by H. J. Bellus
I wanted my hair to be done in a simple style. Annie started doing my hair, but Lacey finished it up with her magic hands while I nursed Mac. My hair was pulled down low and to the side and twisted in a messy bun. Annie insisted that her hair look the exact same as mine! Willow, Lacey and Annie wore beautiful short A-line dresses with v- necks in shades of pink and orange that were bathed in lace and adorned with a handmade rosette pinned at the shoulder.
Cree threw a fit about not being able to see me on our wedding day. He claimed it wasn’t fair since I had both kids. He was good at throwing fits, but the poor man never stood a chance at winning this battle. The girls were putting their finishing touches on each other as I stepped out into my bedroom to change Mac into his onesie that was sporting a tie and his soft baby blue jeans. He was going to be dressed just like his daddy. Cree was going to be in his signature baby blue jeans, a white buttoned up shirt, untucked, with a black tie and his trucker hat.
Mac was Cree’s best man, and his two groomsmen were Greyson and his cousin Tripp. Tripp and his parents showed up a week earlier to help with the wedding. His Aunt Phyllis was amazing. I loved having her around. His Uncle Robert was very quiet, and it was clear he was very uncomfortable being back on the family farm. They lived in Florida and owned a huge chain of car dealerships.
Tripp was going to live with us for a while. He had just been released from rehab. Tripp had found himself in a great deal of trouble with drugs and money. He was definitely a bad boy and fit the image perfectly with his tattoos and piercings. Tripp was the complete opposite of my farm boy Cree. The pair used to spend the summers together when they were small boys and were very close.
Cree and Mac would be walking down the aisle together, then Greyson and Willow, followed by Lacey and Tripp. Annie and I marched down the aisle together to “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” This was the one thing Annie insisted on.
The ceremony was beautiful. We vowed our love and commitment to each other and to each of our kids. Cree laid a big sloppy wet kiss on me, and then picked up his Annie and twirled her around. We walked back down the aisle as Mr. & Mrs. Cree Fitzpatrick. Mac was in my arms and Annie was in Cree’s…it was my picture-perfect now and forever.
We finished the night of dancing to “Never Grow Up” by Taylor Swift, with our kids bundled in our arms and our arms wrapped around each other tightly. The last dance of the evening was just for Cree and me. I picked the song “God Bless the Broken Road,” and tugged him out onto the dance floor.
“You owe me a dance, Captain.”
Cree pulled me close and wrapped his arms around my waist. I weaved my hands under his arms and around to his back and laid my head on his chest.
The simple truth is I will never again be left alone broken in a corner. Holding onto hope is being brave. I have clutched onto hope for the last twenty years of my life and was brave enough to dream of my future. My time is now and I have healed. I have chosen to live the life my heart has yearned for. I’m enough. I’m okay. And I’m home. Life is so beautiful right now. “Let your courage set you free.”–Cindarelly
“Don’t you dare ever give up on your hopes and dreams…Be Brave and hold onto your courage now & forever.”–HJ Bellus
“Set Your Heart Free…Let Nothing Control You!”
Cree’s Playlist:
Daughter by Pearl Jam
(Prologue)
Dead Flowers by Miranda Lambert
(Milly’s First Marriage)
Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes
(When Milly packs up Frances’ things and the ‘For Sale’ sign)
Baggage Claim by Miranda Lambert
(Leaving town)
Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
(Milly’s Life Left Behind in Sacramento)
Loca by Shakira
(The oil change & service by Malcolm)
The Long Way Home by Norah Jones
(Driving to Colorado)
When Will I Be Loved by Karla Bonoff & Vince Gill
(Milly’s Theme Song)
Baby Got Her Blue Jeans On by Mel McDaniel
(Lacey & Milly’s Dancing Song)
Boys ‘Round Here by Blake Shelton (feat. Pistol Annies)
(Naughty Boy Sam!)
