“Lexi, stop.” I kept going pulling my shirt over my head and hopping into my shoes, heading to the door. “I said stop.” I froze and I felt him watching me. I turned around and he was furious, but there was a deep sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, but I just…you have to hear me out, okay?” I was shaking my head as the tears began to flow.
“No, I don’t have to hear you out. I don’t know about you, but I don’t sleep around, that meant something to me and you…you just, I can’t believe you would do this with me when you knew you were going to leave me. So fuck you. I don’t have to listen to a word you say to me, Jackson Lawrence.”
I stormed out of the office and was scurrying to the elevator with Jax following behind me, still yelling. “Lexi, how could you think it didn’t mean anything? You left me, remember? I would have gone with you, but you left me here and told me to move on. I didn’t think you’d be back. I’m only going for six months, to a year, tops. So I figured I’d do this and my dad was going to work on getting you safe. I want to be with you, Lexi, this isn’t goodbye, it’s see you later.”
Hearing him say that drove my anger into hyper drive.
“See you later? See you fucking later? If you were leaving, you never should have said those things to me and done what you did. If you were leaving and you knew that me being back wasn’t stopping you, then you should have just left me alone. You just had sex with me and I’m getting a see you later. What the fuck is wrong with you? I’ve been doing everything I could to get back here to you, to my home, only to find out there’s nothing left here for me. Nothing. I was better in Toronto playing Lucy. Maybe I’ll just disappear again.” I hadn’t even noticed we had walked into an audience. I looked to see Tory shuffling about at my announcement of my sex life. Clark, however, looked like he was going to kill Jax. Get in line.
Jax’s eyes were filled with tears that were threatening to be shed, but he tried to compose himself. “Lexi. Babe, please, I’ll be back and we will have the life we wanted together. I was so lost and angry when you left. I just…well, I need to do this and I need you to understand that I’m not doing this to hurt you. I swear, I didn’t think you’d come home and that’s why I was so harsh to you in the SUV. I was just so mad because it means I’m leaving you when I just got you back. I love you, Lexi, please understand that. It won’t be long before I’m back, just live your life and we can write and talk. I promise.”
I let out a laugh, causing the room to become very quiet. I turned and start pushing the button to the elevator. “Alexis, you can’t go off on your own.” I looked at Tory with a back off look that only seemed to piss him off more. The door opened and I walked in, but Jax held the door.
“Lexi, sometimes you have to do things to get what you want back. I did this so I wouldn’t be going crazy worrying about you. I will do this, then be right back. Don’t you understand, that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. to get back to what you want?” I pushed him off the door and yelled at him before I even realized what I’d said.
“You don’t think I know about doing things you don’t want to so you can get back to what you do want? Leave if you want, but I’m leaving too. I’d be better off living as Lucy, at least she didn’t do what I did to get back to my life. I killed someone, Jackson! I shot him right in the fucking head to get back to my life, to keep those I love safe. This isn’t a see you later, it’s a damn goodbye. So fuck you!” I saw that I’d not only stunned him, but Davey. My brother and Tory looked shocked at the fact I just admitted to this.
As the doors closed, I saw the three of them scramble to try and get to the door before it was shut, but the look on Jax’s face told me he was in complete disbelief that I had taken a life. As the doors shut and I was being brought down, I knew then, I just needed to be alone. As soon as the doors opened I saw the security guard, but I rushed past him as he was calling my name, running right out the front door in to the flashing cameras. This didn’t stop me. I just kept going and didn’t stop for what must have been half an hour. No phone, no coat, and I was in the middle of the park my brother and I used to go to, sitting on the bench, wishing my life wasn’t as complicated as it was.
“Lucas, what am I going to do?” I said out loud as my head rested on my knees.
“Alexis?” I raised my head and saw Davey slowly approaching me. I thought about taking off running again, but I knew I couldn’t outrun Davey.
“I’m not going back. I can’t, not right now.” Davey took the seat next to me.
