whispers. If it’s supposed to be a warning, it doesn’t scare me.
Vicky’s body is shaking. Anytime now she’s going to throw a fit about it being none of my business. I know it because we’ve been there before.
“He has problems.”
“Issues. His own, you mean.” I laugh. “And plenty of them.”
Mary claps, the sound ringing through the tension. It’s clear she’s trying to end this conversation. “Great job. Great job, everybody. Let’s give Victoria and Kaiden a round of applause. We’ll resume our session tomorrow, same time, same place, in case you don’t know.”
Everyone laughs and begins to pack up whatever they’ve brought with them.
Vicky continues to stare at me, her chest heaving as she tries to control herself.
The room begins to clear. As soon as I step outside into the hall, a hand tightens around my upper arm and pulls me into the storage room next door.
I blink against the sudden darkness, and then blink again as the light goes on.
“Are you crazy?”
I stare into Vicky’s livid expression.
“Maybe a bit.” My expression matches her anger. “Does it matter?”
“You just exposed me.”
“You thought I would keep my mouth shut?” I ask. “Why didn’t you tell me that he’s back with his ex?”
The silence lasts all of two seconds.
“What the hell, Kade? Did you go through my search history?”
“You lied to me,” I say. “I think that’s the point we should be discussing.”
“It’s private. It doesn’t concern you.”
“Nothing’s private on my phone.”
She purses her lips, waves of anger wafting from her. “You still had no right to tell others all that I confided in you.”
“I didn’t really get the chance to say a lot.” I shake my head grimly. “You lied, Vicky. What the hell? I thought we had reached the point where you could trust me. Why didn’t you confide in me that he was back with his ex? I could have been there for you.”
“Because I wasn’t sure.”
I frown. “There is a picture of them at the beach on vacation. What’s there to doubt?”
“Fine.” She lets out a sharp breath. “What do you want to hear? That my relationship isn’t going anywhere? That I’m a failure?”
I stare at her, at a loss for words. “He’s a grown man who’s still living with his parents, and you’re the failure? You know what they say about men who are attached to momma’s apron strings?” I don’t wait for her reply. “I’ll give you a clue. It starts with P and ends with Y.”
“Stop it, Kade. This is not the time for jokes.” In spite of her attempt at looking annoyed, her lips twitch.
“Why not?”
“You’re making me angry.” She grabs the handle but doesn’t open the door. I press my open palm against the door, planting myself before her.
“If making you angry is the only way to make you realize you’re wasting your time with this guy, then it’s worth it.”
“Why do you even care?” Her voice is soft now.
I don’t understand the anger I’m feeling or the fact that I do care.
I don’t understand why I need to protect her while shaking some sense into her.
“I would hate seeing you wasting your time over this loser. I hate knowing that this piece of shit makes you feel bad about yourself.” I grab her chin, forcing her to look at me, fighting the sudden urge to kiss her. “No woman deserves to feel the way you do. I don’t know what his fucking problem is, but Vicky, I do know that you’re hot. I have to restrain myself around you, and it’s not easy.”
“You find me attractive?” she whispers, her eyes wide.
“Yeah. Without a doubt.” I brush my fingertips over her lips, tracing the contours. “You’re weird but sexy as hell. Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me? How much you leave me in want? I don’t think you do.”
She stares at me in silence. Seconds pass. Her proximity is both beauty and agony. I want to crush her lips with mine. I want to push my tongue into her mouth and find out whether she tastes as sweet as she looks.
At last, she pulls away from me, breaking our eye contact.
“Then why do you keep pushing me away?” she asks quietly.
The words hang heavy between us.
It takes me a full three seconds to understand what they mean.
She still remembers that night. The night I thought the alcohol would wipe her memory.
I let out a shaky breath. “I’m not pushing you away, Vicky. But I don’t want to hurt you. You’re too fragile for what I can give you.”
“Oh, please.” She laughs. “It was you who suggested we hook up. We both know what it means.”
What it used to mean.
Outside the door, the hall’s getting busy, and I realize only a piece of wood separates us from the world. And yet we couldn’t be farther away.
“You’re right, but it was before…” I break off, unsure what the hell I was just about to say.
“What?”
“Before I got
to know you better. I don’t want you to do something you might regret.”
