“And you never asked?”
“You don’t understand. He’s nice, and sweet, and I don’t want to give you the wrong idea. He’s different now that he’s getting older and losing his memory. But when I was younger, he had a bad temper. He used to get mad at me if I spilled a drink, or made too much noise, or left a mess at the table.”
I don’t know how to process what she’s telling me. I feel that maybe I have a reason to be scared of him now, but she says he’s different. Is he?
“I’m sorry, Raina, I didn’t want to have to tell you anything about what he used to be like. And if I did have to, I didn’t want it to be like this.”
I think about my mother, and why she never brought me here. It’s making a little more sense now.
She says, “Listen, it’s ok. He’s ok now, he’s changed. Really, don’t worry.”
I realize I’ve been too quiet. “No, I’m not worried,” I lie.
“I hate to do this, but I’ve got to get back to work. I see a couple just walked in and no one else is open right now.”
I look around and see a young man and woman holding hands and looking a little confused.
“They’re probably honeymooners; we get a lot of them. They want to hear that they’ll have the happily ever after that was promised to them.”
I get up. “Yeah, it’s fine.”
Ellie gets up, too. She smiles at me like nothing happened, like she didn’t just unload a big family secret. Grandpa’s got a bad temper, she said. Oh, no problem. Let me just go home to him, and if I’m lucky, he won’t even know I’m there.
***
I spend the day in my room on the computer, only leaving to eat. Finally, when I can’t stare at the computer screen anymore, I sit with Grandpa for a bit. The clock on the wall says it’s 9:00 p.m. I wonder what Zac is up to. And I wonder if it’s too late to drop in on him.
After a moment of consideration, I decide it couldn’t hurt to pop in and see if he’s busy. If he’s even there at all. “I’m going to go say hi to Zac,” I tell Grandpa.
“Who’s Zac?” He gives me his full attention now.
I forgot how old-fashioned he acted with my mom. He may not approve of me stopping by to see a boy this late at night. “I mean Ms. Mona,” I say with hopeful conviction. “You know, Zac is her son.”
He stares at me. It’s as though he’s judging whether I’m telling the truth or not. Finally he says, “He’s not her son.” And after dropping that bombshell, he goes back to reading like it’s nothing. What is it with this family?
“Really? He calls her Mom.”
“Who?”
“Ms. Mona, Grandpa. You just said Zac is not her son. What did you mean?”
He looks off in the direction of the living room, as if he expects to find the answer there.
I say again, “What did you mean, Grandpa?”
“Ellie?”
“No, it’s Raina.”
“Ok, then,” he says, like everything’s just been settled.
I sigh in frustration. “I’ll be home later.”
I knock on the door and Zac answers. He’s not wearing his glasses and it makes him look older. And cuter. He says, “Hey, this is a surprise.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t doing anything so I thought I’d just say hi and see if you’re busy. I wasn’t sure if you were even home.”
I notice he’s standing in the doorway without making an effort to either invite me in or come outside. That makes me think he doesn’t want to see me, and that makes me nervous, and being nervous makes me talk too much. “I mean, I should get your number so I can call before I just pop in like this.”
“Yeah, yeah, I need to give you my number. Um, I just have some friends over. Would you like to come in?”
I can’t decide. If he really wanted me to join him and his friends, he would have invited me in right away, so I should probably go. But, I don’t want to go, and I would like to meet his friends, so I say, “Sure, if that’s ok.”
“Come on in.” He holds the door open for me.
I walk in and see four guys and two girls in the living room—all staring at me. The two girls have coupled up with two of the guys, and they’re sitting together on the sofa. Of the other two guys, one is sitting in a living room chair and the other is on the love seat, stretched out so no one else can sit next to him. There’s only one place left to sit then, and that’s the desk chair, which is where Zac must have been sitting when I interrupted this party. Though, it doesn’t look like any party I’ve ever been to. They all look so…serious.
“Everyone, this is Raina.”
“Hi,” I say.
I get a few unenthusiastic hellos in return. Then Zac goes around the room and tells me everyone’s name, but I know I won’t remember any.
Zac says to me, “Here, you can sit here.” He pulls out the desk chair a little more than it already was, and I sit down. He leaves the room and comes right back with another chair from the dining room.
“So, Raina, how do you know Zac?” one of the girls asks. I think her name was Ashley, or maybe that was the other girl.
“I just moved in with my grandfather, across the street.”
“Ohhhh,” she says. “Well, anyway, we were just talking about colleges. Where do you plan to go next year?”
“I’ll be a senior next year, actually.”
“You mean, in high school?” the other girl who might be Ashley asks.
“Yes,” I say.
“Leave her alone, she just moved to New Orleans. You don’t want her to get the wrong idea of the people here, now would you?” Zac says in my defense.
“Where did you move from?” the first Ashley asks.
“California. You know what? I told my grandfather I’d be right back. I just wanted to stop by and see what you were up to,” I say to Zac. “But I don’t want to interrupt your college talk when I don’t have anything useful to add.” I stand up, ready to see myself out.
“I’ll walk you home, to make sure you get there ok,” Zac says.
