I turn back and Johnny is handing me the soda.
I put on a false smile. “Thanks.” I don’t want the drink anymore, even though my throat is dry.
The girl hanging onto him is looking at me. She’s a little shorter than me, yet she manages to lift her chin and look down at me.
“Sonya, this is Raina,” he says.
“Hi, Renee,” she says.
“Raina,” I correct her. She’s pretty. She has long, dark hair like me, but hers is straight. She’s wears large, gold hoop earrings. Bracelets cover both wrists, rings are on almost every finger, and although she doesn’t look like she wears a lot of makeup, her lips are painted bright red. And even with all that adornment, what I’m trying not to stare at are her large breasts that are barely held in by her tight tank top.
She laughs at my name and says, “Ok.”
In an attempt to look away from her chest, I look down and notice how short her shorts are. I look at my legs, covered in blue jeans, and I feel overdressed. And even though it feels like I already don’t like her, I can’t help that I want her to like me.
“I’m going to see how Ellie’s doing,” I say. Before either of them can respond, if they were even going to, I take off with my unopened soda in my hand. It’s so cold it’s making my hand numb and when I grab it with my other hand, I realize I’ve had a tight grip on it.
I squeeze in between Ellie and a guy who smells of beer and cologne. Ellie is laughing at something Andre is saying and in an attempt to jump right in I start laughing too. I have no idea what we’re all laughing at, but beer and cologne guy pats me on the back and says, “That’s hilarious, right?”
I laugh and say, “Yeah.”
“Hey, I don’t remember seeing you here before,” he says.
Ellie finally notices me and says, “Oh, hi! Raina, this is Stan.”
Stan puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close to him and says, “Raina, that’s a pretty name.”
I pull away so hard that if my can of soda were open, I surely would have spilled it all over. “Thanks. My boyfriend thinks so too.”
He drops his hand, and his grin. “That’s cool,” he says, and walks away.
Andre takes notice of our interaction and says, “Hey, he was just trying to be friendly, California.”
A guy next to him with a buzz cut and a flannel shirt from the ’90s laughs and says, “Maybe he’s not her type.” Then buzz looks at me and says, “What is your type, sweetie?”
“Not him, and not you,” I say. I turn to leave but have no idea where I’m headed off to; Ellie drove us here.
“Hey,” I hear her say from behind me.
I don’t stop walking and I don’t turn around. I feel her next to me, but my eye is focused on what was once a brick wall but is now the height of a bench. I reach it and sit down.
“Hey,” she says softly, “those guys were just kidding. They don’t mean anything by it. I know this can be a tough crowd sometimes, especially when it gets crowded like this. Don’t take it personally.”
“I don’t.” I try to convince her, and myself. I take a deep breath and relax the grip I again have on this soda. I should either drink it or get rid of it. With hope that she’s ready to leave, I set the can down.
“Ok, well, are you ready to go?”
Once again she’s read my mind, and I’m not surprised—I’m grateful. “Yes, I’m ready.”
“Ok, well, let me say good bye.”
I sit alone and let my gaze wander over to Johnny and Sonya. She can’t keep her hands off him, but he seems reserved with her. I’m curious. But I guess it doesn’t matter because they’re obviously together. If that’s the kind of girl he likes, then there’s no way I’d ever have a chance with him.
I think back to the day I went to the zoo with friends. I’d never gone without my mother before. She always wanted to chaperone every field trip and tag along everywhere I went. But this time she allowed me to go with one of my friends’ moms. To be at the zoo without my mom watching over me made me feel like an animal set free from her cage.
Our chaperone for this trip had blonde hair that looked like gold in the sunlight. She kept her sunglasses on most of the time, but when she took them off, I saw that her eyes were perfectly decorated with makeup. She stayed back out of hearing distance so we had privacy; mostly all we did was giggle. My mother was plain compared to this elegant woman who followed not too close to us. And that was when I realized that I was plain too. I was twelve years old at the time,
Sonya glances back at me and drops her hand down Johnny’s backside. I realize I’ve been staring at them this whole time I’ve been lost in my memory. What is taking Ellie so long?
