by David Poland
The man seemed confused by Captain Dax’s observation. He knew that all the virtual-reality experiences had been scientifically designed by HC for the good of mankind. Was Captain Dax grumbling a little bit within the boundaries of freedom of speech, or was he advocating a new form of treason?
Dax could tell the man was confused, so he asked him a question. “Would you like me to go over there and see if Tommy has a front wheel?”
The woman answered before the man could open his mouth. “Yes, Mr. Dax, that would be a good idea. I personally like the way you have laid down the law. Homeland Care knows that boys and men love to tinker with stuff in their garages. Your transport has recorded our conversation and knows my direct line. I will expect a full report before nightfall.” She gave Dax a snooty little smile, and then she and the man left.
The next day, Tommy met Jackson at the Highway Patrol motorcycle park. The patrolman there was fascinated with Jackson’s bike. “So you’re burning gas in that thing. I’ve got a hog in my garage but it needs a lot of work. Oh well, what can I do for you two?”
“Officer, I’d like you to meet my friend Tommy. He works with me at the WPA and he is studying for his motorcycle driver’s license.”
The Highway Patrolman didn’t need a full explanation. “Did you bring the ten credits for the fee?”
“I sure did, man, I got it right here.”
The Highway Patrol kept several electric bikes, of different sizes, on the grounds for training purposes. Inside they verified Tommy’s WPA work record and took his money. The Patrolman had Tommy push a midsized bike out of the shed. “Unlike your friend’s bike this one is very quiet, but the horsepower is about the same. Like your friend’s bike, this one has a five-speed transmission. In fact, if you learn to drive this one, you’ll know how to drive any of the gasoline hogs. Ok, saddle up. This is how you start.”
Tommy was a pure natural. He took to riding and shifting the motorcycle like he was born on one. The patrolman was a good instructor, but he tolerated no nonsense. After about an hour, the patrolman asked Jackson to fire up his bike and he instructed them how to ride safely together. Watching them carefully, the patrolman pointed out a mistake Jackson was making.
The two hours passed like twenty minutes and Tommy was higher than a kite. Tommy respected the patrolman and liked the way he ran his course. Jackson was impressed with Tommy’s progress and for the first time ever, gave him a ride home on the back of his motorcycle.
Breakfast had been over for more than two hours. Angie was sitting across from Tommy with the DMV handbook. Carl was sitting at the end of the table watching. Demy and Paycheck were standing against the wall keeping track of everything said. Tommy was taking a 25-question practice test that Carl had printed off the Internet. Carl had also found the answers and given them to Angie.
Tommy finished the last question and then with a deep and painful sigh, pushed the three-page test to Angie. He straightened up and folded his arms preparing for bad news. He only knew about half of the questions. His answers for the other half were his best guesses. What he didn’t know, was that most everyone guesses a little now and then.
She had a red pen and each correct answer got a quick check mark. This was not his first practice test. Tommy had been watching her grade his tests for several days now. He suddenly realized she was checking off most of them. He looked over to Carl and saw him smile and give him a thumbs-up sign. Looking back at Angie, he saw her circle a question with a question mark. She finished.
“You passed it, