by H. J. Bellus
When he was convinced that Milly and I were no longer on the fight, he tried to settle us down. “Listen, you two. Just focus on Rose. Lacey would want that. Focus on Rose,” Cree repeated to us.
I had to focus on Rose because I couldn’t even let my mind begin to think about other possibilities. The dark world without Lacey. To have her baby around us as a daily reminder of my wild princess, but not to be able to see or touch her would be my own personal living hell. My mind couldn’t go there. I needed to be with my Rose.
***
We walked into the nursery and I instantly spotted the little name tag with a printed pink footprint by it that read Baby Fitzpatrick. The sight of that last name made my blood fucking boil, but the little black inked footprint by it iced down my hatred for my last name.
Being too big of a chicken to walk any closer, I froze in place. Our sweet baby was now a matter of feet from me, and I was scared. No, make that fucking terrified. I was scared of being a shitty dad, scared of losing Lacey, and mostly fucking scared of seeing Lacey in Rose.
Milly corndogged me from the back, urging me closer to my girl. The closer I got, the more my anxiety heightened with a weird combination of excitement and fear.
I peeked into the small plastic tub she laid in and melted physically into a heaping pile of goo. My Rose was bundled up in a soft pale pink blanket. She had wild blonde hair that scattered out in every direction, just like her momma’s, I thought. That simple thought and her delicate hair spread a smile across my face. Her bright blue eyes and full pink cheeks were her prominent features. Without thinking, I scooped her up into my arms. She was light as could be, but the heaviest thing I had ever touched. My lips found her forehead and stayed there as the tears flowed.
“I’m your daddy, sweet little baby. Your mommy is coming to be with you. She loves you and is fighting for you.”
I peeled my lips away from her to memorize every single one of her tiny features again.
“I love you, Rose Grant Fitzpatrick.”
Rose began to wiggle and then let out a little squawk of disapproval, and then into a full-fledged cry. Milly rushed to my side and tried to take Rose from my arms. I instantly stopped her from touching Lacey’s baby girl.
“I’m sorry, Milly. No one besides the doctors and nurses are going to touch Rose. Lacey will be the first to hold her besides me.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Milly whispered up to me.
I simply shrugged my shoulders and said, “Take it or leave it, Milly.”
“Fine. You’re an asshole,” Milly conceded. “Can I go get a bottle of formula for you, or do you plan on nursing her, too?”
We started to laugh at the scene before us. If we weren’t going to laugh, then we might as well lay down and die at this point.
“Shut it, ho-bag,” I replied through a mixture of laughing and happy tears. Then offered her a look that expressed, “That’s what Lacey would say, right?”
“You nailed it, biotch,” Milly said.
There was something about Milly calling me a biotch that really unleashed buckets of laughter in us. Little Rose reminded us of her extreme hunger with her wailing cry.
Chapter 25
The Beautiful End
Tripp
Three days later
Milly, Cree and I sat in Lacey’s room, and today Mac joined the crowd. Today was the day she either woke up or her chances of being in a coma for life greatened. When the internal bleeding finally stopped, the doctors noticed her brain swelling. Lacey was hooked up to all sorts of monitors.
They took out the tube from her head yesterday, leaving a chunk of blonde hair missing from her scalp. Milly took it upon herself to style Lacey’s hair, claiming that Lacey would kick her ass if she let her lay there, looking like shit. I had no fucking clue how Milly did it, but she left Lace with a trendy, short style. One side was longer with the other side clipped short. Lacey rocked that shit lying in that hospital bed unconscious.
Milly was perched in her spot in Lacey’s bed holding her. She hasn’t left her side since Lacey came out of surgery. Hours were spent styling and restyling Lacey’s hair and talking to her. She even ate candy in bed with her. Yes, the Swedish Fish from the bra. Sometimes I wished that I didn’t know the crazy shit these two did together. I caught Milly crying and sobbing into Lacey’s hair several times. Milly’s heart was bleeding and wouldn’t stop until she had her sister back. Milly also made it perfectly clear that I would not be kicking her out. Since she couldn’t hold Rose, she needed to hold Lacey. She needed Lacey. I let her hold her because I knew Lace needed Milly as much as she needed Rose and me.