I look for her safely from my seat. I see her talking to Andre, and this time they’re not laughing. She sees me and nods. They kiss and she walks toward me. He looks at me like he’s angry I’m taking his girlfriend away and I feel guilty.
“Sorry that took so long. Let’s go,” she says, and walks past me toward her car.
This time it’s me catching up to her. “No, I’m sorry you had to leave early.”
“It’s ok, I’m a little tired of this crowd anyway. It’s Andre who always wants to come here.”
I want to say something, but I don’t want to say anything that would give away my dislike for Andre, which is strange because I feel his apparent dislike for me. It doesn’t matter, I’m glad to be leaving.
Once we’re in the privacy of her car I have the chance to say, “I didn’t know Johnny had a girlfriend.”
“Oh, Sonya? Yeah, well, they break up and make up all the time. They must’ve just made up again. Why, do you want to be Johnny’s girlfriend?” She smiles at me.
She’s only teasing, but I worry that my feelings about him may be too obvious, especially now that’s he’s unavailable.
“No, I don’t really know him that well. I just didn’t know he had a girlfriend. They look pretty serious. Why do they break up?”
“From what I hear, she’s having an affair with her sister’s boyfriend—but don’t repeat that! Johnny doesn’t know, but everyone else does.”
That’s horrible! How could she do that to him? Or her sister? My mind is racing but all I can say is, “Wow.”
“Yep. No one really likes Sonya but she acts like everyone does, so we just play along, I guess.”
“Really? Does she know what people say about her?”
“Probably, but she doesn’t care. She seems to get plenty of attention, and she likes it, so whatever.”
“Yeah, and she looks like she dresses for attention.”
“Oh, yeah. That’s kind of hard not to notice. I kinda feel bad for Johnny, because I know he loves her.”
“How do you know he loves her?”
“He keeps taking her back.”
Once at Grandpa’s house, I think Ellie’s just going to drop me off and leave, but she turns the car off. I feel like I want to be alone, but maybe I have been spending too much time alone. Hiding. It’s just as well that she comes in.
I unlock the door and let us in. She walks past me.
As I’m locking up, I hear her say, “Hi, Grandpa. I love you.”
He says, “Love you,” back without looking at her. That he doesn’t do much to acknowledge her actually makes me feel relieved. And then immediately bad for feeling that way.
“C’mon,” I say. “Let’s go to my room.”
I turn on the light and then the light in the stained glass church. She sits on the desk chair and looks at the little church. “This looks nice here.”
“I love it,” I say, and plop myself down on the bed.
She looks at all the things on my desk. “Is this your dad?” She flips through the photos.
“Yes,” I say. I tell her about the necklace and bracelet.
“There’s enough room on this double bed,” I say. “Come lay next to me.” And so she does. We lay, side by side, in silence.
Her phone rings in her pur
se and she gets up to answer it. She hands it to me and says, “It’s Johnny.”
I take her phone. “Hello?”
“I wanted to call and make sure you girls got home ok, but I realized I don’t have your number,” Johnny says.
I give him my number and then I hear static on the line. He says, “Be careful, Raina, he’s coming for you.”
“Who?” I say, but all I hear is static. Johnny’s gone. I look at Ellie; she’s fallen asleep in the chair. The phone that was in my hand is gone. I look up and see my father standing at the foot of my bed.
“Daddy,” I say with a tremble in my voice. “I’m scared.”
“Don’t be scared, we’re all the same here.” He rips off his mask before I have a chance to look away or hide in my hands. I see the red-eyed devil standing before me. Lovie said it is a demon, but I didn’t believe her.
I scream as loud as I can, “Daddy! Come back! I know you’re here!”
“Daddy’s not here, it’s just me and you.”
