"If you don't like it, it's 'cause Able made it." I grinned at him.
"Nu-uh!" He pointed at me. "Liam burned it!" He giggled.
"I did not!" I laughed, scooping him up and planting him in his seat.
"Able, honey." Ryley smiled at him, waiting for his full attention. "That's daddy."
Able's eyes shot to me then to his plate; the gears were turning in his little head and I wasn't going to push it. I knew it'd take a bit of getting used to.
"Looks good, boys. I'm sorry I slept." She covered her yawn and I watched her get a chill.
"You feeling okay, baby?" I asked.
"Tired." She smiled. "I'm sorry."
"Me and Able got his room unpacked. You can rearrange what you don't like." I looked at her, cutting into my food.
I stared at her face and I couldn't tell what she may have been thinking, but I was getting nervous.
"Ryley?" I quietly said when she didn't respond.
She looked up with a big smile that made me chuckle.
"Why're you smiling like that?"
Her eyes went to Able then back to me. "I'm happy we're here."
"I am too." I stood and leaned over the table to give her a kiss. All Able did was giggle like he often did when we were affectionate toward each other.
Those next three days I only worked half-days, then we'd spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the city, getting them used to their surroundings. When Ryley would fall asleep, I'd get online and get as much work done that I could. Being I was back in the state Jack expected me to pull my own, and I didn't blame him. Working that much meant less time sleeping next to Ryley, though, and she seemed to be suffering from nightmares so all I wanted to do was be at her side.
The following week we sought out a few therapists, then narrowed it down to one that we could visit as a family and solo. Ryley started with the money bit, getting upset because she didn't have a job and she wasn't sure how she'd pay for it. I didn't know how I was going to get her to see she wasn't going to pay for anything and didn't have to get a job unless she wanted. I was fully prepared to take care of her while she took care of our child with the possibility of children. Though, that didn't seem to be a likely reality because she was skeptical about opening up, and I didn't blame her, but it scared me. I hated to say it, but it left me a little self-conscious that I wasn't enough for her, and I had to push that selfish thought away, she went through a tragedy and I was making it about myself. But she hadn't looked at me like she did that night I went to her apartment for dinner. I needed that look to reassure me that she wasn't just there to give Able a father.
I was able to meet with the therapist on my own and I expressed my concern that perhaps her lack of sexual drive wasn't just from the suffered tragedy, but maybe it was me. She assured me that wasn't the case and I assumed this was based off something Ryley perhaps had told her. I'd wait it out, as long as it took, but I just didn't want to make any mistakes and get hurt again by the only person ever capable of hurting me so bad.
By the third week that we'd all been together, I was back to work and Ryley was going about taking care of the house with Able on her own. Almost everything was falling into place and it felt like we'd been doing it all along. Her bruises had finally faded and the only marks left were internal.
A few nights prior, I tried to deepen a kiss and felt her go stiff. I immediately stopped and just held her, stroking her hair until I felt her calm in my arms, minutes later she was sleeping. I wasn't going to do it again; when she was ready, she'd let me know.
Jack and I sealed a huge deal at work and it was a cause for celebration. It would be the first time Ryley would meet my friends and I was worried she wasn't ready. She insisted she was, and she even suggested finding a babysitter for Able, but I didn't know anyone I trusted enough, and anyone I trusted a little would be at the dinner; Able came with us. I was the butt of many jokes and Ryley was the highlight of the night, until Able busted a move with mine and Jack's secretary's seven-year-old daughter.
Ryley had been happy since they arrived, but after that night, she seemed the happiest yet.
"That was fun." She held my hand while we headed home.
"He had a blast." I glanced back at Able passed out in the back.
"Anna's daughter is so cute. We really need to set up a playdate, Liam."
"We will." I smiled at her. "You'll like Anna; she has a sixteen-year-old daughter too."
"Potential babysitter." She smiled, wrapping both of her her arms around by bicep.
"I didn't think of that." I smiled, leaning over for a quick kiss.
She held the back of my neck, offering more than she had yet, but still not deepening it to a level I knew would make her uncomfortable. We both laughed when the car behind us honked because I didn't go through the green light.
"I love you," I told her.
"I love you too." She kissed my hand.
The only way our lives could get more perfect was if I could have erased the scars I knew she'd have for life. The therapist told me not to count on it, I could just lay foundation over them, but I wanted them gone. I was still working on it. Day by day. She would eventually only remember our happy life together.
RYLEY
"What are you scared of Ryley?" Jo, my therapist, asked me towards the end of my sixth session with her.
"What if things... happen? What if... what if I start to get flashbacks? What if every time I have sex all I think about is that night?" my voice trembled.
That session had been the hardest of all, but I had already been starting to feel more like myself. Jo told me that every time I felt like I was sinking back into the darkness to write it down, so that's what I had been doing. The first few days I would write pages and pages, but it got down to about a page a day. It felt like I was getting better, but the thought of being intimate scared me deeply.
"Do you think it's worthwhile to face your fears, or keep hiding from them for the rest of your life?" she asked.