Cree was perched in the chair at the end of the bed with Mac on his lap, trying to get him to talk. I was swaying back and forth, rocking my sweet Meatball next to the bed. Silence filled the room as we waited, and the air was laced with tension, fear and hope. It was a strange combination. Any minute now my pretty girl would wake up, I could feel it in my bones. Lacey was battling with her fighter’s heart to make it home to her family. The day floated by with this hope and then the evening took over.
Lacey's eyes fluttered open and we all froze with hopeful tension. Milly was in her face jabbering away.
“Back up, bimbo,” Lacey finally slurred.
My Lacey was back. Milly backed up and we all gave her a couple minutes to adjust. Cree went and grabbed the nurse. Ironically, it was Jenny. I’m pretty sure this would be a huge lesson for the poor girl.
Twenty minutes later I was finally able to walk over to Lacey and hand her Rose.
“She's mine?” she questioned with the clear expression of not being ready to be heart broken.
“She's all yours, pretty girl,” I said through my tears.
“God didn't take her?”
“He gave her to you.”
And the tears started to flow yet again.
“I love you, Princess” I whispered into her lips.
A soft kiss was never enough for her. Lacey kissed me back hard and full of passion. She didn't pull away, so I finally had to break it. Lacey wrapped my arm around her and nestled in holding Rose.
“Can I hold her?” Milly asked.
“Jesus Christ, I just woke up from a coma and had a baby cut from me…” Lacey was protesting when Milly cut her off.
“Tripp wouldn't let anyone hold her. I haven't even been able to touch her. He wanted you to be the first.”
Lacey turned to me. “You are such a raging asshole. But you’re mine and I love you. Thank you.”
Lacey passed Rose to Milly and turned to me. “I love you. I'm never driving again. I bought us burritos and ice cream to celebrate. I love you, Tripp. For reals, I'm never driving again.”
“You don't have to, Princess. Most princesses don't drive, anyway. I'm not sure about those kinds of rebel princesses, though.”
“Tripp, I’m ready to be a pussy princess,” Lacey said.
We held each other tightly, exporting every ounce of our love to each other. I was never going to let her go. We both watched as Milly inspected Rose. She counted each of her toes and fingers, and showered kisses all over her pretty little face. While holding Mac back, Cree bent down and kissed Rose's forehead and whispered something to her.
“Has she shit that black stuff yet?” Lacey asked.
“Lacey! Are you ever going to be normal? Why do I even try? You know it is called meconium,” I growled at her.
I tried teaching her all this stuff over the last few months. Obviously it was a lost cause.
“Well, has she shit the meconium yet? And Tripp, you would be bored with normal.”
“Shit. Shit. Shit,” came a tiny little voice, and we all turned to the see the toothy grin of Mac. His godmother just taught him his first word. He was so proud of himself. He started clapping, adding a little grunt and continued his little chant. Lacey slapped her hand over her mouth, and for once in her life, truly looked sympathetic. Between Lacey’s horror plastered on her face and the chanti
ng baby, we all started laughing. The built-up stress was finally punctured and we all shared a PMP moment. Yes, Milly schooled me on PMP while calling me a biotch in the nursery.
“Let me hold her, Milly,” Cree said, and passed the over joyous Mac to his momma.
Milly passed my daughter to my brother and all the loose links in my life finally connected, creating a full circle. Rose would always be loved for who she was, not who she wasn't. She may be surrounded by crazed, foul mouthed asswipes, but they would always love her unconditionally even when she screwed up.
Cree handed Rose over to Lacey, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and softly whispered, “I love you, Sis.”
My Rose was back where she belonged, with my wife. The pair sitting in front of me made my heart stop and the world spin again in the same moment. Everything would be all right with the two of them in my life. I’m not a fool. If I thought Lacey gave me a run for my money, I couldn’t even start to imagine what her daughter would do to me.
