by Linda Cooper
The counselor put up her hand to stop her mother. “I think we are getting ahead of ourselves here. Let’s start with the move and how you felt about that.”
“I didn’t think it was fair that she put someone else’s child ahead of me. I liked my home. But I made some friends here, so it’s not as big a deal anymore.” Tanya shrugged.
“Okay, so have you been acting out at all in your opinion or done anything you wouldn’t normally?” the counselor probed.
“Not really, no. I wasn’t a virgin before.” She directed that one at her mother.
“So, what happened; was it an accident? Did a condom break or something?”
Tanya shook her head at Dr. Barber. “I’m on birth control, but I guess that wasn’t infallible. I didn’t know I was…” Tanya trailed off, not able to complete the sentence. She felt an ache in her chest thinking about it all.
“So, if you don’t mind me asking, how are you feeling about the loss of the pregnancy?” Dr. Barber said it softly.
“I’m not sure. I’m still processing it. I didn’t even know that I was. On the one hand I understand that there was nothing that could have been done to save the baby and that I may be too young to be a mother. But I do feel like I’m suddenly missing something I never knew I had. I’m not sure what to think of it. I don’t think the father knows what to do or say either.” Her eyes got wide as she realized what she said. There was no holding it back now. It felt like she was about to vomit the truth all over the room. They had barely left her side, so they would know the father was someone she was close to.
Tanya looked over at her mother and saw the push in her eyes. She wanted to know who he was. She was furious. She would never believe that he didn’t mean for this to happen. But maybe if she knew who it would change things. It was time to get the burden off her chest.
Dr. Barber directed her attention to Tanya’s mother. “How are you feeling about all of this now that you hear some of what your daughter has to say?”
“I’m furious at whoever this guy is who has her under a spell. I feel like my daughter has been taken advantage of and is experiencing a very adult problem before she is ready because some boy has tricked her into this whole thing. And now I hear he’s been here to talk about it right under my nose.” Tanya could hear the fire in her voice and tensed up. It was coming, it had to.
“I wasn’t taken advantage of, mother. I love him!” It came out in a desperate wail, making her sound much younger. “It’s Danny, Mom. It’s been Danny the whole time. And I know it’s wrong, but I love him and he loves me. He had no idea.”
Tanya leaned back and held onto the hospital bed, bracing for whatever explosion was about to come next.
Chapter 13
“Your brother!” her mother bellowed looking between Tanya and her stepfather. The counselor quickly excused herself and shut the hospital door behind her. Clearly this was way beyond her expertise.
“My step brother, Mom. I didn’t grow up with him or anything. We have no real familial connection. It’s just frowned upon.” Tanya rolled her eyes and tried to calm her mother down, but she knew it was pointless. Her mother would never see it any other way.
Her mother turned to her stepfather and glared him down. “Your son took advantage of my daughter and got her pregnant!” The words came out in a screech, and Tanya covered her ears. Her stepfather cleared his throat, gearing up to defend himself.
“You heard the girl. He didn’t take advantage of her, she loves him. Do you think I’m thrilled about your daughter hooking up with my son? But they’re both 18. What can we do? She’s right. They aren’t related, and they will both be out of the house in six months. There’s no point in fighting this!” He spoke firmly without raising his voice, and Tanya found herself rooting for the guy.
“I’ll tell you what we can do about it. Or at least what I’m going to do. I’m going to get an apartment with my daughter and let her finish her schooling at home. I don’t want her around your son, and I don’t know if I want to be around you right now.”
Her mother went to storm out of the room, and Tanya followed. “Mom, I don’t want to break up your marriage. It’s not his fault at all. Just be mad at me, okay? You don’t have to do this. Where are you going?”
Her mother turned around with a loud huff as other people looked on. Tanya wasn’t sure what to do or what to think as her mother looked at her like she was a stranger. “To pack my things. You can pack yours when they let you out. For now, I’ve gotta go find a new home and think about all this. And by the way, I am disappointed in you. Your step brother, really? You knew how much this marriage meant to me after everything your father put us through.” Her mother shook her head before turning on her heel and heading out the automatic doors. That’s when Danny came around the corner and looked her up and down.
