by Megan Tayte
‘Good,’ said Cara. ‘That it?’
I nodded.
‘Right, pass Luke the stick.’
I tried to, but he ignored it and just launched straight in, glaring daggers at Jude: ‘He’s a liar. That much he’s admitted. And yet he’s going to sit there and expect us to trust what he says now, expect Scarlett to go willingly to wherever the hell it is he comes from. And this not coming back thing is bullshit – if he’s one of them, and he’s here, then Scarlett can come back too.’
‘Okay,’ said Cara. ‘Jude, you’re up.’
He looked at the table for a long while before speaking, and when he did his voice was abnormally flat. ‘I’ve failed here on many fronts. I didn’t realise Daniel had got to Sienna. I didn’t convince her to stay with me. I didn’t save her in the sea that night. And then you, Scarlett.’
He lifted his head, and I was shocked by the look on his face. He may as well have tattooed failure on his forehead. Clearly, he was feeling really bad.
‘I’ve tried to save you,’ he told me. ‘I’ve saved you over and over. I’ve tried to support you, respect your right to time. But then, the other day, when I found you nearly dead again…’
Luke shot upright. ‘What!’
‘Don’t interrupt,’ chided Cara, just as Jude said:
‘The gas leak.’
Luke turned to me and I cringed. In my epic retelling of the past months last night, I’d left out a few things, the near-misses among them. I didn’t see that they were relevant.
‘I’m sorry,’ Jude said to Luke. ‘I thought you knew. Cara said she told you everything.’
‘I did!’ I said quickly. ‘But I hardly think those stupid accidents are worth mentioning. No need to go worrying him, Jude.’
‘Worrying about what – what happened?’
‘Nothing. I fell asleep with the gas on, that’s all.’
‘And Jude found you?’
‘Yes. I felt rough. He put me to bed. You walked in…’
Luke closed his eyes. Then blinked them open. ‘Accidents, you said. Plural.’
As I squirmed Jude said quietly, ‘There’s quite a list. She’s convinced Death is stalking her. I’m starting to think it myself. That’s why... Here, in the cove, I can’t be with her all the time. But it seems like she’s in danger often. I didn’t want to risk not being there to Claim her when it happened.’
‘So you thought, if it was over between us, she would come with you,’ said Luke.
Jude nodded. ‘And I could keep her safe, until the end.’
‘Well, that plan backfired spectacularly,’ said Cara.
‘Yes.’
She pointed a stern finger at him. ‘People don’t like it when you meddle in their lives, Jude.’
‘Thanks, Cara. I’ve got that loud and clear.’
‘I suppose you did come and tell us the truth in the end...’
‘Part of it,’ I corrected. ‘Why did you, anyway? Why tell them I’m dying?’
‘Because you wouldn’t answer your phone to me, and I had to get you back here.’
‘Why?’
‘In case you got sick up there, and then I couldn’t get to you.’
‘I was going to call you. Today. I was going to call you and tell you to come for me.’
‘I couldn’t have come, Scarlett.’
‘What?’
‘I never told you – it never seemed important before. I can’t cross the county border to the east, only to the west.’
Cara was fascinated. ‘What, literally? Like an invisible barrier you can’t cross?’
‘I guess.’
‘So Devon and Cornwall is your patch. But other areas have their own... what, Ceruleans? Or are they different supes? With different powers?’
‘It’s just us, I think,’ said Jude, looking somewhat discomforted by Cara’s interest.
‘You think? So –’
Luke slammed his hands down on the table, making everyone jump. ‘This is the biggest pile of crap I’ve ever heard! The rules of your weird little world make no sense at all. You heal some people but leave plenty to suffer. You have no explanation at all for why Scarlett and her sister are like you, or why the hell Becoming one of you requires death. You’re wandering about in our world – only Devon and Cornwall, mind – but say Scarlett won’t be able to. You put out all this garbage, and expect us just to accept it.’
‘Luke,’ I began, but he was fixed on Jude.
‘You want her, that’s the only truth here. Enough that you’d manipulate me into bringing her back here so you can take her away and imprison her wherever the hell it is you people live.’