Out Last Night by Kenny Chesney
(Lacey and Milly’s first bar hopping experience)
Suit & Tie by Justin Timberlake
(The pop song Milly & Sam grind to)
Redneck Girl by The Bellamy Brothers
(Month of Honky Tonks)
The Race is On by Sawyer Brown
(Sam & Milly Dancing)
Somebody Like You by Keith Urban
(Milly and Cree dancing at the bon fire)
American Girl by Tom Petty
(Group dance at the bon fire)
Blue (Da Ba Dee) by Eiffel 65
(Group dance at the bon fire)
Tonight Is The Night by Outasight
(Group Dance at the bon fire)
When the Stars Go Blue by Tim McGraw
(Coffee with Cree and Milly)
Take Me There by Rascal Flatts
(Iced Coffee Kisses)
Like Jesus Does by Eric Church
(Driving to the cabin on Milly’s Birthday)
You Save Me by Kenny Chesney
(Milly’s Birthday)
Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper
(Girls baking cookies)
She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy by Kenny Chesney
(Milly & Cree’s lunch dates on the tractor)
Rain is a Good Thing by Luke Bryan
(Cree and Milly on the farm)
Big Green Tractor by Kenny Chesney
(Cree & Milly on tractor)
Sunrise by Norah Jones
(Lazy Sunday Mornings with Cree & Annie)
Ready to Roll by Blake Shelton
(Cree and Milly’s cuddle song)
Look At Miss Ohio by Miranda Lambert
(Song Milly was listening to when she had her blow-out!)
Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO
(The Beating Ass Sprinkle Dance)
Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
(Karaoke with the bitches)
Love Shack by The B-52’s
(The Gang singing Karaoke)
Desperation by Miranda Lambert
(Milly broken & desperate)
Not Ready to Make Nice by Dixie Chicks
(When Cree hurts Milly)
Just Give Me A Reason by Pink
(When Cree is texting sorry to Milly)
Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland
(Milly and Annie’s relationship)
These Are My People by Rodney Atkins
(Cree, Milly, Greyson, Willow, Lacey, & Annie living life together)
Love Your Love the Most by Eric Church
(Milly’s song to Cree)
Don’t Think I Can’t Love You by Jake Owen
(When Cree comes home from work exhausted)
Never Grow Up
(Milly’s song for her children)
Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts
(Dance At Wedding)
Prologue
Love is ugly
Love is cruel
It cuts and leaves you bleeding
Love is poison
Love is damaging
It leaves stains on your skin
Love is that monster in your room
Love is a dad who refuses you
When you know this love
It is all you have and can give
Until you see ugly as your beauty
Then true love becomes
Surrounded in the roses and butterflies of your life
Nestled deep down in your soul
Without fear or hesitation
You can simply be “loved”
For you
Just For Today
You have to know ugly before you can experience true beauty. The ugly tattoos are the ones that stand out in this world. That’s right, t
his world that is so desperately striving for a perfected beauty and stops at nothing to achieve it. Give me the ugly and worn masterpieces to cover my body and engulf my soul, never allowing me to forget the pain that has brought us all to the imperfect perfect presence of time. Sometimes a train wreck can turn into a beautiful something that is only truly admired by the passengers. Love is ugly…but worth every single piece of debris. Love big. Hurt even bigger. -Tripp & Lacey
Chapter 1
Oh Fuck!
Lacey
February 15th
My head felt like it was going to freaking explode at any moment. I should have stopped drinking after Milly and Cree left the reception. This was going to hurt, but I had to open my eyes, I thought. A warm and hard—oh, very hard—body was wrapped around me. Greyson? Oh, hell no, it couldn’t be Greyson. Jesus Christ, did I bang Greyson? I could feel the morning wood pressing into my hip, so I knew it couldn’t be a girl this time. It was always so much easier when it was a girl. Well, here goes nothing.
I rolled over to see Tripp. Holy fuck buckets! I went to bed with Cree’s cousin? This was bad…very, very bad. Tripp was a raging asshole and I gave up my lovely lady humps to him. Un-freaking-believable!