“What’s going on? Shouldn’t you be resting in your room or in some sort of counseling session?” he asked, looking confused and curious.
“It kind of blew up in our faces, Danny,” she whispered, taking his hand. “Can we go for a walk? I think they said I can go into the Zen garden out back.” Danny nodded, and his features softened. Maybe she could fix this whole thing. Maybe it was time to enact their plan, and then her mother would eventually get over it. It had to work.
“So what happened?” he asked as they walked out the door and sat on a bench. Tanya looked around at the cherry blossoms and the small bonsai trees all around her and listened to the fountain trickle into a small coy pond. It felt like forever since she’d seen the outside world even though it had been only a day.
“I had to tell them, Danny.” She let the words out with a sigh. “It was getting out of hand, and they were acting like I was out there being some kind of out of control slut or getting taken advantage of by some predator. I’m sorry, but I had to tell them.” She looked over at him, searching his face for his reaction.
“Shit,” he replied, his head dropping to his chest for a moment. She watched his chest rise and fall, wanting to hold him and comfort him somehow. What must he be feeling about all of this? It couldn’t be any easier on him. But she just held his hand tightly and hoped for the best. “How did they take it?” he whispered, not looking at her.
“You dad wasn’t too terribly upset; just surprised. He was actually pretty pissed at my mother for her reaction. The long and short of it is that she is disappointed in me and thinks U ruined her marriage. She’s supposedly going to pack her bags and leave him and find us an apartment. She said something about homeschooling me until college. She wants us away from you and your dad like it’s all you guys’ fault. It’s ridiculous. I hope she’ll come to her senses soon. The good news is this means our secret’s out, Danny. We don’t have to hide anymore. We can be together out in the open and not worry about it. And we’re 18. It’s not like they can legally keep us apart.” She smiled over at him, trying to look positive. She felt like she had nothing else to lose. Like all the pain would be his.
Danny shook his head, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. “This changes everything, Tanya. I can’t let this go on. We can’t be together anymore, I’m sorry.” He let go of her hand, and she felt her heart drop down to her stomach and shatter into a million pieces.
“But, I thought you loved me, Danny. I thought you wanted to be with me. We almost had a baby together, and we don’t have to hide anymore! What more do you want?” Tears were streaming down her eyes as he stood up and looked at her with those baby blues she had gotten so used to looking into.
“I do love you, Tanya. But our love for each other is nothing compared to what our parents have. They have loved and lost so many times just to find each other. They will never get over this and reconcile as long as we’re together. And you’re right that we almost had a baby together. And I’m sorry that that life, that future is lost. But it’s also a good thing. They could never look at that grandchild without thinking of what happened between us.”
“Our love is not
hing?” The question was ringing in her ears over and over like a church bell. It was terrible. She pinched herself hard, trying to wake up from this nightmare she was standing in.
“Nothing,” he growled out before walking away. He didn’t even bother to walk her back in. As she began to cry, she grabbed her abdomen in pain. She was still hurting, and she probably shouldn’t be crying or be under such stress. She made her way back to her hospital room as quick as she could and picked up the phone, dialing her mother’s number.
Her mother didn’t answer. She was probably driving. So, Tanya left a voicemail. Praying she would get it. She couldn’t face Danny again after that. She couldn’t go home and pack her stuff where she had been with him so many times. She couldn’t melt under his blue icy gaze. “Mom, please pack my stuff for me while you’re there. I don’t want to go back.”
Chapter 14
Tanya walked down the hall and into her room, or what used to be her room. She looked around fondly, finding it hard to believe it had been almost a year since she’d stepped foot in there. Her mother and stepfather had only lived apart for a couple of months after the incident at the hospital, but her mother had kept the apartment for Tanya to live in. She and Danny had hardly spoken during that whole time, and now she was a college girl having got into to her dream school right alongside her best friends; Lauren and Quinn.
Emails were easier for her, and she had kept up with Danny that way. There wasn’t too much personal; they just updated each other on their lives’. She knew he had decided to quit football after a head injury and was taking some time off to find himself and choose a new major.