‘Imprison!’
‘Why else can’t she come back?’
‘Didn’t Scarlett explain? Women don’t Travel –’
‘Stop lying!’
‘I’m not lying.’
Luke sprang to his feet and toward Jude so quickly that he almost fell off his seat lurching backwards. ‘That’s it!’ he yelled, looming over him. ‘You and me, outside, now!’
‘No!’ I gasped, on my feet at once, but was drowned out by Cara’s loud snort.
‘Luke, really, you’ve never hit so much as a punch bag. What’re you gonna do: slap an angel?’
‘I’m not an angel,’ said Jude, standing, just as Luke said, ‘If it stops him lying...’
‘Luke, please!’ I laid a hand on his arm. Still he glared at Jude, who was white-faced but didn’t flinch under his accuser’s scrutiny.
‘I see right through you,’ said Luke. ‘You’re a liar. You’ve admitted as much already. I don’t trust a single word you say. I don’t trust you. And you are not taking Scarlett.’
That was it; I snapped: ‘I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE!’
They all turned and gaped at me. Outside in the garden, Chester whined.
‘Please,’ I implored Luke. ‘I don’t need you to speak for me. And I don’t need all this conflict. This’ – I gestured at the four of us, frozen in a tense tableau – ‘is not what I want.’
Across the table, Jude sat down.
Cara picked up her coffee and took a sip.
Luke hovered awkwardly.
‘Look,’ I said, ‘I know this is really hard for you, and I appreciate your concern, I do. But you have to back down, Luke. This is my life, my death, my choice. It’s not your job to protect me – you can’t protect me.’
Pain flashed in his eyes, so much pain. He slumped back into his seat.
‘Listen to me,’ I said to Luke, but for the benefit of the others as well. ‘I’ve read my sister’s diary. I know it’s real. I’ve met Daniel. I know he’s real – he and all that he stands for. I know, I know right here’ – I laid a palm over my heart – ‘what Sienna did for me. If Jude says that in going with him, in Becoming a Cerulean, I can find my sister and save her...’
‘But he could be lying!’
‘Don’t you see, though? It doesn’t matter. If there’s even the smallest chance that Jude is telling the truth about taking me to Sienna – and I think that he is – I have to go with him. I have to. She’s my sister. You know you’d do the same for Cara.’
His eyes slid to Cara, and then Jude, and then back to me.
‘Do you understand?’
Slowly, soberly, he nodded.
‘Good,’ I said. ‘So here’s how it’s going to go. I’ll stay here, with you guys, for as long as possible. Until the sickness is taking over. And then I’ll kiss you goodbye, and I’ll leave the cove, with Jude. We’ll find somewhere quiet and private, and wait to the end.’
But Luke was shaking his head. ‘I want to be there. Right to your last breath. You can’t just go off with him. I want to be there. I’ll – I’ll hold you.’
‘No! Absolutely not. I’m not leaving you holding my empty shell, Luke. That would be terrible for you! And you’d have to call someone to sort... that... and then my mum would find out.’
‘There won’t be a body,’ said Jude quietly.
‘
What?’ Three heads spun around to face him.
‘Sienna – that’s why she was never found. I thought you knew that. When I Claim you, it will be all of you that comes with me, flesh and spirit. You’ll just disappear.’
‘Blimey,’ said Cara.
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Well, that’s… oh.’
‘Not dying dying then,’ said Luke softly. ‘Just going someplace else.’
‘So,’ said Cara. ‘Does that mean you’ll stay with us, Scarlett, to the end?’
‘Yes,’ said Luke firmly.
I didn’t want to argue now, not when he’d just calmed down. But in my mind were terrible images I’d been blocking for weeks. Me wasted and frail, lashing out from the pain, no longer myself. Jude seeing that was one thing. But Luke, Cara... I couldn’t let them see the very end.
Across the table, Jude cleared his throat. We all looked at him. Don’t say anything to set Luke off again, I begged silently.
‘What’s most important,’ he said seriously to me, ‘is that you’re not alone from here on, Scarlett. All those accidents – it’s too dangerous. Someone has to be with you at all times.’