He was incredibly sexy and ripped with muscle, though. The man was fucking huge! He’s over six feet tall, tan and chiseled. He’s a beast, and a very hot beast at that. His shaggy, dark hair and tattooed body was freakin’ amazing. The kind of amazing that makes your panties melt and your titties ache with want. Tripp’s face was statuesque, like a Roman god. He had a strong jaw line covered in stubble that was begging to be licked and his deep, brown eyes could drown anyone in lust.
I was admiring the asshole when he started to wake. Tripp rolled over, stretched, scratched his balls and climbed out of bed naked. His body took the freaking cake! Ripped to no end with a taut ass, and, well, his package? Good hell! He went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Well, good morning to you, too. Like I said, he was a raging prick, and I’m just your average slut.
“Make yourself disappear before I come back out!” Tripp yelled.
“What?”
“I said get the fuck out of my house. Now!”
I was now standing inches from the bathroom door. Tripp had no idea who he was talking to. I don’t put up with being disrespected by anyone, especially an arrogant bastard like him.
“You want to come say that to my face, tough guy?”
As soon as the words left my mouth, the door flew open with an assault of pure hatred and anger. Tripp’s face fell in disbelief the moment he realized who was standing before him. The motherfucker genuinely looked shocked at the sight of me. He truly had no idea who he had taken to bed last night.
“What were you saying, you fucking dickhead?”
“I, uh…Lacey, I didn’t know it was you. I got pretty fucked up last night and…”
“Don’t worry, Tripp. You weren’t worth remembering.”
I lied. I didn’t fucking remember a thing from last night, either. For all I know we could have sat around and read the Bible together naked. Pretty sure that didn’t happen, though.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know it was you!”
“No worries. We’re just two fuck-ups, anyway. Forget it.”
I grabbed my dress and sandals off the floor and walked outside in my lacy thong. Yes, my titties were exposed to the world and I didn’t give a flying fuck. I needed to be away from the biggest dick I had ever met, literally and figuratively. I threw on my dress as I started walking down the dirt road. The quaint, little cabin was a little over a half mile from my sister’s house and that’s exactly where my heart needed to be. My Milly would fix this.
Most girls would be bawling and causing all sorts of drama with Tripp right about now. There’s one thing about me you should know, and it’s the most important thing: I don’t put up with anyone’s shit and I make no apologies to anyone. I grew a backbone at the age of fourteen. I took care of the last fucker who hurt me and I refused to allow anyone else the same privilege.
So, Tripp Fitzpatrick could take a flying fuck for all I cared. It takes more than getting kicked out of a bed to hurt me. He sure as hell won’t have to worry about me begging to get back into it anytime soon. It just sucked big ol’ donkey dick that I don’t remember anything from last night because I was pretty sure the sex was epic, mind-blowing, orgasmic animal sex.
***
Tripp
I screwed that up royally. I had no idea I brought Lacey home last night. We had spent the last week together helping with the wedding plans. She was the coolest chick I had ever been around. She didn’t play any fucking head games and she was hot as hell. Not the kind of hot you take to the country club or bring home to your momma, but the harden your cock kind of hot. The girl had more ink covering her delicate skin than I did. She was a healthy size, too, none of that stick thin shit. Oh, and her huge tits…
Her carefree spirit and I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude was liberating to be around after all the horny skanks I was used to back home. She had a hard exterior, but I noticed her careful touch with Mac and Annie. Milly and Lacey were super tight, just like sisters. I didn’t want to screw up their relationship by being Cree’s dick cousin here on the farm. There was something uniquely odd and refreshing about Lacey that kept pulling me to her.
I shouldn’t have drank last night. Alcohol was either always my friend or nemesis. I could control my consumption when I wanted to. Cocaine and sex were my go to drugs to numb all the pain in my life. I fucked girls and threw them away as fast as I could. It was my tragic way of survival. It fucked me up real good and now I had to live life day by day, promising myself not to survive on it anymore.
