by J. C. Reed
“I would never think that of you. I never have.” Every muscle in my body is tense. I want to punch this guy, kick the shit out of him, for hurting her. As soon as I’m out of this place I’ll make sure he gets to walk down the aisle painted in purple and blue.
Maybe I’ll throw in a bruised and swollen eye.
“How does that make you feel?” I repeat my therapist’s standard question.
“I don’t know. Stupid doesn’t even cover it. I feel used, I guess. I put so much faith in him only to find that he was engaged to someone else the entire time. The hardest part is lying to my therapist. She still thinks we’re together. I can’t bring myself to disclose the truth out of fear that she’ll sense my anger, and then I’ll be forced to talk about it even though all I want is to forget.”
“You’re better off without him.”
She nods. “I know, Kade.”
“You never lost him, Vicky. You just learned that he wasn’t real to begin with.”
“I know that, too.” Her voice is low, thoughtful. “But I still feel like I wasted my time and energy. Eight months of my life will forever be wasted. Eight months I could have put to better use.”
“I wouldn’t look at it that way.”
“Yeah?” She regards me, weary. “How would you look at it?”
“I would always find a reason to grow. Sometimes, the smallest mistake turns out to be the biggest step in your life. Your experience with Bruce might not have been pleasant, and it most certainly was a kick to your ego, but you know what they say. Better a short pain than a long, excruciating one. In the end, he would have brought you more pain, so he did you a favor.” I squeeze her hand gently, forcing her to listen, to trust me the way I trust her. “Even if he wasn’t dating someone else, the last thing you’d want is to marry into his family. I wouldn’t let you.”
Damn! Where did that part come from?
She stares at me, her eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t?”
“Obviously, I couldn’t stop you in any way,” I add quickly, eager to backtrack and rectify my mistake. “I’d probably give you a wakeup call.”
“And how exactly would you do that?”
“Let me think. You might want to close your eyes.”
Vicky groans and rolls her eyes. “Why don’t I like the sound of that?”
“Probably because a wakeup call might not be what you’d ever expect.” Before she’s even registered what’s happening, I cup her face between my hands and capture her mouth in a soft kiss.
“I could get used to your kind of wakeup call,” Vicky whispers against my lips.
“To the cold ones, as well?” Before she can register what’s happening, I’ve scooped her up in my arms and am headed for the water.
“Kade, let go of me,” she shrieks.
Laughing, I head into the ice-cold water, making sure her feet aren’t touching the surface. The first wave hits me so hard, I almost topple over.
“Don’t you dare,” Vicky says, misinterpreting my hesitation. She kicks her leg and it’s a great kick, causing me to lose my balance.
We both tumble into the water, and it’s so freezing cold, that for a brief second, I fear she might pass out.
“Fuck.” I let out a shuddering breath as I pull us both up. “We should have gotten undressed first.”
“Seriously? That’s the one thing you think we should have done?” She grimaces at me, and before I can come up with a remark, she splashes water in my face. “Jerk. I told you to put me down. Not to drop me.”
“Actually, sweetheart.” My lips switch. “Your exact words were to let go of you, and that’s exactly what I did.”
I inch closer to her. Her chin is trembling as she stares up at me. She looks as though she might be about to launch another attack. And then her expression changes and she begins to laugh.
“God, Kade. Your phone!”
Fuck!
I pull it out of my pocket quickly and try to switch it on. All I get is a blank screen.
“There goes our little escape plan.” I throw the little device onto the beach and wrap my arms around Vicky, realizing I’m completely cut off from the real world now…and it doesn’t matter.
“I’m sorry.” I nuzzle her neck. “I’ve just ruined your chance at continuing to spy on Bruce.”
She cocks her head, granting me better access. “Are you?”
“Not really. On a side note, we’re completely alone out here.” I look at her to take in her reaction and realize her lips are slowly turning blue. “I shouldn’t have thrown us in. That wasn’t my brightest idea.”
“It’s not so bad,” Vicky says. “It’ll get warmer in an hour or so. By the time we get back, our clothes will be dry.” She’s trying to paint the entire thing in a positive light, but her body’s betraying her. She’s clinging to me, seeking my warmth. Up close, she smells amazing. I want to bury myself in her and ignite her heat from within her little body. I want to make her shiver from want and hear her moan my name with the waves crashing against us.
But she’s too fragile to be out in the cold for too long, and I wouldn’t want to see her harmed in any way.
Drawing her closer to me, I brush a stray strand of hair from her forehead as I take in her face. She has gorgeous lips. Everything about her is beautiful. Holding her feels right, the way it should be.
I wonder if she would let me hold her like this forever, shield her from whatever the world might be throwing in our path?
“I want you naked,” I whisper in her ear because that’s all I can demand from her.
“Why? So you can fuck me again?”
“Would it bother you if I said yes?”
She laughs. “It would bother me if you didn’t.”
She snuggles into me and wraps her arms around my neck. We’re both shivering. It’s so damn cold, I know we need to get out of here before we both catch pneumonia, but the moment is too special.