“What if I don’t care?” She lifts on her toes, bringing her lips close to mine. “What if I want us to hook up?”
“Is that really what you want?” I ask.
She nods her head. “I want to feel it. I want to feel you, Kade. You’re the only one who understands. The only one who doesn’t judge me.” Her arms wrap around me, and even though it’s stuffy in here, I can feel her shivering through her thin dress. “Please. It’s been too long. I need to feel normal again.” She leans her head against my chest and her fingers start to unbutton my shirt.
I can feel myself hardening. If she doesn’t stop, I know I won’t be able to control myself.
I press my fingers against hers, stopping her movement.
Every fiber of my being demands that I take her, right here, right now.
If only it didn’t feel so wrong.
I know what she wants, but I can’t give it to her. She’s too fragile, too important to me. I don’t want to break what we have, but I also don’t want to miss the chance. “I’m a sex addict, Vicky.”
“We’re all addicted to something that makes us feel good, Kade.” Her hand pushes my shirt aside and begins to draw circles on my chest. “Talking about addictions, my addiction’s more fucked up than yours.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Let’s agree to disagree.” She flattens her palm, and her gaze searches mine. “Are you going to kiss me now?”
I hesitate.
It’s not confusion that’s clouding my mind. I know I want her. I’m hesitating because this feels different from the countless hook-ups I’ve had before. I should never have challenged her. Now I have no choice than to go with it and see where it leads us.
I cup her face and bring my lips down on hers, whispering, “I was going to kiss you, anyway.”
Without wasting a second, my mouth is on hers, demanding.
Her lips are softer than expected, reminding me of flower petals, the touch of a soft, winter breeze. She tastes of roses, too. It’s her skin. The same scent that lingered on my pillow long after she left my bed. It sets my whole body on fire. I let out a groan as her hands move down my chest, past my abdomen.
It’s a game of fire and lust.
I’m about to guide her fingers to my hard-on when the lights go out.
We’re engulfed by darkness.
“Did you just switch off the lights?” I ask, peeling my mouth from hers.
“Yeah?”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” Vicky whispers. “Habit, I guess.”
I set my jaw, knowing that she can’t see me. I reach across her shoulder and pat down the wall until I find the switch to turn the lights back on.
“When we’re doing it, I want to do it on my terms.” I lift her arms over her head. “I want to see you. The real you. With all your faults, your mistakes, your baggage. Not some woman I’m kissing in the darkness. I want you to know that it’s me who’s here with you, at the worst of times, in the worst of all places, about to make the worst mistake.”
Her lips are swollen, her eyes hooded with desire. “You aren’t a mistake, Kade.”
“No, Vicky.” I shake my head. “But you might be one to me. If anyone finds out about this, I started it. Got it?”
She nods her head and lets out a shaky breath as my hands circle around her small waist. In one swift motion, I turn her around. Her back is turned to me, her chest heaving with excitement. I kiss her neck softly. She lets her head roll back against me and tilts her head to accommodate me.
I let my tongue trail down her neck to her collarbone, then move upward again, tasting her skin. She smells of the intoxicating scent that’s been lingering around our apartment since her arrival. She tastes of roses and strawberries and cream and her.
I press my growing hardness against her ass while my breath grazes her ear as I whisper, “I want to taste you. All of you.”
Her breath catches in her throat—I can hear it, I can feel it in the way she freezes against me. An instant later, her pulse quickens against my lips and she pushes her ass against me, grinding slightly, as though eager to feel me inside her.
“Kade.” She says my name—half protesting, half imploring. It could go either way now.
I let my hand trail down her back until I reach her hips and push up her dress. Her skin is feverishly hot against my fingertips. Only a thin pair of lace panties is standing between me and what I want. What I’ve been aching to touch and feel and taste.
“Is this what you want, Vicky?” I part her legs with my knee and push her panties aside. She draws in her breath the moment I touch my fingers to her entrance.
She’s hot and wet for me.
The thought drives me crazy. Unable to control myself, I let out a low, feral growl.
I have to have her now.
I want to make her writhe and quiver. I want to see her come with my name on her lips.
Turning her around, I lower myself down on my knees. She doesn’t protest as I push up her dress and gather it around her hips, guiding her hands to keep it up.
