Not until Carl was lifeless under me did I stop stabbing him. With a final grunt I punched him in the face then fell off him, panting for breath in the suffocating house.
"Mommy," Able's small voice cried from around the corner and I realized the stupid mistake I made. I'd just killed a man in front of my son.
Scrambling to my feet, I looked around, but it wasn't until I heard him sniffle did I realize he was in a kitchen cupboard. I scrambled over to the cupboard, pulling it open to see him cowering with blood running down his forehead.
"It's okay, it's me," I kept telling him, but he didn't care, he was scared to death and I did that to him.
"W-w-where's Carl?" The shake in his voice made me want to hold him close and never let go.
"It's okay. Carl's gone outside." I slowly grabbed him.
"I want my mommy."
"I know." When I stood, he tried to fight me, but gave in a few seconds later as I started carrying him toward a door off the kitchen area. I couldn't let him see what I did to Carl.
When I got him outside he was immediately taken from me by paramedics and I reached for him, but knew I had to let him go.
"Liam, get on the ground," a voice said from behind me, and I did what I was told because the last time I was told that and didn't listen, I was Tasered.
Cuffs were slapped on me and I kept my focus on the ambulance Able was taken to. Mr. Reynolds got into the ambulance and they pulled away with the sirens blaring and lights flashing. It was all becoming a blur. I had to get back to Ryley, I needed to know Able was okay, but I just laid there, face down in the dirt with a knee in my back. I inhaled so much dirt from panting, trying to calm down, I felt mud start to form in my mouth. Getting yanked to my feet, I was forced over to an ambulance where my arms were tended to before I was shoved into the back of a cop car. I'd only been in a police car one other time and it was years earlier, after the last time Ryley had called me. After a drinking binge I'd gotten into a nasty fight and spent the night in jail.
"There really hasn't been a reason to look into Carl," Mr. Montgomery's voice said from the front and I looked up. "He's been a good guy since he moved into town. He'd been takin' care of Ryley—"
I snickered, cutting him off.
"She's never had any complaints about him," he went on explaining. "But after talking to Dale Reynolds, I pulled up what I could on him." He paused, but I didn't care, I didn't want him to go on.
I was focusing on staying calm because I was going to be put in jail for the night and then I would have to accept I would probably get prison time for killing a man. I had absolutely no doubt that I'd killed him. I had to have stabbed him over twenty times with the intent to kill.
"He's been in and out of jail over in Oklahoma for domestic abuse. His last girlfriend got a restraining order and tried to press charges for rape."
He went on talking, but I stopped listening as my stomach churned.
I was hoping the possibility Ryley was raped wouldn't become a factual nightmare. With my head down and eyes closed I could only see the images I never wanted to think about again. Ryley's unrecognizable face and Able's terrified face with blood covering it played over and over and I couldn't think about anything else as hard as I tried.
The car stopped and the door opened. There wasn't much left in me. I knew I fucked up and because of that I was going to be kept from Ryley and Able.
"Come on, son." He reached in and pulled me out of the backseat.
With my head down, I prepared myself for the rough treatment I got before being thrown into the patrol car. I needed to remain calm before I got myself into more trouble by trying to fight a police officer, the sheriff nonetheless.
When the cuffs were removed, I looked up in confusion.
"You're a mess, Liam, you might want to consider cleanin' up before you see your son like this again. He's already scared shitless."
I glanced around the hospital parking lot in confusion.
"I ain't tellin' ya what to do, but it's probably best if you don't stick around for too long. I'd be glad to have you back in town, but I don't think it's for the best. You should just take your little family and get out of here when you can."
I rubbed my wrists still confused, then I met his glare on me.
"You killed that man, Liam," he said quietly. "It ain't right, son, but I can't say I blame you. It's gonna be a few days before the Reynolds girl can leave the hospital, but you two needa do what's right for your little boy."
I stupidly stood there, staring at him.
"Get on in there, Liam. Find out about your family." He nodded toward the hospital.