“I can make you go back like Tory, Clark, and my son would want, but I know you’d just take off again. Right?” I nodded to him, because I knew he was speaking the truth.
“Why would he do this now?” I broke into a sob and felt my heart crashing against the walls of my chest.
“Alexis, he didn’t think you’d be back and, well, I told him it was the right thing to do. He couldn’t help with this. He was so distraught over losing Blake, then you had to leave, which I understand. He was too focused on Maxwell and getting to him that he was getting reckless. He was going to end up dead, Alexis. He will be back. I promise you that.” I looked up from my knees with tears staining my cheeks.
“How do you know? A lot can happen in a year.” He put his arms around me and pulled me toward him in a very father like hug.
“Because my son knows what he wants and that’s you, Alexis, you don’t leave someone like you if you can help it.”
“I just…I’m tired of losing the people I love. He slept with me, it was just sex to him. He shouldn’t have done that knowing he was leaving, or at least I should have known so I could have made the decision informed. I love him and that’s why I’m mad because he knows sex isn’t just sex to me and that I’d expect him to be here. He should have told me right away.” I lost what little control I had over my emotions and cried into Davey’s chest.
“Alexis, I know this is very hard for both of you, trust me, I saw him when I told him you were back and he knew he was leaving tomorrow night. At least you got here so you can say goodbye or see you later until you see him again and you will see him again. I promise you that. But you have to decide for yourself if it’s goodbye or see you later. But there is something you can never do again, Alexis.” I looked up to him and saw he looked angry. “You can never admit to killing that man again. I can’t have someone coming after you. I know that he shot you first, so legally you’d have been fine, if you’d reported it, but since you hadn’t, you’re not above the law. That was the last time you say that out loud. Just like I wish I could be the one to tell you I killed Maxwell, I didn’t. Took out some of his men, but I couldn’t get to him.” His words had me spinning. I thought it was Davey who killed Maxwell.
“If you didn’t, who did?” He sighed and looked up at the moon as if it had the answers he wanted.
“That’s a very good question.”
We sat there in the park for an hour, just listening to the sounds of the city. He eventually agreed to leave me alone after giving me a gun and his phone. I told him to tell everyone I was okay and that I would contact them soon. I also told him I wasn’t sure if I would be staying in New York. He knew I hadn’t made my mind up, but made sure to tell me I only had eighteen hours before Jax was leaving for at least six months.
Before he left, he told me, “So is it goodbye or see you later because that balls in your court, Alexis.” I wished I knew, but all I felt when I thought about Jax was that he knew he was leaving and this was like a final goodbye. A just in case and I didn’t think that way at all. To me it was a “this is it” feeling. So was it “see you later” or “goodbye?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
I don’t know when I decided, but I went back to the penthouse while Tory and Clark were sleeping and grabbed my purse. Somehow between there and here I found myself sitting with a ticket in my hand for Lucy Gale for Canada. I knew running wasn’t the answer, but I just needed to get away. I needed to go back. See the s
helter and the friends I’d made there. Have some perspective put back into my life. I left Clark and Tory a letter, telling them where to find me and that I wasn’t saying they couldn’t come. I just needed to leave right away.
I was supposed to be on a plane an hour ago, but the flight was delayed for weather in Toronto, so I was pacing next to the glass window, looking at my watch every five minutes. Everywhere I looked I felt like I should see Jax, he was at one of these terminals, waiting for his flight that left in thirty minutes. Why should I care? He chose to not tell me he was leaving until after we had our moment together. I should just pick up and move on as Lucy Gale because all Alexis Storm had come into contact with was pain and loss, right? Than why was I sitting here, feeling the panic building in my chest as the time passed?