I wanted a hit of cocaine every fucking second of every fucking day since leaving rehab. The only person that knew all my dark secrets was my cousin Cree. He brought me to his expansive, thriving farm to help me overcome my addiction and to show me a new way of life outside of the city. Cree and I had always been super close. It was almost like we shared an invisible bond that connected us as brothers instead of cousins. I’m an asshole, but I couldn’t be the asshole that ruined his family.
I had to go find Lacey and beg for her forgiveness. She deserved an apology. I never would have fucked her and kicked her out the next morning if I’d been clear-headed. I wouldn’t hurt her that way. Damn, I bet the sex was good last night. Wish I could remember it.
Chapter 2
Truce to Ruin
Tripp
Lacey was walking up the dirt road with her wild, thick, blonde hair piled up on her head. All of her crazy curls were twirling around in the brisk, chilly breeze. Her colorful tattoos flowed up and down her arms and chest. The girl was fucking gorgeous without even trying to be. I hopped on the farm’s yellow four-wheeler and headed her direction.
“Let me give you a ride to Milly’s place.”
“Fuck off!”
“Seriously, let me give you a ride.”
“Seriously, fuck off!”
The little shit wouldn’t listen to me, so I grabbed her arm and spun her around to face me. I was expecting to see tears and smeared mascara running down her face from my cruel words. That’s the way girls work with their fucking emotional roller coaster going full-force. Not Lacey. Her face was dry and her eyes were full of venom, ready to strike.
“Lacey, I’m so sorry! You have to listen to me. I’m used to treating women the way I treated you this morning, I don’t deny it. I didn’t know it was you. I was so ignorant that I didn’t even look down when I crawled out of bed. I don’t regret taking you home last night. I just wish I would’ve been sober enough to enjoy it. I’m sorry. I acted like an asshole this morning. I’m really sorry.”
“Tripp, it’s fine. I understand. I’m just as angry at myself for getting fucked up and not remembering. We shouldn’t have done it. I don’t want to mess anything up here. Milly is my only family and I need her more than fucking around with you. Truce?”
“Truce. I’m in the same boat as you. Cree is the only one that understands me. I need him right now and I need this farm.”
I tentatively held out my hand with no expectation of Lacey grabbing it. “Do you want a ride or are you going to be your stubborn-ass self and walk?”
The little shit actually tilted her head and thought about it while she grabbed my hand. The feel of her delicate skin in my rough, calloused hand sent a wave of electric sensation ripping though me, starting in the tips of my fingers and shooting down to my toes. She was having a hard time deciding what she wanted to do. Any other girl would have been up in my lap in a heartbeat and ready to fuck. The touch and feel of her perfect skin instantly made me hard. This girl definitely got under my skin, and not in a good way.
“Scoot back! I’m driving, Tripp.”
“No. I’m driving. Get your ass on the back, blondie.”
“No! I’m driving, and if you have a problem with it, I’ll tell everyone how small your dick is.”
“What? It’s not small, and you wouldn’t fucking dare…”
“I would. Trust me—I can be a real convincing biotch when need be.”
I let her win this tiny battle; it was miniscule, really. She hopped on in front of me and popped the ATV into first gear, sending it sailing forward and flipping me backwards. I was forced to grab her waist, so she wouldn’t dump me on my ass.
“Did you do that on purpose?”
“I’ll never tell,” she giggled.
“I better hold on then,” I whispered into her ear. I skated my lips down her neck, leaving a trail of fresh goose bumps in my wake.
This girl had no idea who she was screwing with. I’m a player on and off the diamond and have damn good game. I wrapped my arms around her waist, then slowly drifted them upwards, so that the bottom of her tits were resting on my forearms. Every single hole or rock we hit made them bounce off my arms as she drove us up to Cree’s place. I’m pretty sure my balls were about to explode any minute, but it’s all for the love of the game.