I want to hold on to it as long as I can.
Above us, the sun is slowly rising in glorious shades of red, building a beautiful backdrop to the twinkling stars. Rubbing my hands up and down her back, I whisper, “If you’re not amazed by the stars, your heart has no place for beauty.”
Vicky nods in response.
“Let’s get out of here.” Without waiting for her reply, I lift her out of the water and carry her back to our little spot. She doesn’t protest as I undress us both and then sit down, drawing her into my arms as I wrap the blanket around us.
The sun is rising in the distance, bathing the water in a shimmery hue of gold.
“It’s so beautiful here.” Vicky’s breath is hot against my cheek. Her skin is deliciously soft and warm against mine. I place a soft kiss on my mouth and pull her just a little bit closer to me.
“No. You know what’s really beautiful? You are,” I whisper. “You are beautiful, Vicky, in every sense of the word.”
She throws her head back, and our eyes lock.
The stars are magnificent, but compared to her, they pale in beauty. I know it now; I knew it the moment I laid my eyes on her.
I don’t just want to just see her happy. I want her to stay. In my life. In my heart. In my breath. In everything I have to give her.
I realize my heart isn’t just beating faster whenever she’s around; it beats for her.
She leans her head against my shoulders. I can sense that she wants to say something but can’t bring herself to.
“I wish I had met you before,” she says eventually. “I bet I wouldn’t have ended up here.”
“Maybe. But under different circumstances you might not have liked me.”
“Why do you assume I like you now?”
“Because you do. You have to,” I say. “At this point, any man is better than Bruce.”
She nods, and after a while, she says, “While reading his letter I wished I could make him disappear.”
“Disappear, huh?” I nudge her. “I know a good place to hide a body.”
“Kade, that�
��s not even remotely funny.” In spite of her sober expression, her lips are twitching. “I meant disappear out of my life so I’ll never have to see him again.”
“I can’t help you with that. But I’d kick his ass in a heartbeat.”
“You don’t have to say that,” Vicky says.
I shrug. “It’s the truth.”
“You’d do that for me?” She raises her head and our gazes lock knocking the breath out of me.
“That, and much more. You know what? When we get out of here I’ll dare you to crash their wedding and introduce me as your boyfriend. If he so much as breathes a wrong word, I’ll show him how to treat you right.”
“We can’t.” She smiles sadly. “He wouldn’t believe us.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re far hotter than he—” She breaks off before she can finish her sentence, as though she’s just realized what she was about to say. “You know what I mean. I’m sure I don’t have to spell it out for you.”
“Actually, I don’t. Please spell it out.” I shoot her a sheepish look. “You mentioned that I’m good looking, sexy, clever, and you also said something about my…?”
She rolls her eyes. “My mouth is sealed shut.”
“Come on, say it.” I lean into her and force her onto her back, placing myself strategically between her parted thighs. “You said something about my—”
“There’s no way I’m saying that.” Her breath is coming in tiny rasps. Slowly, she grinds her hips against me—the movement so tiny, I’m not even sure she’s aware of it.
“Why not? You already mentioned my magic cock once.” I push slightly into her, rubbing my hard shaft against her hot core. “You’re better off without him, Vicky. You wouldn’t be happy married to a guy who can’t satisfy you. Beauty fades. But love? Love is a fire that needs sex to be burning strong. What good is a man who doesn’t own a match to light your fire?”
I let my hand roam over her body, caressing her breasts, her abdomen, her swollen clit. Closing her eyes, she shivers under my touch and a moan escapes her lips.
“Let me make you burn for me, baby.” I kiss her softly. One kiss becomes a thousand kisses and it strikes me that she hasn’t replied to anything.
I need to tell her so much more, but now’s not the time. I can’t destroy what we have just yet, not before I’ve had her body one more time.
Chapter Thirty-One
Vicky
AN OPEN LETTER TO JANE AUSTEN
* * *
Dear Jane,
The rehab experience has turned out different than I could have ever imagined. Every morning, I wake up energized, excited to see Kade. He has become the reason why I don’t want this to end.
I don’t want us to end.
But as night comes, I can no longer silence the voice of reason that this will not, and cannot, last.
Nothing will last.
Not the peace. Not the fake harmony. Nor the little things that have etched his image into my heart. I’m waiting for that one defining moment when everything starts to fall apart…where ties are severed.
Layers removed.
Rose-colored glasses taken off.
Walls made of lies destroyed.
I really dread the day when one of us will leave this place. I know I’m going to miss him, miss what we have, for a long time.
When I look in the mirror, I see me. The true me. And it’s a different me from what I thought I saw before. It’s become impossible to see what enticed me about Bruce in the first place. He wasn’t even a good kisser, not at all like Kade whose lips are to die for. I cannot help but wonder what I ever saw in Bruce. I find myself forgetting him more and more, as if he’s being wiped from my memory, while I find myself falling more and more in love with my roommate.
When Kade kisses me, countless butterflies are fluttering inside my abdomen. They’re beautiful and vibrant—nothing like the moths burning to dust whenever Bruce touched me.