Luke’s hand took mine possessively. ‘Cara and I will cover that,’ he told Jude. ‘So feel free to go back to mysterious land of Cerulea now.’
‘But Scarlett needs –’
‘Me. She needs me.’
Across the table Cara threw her hands up in despair. ‘Not again,’ she moaned.
‘We’ll call if we need you,’ Luke told Jude.
‘If? Don’t you mean when?’
Jude stood up.
Luke stood up.
I stood up.
‘Right,’ I snapped, pointing to the nearest irate male. ‘You and me, outside, now!’
46: OHHHHHHHHHH
The only victim of violence outside was a garden gnome who lost his head in a Chester tail-wagging frenzy as we stepped out onto the patio. Of course I hadn’t brought Jude out here to do him damage. Quite the opposite, in fact.
He followed me to a wooden bench at the far end of the garden. I sat down, and, after a glance at the kitchen window where Luke was visible, pretending to wash up but blatantly watching us, Jude sat at the other end of the bench, as far away from me as possible. Chester came and buried his head in my lap and I combed my fingers through his fur.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said.
‘For what?’
‘For all that, in there. Luke’s –’
‘Angry, hurting. I get that. He has every right to be. And to hate me.’
‘I wish he didn’t, though. It makes it so much harder. There’s so little time left, and I don’t want to waste it fighting.’
‘Don’t you hate me, Scarlett?’
I looked into his eyes, saw the regret there, the fear. If we’d been alone, I’d have slid across the bench and hugged him. As it was, I had to settle for words I hoped would mend what was broken between us:
‘I don’t hate you, Jude. You’re my friend, I know that. I need you. I want you around. But Luke...’
‘Doesn’t. And I’m fine with it, Scarlett, giving you space. But what he said in there, if, not when...’
‘You’re worried he’ll block you. That he won’t call you if I’m in trouble.’
Jude nodded.
‘So you don’t trust him either.’
‘Yes. No. I don’t know. He really hates me.’
‘No, he doesn’t. He just doesn’t know you. He looks at you and all he sees is the person I have to choose over him, the guy who’s going to take me from him. He hates that I’m dying, that’s what he hates. But how he feels won’t for a moment stop him doing the right thing. He will call you when I need you. He absolutely will. You have to trust him.’
‘And he has to trust me, Scarlett. To make that call, he has to trust me.’
‘So build that trust. Make amends for hurting him – hurting both of them.’
‘I don’t understand – how?’
I looked away from him, to the house. Brother and sister were framed in the window, watching, waiting. Still in the dark. There was just one revelation in Sienna’s diary I’d kept from them:
A car crash. A mother and father in the front. A teenage boy and girl in the back. He got there before the emergency services. He got there soon after it happened. Everyone was unconscious. He had to work quickly.
The parents in the front were in a bad way, bleeding out. It was their time; he knew it. He left them be.
The girl in the back was stirring. Her legs were crushed, but she would survive. He wanted to heal her – her legs – but he knew he wasn’t meant to. He left her be.
The boy in the back had been hit in the face by a shard of glass. It was embedded deep and he was dying fast. It wasn’t his time. Jude knew it wasn’t his time. So he pulled out the glass and he touched his hands to the wound. When he woke up, the boy had nothing more than a broken arm and a cut on his nose.
‘Tell them what you did,’ I told Jude. ‘Tell Luke that he owes you his life.’
He shook his head vehemently. ‘No. That’s not our way. We don’t seek recognition for what we do. We don’t need it.’
‘But Luke needs to know. It will make all the difference, I know it. Show them that you’re good, Jude, that Ceruleans are good. I’ve tried, but it needs to come from you.’
‘What do you mean you’ve tried?’
‘Well, I’ve healed his scar, and I’ve healed a good few of Cara’s, but...’
‘You’ve what!’
Chester jerked in my lap and barked again. The kitchen window swung open.
‘You all right, Scarlett?’ yelled Luke.
‘Fine,’ I called back. I smiled at him until he closed the window again.
