“You will regret this day, Nolan. I don’t know what I’m more mad at you, for sleeping with my so called friend or that you’re hiding something from me that is putting me in danger and making me not trust you. You’ve ended this. You’re to blame for this loss, so remember that. I would have been the best thing in your life.” He took a step back and I saw tears welling up in his eyes. “Lucas would be ashamed of how you’re treating me, the love you say you have for me. If it were the right kind of love, you wouldn’t do these things to me. I don’t want that kind of love. Not anymore and not from you.” I knew then that this had to end. The lies were tearing us both up and if he wasn’t going to be honest, there wouldn’t be anything. “Just tell me what you’ve done, this is your last chance.” I was silently praying he would tell me. I didn’t even care at this point how bad it was.
He started shaking his head and his voice was cracking with the pain these words brought him. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I do love you, though.”
“Don’t say you love me.” I brought my hands to my head and he saw the anger brewing in me, so he took a step back. “One day you’re going to realize what a monumental mistake you’ve just made and no amount of ‘I’m sorry’ will make it better. Don’t pretend to care about me now when you’ve continuously shown differently by pushing me away, having sex with Lissa and lying to me.”
He was furious. I’d never seen anything like this from him. “It was just a fuck and we weren’t even together, we still aren’t, so who I do and when I do them is my damn business. Stop acting like a child, Alexis. If you want to be in a relationship, you have to be an adult. Which you are now clearly demonstrating you don’t know how to be an adult about this. At least Lissa knew how to be an adult about it. Maybe I’m better off with her after all.” The hurt from his words were like a knife in my heart and I wanted to crumble to the ground.
“I’m setting you free, you’re free Nolan.” Tears were streaming down my cheeks.
“Lexi, baby. No, I’m just…” There was so much pain in his eyes, I almost crumbled and went to him. Almost.
“No, go find Lissa, or whoever else you want. Now you’re free to fuck whoever you want and I think I will start with my moving on to fuck whoever I want…tonight.”
“The fuck you will, Alexis, I won’t let that happen. You want do this to us or to yourself? I won’t let you do something you will regret.” He was beyond pissed at me, but I didn’t cave. I was equally angry with him.
“There will always be things I regret, like being friends with someone like Lissa, who went after someone I loved. Someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But the only thing I truly regret is giving someone my heart only to be called a fucking child.”
He saw the pain in my eyes and his rage wavered, but it was too late, I was determined to stick to this. I felt like my body had been completely derailed from its norm and was crashing into everything. Like the calm before the storm, I was silent until the rage took over. “You’re trying to make me hate you; it makes it easier for you. Well, are you happy? Congratulations, you’ve succeeded. I can hate for life, and I hate you. Now I hope you can live with that, Nolan.” I turned before he could say anything and pulled open the door. I made a split decision right then and there. “Maybe you should stick around, I have a special announcement I’m going to make.” With that I slammed the door behind me and headed to my private office. I slammed the door shut and crumbled to the ground in a pile. I began to wail and I wished my heart wasn’t in my body right now. It was crushing me from the inside out.
“Sweets, it will be okay. He’s just angry.” I vigorously shook my head against Paula’s chest.
“No, it will not be okay ever again, Paula.” She stroked my hair and she reminded me of my mom despite the fact she was only in her late twenties.
“Everything can be fixed with some time and love.” I told Paula everything, even about the fact it looked like he was spying for Maxwell, but even she was shocked by his callousness toward me about Lissa. “He was just angry. He loves you, Lexi.”
I pushed away from her. “No. He’s decided what he wants and it’s not me. I hate him, Paula. There’s nothing good about him. Not anymore and not for me.” I walked to the corner and grabbed the guitar Cohen left here. Inspiration hit and I scribbled another few lines on the sheet music. I stomped out the door and got a microphone from the DJs.
The music started to come to a very low level before going out completely and a bright light shone on me, captivating my presence on stage. Since the night of my near drowning, I’d been working on this for the last month, since everything that happened with Lissa. “For those of you that don’t know me, I’m Lexi and I own Cadenza. I figured I’d treat you all to a song I’ve written. How does that sound?” The crowd cheered and stepped closer to the stage. I saw Nolan standing in the center of them all and he looked at me with an expression I couldn’t place. “I wrote this song recently and it’s called ‘Worth it’.” I saw his expression turn to torment as I started playing the guitar. All I felt was the music and tequila. I started to sing my heart out with all the emotions this song had for me.
You did this, you made us break.
You took our friendship and made it a mistake.
All those words of hate I said, I meant them.
I will always feel what I do but I won’t trust you.
I thought I knew you, I will never forget this.
I wanted it to be true but you’re just like the rest
I know we weren’t together but love was there.
I hope she was worth it, I hope you loved it.
More then you loved me.
We’re through before we ever got the chance.
You will always be that one for me.
She must have been worth it to lose me today.
Please say she was worth it to just throw me away.
I thought I was it for you, but you were scared.
That fear tore up our hearts beyond repair.
My life with you meant everything to me.