Now she had come home for the holidays for the first time and didn’t know what to think of everything. She was still going through some counseling over the loss of the pregnancy that she hadn’t know about, and the relationship she was in was just something new and casual. She was much more cautious with her heart now.
“Is that you, Tanya?” she heard her mother’s voice coming from the hallway outside her old room and turned around to see her mother smiling and holding out her arms. They embraced, and he mother pulled back to survey her. “I’m so glad you’re here, darling. But you look so different!” Tanya had chopped off a lot of her hair and put a few pink streaks in. California punk style was so different, and her teachers encouraged her to experiment with fashion.
“I know, Mom. I’m glad to see you too. Where is everyone?” she asked, looking around with a smile. There were so many memories contained in those walls even though she only lived there for a few months.
“Well, your father hasn’t come in yet, but he swears he’ll be on the midnight flight tonight. You stepdad is already in bed. He had a long day at work, and he’s getting up early to help with the cooking. I think your brother is at band practice.” She saw her mother cringe a little at the word brother. Clearly, Tanya wasn’t the only one who hadn’t quite healed from what happened.
“Band practice?” she asked with a laugh.
“Oh, yes. He’s taken up singing and playing the guitar. He’s joined this band. They’re really good. They’ve played for us a few times. He’s dealing pretty well with the whole football thing, I think. We’re very proud of him. So, how about you? What have you been up to?”
Tanya shrugged, trying to imagine Danny in his jeans and tee shirt rocking out on a guitar. Somehow it fit, and she couldn’t help but be glad he was finally finding himself. “School has kept me pretty busy for the most part. There’s more to it than just the fashion classes. They already have us thinking about internships, and learning all the computer programs is even a little hard. Though, Quinn is helping me out with that. She’d pretty good. When we have spare time we go to some of the campus concerts and stuff. There are a lot of talented people there. It’s like a whole other world where only the best of the best in the arts exists.”
Her mother patted her on the back and began working in the kitchen, getting things ready for the next day. “So, do you have anyone special?” Tanya rolled her eyes, knowing why her mother wanted to know. She was worried about Danny, but Tanya had grown up since then. Even if something did happen between them it would be different now.
“Not so much. There is a guy a see off and on, but it’s nothing serious. He tours with a band a lot, and I’m too busy with school for us to be serious. And I want to stay open in case that right one is out there. Besides, I have to be careful, right? I’ll tell you what, though, Quinn has a boyfriend. It’s so funny; she’s head over heels for him.”
“Oh, that’s so great. What’s he like?”
“His name is James, and he’s a senior. He’s an artist and does abstract stuff like Picasso but much cooler and darker. He’s a pretty weird guy, but he’s nice.”
“Who’s nice?” The front door opened in the middle of their conversation, and there stood Danny in all his glory. Tanya held her breath as he walked up to her and gave her an awkward hug. He looked like himself, only more humble. His hair was still long and curly, and his eyes were still a piercing blue.
“The guy Quinn is dating,” she whispered, unable to take her eyes off of him.
“Well, good for him.” Danny let a small smile spread across his face as he mouthed the word “hi”.
“Okay, kids, I’m going to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, and I hope you will both help. Behave yourselves!” her mother called in a singsong before disappearing into the bedroom.
Once they were alone, Tanya suddenly realized just how close they were standing to each other, and all the feelings she had before came rushing back. She could see it in his eyes that he felt the same way. In her heart, she had made peace with his decision to end things. When she looked back she knew it had been the right thing to do. But his words had still dug in deep. She wished that even for five minutes he could take them back.
“Tanya, I didn’t mean…” That was all she needed to hear. Tanya placed her finger over his lips and shushed him, shaking her head.
“Are you seeing anybody?” she asked him, her eyes wide with hope. He shook his head.
“Are you?” He returned the question, neither of them taking their eyes off the other.
“Nothing serious or important.” She shrugged, knowing it was the truth. Her heart would always belong to the man standing before her.
“Then, why don’t we go for a drive? The Christmas lights around here are pretty spectacular.” His eyes sparkled with the promise of the start of something, and Tanya knew if nothing else, she wanted to get to know him without high school or football, or living under the same roof as her. So, she took his hand and gave him a sly smile before they walked out to the garage together.
Bonus
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