Her panties are damp, dripping with want. I pull them down her legs, letting them fall to her ankles, then guide one leg up around my shoulder. She’s now captured between the wall and me, at my mercy, just the way I want it.
“Kade?” Her voice is questioning. Pleading.
“You know how long I’ve been waiting for this?” I want to look up into her heated gaze, but I can’t peel my eyes from her swollen lips.
She’s tight. Perfect. Made for me.
I brush my fingertips against her entrance, parting her lips in the process, and then press my mouth against it, inhaling her scent.
Her breath catches in her throat, and her fingers catch in my hair, half pulling me to her, half pushing me away.
She wants to protest, I can feel it, but I don’t give her the chance. I grab her wrist and hold it in place as I begin to lick her up and down, taking my time to encircle the tiny bud.
“So good.” I groan into her hot pussy and slash my lips over her before I release her hand.
The moment I dive two fingers into her she’s gone. She’s so tight I can feel her vibrating around my fingers s she begins to seek her own pleasure, all reasoning forgotten.
“Kade.” My name spills from her lips, carried by a raspy breath.
That’s what I wanted.
My dick’s so hard I don’t think I’d last a minute. I want her around it, riding it, filled to the brim. But I can’t peel my mouth off her burning core. She’s too close. So damn close. I want to taste her when she comes, and then we’ll take care of my dick.
“I’m—”
“Yes, sweetheart. Come for me.” I work my fingers faster, deeper, reaching that one point I instinctively know she’s going to like while my tongue keeps its pressure.
Her breathing flutters as fast as the wings of a butterfly as she comes, clenching and unclenching hard.
I stare at her as she unravels beneath my touch. “You’re beautiful,” I say gently.
“Thanks.” Her cheeks flush as she lets her hand trail down my pants. I stop her before she can reach my crotch.
“What are you doing?”
She looks up at me, her gaze questioning. “Finishing this.”
“No, Vicky.” I shake my head to get my point across. “Not here. Not now.”
“Why?”
“Because.” I hesitate.
“Fine. Not today.” Pulling her panties up her hips, she lets out a laugh. “But I’m warning you and I’m serious. If you don’t fuck me by the end of this week, I’ll ask someone else.”
My brows shoot up. “Is that an ultimatum?”
“No. I’m giving you a choice.”
“What about Bruce?”
There’s a short silence. When she looks up, her eyes are glinting with something.
It’s not sadness. It’s fury
. The same look she gives me when I challenge her.
She wants to get even with him.
“What about him?” she asks. “Kiss me one more time and then ask me if I care about him.”
She sounds serious, as though she’s challenging herself.
I want to believe her, but I can’t.
Too much is at stake. Someone like her can go from extreme heights to even greater lows. There’s never a middle ground with her.
I have to be cautious not to rekindle her obsession with her ex, which could easily happen if I don’t tread carefully.
Doing the real thing as opposed to giving oral pleasure is different.
At least, I like to think so. If we have sex and she realizes it’s a one-time thing she might run back to Bruce, which is the last thing I want for her.
“As much as I want to fuck you, you need time alone, Vicky,” I say and almost kick myself the moment I do.
She laughs. “What are you? My therapist?”
“No. I’m your friend.” I smile softly. “Look, I’m just trying to help. Doing something that we might both regret isn’t going to help any of us. We’re different, Vicky, but not that different. We both need a fix. For me, it’s sex. For you, it’s love. You think by fucking me you’ll feel better, but trust me, you won’t. If anything, you’re going to feel worse because it won’t change a thing in your life, and the last thing I want is for you to hate yourself.” I pause, taking in her reactions. She just looks at me, her face a mask that betrays none of her emotions. “Give yourself at least a week to process his betrayal.”
She remains quiet for a while, letting my words sink in. “Why one week?”
“I want you to be sure that you really want this. And also, I don’t trust myself around you.” I don’t know how to put this, so I go for being straightforward and blunt. More blunt than I’ve ever been before. “You’re beautiful, Vicky, but you deserve someone who wouldn’t hurt you.”
“And you would?”
I smile sadly. “I might. Look, it’s not something I’m proud of, but many women I’ve hooked up with have been left disappointed because they harbored the foolish hope for more, which I can’t give.”
“And you think I’m like those women?”
I cock my head to the side, regarding her amused expression. “You aren’t?”