"Thank you," I quietly told him, walking away before he changed his mind. I didn't understand it or know what it meant, but I was taking the escape if he was giving it to me.
I ran into the hospital and to the elevators to get to the fifth floor where Ryley's surgery was probably coming to an end. I didn't exactly know what she was having surgery on, but she'd been stabbed and it'd punctured a vital organ, so I was told there was no guarantee she'd make it. But I needed her to.
There was no fight left in me after I'd rushed to clean the blood from me while in the cramped hospital stall. I slumped in a chair, waiting to see a familiar face and I preferred it to be Ryley's, but I knew it wouldn't be.
"Liam!" She giggles, taunting me to chase her.
"I'm not chasin' you, Ry. You'll fall again." I continue skipping rocks into the pond.
"Come on, ya big chicken," she teases; I just chuckle.
"I'll chase you." Gage darts from the picnic table, making her yelp and take off.
Like I said, she fell, and this time, she hurt herself. I spring to my feet and run over to her where Gage is laughing at her.
"Shut up," I snap at him, pushing him away.
"Come on," he huffs. "She didn't hurt it that bad."
I look down at her holding her scraped knee and trying not to cry.
"You okay, Ry?" I sit and pull her into my lap.
"It burns," she whispers with a tremble in her voice that I know she doesn't want Gage to hear and make fun of her for.
"Don't be a baby, Ryley," he jeers.
"Go home, Gage!" I yell at him.
"Whatever," he hisses, stomping away.
"You okay, Ry?" I ask her again. "I told you you'd fall."
"Shut up, Liam." She sniffles, not wanting to hear my I-told-you-so.
"I'm sorry you're hurt." I kiss her cheek and she nuzzles closer.
"I love you, Liam."
"I love you too, Ry." We rarely say it, but every time she tells me, it makes me smile.
"Ryley! Supper!" her mom calls her home.
Using me as I crutch, I help her limp home.
"Bye." She kisses me on the mouth for the first time." We're only twelve, the last time I kissed her on the mouth we were nine, and it was fumbled and awkward, and I was the one to do it. This time it was soft and precise.
"Bye—"
"Liam." I was woken from my dream and jumped up. "You okay?" Mrs. Reynolds grabbed me.
"I fell asleep," I stammered rubbing my face.
"She's out of surgery."
"Where's Able?"
"He's fine. Dale took him home. He had to get his forehead stitched up." She pulled me into a hug. "Dale told me what you did." Her hands soothingly rubbed my back.
I didn't know if she was talking about almost getting my son killed or killing Carl; I didn't want the reminder of either.
"I want to see her," I said, pulling out of the hug.
She held my hand as we walked down the hall and the doctor stopped us before we went in.
"She's not awake and we don't expect her to wake for a while." He looked away. "Surgery was successful, but anything can happen. She suffered a lot of trauma, but from the scans all brain functions seem to be on point. We won't actually know until she's up and able to function."
"What do you mean?" I barked. Not liking my aggressive tone, the doctor raised
his eyes to look at me. "What does that mean? She might have brain damage?"
"It's a possibility." He nodded.
"Liam Porter," a well-known voice said at my back. The night couldn't get worse. "Son, I need you to come down to the station."
"Not before I see her," I said with warning because I was going to lose it if someone tried to stop me. "Is she going to die?" I asked the doctor.
"Mr. Porter." He scowled at me. "Anything is possible, she's stable but underwent massive surgery on her spleen. Several fractures in her face. She was brutally attacked and the person that did this needs to be put behind bars."
"He'll be six feet under."
"Son." Mr. Montgomery's hand tightly gripped my shoulder.
"Was she raped?" I asked quietly while staring at the ground.
"We won't know that until she can tell us."
"What's that mean!" I said too loudly and the doctor folded his arms over his chest.
"You need to control yourself, you're not the only one in this hospital with a loved one. What it means is there's no telling if the sex was consensual."
My fists tightened and my jaw went stiff. "I have to see her." I burst into the room like someone was going to stop me.