My therapist mentioned one’s ability to actively love without being in love. Isn’t that something Kade once mentioned, too? I’m not sure how I feel about it, but a part of me keeps thinking they both might be right. Could it be possible that I used to love the idea of Bruce loving me, because I needed it and so I unconsciously decided to actively pursue it? That I was in a rush to love someone because my sister got married and I couldn’t bear the idea of being alone? Or maybe it was the disappointment of my father’s leaving that pushed me to pursue the first guy I came across?
If love with Bruce wasn’t real, what is this thing I have with Kade? Do I love him because he’s helping me and makes me feel good about myself? Or does my body love him because he’s good at what he does?
* * *
I don’t know, Jane. All I know is that my feelings are turning into something I’ve never felt before. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel the need to stalk a man. I just want to see him happy, be that happiness with me or with someone else.
* * *
Yours affectionately,
Vicky Sullivan
Chapter Thirty-Two
Vicky
The sun is high above us, warming the beach, ending another perfect night that means we have one day less together.
Keeping a safe distance in case someone sees us, we walk back to the main building. The morning and afternoon pass quickly. I breeze through my mandatory behavioral therapy session and return to the apartment.
All is quiet, meaning Kaiden’s not back yet. I head for the bathroom to freshen up, content that I’m alone with my thoughts. The conversations with my therapist have become less heated. I think we’ve even started to get along. There are times when I talk about my feelings, masking them as best as I can, pretending it’s all about Bruce when, in reality, everything has become about Kade.
My therapist is adamant that I need some time alone.
I don’t necessarily agree with her.
I strip and twist my hair into a bun before taking a shower.
Closing my eyes, I let the warm water cleanse my body, and gradually, I find myself relaxing as the thoughts in my mind are reduced to a distant hum.
“Mind if I join?” Kade’s rumble wakes me from my reverie.
I turn slowly.
He’s standing in the doorway, fully dressed, but his presence is enough to send an electric current down my spine.
My body begins to tingle all over. In the last few days, we’ve barely slept. My core’s still pulsating from his touch, my clit’s still swollen from his tongue, and yet I find myself longing for him.
Always more of him.
“You forgot to lock the door,” Kade says, misinterpreting my silence, but he makes no move to leave. The way he says it, it sounds as though I did it on purpose.
My breath hitches, rendering me speechless, as he slowly peels his clothes off and inches toward me, his eyes roaming over my naked body, taking in every inch of skin.
And he seems to like what he sees because a small, wicked smile tugs at his lips.
I don’t think anyone has turned me on like he does. The water keeps pouring over me, burning my skin. Or maybe it’s the intensity of his gaze that scorches me.
He stops mere inches from me. Flooded by memories of us together, I try hard not to stare at his perfect body, at the strength and familiarity of it.
The silence is unnerving.
“Kade?” My voice sounds shaky, nervous as I try to break the silence. I need him to say something, anything, before I lose myself in those eyes of his.
“You’re beautiful, Vicky.” His voice is soft and serious, with a hidden meaning I can’t grasp. It doesn’t fit the scene of two naked people who clearly want each other in all possible ways.
“Why does your words sound so heavy and meaningful?” I ask.
“Because one day you’ll find someone who says it to you and you’ll fall in love with him.”
I regard him for a few moments, wondering what brought on the sudden change in t
one.
“Don’t choose someone who’s no good for you,” Kade says slowly. “You deserve someone who looks at you like he’s just won a galaxy with all its stars.”
“That’s impossible, Kade.” My eyes turn moist, but not from the water pouring over me.
How can I tell this beautiful yet unreachable man that I could never go looking for the person he describes because I’ve already found him?
“I know.” He sighs and turns the faucet off. “No one will be good enough for you.”
“I don’t understand.” I shake my head. “Do you want me to end up all alone with only a few cats for company? Don’t you want to see me happy?”
“That’s the thing, Vicky. I think I can make you happy. That’s why we need to talk.”
I stare at him, unsure whether I’ve heard him right.
He can make me happy?
For a moment, I’m so paralyzed, his words keep replaying in my mind. Like in a loop, they keep swirling around, too fast to understand.
I do feel like I can make you happy.
My heart jumps into motion as realization dawns on me. If there’s one thing Kaiden Wright can’t do, it’s commitment.
It’s like he’s allergic to it—he joked about it.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I gather my thoughts. “My therapist says we’ll relapse, Kade. Not necessarily now, but it will happen eventually. She says that friendships, relationships, any form of bonding formed during rehab never lasts.”
“She’s right. People relapse. And then they get their shit together and get better,” Kade says slowly. “But that’s not us.”
I raise my brows. “And you know this how?”
“Because we don’t belong here.” He pulls me into his arms, skin against skin, his heat warming me, his eyes piercing into mine, filling me with the kind of hope I shouldn’t allow myself to feel. I look up at him, sucking in every word as though my life depends on it. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You make me feel like I’ve only just now started to live. Like everything before you was just existing, floating with no meaning. I’ll never get enough of you. And I sure as hell won’t ever share you with anyone.”