“Now boarding flight to Toronto Canada first class.” With those words my heart dropped. I grabbed my bag and took off running. “Miss…this is your flight…miss?” I didn’t listen and just kept running. I found the information desk and asked where the flight to Washington was and with those directions I took off running again. I stumbled into people and was not bothering to stop or pick up things I’d dropped along the way. I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t run off and not say goodbye. Hadn’t I learned that either way you never know what you get in life? Just as I scanned and was about to fall to the floor at my failed attempted, I heard something that drew my attention. I saw the line at his gate and I saw him in his fatigues, handing off his passport to the girl at the gate. Without even thinking of the scene I was about to cause, I screamed.
“Jackson.”
Heads turned to see what the yelling was about and I was unable to move an inch from the spot I was in. I saw him turn and when his eyed locked on mine I felt my breath slip from me. He looked at the gate and then looked back at me. In that second I felt like he was going to just keep walking to the gate, but he turned, dropping his bag and ran up to me, crushing me to his chest.
“Lexi, I almost didn’t get on that plane. I thought about not showing up and just tracking you down. Dad told me you needed time.” He glanced down at my hand, seeing a passport and ticket, and his small smile he had on his face dropped.
He grabbed them from my hand and saw the destination before he opened the passport seeing Lucy Gale looking back at him with her long red hair.
“I understand if you never want to see me again, I just…Jackson, I’m not like the other girls you’ve been with. That wasn’t just sex to me. I can’t just be one of those people who do that and move on, not without good reasons. I was mad because it meant more to me than casual. I don’t do that. I love you…”
“I never got to tell you I liked your hair red, but nothing beats your natural colour. I never got to know Lucy, but I have to say that if she were anything like Lexi, I’d follow her anywhere. With that said…” My heart stopped beating, waiting for him to say his next words and I just hoped they didn’t break my heart even more than it already was.
“What happened between us, well, it wasn’t casual, anything with you. Anything with you would never be casual. I just saw you and I knew I loved you and wanted this with you. I missed you so much. Well, you were gone and I knew I was leaving and it was eating me alive. Being with you was just the start, okay? If I didn’t have to do this, don’t you think I wouldn’t? If you want to live as Lucy Gale or Lexi Storm, either doesn’t matter to me as long as one day it will be Lawrence after your name. I really do love little Lexi, though.” I stepped up on my toes and gently laid my lips on his in a slow kiss, not minding the traffic of people flying by us.
“Last call for flight to Washington.”
I broke away from him and looked at him with tears reaching out from my eyes. “I love you, Jackson Lawrence.” He kissed me with more force and I was lost in our moment. He stopped kissing me, but left his mouth against mine.
“I love you…” I laughed at him, trying to figure out what the new name of the woman he loved was. “Lexi,” I said and his eyes beamed at me.
“I love you, Lexi Storm, and I will see you as soon as I can. Don’t forget me and please don’t move on. I’m not like you, I won’t tell you to move on without me. I’m too selfish. Wait for me, give me a chance to show you how amazing we can be. I will fight for this, Lexi, I just need you to fight with me. This is for you, open it in a few days when I’m gone and you can’t reach me. It will remind you of me. I promise.”
“Final boarding for flight to Washington.” The tears I’d been trying to hold in were no longer staying behind my eyes and were streaming down my face.
“Be safe, Jax, don’t be a hero. I need you home to me in one piece. I love you.” He kissed me one final time before he walked away, grabbed his bag and looked back to me.
“I love you too, my little Lexi. Goodbye.”
I ran right into him, crashing against him. “No, not goodbye, Jax, See you later.” He smiled down at me and gave me a quick hug. I saw he was barely holding it together as he walked into the gate. With a final wave, he disappeared from my sight and I was standing in an airport alone, crying.
“Well, I guess we won’t be going to Toronto, huh?” I turned to see Clark standing a few rows of seats behind me and I ran over straight into his open arms.
“How did you know where to find me? I told you to get on a flight to Toronto.” He hugged me tightly and put his chin on my head.