“So, uh, Milly, can I still do that ‘suck on the boob’ thing?” Lacey asked.
For the love of God, will she ever use the right terminology? We chuckled at her question. Even though we were all laughing, Lacey was dead serious.
“She's all yours, Momma,” Cree told her.
Milly climbed back into the bed and helped Lacey. By help, I mean pulled her tit out. They eased little Rose up to her and tried to coax her to nurse.
I realized that Cree was standing by my side, looking at my wife's tit and watching my girl try to suck it. This fatherhood stuff was already some crazy shit.
Throughout my whole life, one person has always been constant, and that was Cree. Our summer adventures bonded us together forever. There was always an invisible bond that kept us bound together, and now we were cemented together by the crazy ass women in our lives. The last three days had been hell on all of us and I had no time to talk to Cree. The time had finally come.
“I love you, brother,” I said proudly because I finally fit into somebody’s family.
“I've always loved you like a brother and always will,” Cree replied without hesitation.
“Like a brother because you are my brother,” I mumbled.
My wild haired woman flipped her crazy blonde hair up and said, “Brother?”
I simply nodded my head and my foul mouthed Princess replied with, “Holy shit!”
“Shit. Shit. Shit.” And little Mac didn’t miss a beat!
Our Gushy End
Playlist:
The music that makes up Lacey & Tripp
Pieces by Gary Allen
All Kind of Kinds by Miranda Lambert
Raise Your Glass by P!NK
F**kin’ Perfect by P!NK
I Don’t Want to Be by Gavin DeGraw
Walking On Broken Glass by Annie Lennox
I Feel a Sin Comin’ On by Pistol Annies
Hell On Heels by Pistol Annies
Anywhere With You by Jake Owen
Hey Pretty Girl by Kip Moore
Pieces by Gary Allen
Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper
Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran
Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
Hard to Love by Lee Brice
Famous In a Small Town by Miranda Lambert
Hot Mess by Uncle Kracker
Get Low by Lil Jon
Prologue
Dear Little Notebook,
It has been over a year since I have been home. It’s strange to think that life has continued without me on the farm. It hurts my heart daily to think of Annie going to dance practice without me, and the sports princess hitting a home run at her baseball game without me there cheering her on. I miss her so much.
The only thing that has kept my soul fed are Tripp’s weekly Skypes. He has kept me updated on all things Fitzpatrick. He has made sure that I’m a part of every single one of Rose’s milestones. Hell, he even shipped me a piece of her birthday cake.
I still refuse to chat with Lacey and Tripp respects that fact. Sides were taken and unforgivable lines were drawn. Through it all, Tripp has fought to keep his relationship with me, and for that I will always love him.
My life here in Cali is perfect with my two boys, two dogs, and adopted nana, Winnie. Growing up, I wanted it all, from the big house to the chromed out SUV, and the perfect husband. Little did I know that living in a double wide trailer, driving a muscle car, and splurging on Cap’n Crunch would be my dream life.
It’s time to go home, though. Tripp called last night and I only heard two words: “It’s Annie.” Without thinking, we threw together our suitcases and booked our flights.
I was told to never come home again. Cree didn’t want me a part of the family anymore, but nothing could hold me back when it came to my girl. I need to hold her hand and let her know she’ll pull through this.
Well, there it is, the final boarding call for Denver, Colorado. Thank you for always being here for me Little Notebook, and letting all my problems, fears, and achievements flow on your pages disguised in purple ink.
Always,
Willow
Chapter 1
My Life
Well, it has been ninety-three days since my brother finished destroying my heart. It wasn’t actually Cree’s fault—you could say he was just the bearer of bad news. Our relationship will never be the same. I guess that’s what happens when you fall in love with your brother’s best friend.