I look over at Ellie. She’s slumped down in the chair like a rag doll. Then I see the light shining on her face. Her mouth is stitched closed with a thick, black thread, and there are black buttons over her eyes. I need to protect her. I close my eyes, and when I open them again her face is covered with a purple silk cloth.
I turn my attention back to the demon. “What do you want from me?”
“Give in to me,” he says.
“I’ve given enough, I want my father back. I know you have him,” I say.
“I can’t give him back to you,” he says.
“You’re lying. You can release him from whatever hold you’ve got him in.”
He grabs my bed and picks it up like it weighs nothing. He holds me in the air. I think he means to force me into the blades of the ceiling fan. But when I look down, I see the floor beneath me is gone, and a fiery abyss waits for me below. He shakes the bed—I fear I may fall off.
“No!” I look him in his eyes. His pupils are vertical lines, like the goats I saw at the zoo. They frightened me then; I didn’t want to look at them. But I feel like I’m under a spell and I can’t look away.
He holds me in the air as I cling to my bed. I feel the heat from the fire below and begin to sweat.
“One flip and you’re mine forever,” he says.
“I don’t think it works that way,” I dare to say.
“Oh, no?” He shakes the bed.
“You can’t kill me, you can only scare me.” I have no idea if what I say is true, I only hope it is.
“We’ll see,” he says.
He drops the bed and I fall. I roll off the bed and hit the hard wood floor. That’s it, I was having another nightmare.
I believe it’s over until I look up and see him standing over Ellie.
“Leave her alone!”
“I don’t want her, I want you. I have your father, you know that’s true.”
I don’t answer. Maybe if I don’t play his game he’ll leave.
“I’ll take you to him. Your release will be painless, especially compared to the pain of this world. Come with me and you and he will meet again in the next world.” He holds his hands out to his sides, as if being crucified. “It’s a better place, for there you will learn the truth.”
I want to ask what he knows of the truth. I want to say something to challenge him. But more than that, I want him gone. And I want Ellie back. So I say nothing.
For a moment his face transforms into the image of my father. And then he’s gone and I’m left with this monster. He lifts his arms and reveals his full wing span—he’s huge. He jumps and flies straight up through the ceiling, which then crumbles around me.
I go to Ellie. “Wake up, wake up!” But it’s not me saying the words as I hear them in my head. “Wake up!” I say. No, it’s not me, it’s Ellie.
She says, “Wake up, Raina.”
I sit up. I’m in my bed and she’s next to me again. I look up to see the ceiling and it’s still intact. I look at her to see that she’s fine. “Did Johnny call?” I need to figure out when reality ends and when this demon steps in and becomes my nightmare.
“Yes,” she says. “And then I laid down next to you and you fell asleep so fast. And then you started screaming. Did you have a nightmare?”
“I must have,” I say, wiping my eyes. I hug her. I’m so glad she’s ok. I don’t want to drag anyone into these nightmares; not Grandpa, not her, not anyone.
“What is it?” she says.
“Nothing. It’s not that bad, just a dream,” I lie.
“Ok, Raina. I’m worried about you. Maybe I should stay the night?”
“No, I’m fine, really. I know when it’s just a dream now. You don’t have to stay. Really.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow. You get some sleep. I guess I’ll go home.”
“Are you going to be ok?” I say.
“Yes. Do you want to come with me? Grandpa won’t care.”
It’s tempting, but I don’t want to take the demon out of this house. “No,” I say. “I’ll be fine.”
I walk her to the door. Grandpa is not in the dining room. After I say goodbye to Ellie I knock on the door to his room. “Grandpa, are you in there?”
“What?” he says. “I’m going to bed. You should be in bed too, Rachel, you have school tomorrow.”
“Ok,” I say.
***
I sit and read the paper with Grandpa and drink my iced coffee. I’m getting used to his company, and I think he’s getting used to me too. I wish my mother would come home but I don’t want to call her. I want her to want to come home. Well, it wouldn’t do any good to call her anyway; she seems to be under Kyle’s spell.
