by H. J. Bellus
“Have you seen Willow?” Tripp blurts out.
“Not since last night. What’s going on?”
I catch Cree up on Willow, and his facial expression is not reassuring in the least.
“Where the fuck could she be?” Cree asks no one in particular.
“Call the girls, just to make sure she didn’t take off and meet up with them,” Tripp suggests, but we all know that wasn’t the case.
Cree dials Milly, and alerts the girls of trouble at home. “Fuck! That wasn’t good. Annie’s crying in the background, Lacey is freaking out and Milly is driving,” says Cree.
“She ran,” Tripp whispers.
Hanging his head low, Cree says, “Yeah. She always ran when she was a kid. Disappeared from it all. Daddy always let her too, but she can’t fucking do that when she’s an adult. She never dealt with losing the baby.”
Cree slams his fist into the door and screams out in anger.
“I’m going to fucking kill Greyson. Kill the motherfucker,” Tripp roars.
Cree’s words keep replaying in my head…Disappeared from it all. Daddy always let her. Where, though? Where would she run off to? Why wouldn’t she come to me? What the hell happened today to set her off? She ran, but she wrote in her notebook. She wrote to me. She tried to cope and let it out. She wanted to tell her side of the story, so what happened? Disappeared from it all. Daddy always let her. Disappeared from it all. Daddy always let her.
Tripp and Cree’s tempers aren’t helping the situation at all, so I walk out to my car and lay my head on the roof. Laying all my problems out as I lean on my car, I silently bang my head on the roof.
“Where did you run off to, Willow? Where are you, baby?” I whisper.
My brain replays every moment spent with her, desperately willing her to come back to me or at least grant me a clue to her whereabouts. I remember her foul tempers in the beginning, her dreamy eyes when I would bring her a burger, nursing her back to health, and swimming. All of our swimming dates. The pond…she is at the pond. The place she always escaped to when she was a child. It was the one place her daddy would always find her. I remember she wrote about it in her journal and told Annie a story one night while swimming. She’s at the pond.
“Cree! Tripp!”
The two come busting out of the shop.
“The pond,” I simply reply.
Cree nods his head, Tripp jumps in Cree’s truck, and I grab the notebook out of the front seat. Cree peels out of his driveway and races to the pond. We spot Willow’s car and exhale a breath of relief. It’s a clue, a piece of hope that Willow is here.
“Guys, just be ready for anything. You might not like what we find,” Tripp warns.
“I’m going for her,” I claim without hesitation.
“We’re her fucking brothers. We take care of her. She’s ours. Fuck that,” Cree says.
We’re not close enough to see a person, but Willow’s car is still a beacon of hope.
Slamming my fist down on the dash, I fire back, “Fuck you. Fuck both of you. I’ve spent nearly every day with Willow for the last couple months. She’s shared more with me than you know. Do you two realize she still cries herself to sleep every night because she misses her momma and doesn’t fit into this family? Do you two know that she wants to be an artist and draw? No, you don’t, because your heads are so far shoved up your wives’ asses that you don’t take a second to see the real Willow. That’s all she wants. And I am fucking trying my hardest to see the real Willow, so I’ll go get her because I love her. I love her more than anyone will ever know.”
“We had a small service here for her and the baby shortly after she lost it,” Cree whispers.
Not another word is spoken. Cree edges his truck up on top of the hill, and we all spot Willow on the edge of the pond. I fly out of the truck and make my way to my girl. The closer I get, I can see that Willow is kneeling in the shallows of the pond. She must be freezing. Her body is facing the open pond, with her back stiff as a board and her hands placed gently in her lap.
“Willow.”
I try to get her attention and know that she can hear me, but she doesn’t move. Standing right behind her now, I don’t know if it’s safe to touch her or not. Everything inside me wants to grab her and wrap her up in my arms and never let go.
“Baby, I’m here now.”