Greyson is a chapter that I have promised to keep closed forever. It’s one of those ugly nasty doors you shut forever to avoid the smell of rotting debris left behind. The healthiest approach? No. The easiest approach? Yes. He’s locked away and staying there forever, and Cree cemented that fact the day he dropped the bombshell. In fact, it was March 12th, the day Rose was born.
I am damned and determined to not let the memories of that day ruin the beautiful memory of my second niece being born. The innocence and simple beauty of Rose simply overpowers the rot filling my heart. It’s a simple disguise.
I moved in with Tripp and Lacey not long after Rose was born. I put the apartment up for rent at The Shop, packed up my room at Cree’s place, and moved in with Lacey and Tripp. I knew I always had a standing invitation at Lacey’s, and the clear cut fact that she and Tripp would accept me no matter the situation only made my decision a no brainer.
I still find it hard to comprehend that Tripp is my brother. He takes the “job” of being my brother very seriously. Talk about taking the act of being overprotective to a whole new extreme. I finally found the courage to share my story with Lacey and Tripp. It hurt to reveal the fact that I dropped out of college, fell in love with Greyson, let him use me for years, and fought with Cree about all of it. Yeah! It stung like a bitch to admit my failures to one more set of people in my life who genuinely cared for me.
The hurt expression Tripp held in his eyes absolutely devastated me and sent goose bumps up my spine. I’ll never forget the words he spoke. They replay constantly in my mind.
“Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” Tripp whispered as he dropped his head down into his hands.
“Tripp, I don’t talk. I wanted to fix everything on my own. I wanted it to work.”
He raised his head and stared straight into my eyes. “A. You’re never going to be on your own again. Do you understand me? B. You never let anyone treat you or talk to you like you’re trash. Do you understand me? C. I’m going to kill him. Do you understand me?”
Tripp immediately jumped to his feet, threw on his trucker hat, and headed for the door, but before he left, he turned to Lacey and me with a mixture of rage and desire covering his face.
“See, little sister, the difference between Cree and me is I don’t let people forget their words. Greyson will never forget his actions. His momma won’t even be able to love him by the time I’m done with the fucker, I promise you that.”
With his very exact promise, Tripp slammed the door and left with only the sounds of his dirt bike li
ngering in the night air.
Lacey joined me on the couch, practically sitting in my lap, and whispered, “We’ve got you, Willow. We’re here, regardless of anything. Just be you. And we promise to never let anyone hurt you like that again. Just promise to come to us.”
“I’ll try,” I lied as I let Lacey hold me and silently wondered if only I hadn’t lost…
“Oh, and the number one house rule—if it’s a rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’.” Rose saved me from any more Lacey sex talk torture.
“What am I going to do? I mean—”
Lacey interrupted with no apologies. “Willow, you’re going to carry on with your badass self and not let anyone, and I do mean anyone, tear you down again. Use that badass shield to guard your heart while you heal. No one is allowed in again until you’re healthy and ready to accept happiness back into your life. If you let that guard down, you’ll get burned.”
Lacey’s words held so many hidden messages that weren’t lost on me. She was right, my guard needed to go back up until I was ready to show the real Willow to the world.
“Oh, and Wils, never forget that Tripp and I are always on your side—always. Just don’t fuck around with any midgets. I might not be able to look past that.”
“Really, Lacey? You think I’m a midget fucker?”
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Lacey said with a giggle. Life is easier with Tripp and Lacey. They never judge or ask questions. With Cree, it’s like having college and the American dream constantly crammed down my throat.
The next time I saw Greyson he still wore the marks from Tripp. Tripp was right—it was going to be hard for his momma to ever love a face like that. My heart grew three sizes that day, and it was all courtesy of Tripp’s fists and love.
The three of us have fallen into an easy routine all centered around sweet Rose. She’s the easiest thing to love these days. Baby Rose is the simple picture of perfection. I always offer to take a night shift to help out the zombified parents, but Lacey always insists on doing all the work at night. She even refuses to wake Tripp, claiming he works all day for his princesses and needs his beauty sleep.