The knock on the door brings back memories of that day. Before I can get to it, I hear the key turn. “Hello?” It’s Mona.
I’m so glad to see her I want to hug her, but I don’t really know her that well. She hugs me. “Good to see you, Raina,” she says.
I keep her company while she cooks. “If you have a cast iron skillet, you can cook anything.”
“I’d probably burn something,” I say. “I get my cooking skills from my mom.”
“Oh, now, you can do anything if you set your mind to it,” she says.
“Maybe someday I’ll want to cook. That sure does smell good, and you make it look so easy.”
“Honey, I can do this in my sleep.” She turns and looks at me with a glint in her eye that reminds me of the devil in my nightmares. I shake it off—that’s ridiculous.
I may not be able to help with the cooking, but I can at least help her pack everything away in their containers. Once everything is put away and cleaned up I tell her, “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome,” she says. “Well, I’ll be going now. You’ve certainly made my work go much faster with your company.”
I smile at her.
On her way out she says, “Goodbye, Peter.”
It sounds strange to hear him called by his first name.
He looks up and says, “Bye, Mom.”
She looks at me as if I have an explanation. I shrug my shoulders.
I spend the rest of the day in my room, reading an old book I found in the dresser. It’s about a couple that loves each other so much that when she dies, he takes his own life to be with her. A modern-day Romeo and Juliet, I suppose. Tragic.
I finish dinner with Grandpa and clean up in the kitchen. I’ve successfully kept my mind occupied for the majority of the day. I don’t want to be alone in my room. I’ve had enough of reading for one day, and TV or the computer doesn’t hold any interest for me right now. I haven’t left the house in two days; I need to get out for a while.
I decide to walk over and tell Ms. Mona how much we enjoyed her dinner. And maybe Zac will be there too—without his friends.
I knock on the door and Zac answers. “Hi, Raina,” he says.
“Oh, hi, Zac.” I don’t know why I feel the need to act surprised to see him. “I wanted to
tell your mom we enjoyed her dinner.”
“She’s lying down right now. She gets migraines sometimes so she has to take it easy.”
“I hope taking care of us isn’t too much for her,” I say.
“Here, come on in,” he says, and opens the screen door for me.
“Thanks.”
“She’ll be ok, it’s not too much for her. It’s the only work outside the house she does anymore, and it’s good for her because she can just walk over there when she feels up to it.”
“Ok.” I see the laptop open on the kitchen table and an open notebook next to it. “Getting ready for USC?”
“No.” He closes the notebook and his computer. “Just getting some work in.” He walks into the living room. I follow.
“I didn’t realize you worked.”
“Yeah, I’ve kept a tech blog for a few years now. It started as something we had to do in high school, and it turned out I was pretty good at it.”
“I had to keep a blog too; it was like a journal thing for language arts one year. I hated it though. I closed it all down after the class was over.”
“Really? I hope you at least printed out what you wrote.”
“Nope.”
“That’s a shame.”
“You sound like my teacher.”
He laughs and leans back on the sofa. “No, I don’t mean to. It’s just that you never know; one day you may want to read back over your journal.”
“Probably not. Do you keep a blog journal, too?”
“No, I keep a notebook journal.”
He takes my hair in his fingers. I can feel that he’s twirling it around. I want to make a joke about keeping journals being girly, but I think that would hurt his feelings. So, instead I ask him, “Is that what you’re going to school for, writing?”
“No, engineering,” he says.
“Of course, a tech blog. You’re a techie.”
He laughs again and yanks on my hair a little. “I guess I am. So, Miss I-don’t-want-to-keep-a-blog, what do you want to do after high school?”
“My dad wanted me to go to college, of course. He went, my mom didn’t. I never really wanted to, but I’ve been thinking about it. The thing is, I don’t know what I’d major in. I’m not really good at anything.”
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