On our way out I hear one of the guys say, “Yeah, Zac, please make sure she gets home to grandfather ok.” And then there’s laughter.
Zac closes the door and says, “Don’t listen to them, they’re just scared.”
“Of what, me?”
“No, because they were popular in high school, but they know that nobody cares who was the coolest kid in high school once you get to college. At least that’s what I’m told. And they don’t want to talk about that.”
“Oh, well, I understand what it’s like to start over in a new school.”
“I know. If they would have given you a chance, maybe they could have learned something.”
“It doesn’t matter. Kids like that don’t want to learn from someone they don’t know.” If I’m to be honest with myself, I know I was the same way to new kids. I don’t know why; I guess we treat others the way we’re treated. I know I’ve changed now though. I hope I never act like that again.
Zac takes hold of my hand as we cross the street. His touch makes me forget about anything else. He says, “I was accepted to USC. Mom’s not thrilled about me moving so far away, but she said she doesn’t want to hold me back here because she knows I want to go.”
“You don’t want to go to a closer school? LSU is here, right? I’ve heard of it, I bet it’s a good school.”
We stop at my front door. We turn and look at each other. He says, “I’ve always wanted to go to California. What’s it like there?”
“It’s beautiful.” I think back to how much I liked it there. “You’ve got the mountains as a backdrop, and then the ocean and the beaches. The beach was about an hour away, but we used to go and stay all day. We’d play volleyball, and swim, and then lay out on beach towels because we were exhausted…but in a good way.”
“That’s how I imagine it. I want to go. Everyone back at my house is going to LSU or Alabama State. I want to experience something different.”
�
��I know the feeling. Really, I do. It’s just that we’re just getting to know each other, and you’re leaving. My life is full of goodbyes…” It’s true. Goodbye to friends and neighbors, but it also makes me think of my dad. I realize that I didn’t get to tell him goodbye. I did when he left for his tour of duty, but I thought he was coming back. If I’d known it was forever… I push those thoughts away. I don’t want Zac to see me all weepy.
“I have to go.” I take the key out of my pocket and open the door as quickly as I can.
“No, Raina, it’s ok,” he says. He playfully tugs at my arm, but I pull away.
I look at him and say, “I have to go.”
“I’ll see you later, then.”
“Sure,” I say. Once inside, I close the door and turn the lock. I head straight for the safety of my room, without checking on Grandpa.
~ 7 ~
I put on my most comfortable pants and a t-shirt. I look in the mirror and brush my hair. Between all my A-Team friends, I was always the one with unruly curls that turn to frizz in humid air. I used to spend a half-hour every morning just to tame my hair. Now I just let it go and curl however it wants. Or pull it up in a ponytail because it’s so hot here. I tell myself I don’t care about trivial things like appearance, but I do care about those things. I can’t help it. I resolve to style my hair tomorrow; it will make me feel better. Maybe I’ll stop by Mystic Café and see Ellie again. I could do without seeing Andre though. He seemed to dislike me right away, and I don’t know why. It’s a shame, too, because he’s my cousin’s boyfriend and I want to get along.
I try to put it out of my mind and crawl into bed, knowing there’s no easy fix for my situation. My stained glass church night-light sits on the desk. I haven’t turned it on since Ellie gave it to me. I think of Johnny putting in money for the little church as a gift for me; it makes me smile. I feel a little guilty because I like Zac, and I know he likes me. But I like Johnny too, just in a different way—and I can’t even tell if he likes me back. If I can’t figure myself out, how can I expect anyone else to?
I get up and turn on the night-light. The colors set my room aglow and it makes me forget everything else. I am present in this moment. The ceiling fan blades spin in the light and I make a game of trying to follow just one blade.
I close my eyes, but can’t sleep. I should have checked on Grandpa—at least I could have said hi. It’s not his fault I’m stuck here, or that he’s forgetful. But I’m so comfortable in this bed . . . I debate whether or not I should get up. I feel compelled to see that he’s ok, so I throw back the covers and pull myself up.
Grandpa is sitting at the table with his head down, absorbed in his paper. He’s fine, I got up for nothing. I turn to head back to my room, but something catches my eye. I look; there’s smoke rising from the newspaper in his hands. He seems not to notice. Maybe he’s fallen asleep sitting up. I walk over to him. It feels like it’s taking twice as long as it should to reach him.
“Grandpa? Are you ok?” I don’t want to startle him awake so I speak in a low voice. “Grandpa?” I smell the smoke rising from the paper. I try to pull it from his hands so I can put it in the sink and run water over it. He’s got a tight grasp on it; he won’t let go. “Grandpa,” I say louder.
He looks up at me; I think he may be asleep with his eyes open. He lets go with one hand and takes his glasses off, then I see. The color of his eyes are a deep, dark red. The smoke increases, and I can barely see him. Maybe I’m imagining it. Now I’m the one that’s confused.
“Raina,” he says. He stands and crumples up the paper. “You forgot about me.” He tosses the paper aside and moves toward me.
“No! How did you get in here?”