The doctor tried to stop me, but it was too late, I'd already seen what he was trying to prepare me for, and I wasn't prepared. Earlier that morning when I saw her covered in blood it was so much different. It was terrifying nonetheless, but the blood hid a lot of the swelling and bruises.
"Ry." My voice went weak and I stalked to the bed like I was going to yank her out of it.
"Mr. Porter!" the doctor snapped, but I wasn't a fucking idiot, I didn't touch her.
"God, baby." I didn't think I'd cry, and especially not that hard with a room full of people.
I dropped to my knees and laid my forehead on the bed next to her while I sobbed into her blankets. I had never cried in front of anyone except Ryley and I wasn't comfortable crying in front of a room full of people, but I wasn't expecting those visual results. I prayed to God she couldn't feel the pain and that she woke up just the same. I would have done it all over again, stabbing Carl, but that time I would have made him suffer longer.
It was a while before I realized I was left alone, and when I composed myself, I got up and carefully took her hand. After softly kissing her face I quietly begged her to come back to me, while I apologized for everything, willing to take the blame for everything if she'd just wake up and be Ryley again.
"Liam," Mr. Montgomery's voice came from the doorway and I knew it was too good to be true earlier when he told me to leave town, and it was time to pay for what I did to that scumbag Carl.
RYLEY
"Dear, you have to hold him at some point," she chides as she fills out the file hanging from my bed.
The nurse keeps telling me this every time she comes into my room, but I don't want him. I can't do it. I'm a nineteen-year-old single mother without a dime to my name. Add to it I now have a kid that every time I look at him I think of Liam, and my life is pretty much over. I don't hate the baby, but I hate what he represents.
"Yup." The stubborn teenager in me was shining through today, making every nurse in the building wish they had stayed home.
"Here, tell ya what. I hand him to you for say... ten seconds. Then I'll take him back to the nursery so you can get some rest." She places her cold hand on my arm, the arm that is still harboring the IV that they're using for fluids since I refuse to eat.
"Will it mean you will leave me alone the rest of the day?" I ask. I'd do anything just to disappear right now. She sighs at my attitude, closes her eyes and takes a breath before continuing.
"I can't let you take the baby home until I see you know how to hold him, Ryley, and yes, except for check-in times, I will leave you alone. Ten seconds is all I need." This woman is being so unbearably kind to me. I just want her out. I want the baby out. I want out.
"Fine," I huff and she releases the breath she was holding.
I watch her walk over to the rolling cradle that they push him around in. She's making stupid noises at him, like he knows what's going on. He doesn't know and it's damn good he doesn't because he doesn't need to know his mom doesn't want him.
"Here you go, Ryley. Meet your baby boy." She cradles his head as she hands me the massive ball of blankets.
I look up at her and give her the fakest smart-ass smile I can conjure before looking down. Moving my head to look at him is the hardest thing I've ever done. Even finding Gage last year, telling Liam I had this baby 'taken care of', nothing holds a candle to this. Forcing myself to continue to move my eyes down to him, I finally make it to his eyes and completely break down.
"Oh my God...." I whisper. "I— Hi, buddy." I smile and he yawns, twisting his head to get more comfy in my arms. I look up to the nurse who has tears in her eyes and smiling back at me.
"Time's up, mama." She reaches for him but I won't let go. I can't. This baby is mine, I created him, I built him, and I will raise him.
"No," I cry. "Please don't take him. I need him." And I do. I need him like I need the air I breathe. Without this little boy I will have nothing.
I look down at the tiny bundle and cry, realizing how terrible I've been to him. The first day of his life in this big old world and the one person that is supposed to always be here for him fails him completely.
"I'm so sorry, baby." He needs a name. He needs to know where he comes from, to know his roots. They were the best roots, because they gave me him.
"I love you... Able Liam Porter," I say, and then I kiss his forehead and cry.
Where was everyone? Why couldn't I move? Hell, why was it so dark in there? Good lord, what was that noise?