Still Willow doesn’t move or speak. Sometimes the hardest part is telling the world you’ve been dying silently on the inside every day, and only surviving by smiling and faking it. I know this from experience, however, I stand here no longer willing to let Willow suffer in her own hell. She needs, no she deserves someone to rescue her and show her just how amazing true love feels and how it magically heals broken souls.
I turn to see Cree and Tripp leaning on the truck with their arms crossed in defense. I make my way into the pond, knee deep, and face Willow. With one look, she just broke my heart deeper than anyone else ever has. The only thing I want right now is to take her pain away. I would give anything for that.
“I’m here, Willow,” I say, sinking down to my knees right in front of her.
I hold her notebook out to her. She accepts it and holds it to her heart and silently cries.
“I know, sweetie. I know. I read it and I’m here for you,” I whisper, leaning in and placing a kiss on her forehead.
I feel Willow wince at my touch and I back off.
“I love you, Willow.”
“I hate myself. Hate the weak piece of shit I have become. I hate myself for allowing him to ruin me. I hate that he has his happily ever after and I suffer every day just barely able to hang on. I can’t love again.”
“You can’t or you won’t allow yourself? Those are two different things, Willow.”
“I’m broken beyond repair. I can’t love again. I’m a waste of your time.”
“I’m not him. Look at me. I’m not Greyson, Willow. I’m Miles and your future.”
Willow begins to sob harder with my words.
“I’m not backing down, baby. I fucking love you, Willow.”
“Help me forget,” she finally whispers.
I scoop Willow up in my arms and make our back to the truck.
“Promise to never leave me, Miles.”
“Crazy girl, nothing could ever keep me away.”
Cree offers a silent nod of approval as we approach the truck. Tripp immediately rushes up to us and wraps Willow up in a big hug. He places a kiss on her forehead and cries. Tripp has always been known to wear his emotions on his sleeve.
“Willow, I know how it feels. Trust me,” he whispers.
I climb into the back seat of the truck and Tripp hands me Willow. Cradled in my arms just like a baby, she nuzzles her head into me and cries. Not a word is spoken on the way home.
Lacey and Milly are waiting in the driveway when we pull in.
“Miles, we’d like to talk to Willow. Could you give us some time?” Cree asks.
Willow lifts her head and looks blank. Everything inside me screams not to leave her for even a couple seconds, let alone minutes. I also don’t want to start a fight with her brothers right now. Before I have a chance to respond, Milly flings open Cree’s door and climbs over the top of him to look at Willow.
“Oh my God, Willow. Thank God, you are all right,” she repeats over and over with tears streaming down her face.
Milly sits on the console, facing Willow. Tripp’s door flies open next to a teary-eyed Lacey holding baby Rose.
“Is she okay?”
Tripp silently nods.
“What happened?” Lacey asks.
“Girls, we’ve asked Miles for some alone time with Willow. We need to talk with our sister and only our sister. Can you give us some time?” Cree asks.
My grip tightens around Willow, and I can feel her relax even further into me. My heart is screaming at me to never let her go, but my brain is the logical part convincing me that she needs this time to heal with her brothers.
&nb
sp; “Crazy girl, what do you want?” I whisper to her.
“Don’t leave me, Miles. Please don’t leave me.”
“You want me to stay while your brothers talk with you?” I ask her, brushing her wild curls back from her face.
Willow opens her mouth to speak, and instantly begins to sob again. Milly leans forward, and brushes Willow’s hair with her hand, trying to settle her.
“No. I-I don’t want you to leave me after what you read and the crazy you are seeing. Please don’t leave me. I need you.”
Her words relieve the tension built up in my soul, I needed to hear her say those words to me.
“Willow, you are mine, and remember I told you that I take care of everything that’s mine. I’ll never leave you.”