Of course she would ask a question like that. I found she was more into making me think about it, rather than telling me outright how I should have been feeling. That was why I liked her, that was why I respected her, but that was also why I clammed up and couldn't answer the question.
"Ryley, tell me what you think about that night. You have given me all vague details, but tell me what you really believe happened that night." She set her pen on her paper and stared at me, waiting for my answer.
After a few minutes, I spoke up. "I was raped," I whispered, still finding it hard to speak the words out loud. "I didn't welcome it, I didn't want it, I fought almost to the death to get away... but I wasn't strong enough."
"Exactly. You fought. You didn't want it. Ryley, sex with someone you love isn't the same thing and you know that. You want it, you need it, and you crave it."
She was right, I had been craving it. Every time Liam would try to deepen our kisses I would freeze because I was so afraid. It was so easy to get carried away with him and if I went through a flashback while I was with him, I was afraid he'd not want me again.
"Ryley, Liam knows what you went through. He isn't going to push you into anything you aren't ready for, but you have to know that he loves you. He wants you, needs you. He even craves you, Ryley. Maybe you should give it a try, slowly. You will never know what will happen until you try, right?"
I nodded my head silently. She had a point, and that was why Liam was paying her the big bucks. She was the best at what she did. Helping break me out of my funk and get me back to the girl I used to be. The one that Liam fell in love with.
"Thanks, Jo. I can't promise anything, but I'll try," I said, hearing the bell, telling me that our time was up.
"Great, I'm glad to see how far you are coming, Ryley. I'll see you next week," she said as she walked me out to the waiting room to call her next patient in.
Try. I could do that. I could try. I wanted to try. Hell, I wanted to make it all the way and then some. I
t'd been almost six years since I'd been with him and I couldn't wait to be able to explore the newness of his adult body. Every deep kiss, every touch to his arm, every time he wrapped his arms around me told me that he wasn't the boy I slept with on prom night. He was a solid man, muscles and tattoos flowing over his body like a piece of artwork. Driving home that night, I made a call to Anna, asking if they could sit with Able. She agreed happily, and then spent the next fifteen minutes helping me pick a place to take Liam out to dinner.
It'd been a few weeks of living there and I was already thinking of Liam's place as home. Pulling into the driveway I saw him and Able playing in the backyard, laughing as the Frisbee went over the fence; Liam lifted Able over to grab it. I got out of my car and walked to the back where Liam was lifting Able back over the fence.
"Mommy, Daddy sent me flying over the fence!" Able squealed as he ran towards me, hugging my legs. I laughed and hugged him back. He was such a sweet boy and seemed truly happy with living so far away from everything he knew.
"I saw, that's awesome!"
Liam smiled over at me, watching Able in amazement. A month prior, Liam had no clue he was a father, then suddenly he seemed to have almost everything he wanted. That night, though, I was going to try my hardest to make it that he had everything he needed.
"Go on in and clean up, buddy. You get to go play at Anna's house tonight."
He smiled and whooped, then ran inside to probably get 'boy toys' together to bring with him.
"So, babysitter tonight?" Liam asked, walking towards me with a curious look on his face.
"Yep. Go get cleaned up. We have a date." I smiled at him and kissed his cheek before heading inside to pick out my outfit, paying extra attention to what went under the outfit as well as the outer appearance.
By the time we were ready to go it was already cutting it close to our reservation. Luckily Anna lived close to the restaurant and even better was the fact that Able didn't seem to have a problem at all with us leaving him there. It made me happy to see him making new friends so easily.
We got to the restaurant just in time for our reservation and were seated immediately. The whole night, Liam was looking at me like I was a puzzle to figure out. It was amusing actually, watching how easy it was to surprise him.
"So, what's the big celebration?" he asked, sipping his beer. I smiled, trying to think of a good reason other than 'I feel like fucking your brains out and I might be ready to'.
"Remember when we were six?" I asked, trying to let him connect the dots that I had recently connected. He squinted his eyes and thought for a moment.
"We made mud pies? Oh GOD, you aren't going to make me eat one again, are you?" His face tried not to crack, but soon we were both laughing at ourselves.
I had made him do some crazy stuff, but he never complained.
"No, crazy. On this day I moved next door and we instantly became best friends." I smiled sweetly as it all clicked for him.
"Wow.… It's been eighteen years." He sat back in his chair, then looked over at me with a genuine smile on his face. "When did you do this?" he asked, obviously not used to surprises.
"Today, after my session. I thought it'd be nice to have a little alone time. Able is staying the night at Anna's tonight...." I trailed off as the realization of what I was saying hit him, and almost laughed at the change in his demeanor.
"What are you saying, Ry?" It was almost a growl that came out of him and I had to stop myself from giggling like a school girl at his serious tone.
It was amazing how light he made me feel, how being with him made me feel like my problems could just float out the window.
"I'm saying... I think I'm ready to try." Those words were harder than expected, but when his eyes darkened, I knew it was the right thing to say.
Smiling to myself, I was excited that he had to feel the same excitement that I did throughout our entire dinner. I grabbed my glass of wine and took a sip.
"Fuck, Ry. You take me to a crowded place to drop that on me?" he leaned in and whispered across the table; I just laughed.
"Relax and eat your food." I nodded as the waitress brought us our plates.
Our dinner date didn't last long. Twenty minutes later we were out the door and heading home as quickly as he could drive. I was shaking, but it wasn't from being scared. I was nervous. Nervous that he wouldn't like my fuller figure, nervous about the scar on my stomach, worried that I wouldn't be good enough for him.
"Hey." He reached over and took my hand. "It's okay, baby. We don't need to do this. Let's just go home and watch a movie. I'm happy just being with you." Always the gentleman, Liam was trying to calm me, but that's not what I needed. I needed to know how much he wanted me.
"No, I want this. I need this, Liam." I squeezed his hand and took a breath. I could do it; I could be the girl I used to be without worrying about things out of my control.
Once we got home, I felt like I was a teenager again, full of nerves and jitters. Liam noticed and took my hand, leading me to the bedroom.
"Just... please, let me do this, Ry," he whispered against my neck as his hands roamed down my body.
I felt the goose bumps rise on my arms and sighed into him, letting him take over. He pressed me against him and my nerves all fell away when I felt how turned on he was.
"Please, Liam. Please," I begged, not sure what I was begging for, I just needed him to show me I could do it.
His hands only skimmed my body, barely putting any pressure, but I stayed pressed against his chest with his ready cock pushing against my stomach. I wanted to pull off our clothes, get that part out of the way to prove I could do it, but I wanted to savor every moment I never thought I'd have again. When I yanked at his belt, he took my hands and looked into my face.
"Go slow, Ry, I'm not going anywhere."
I nodded as nerves battled inside of me; I was psyching myself into screwing it all up. The only things on my mind were Liam and how I might fail at pleasing him. How could I fail at something I'd been doing for years, though? I couldn't allow our intimacy to be taken from us.
His lips traveled my jaw to the spot behind my ear and when I giggled, he laughed against my flesh, the sound alone only soothing me more.
"God, Ry, I love you so much, baby. You feel so good." He picked me up and laid me on my back.
My eyes flashed around the room to remind myself I was in my bedroom with Liam, it was only us and nothing could touch what we had.
"You okay?" he softly asked, his hands slowly rubbing my outer thighs.
"Yes." I grinned up at him, lifting my head to get to his mouth. "I love you too, Liam, so much. It's like a dream."
"I'll make all your dreams a reality, baby." He kissed down my chin, across my neck, to my chest.
His warm breath and wet tongue worked me into a tremble I needed to release, but I couldn't rush him. As he kissed down my chest, he unbuttoned my shirt, stopping his mouth on my stomach to softly kiss the scar.
"Beautiful, baby," he breathed, his mouth traveling lower.
"Liam," I moaned, arching slightly and he hadn't even made it to my skirt.
I'd never had a man touch me like that. Liam knew exactly what to do to show me he was cherishing our moment.
"I've had so many dreams about you." He pushed open my shirt, hovering over me and inspecting my pink bra. "None are like the real thing." His eyes met mine and all I could do was smile, all the while still panting, needing to feel him against me.
"Things are so different now. We've both changed a lot." I sat up, pulling his shirt off. I'd seen him shirtless, but yet to see him naked, and that killed me, but I just hadn't been ready.
"And we'll keep changing together." He kissed across my shoulder while I pulled my hands over his taut muscles. "I love everything about your changes." He grinned, pushing me back to look at my body again.
I bit my lip, unable to hold his gaze because my eyes appreciatively took in the glorious tattooed sight of Liam before me. I'd in
spected a few times, but there was so much more to look at and I was finally ready to be that close to his body. Right after what I wanted to do to him.
"Me too. A lot." I giggled, sitting up to run my tongue over his hairless stomach and feel the ridges of muscles.
When my hands went to his belt again, he stopped me. When I looked up, I was worried he was going to stop everything.
"Me first," he said with a grin that told me it was going to be a Liam get to know Ryley's body night, more than the other way around.
His fingers went to the zipper of my skirt, but he wasn't doing anything. I exhaled a shaky, eager breath.
"Ry. Look at me," he said.
When I met his gaze, his eyes were still alight, but there was worry on his features. He probably thought my shaky exhale was something else. When I smiled at him, he continued with my zipper.
"Fuck," he groaned, bending to drag his tongue above the lace of my panties.
"Mmm, Liam," I moaned, arching again. "I need you."
"You have me." He began wiggling me out of my pencil skirt. "All fucking night, Ry."
I loved the sound of that and didn't care how tired I'd be the next day; I'd drink extra coffee.
Sliding his hand across my lower stomach, he said, "Liam."
I scrunched my brows, slightly cocking my head.
"Your next tattoo, Ry." He grinned, making me burst into laughter. "I'm serious." He chuckled, biting over the swell of my breast.
"Where's your Ryley tattoo?" I teased, and when he lifted his head, meeting my eyes, I froze.
"Liam?" I said, worried he had my name tattooed on him and I didn't know. He wouldn't do that.... Would he?
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