But it’s over now and you’re to blame.
I could feel you forever in my life until that night.
You chose to have her and not save me.
Nothing can stay the same since you made that choice.
Since you just couldn’t stay away it ends today.
I hope she was worth it, I hope you loved it.
More then you loved me.
We’re through before we ever got the chance.
You will always be that one for me.
She must have been worth it to lose me today.
Please say she was worth it to just throw me away.
I thought I had us figured out but I was wrong.
You took everything good we had and turn it to ash.
You kept things from me and tore my heart.
I still mean ever word I said, I wish it wasn’t true.
I wish we could go back and start again.
But I won’t pretend and this has to be the end with you.
Just tell me that she meant the world to you.
To make it all worth losing my best friend.
I hope she was worth it, I hope you loved it.
More then you loved me.
We’re through before we ever got the chance.
You will always be that one for m.
She must have been worth it to lose me today.
Please say she was worth it to just throw me away.
Just tell me she was worth it and wasn’t a mistake.
That you never loved me or wanted me that day.
That you didn’t just throw me away for secrets and sex.
God just tell me it was worth it.
I hope she was worth it.
Was it worth it?
Cuz I wish you were worth this.
The crowd of Cadenza erupted in cheers and applauses. I wished I could rejoice in it, but I couldn’t look away from him. His eyes were shining with tears streamin
g down his pale face and I noticed him take out his phone. I was so busy trying to figure out what he was doing that I almost didn’t feel my phone vibrate. The crowd had dispersed and was dancing to the music the DJs were now playing. I pulled out my phone and tears begin to fall from my eyes as I read the message, knowing it didn’t change anything, but it still cracked my heart wide open. I looked up and saw him willing me to do something. To change anything, but he knew I wasn’t going to. It was time to end this and I meant every word of the song. I watched him turn and leave. He started walking out of my club and out of my life. I knew I had just lost my best friend and the man I loved, by my choice.
It wasn’t.
Chapter Fourteen
It had been three weeks since that night in the club and it had been the hardest thing. I missed Nolan. He tried to move out of the Penthouse and I made a scene at Tory demanding he fix it. I moved back to the Oasis and agreed I’d let Tory know the location, but he had to stay at night with Nolan, because as much as I hated him, I didn’t want him to get hurt. Being around me was a recipe for disaster right now. One of my men was jumped outside of my club and another was held at gunpoint for my location. All of this in the last week, telling me Maxwell was getting desperate. Nolan knew none of this and it was my choice not to tell him. He told Tory he wanted to move on with things and he wanted me to move back into the penthouse, so he knew where I was. Tory and he got in a pretty steamy fight from what I was told by Clark, who was on duty with Tory at the time.
Now I had a minimum of two men in a team, and I usually chose Clark and Tory. Because of this, I had gotten to know Clark pretty well. His name was Clark Dawson and he was twenty-seven. He was what my friends would call eye candy, but other than his great ass that I will admit I did notice the first time I saw him, I had begun to feel for him as my best friend. Which was funny since I paid him to be around me, but I thought he enjoyed spending time with me too. I didn’t mind having him follow me around because it didn’t feel like he was doing a job, it felt more like I was hanging out with a friend.
I didn’t need any more men issues, so having Jax on my team was causing exactly that. I knew he wanted more, but I was just not there. Cohen on the other hand was being patient, but he still took his turns to push me for more. Cohen and I had had some pretty heated goodnights and I was slowly realizing that I had strong feelings for Cohen. Jax was always gone, doing information digging, and Blake was always watching me, so it made it hard for Jax and I to bond. I knew there was something there as well, but I just didn’t know what to do. With Cohen it was easy like breathing. He fit with me and understood me. He never questioned my motives or my crazy logic. We were very much alike and it had bonded us more every day. We hadn’t gone anywhere sexual yet, but at this pace it wouldn’t be long.
Clark was quickly becoming my regular bodyguard who followed me everywhere with Tory. He had told me all about his family when I asked and it explained a great deal. He had a sister the same age as me and I guessed we looked similar. The way he treated me when we were in a secure place was much like how Lucas treated me. It was nice and normal, which was something I greatly needed at the moment. I’d been to the office a few times, but it was like Nolan knew I’d be there, so today I had another idea.
Sitting behind his desk, I had his assistant page him back to the office with important news about the CEO. He came running through the door in a panic and I felt guilty for the stress I’d just put him through. “Miss Storm, I didn’t know you were in the office today. Is there something I can help you with?” I giggled at him and he gave me a confused look.
“Really? Miss Storm? Nolan, we are still co-workers and you are a very big part of this company. If anything, you’re the real CEO and I’m just a figurehead. So cut this Miss Storm shit and stick with Lexi.” He smirked at me, hiding the fact he was actually suppressing a laugh. Tory had been hounding me to notify him to the risks and what had been happening, but I wasn’t ready. I had a plan today, though, and I knew he was going to hate it, but I needed his help to leak the information.