Lifting Willow’s head up from my dampened shoulder, I continue, “Look at me. I love you. I know you can’t say it yet, and I don’t want you to. This is the last time I’ll say this, I’m not him. I’m not Greyson, and I never will be. In front of your family, I promise you that I will take care of you every second, minute, and hour for the rest of your days. I will always buy your favorite cereal for you, and bring home your favorite burger for dinner. Hell, I’ll even be yours and Annie’s pool boy, if you’ll let me. Willow, I’ll let you drive me everywhere in that car of yours. Fuck, I’ll even sell my car and pedal a bike around town for you. Bottom line, babe, I fucking love you and always will. I have every bit of faith in you and your ability to heal because I’ve seen glimpses of the real Willow. She’s simply gorgeous and she steals my breath away. I know your story, and now I want to be a part of it.”
“Thank you, Miles,” she whispers, and places a quick, gentle kiss on my lips.
Nodding my head, I whisper back into her lips, “You got this, babe.”
Willow places her hands on both sides of my cheeks and whispers right back, “Only because I have you.”
Leaving that truck was the hardest thing I’ve had to do to date. I go grab Annie out of the car, and help the girls in with all their goods. Annie knew something was wrong, and asked me a couple times if her Aunt Wils was okay. Learning from Willow, I have perfected the art of distracting Annie. Her new favorite thing is her loom. I convinced her to take her new bracelet rubberband combo killing looping machine into the living room with her new bands she got in town today to give me a chance to talk with Lacey and Milly.
“So, what happened?” Milly asks.
“I don’t know the full story yet. I went to The Shop after work to pick Willow up for our date and the place was trashed. I mean she tore the fuck out of the place. Shredded it. I couldn’t find her and panicked. I called Tripp and we ended up finding her at the pond.”
“You know, then,” Lacey whispers.
“I know.”
“Miles, I don’t know you very well, but I can tell you this one very important thing. Nothing is more degrading than the moment when the love of your life finds out your deepest, darkest secret. Nothing, and I mean nothing, cuts deeper than that wound. If your love has the strength to heal, then I can tell you that you won’t discover any prettier scar than that wound,” Lacey says.
Burying my face into my hands, I break down right in front of the girls with all my manly pride disappearing.
“I can’t lose her. I can’t. I’ve never had anything in my life worth fighting for until Willow.”
The words are so true they haunt me to my depths because I know I have to tell her the truth soon, and my own words will crush her again. But the thing that really pisses me off is what I have to tell her isn’t even my fault…sometimes I really fucking hate the life God handed me.
Chapter 9
New Chapter
Willow
The night Miles saved me was the lowest part of my life. And you know what they say when you’re at the lowest part of your life…there’s only one way to go. On a daily basis I have been scratching, clawing, and kicking my way up. The drive with my brothers was hell on Earth. I was forced to say things that I never thought I would be able to. The only reason I was able to speak those words was the promise that Miles made me.
The circumstances of our childhood never allowed us to bond as siblings. We were forced to live as cousins with Tripp. Even though he visited us during the summer, we truly didn’t know him as brothers and sisters should. Tripp was robbed of having a father figure, and at the same time our daddy was robbed of knowing one of the greatest men to walk the Earth. A person could go on for ages about how life has mistreated and played unfair with them, but long story short, we have what we’re dealt and need to travel down the most desirable path life has to offer. And that night in Cree’s truck on a back dirt road, we all shared our paths and promised each other to stay true to our own unique individual paths. Some say moments like these are magical, but I think Daddy finally lined the stars up for his three children.
Since that night, Miles and I spend more and more time at Tripp’s house with the rest of the family. I continue to work my thoughts and feeling out in my notebook as my daily therapy. But it’s not only the notebook that continues to heal me, it’s Miles. He loves it when I read it to him at night. We have promised ourselves to each other, and I can even call him my boyfriend. To say Annie is ecstatic about me having a boyfriend is an understatement. She begged Miles to come in for her show and tell last week, and he did. He even googled a couple magic tricks to show her class. Miles is just one big goofy kid in an adult’s body.