“Oh, dear. Daddy’s little girl is now Grandpa’s little girl? Did you forget all about me?” He grabs the skin under his chin and pulls up; I can’t look. I turn to run, but somehow I’ve ended up in a circle and I’m facing him again.
“Look at me,” he says in my father’s voice.
I can’t help myself, I look. It is him. “I don’t understand,” I whisper.
“Of course you don’t. Come with me,” he says.
“No, it’s not you. I know it’s not.”
“Raina, it’s me. Come with me,” he says again. His voice is more persistent; it sounds just like Dad when he’s getting impatient with me.
“How?”
“Take your life and leave this physical world. Then we can be together.”
I shake my head and back away. I hide my face in my hands, hoping that when I take them away this nightmare will be over. I back away and back into him. I don’t want to turn around.
“Raina,” Dad says. I hear his voice fill with anger. “Listen to me. Look at me!”
“No!”
“You say you miss me? You’re lying! If you weren’t lying you’d see me now.”
Against every bit of my being that tells me not to, I look. He’s wearing his dress blues, the ones we buried him in. It’s too much for me. I throw myself into his arms.
“It’s ok. But it won’t be for long.”
“What do you mean?”
“Something evil is after me, it wants my soul. The only way to save me is for you to help me.”
“How?”
“I told you.” He tilts his head to the side the way he does when he’s trying to give me a lesson.
It must be him. Only he could give me that look. But still… “I can’t.”
“Why not?” He grips my arms.
“Kill myself? Is that what you’re asking, Daddy? I can’t!” This isn’t right; my father would never ask such a thing of me.
He tightens his grip and screams. No words come out, just screaming. When he finally stops, I see his red eyes glowing back at me. It’s the thing that wears the mask. He’s fooled me again.
The figure before me shakes from head to toe and his true form is revealed. I can’t believe what I’m seeing, and I can’t look away. It’s the devil from the tarot card. He has horns that curl back like a ram, and he’s so tall that they nearly scrape the ceiling. His ears are like a dog’s that point upwards, and from his chin he has long whiskers that end in a point. He wears nothing from the waist up and his shoulders are broad. From the waist down, he has the body of an animal, covered in brown fur. His feet are hooves.
“You should have listened to me!” he says with a roar that shakes the walls. He makes fists of his hands and he has an expression of pain, and then I see wings like a bat spread out from behind him.
I run backwards and fall over the table where my grandfather reads his paper and drinks coffee. But not now. Oh, God, where is Grandpa? Wrapped in my own fear, I’ve forgotten about him.
I feel a moment of bravery and demand of this thing, “Where is my grandfather?”
It looks up at the ceiling and laughs, and as it does, its wings tremble.
I spin around and look for him; he’s not here. The beast that stands before me fades when I look back at him. I spin around again and look, he’s transparent. I spin around and around…
I open my eyes and see the fan blades spin around and around. The colors from the stained glass were mesmerizing when I last saw them, now I just want them to go away. I want the fan to be still. I want the screaming that I still hear in my ears to stop.
I’m too frightened to get out of bed and I’m too frightened to stay.
There’s a knock on my door. “Raina?” It’s my grandfather’s voice, but I don’t trust it. He turns the doorknob. I forgot to lock it!
“Are you ok?” He opens the door and takes a step inside.
I want to believe that my nightmare is over. “Yes, I’m fine. Just a bad dream.”
He looks around the room. “Well, it’s no wonder. How can you sleep well with all this light?”
“I don’t know. I was going to turn it off.”
“Yes, you should. You need to get some sleep, girl.”
“Yes, sir.”
He leaves the roo
m. I get up and turn off the light.
***
The sun shines through my window and wakes me up. I look over to my nightstand and see the little stained glass church sitting there. I thought I’d never get to sleep again last night. I feel the need to check on Grandpa.
He’s not at the table. I find him in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Good morning,” I say.
“If you say so,” he says without turning around.
I stand by the table, waiting for him to turn so I can see that he’s ok. I need to see his eyes. Finally, he turns and looks at me. He looks fine. I’ve worried for nothing.
“Ok, Grandpa. I’m going to call Ellie.”
“Ellie is my granddaughter,” he says. He takes his seat at the table.
“Yes, she is,” I say. He knew me last night when I needed him. That’s enough.
In my room, I call Ellie from my cell phone. She answers with, “Hey, Raina, what’s up?”
“Remember what you told me yesterday, about Lovie?”
“Yes. Did you have another nightmare?”
I don’t even know how to explain it to her, so I just say, “Yes.”
“I’ll come pick you up tonight and we’ll go to see her. Is eight o’clock ok?”
“Yes, I’ll be ready.”
“All right, hun, you just relax. I’ll see you later.”
***
The sign on the grocery store that we pass says St. Claude Grocery. Ellie says, “This area still has damage from the hurricane. See all that vacant land?”
“Yes. Why does Lovie still live down here? I mean, if she owns Mystic Café and Antiques, then she must be doing ok.”
“She told me once that this house has been in her family for generations, and her house is nice. It’s like one of these double-barrel houses, and she owns both sides.”
“Is that what these long houses are called?”
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