Oh good GOD I was hurting! Not just aching, I felt like my entire body was on fire, burning slowly from the inside.
I felt a tear streak down my face, but I couldn't gather up the energy to reach up and wipe it off. I heard voices that I didn't understand, they seemed far away. I was so confused. I was waiting for morning to go get Able. We were going to go to Liam, show him that I meant it when I said he was the only one for me. What happened?
Trying to pry open my eyes hurt more than I thought it would. I felt like there was sandpaper under my eyelids and they teared up the more I tried.
"She's waking up, go get the doctor!" I heard a voice.
I wanted to know who was in the room with me, but I couldn't. I couldn't talk, I couldn't move, I couldn't see, and it was incredibly hard for me to breathe. I just wanted to wake up! I heard noises in the room, loud beeping sounds, but the blackness pulled me back in. It's more relaxing anyway, so I went willingly, not fighting anymore for things I couldn't have.
"Gage stop!" Liam yells as Gage pushes me higher and higher on the swing.
Liam is always afraid of Gage playing too rough with me, but I like playing with Gage. He's nice to me.
"She's fine, Liam. Don't be such a pussy." He yells to his brother.
Gage is only a year older than us, but he uses lots of bad words. Liam tells me never to repeat what he says because it'll get me in trouble and he doesn't want me to get in trouble.
Gage pushes me higher, the tire swing spinning and spinning, higher and higher. The colors of everything around me are blurring and I can't focus on anything anymore. I love this!
"Higher, Gage!" I squeal, laughing at the feeling of flying through the air.
Gage pushes me higher, twirling the tire swing faster this time. My grip loosens at the sudden jolt and I lose my balance on the swing. Screaming, because this time I was afraid, I hear Liam's voice right before I lose it.
"RYLEY!"
There was that noise again. I didn't want to hear that noise, that noise meant pain. More noises made me wonder what was going on, but I came up empty. I heard someone crying, hushed voices, beeping of something, but I was pretty blissful there while I let myself float back to the darkness that calmed me and took away the pain.
"Hey, Ry,"
Liam whispers to me. I hear him, but I don't want to move. I'm so comfortable. "Ryley Anne Reynolds," he whispers again in a deeper voice. I love his deep voice, I love him.
At twelve, I know that I love this boy and I will be with him forever.
I giggle as he starts tickling me, but I refuse to open my eyes. I want to stay snuggled under this tree by the pond for the rest of the summer. This is our spot, me, Liam, and Gage. Now, though, it is more me and Liam. Gage has other, older friends and doesn't always want to hang out with us. I'm okay with that and I think Liam is too. We like hanging out with each other.
"Ry, your mama's gonna be mad at you," he whines.
Liam hates when I get in trouble, but daddy isn't home tonight so even if mama is mad, it won't be terrible.
"I know. It'll be ok, Liam," I answer, eyes still closed.
"I knew you were awake, twerp!" he tickles me harder and I roll over in the grass, laughing harder and louder as he attacks me with Liam tickles. The best tickles ever.
My mom starts calling then. I always hate this time of night, the time when I have to leave Liam and go home by myself to a quiet house.
"Ryley, come home!" I hear her voice. "Ryley, please, time to come back to us."
Us? She's home alone tonight I thought.
"Please baby, come back to us." I hear my dad's voice. Something's wrong, he's out of town on business.
There was that beeping, and the voices, and GOD, everything hurt.
I moaned, the pain almost unbearable.
"Ryley!?" I heard her voice, but I couldn't answer. I still couldn't open my eyes, but when I tried moving my hand that time, it moved.
"She's moving! Doctor! She's moving! I think she's really waking up this time!"
Doctor? What? I was trying to move again, but everything hurt so bad.
"Baby, don't move. You need to relax," I heard my mom's voice again.
Dammit, I was not that weak. Forcing myself to move my lids through the ungodly amount of pain, I finally opened them. My eyes were so watery it took me a minute to realize where I was. A hospital room. Laying in a bed in a hospital room.
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