“Nolan, this isn’t about us, okay? This is about Lucas and I need your help, please.” He looked like he was going to keel over any minute with the words I just said. “I’m going to do something that’s going to make you very angry, so I came here first out of respect of our history and family ties.” He was dismal and I worried he was not going to go for what I was about to pitch. “There have been two attacks on the team in the past week. I know its Maxwell and his men. He is getting desperate and it’s time to end it. What I have in mind you’re going to hate, but you’re going to hear me out.”
I spent the next fifteen minutes telling him everything and continuously having to tell him to let me finish. My plan was to leak information that I was going to go to the press about the breach in our contract and the fact that he was buying weapons and redistributing them illegally. This would force him to either disappear once and for all or come after me for the final time. “He could kill you, Lexi.”
I saw the tear forming behind his eyes, begging to be spilled over. “He won’t get the chance. I know what I’m doing.”
“No. Lexi, don’t do this, please, it’s not worth it. Lucas wouldn’t want you to do this.” I knew he was being unfair bringing him into this, but I would do the same thing, so I couldn’t hold that against him. “Besides him, if something happened to you—”
“Nolan, everything that mattered doesn’t anymore. They’ve taken away the one person I needed more than anything. It’s time they pay for it, don’t you think?”
He looked so perplexed. “There has to be another way.” I shook my head vigorously at him.
“There isn’t.” He started walking toward me, so I moved to put the desk between us again.
“You’re going to get yourself killed, Lexi. That won’t bring Lucas back.” I couldn’t stay away anymore. I walked over and wrapped my arms around his waist. He tensed at first, then relaxed against me, putting his hands on my hips.
“I have to finish this and I’ll never stop. I can’t. I wish I could, but I won’t be done with this until he’s been dealt with and I’ll never be safe. So I’m going after him this time and I’ll risk everything. Even my own life.”
“Lexi, please, that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.” I took a deep breath, lifting my head and stepped back, coming out of his arms.
“But I am, Nolan. It’s my life and I’m going to live it. I can’t do that until this is over. None of us can move forward or figure out where to go, if this is causing this amount of distractions.” His eyes were trying to pin me in place and reason with me silently. “Lexi, don’t do this.”
I walked to the door and opened it. “I’m doing this with or without you. The more you try and stop me, the more I’ll shut you out. It’s time you choose a side, Nolan.” With that I closed the door, leaving him in there to figure out what he was going to do, even though we both knew that answer. I just wished it would tell me that he was on my side, but it didn’t. If he was working with Maxwell, he was going to tell him anyway.
I got back to the Oasis and I was surprised that both Jax and Cohen were in my office, looking at me like I was in deep shit. “What’s with the sour faces?” Cohen went to say something, but Jax put his hand on Cohen’s shoulder.
“Lex, can I talk to you in private?” Cohen did a double take at Jax, who just continued to stare at me.
“Don’t you think this is something we should all discuss, Jax?” Cohen wasn’t happy about being left out of this, but I saw the pleading in Jax’s eyes.
“We will talk about Maxwell together, which I assume this is about, but Jax wants to talk about something else, I think.” I looked at him and he sheepishly nodded. “Cohen, I’ll send someone to get you when we are finished.”
Once Cohen was gone, I looked at Jax, who looked completely shattered. I walked up to him and looped my arms around him, hugging him. “Please, Lex, tell me you haven’t done what Nolan said.”
So Nolan called and told them my plans. I expected it, but still, it was showing such confusing things. Will I ever know whose side he’s on? I looked up at him, hoping he saw my answer and he did. I saw him lean down to me and I met him half way, locking my lips against his. I was surprised at the feelings coming out of this kiss and it quickly became heated. His hands slid down my back and lightly squeezed my hips before his hand was on the small of my back under my shirt. His hand on my skin caused my body to heat up and I became more involved in the kiss. I opened my mouth slightly, inviting him in and he took the opportunity. I felt his tongue against mine and I moaned slightly, which caused him to grab me, pushing me tighter against him.
Never breaking free, I wandered backward, pulling him with me until I felt my desk behind me. Knowing what I wanted, he lifted me up on the desk, making us more level. He leaned over me and I couldn’t take this anymore. So I started pulling his shirt off and before I knew it, mine had joining his on the floor. I felt his hands on my thigh and he slowly caressed the bare skin there, now due to my skirt rising up. I grabbed his belt and started undoing the latch, but never breaking our kiss. He groaned as I undid his pants and they dropped to the floor. I dragged my fingers along the waistband of his boxers before dipping my hand inside. Then I started to lightly stoke him, which made him lean further into me and he began trailing kisses along my neck. I felt his hands start to inch toward my core and I felt his fingers glide across my opening against my silk panties. Then I brought my free hand to the back of his neck, bringing his mouth back down on mine. He deepened the kiss as he pushed my panties aside and slowly slipped inside me, making me moan into his mouth. His other hand came up from my waist, sliding under my bra and cupping my breast, while he continued exploring my core with his other hand. I felt myself getting closer to my climax and I knew I was moments away. I was ready to welcome it when I heard someone behind us.
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