Tonight is family game night and pizza at Tripp and Lacey’s. I escaped the slaughter (some call playing it board games), but with my family it’s like a complete war. Everything starts out fine, but then the discrepancy in rules comes, then comes Tripp’s law and then Lacey throwing a huge fit, and finally Cree throwing his cards, saying “Fuck this shit.”
I volunteered to hold Rose and entertain the other kids while I sent Miles into the lion’s den to fend for himself. The problem with Miles is that he loves to instigate Lacey. He knows exactly how to get her fired up and on a roll. Everyone in the family knows exactly what he’s doing, except for Lacey. I give them about another ten minutes before the fur flies.
“Hey, Aunt Wils,” Annie asks from the floor.
She’s playing with Mac and his trucks and tractors. I also give them approximately ten minutes before fur flies. Rose and I seem to be the only safe occupants of the house, nestled down in Tripp’s big recliner. The sweet little bugger is passed out, all bundled up in her blanket. I have never seen a chubbier baby with wild blonde hair spraying in all directions.
“What, baby?” I respond to Annie.
“Um, I am NOT a baby.”
“Oh, excuse me. What, Annie?” I chuckle at her insistence on being a big kid. Hell, I forgot she is practically a teenager at the ripe old age of seven.
“What do you think we should be for Halloween? I mean, I want an epic costume this year.”
Oh, dear lord. Halloween. This family and that holiday is going to be the death of me. Cree and Milly consider Halloween their first date a couple years ago, and worship it like no other. I’m actually surprised nothing has been said until now. Milly rules with an absolute iron fist when it comes to Halloween. You better abide by all costume specifications or she’ll go bat shit crazy on you. Last year, I was lucky enough to escape it.
“Annie, you know that I have nothing to do with Halloween or the costumes, but I’m sure your momma will get you the best one ever.”
Annie makes her way over to the recliner and starts to climb up in it.
“Shh. Rose is sleeping.”
I hold my hand out to her and hoist her up. Little monkey follows suit. Mac does everything Annie does.
“Help your brother up here.”
Mac knows no bounds and plops himself right between Rose and Annie and wiggles right down.
“Well, do you have any ideas, at least?”
“I’m not touching this topic with a ten foot pole, Annie.”
“Ideas about what?” Milly asks a
s she enters the living room with Cree.
“Card game over?” I ask.
“Yeah, Lacey just threw Kool-Aid at Miles. Tripp is getting him a new shirt,” Cree responds, and jumps on the couch.
“What topic are you not touching, Willow?”
“Halloween, Momma. What are we dressing up as?”
“Yeah, what are we dressing up as, Hitler?” Lacey directs her question right at Milly as she plops on the couch with Cree and Milly.
Cheesus, she has the same bubble breaking issue as toddler Mac.
“You guys act like I’m the ruler of Halloween. It’s not my fault that I have the best taste and eye for design in the family.”
No one dares respond to Milly.
“Why the silence?” Tripp asks as he enters with Miles behind him in a clean shirt.
Miles bends over and kisses my forehead. “Love you, crazy girl.”
“Hear things got a little sticky in there,” I giggle.
“Dude, Lacey is bat shit crazy,” he responds, and picks up Mac and throws him on his shoulders.
“Unky, I want to know what our Halloween costumes are going to be. And everyone is basically ascared of my momma and won’t say anything.”
Nothing like sugarcoating the situation. Annie gets the whole room caught up to speed in less than five seconds.
“It’s not true. Nobody’s afraid of me. Right, Lacey?”
Lacey just grins.
“Okay fine. Everyone throw their ideas out and we’ll vote.”
Silence. No one dares suggest anything.
“Why won’t anyone talk?”
Lacey finally throws her hands up in the air. “Because our ideas will instantly be shot down by you, and maybe we genuinely want to dress up in that costume, but no, because you can’t be all matchy matchy and cute you won’t let us, and that’s why, you little hoochie.”
“Jesus Christ! Leg wrestle it out, girls, and get over it,” Tripp finally says.