“Lexi, I work security. I found out you didn’t get on the plane and I figured you’d be here. If you weren’t here, I was going to kick your ass because that man was a wreck. He loves you, Lexi, and I think you should stay. Be Lexi, don’t run, okay? Let’s face whatever this is head on and we will be together. If you still want to call me Carter or butt face, I’m okay with that as long as you’re still around to call me something. If you go off and be Lucy, I know I’ll lose you.” I broke out into a giggle and he looked at me like I’d grown a second head.
“Yeah…if it makes you feel less insulted, I will say okay and make you believe that Jax didn’t give this same speech and I already agreed to stay and be Lexi.” He grabbed me and put me into a playful headlock that I quickly got out of.
“Smart ass.”
“Love you too, big brother.”
“I wonder if you will still say that after we go meet my sister and parents. Time to introduce you to the family.” I sulked and gave him my best pout face.
“Yeah, that’s not going to work. We have to get in front of this before the press has a field day and my mom’s calling me crying because I didn’t tell her it was public knowledge.” I picked up my purse and walked toward the exit with Clark hanging his arm over my shoulder.
“Fine let’s go meet the family, hope I live up to the hype.” He let out the most joyful laugh I’d heard come from Clark.
“They will love you, how could they not with an attitude like that. Besides, I’m not too sure if I want you to get along with my sister anyway. I don’t need you ganging up on me.”
* * *
Standing in front of this door of a relatively normal looking subdivision house was causing my panic alarm to rise. “You’ll do fine, Lexi. It’s my family, they’re not going to have you for dinner.” Even with Clark’s joking I still couldn’t seem to deal with my panic feeling and I just about jumped out of my shoes when the door opened, revealing a girl about the same age me standing there staring at me. “Kara? Are you going to move so we can come in or just stare at my guest?” Clearly he wasn’t just picking on me with his stellar attitude.
“Clark, why have you brought Alexis Storm home with you? Oh my God. Are you dating Alexis Storm?” I thought I just lost my hearing from her screams and I gave Clark an evil look.
“You didn’t tell them?" He gave me a shrug and I wanted to laugh at this ridiculousness, but I was unable to because Kara had taken my words to mean something else.
“My brother is dating Alexis Storm. I can’t wait to tell everyone.” He laughed and pushed her gently aside and pulled me in behi
nd him.
“You might want to hold off on that or you’re going to look pretty stupid.” I looked at him with my jaw hanging open at the way he was talking to his sister.
“Nice to know it’s not just me you talk to like this.” He laughed and pulled me into the living room where his mom and dad were sitting.
I immediately knew when his mom put together who I was, and the shock her face told me he didn’t tell her anything about me. “I never thought I’d see the day.” His dad got up and introduced himself to me as Henry Dawson.
“This is my wife, Mira, and I assume you’ve met Kara.” I nodded and introduced myself, but I saw Kara was still looking confused.
“Why is anyone not excited? He’s dating a celebrity.” I whitened at her words because I hated it when people said that. I didn’t act or sing. I worked, but apparently because I did this and made millions, I was a celebrity.
“Kara, why don’t you sit down and we will tell you what’s going on.” Clark’s mom looked so gentle and sitting there I saw so much of Clark in her, but I also saw a lot of my dad staring back at me from Clark’s eyes.
“They aren’t dating, Kara. They’re…” I saw her choking up and unable to continue, so I did.
“I’m his sister, Kara.” Her mouth dropped open and I saw she wasn’t expecting that.
“Kara, you know that we have different biological dads and until recently I hadn’t known.” She wasn’t saying anything, but his mom began to talk and explained the history between her and my father.
It all happened before he met Mom and it was never a be all and end all love. My dad knew about Clark, so did my mother, but they understood that she wanted to protect Clark from the life so he could have a childhood. They gave him that and my dad had pictures that were sent to him. He paid for schooling and college. I informed her he also had a trust fund to which I forgot to even mention to Clark, so he was also stunned by this revelation. He never asked about my dad, so she never divulged anything. If when he was older and he wanted to know, he could come for us, but by the time that happened he had passed away and she never thought to send him looking for us.
Determined & Derailed (Storm Corp Book 1) Page 16