‘See,’ I said to Jude. ‘He’s so on edge. If he knew what you’d done for him, he would trust you, I’m sure of it. He’d know that you’ll take care of me. And then all of it, today, tomorrow, afterwards, it would be easier all round.’
But Jude was still frowning. ‘You’ve been healing. What did I tell you about healing, Scarlett, now, before you’re a full Cerulean?’
‘Not to. But I had to show them, Jude. And I’m hardly going to leave my friend disabled and scarred and in pain when I can make that go away, am I? I always intended to finish – oh! No! I didn’t think. You didn’t heal Cara. That night.’
‘No,’ he said grimly. ‘I didn’t.’
‘And if you tell them the truth about their accident, they’ll know that. You healed Luke, but you left their parents, and you left Cara... They’d hate you. Really hate you.’
‘Would they be right to, do you think?’
I was startled by the question. Surely he believed he’d acted correctly, according to the instincts that were part of his gift. After all, he’d told Sienna the story of the accident as an example of exactly that. Perhaps he was testing me.
‘Serviam,’ I said, gesturing to his arm where his sleeve was pushed up and his tattoo was visible. ‘You serve the light, and that means respecting its boundaries.’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It does.’
Then he stood up and stalked down the garden.
‘What – hang on – oof – Chester, move, will you!’
By the time I’d disentangled myself from the dog at my feet Jude was inside the house. I hurtled across the lawn and through the patio door just in time to grab Luke, who was rushing full pelt across the room shouting, ‘Don’t you touch my sister!’ I wrapped my arms around him and took in the scene in a blink: Cara sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar, cheeks as red as I’d ever seen them, eyes feverish with emotion, staring down at the hands hovering above her legs. Jude’s hands.
‘Don’t you want me to heal her?’ said Jude.
Luke stopped struggling in my arms. ‘What? What did you say?’
‘I will heal your sister. Right here. Right now.’
‘All of it?’ said Cara. ‘No more scars? No more limp?’
Jude nodded. ‘No mor
e pain.’
‘No!’ I let go of Luke and hurried to Jude. ‘You can’t!’ I touched a finger to his tattoo. ‘Serviam. This is wrong for you, Jude. It’s against what you believe in.’
He slanted a look at Cara and Luke. ‘Sometimes the wrong thing is the right thing,’ he said to me. But I saw it in his eyes, the conflict.
‘Let me do it,’ I said.
‘No.’
Luke came to stand over Jude. ‘What is your problem?’ he said. ‘If Scarlett wants to do it, let her! Better from her than you.’
‘Stop that,’ I snapped. ‘Stop getting at him!’ His eyes widened, but before he could speak I said, ‘You have no idea what Jude is offering here – the sacrifice he would be making. He is not allowed to heal Cara. But he’s prepared to do it, to earn your trust. And the reason he won’t let me do it is that it’ll make me ill. Even more ill. Which would mean less time together, Luke.’
He slumped against the kitchen counter. ‘I can’t think straight,’ he muttered, rubbing a hand over his haggard face.
‘You don’t have to do it.’ I looked around to find Cara sitting tall on her stool despite the tears coursing down her cheeks. ‘I’ll understand,’ she told Jude in an almost steady voice.
I saw him glance at his tattoo, and I thought for a moment he would retract his offer. But then he smiled and said, ‘Hush now. Sit still.’ And without another word, he placed his hands firmly on Cara’s thighs and closed his eyes. Luke instinctively began to reach for his sister, but I took his outstretched hand in mine just as the most dazzling flood of blue I’d ever seen shot out of Jude’s fingers, spreading out until Cara’s legs were impossible to look at – like trying to stare directly at the sun.
‘It’s impossible,’ breathed Luke.
I remembered saying the same thing in the cottage garden when Jude healed a cut on my hand. I remembered the question Jude had asked me in response.
‘Do you want it to be impossible?’ I asked Luke.
He shook his head, tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, and I put my arms around him and held him as we waited.
When the light blinked out, Jude lurched back, grabbing the kitchen counter for support. Cara launched herself off her stool and stood – upright.
‘Oh!’ she said.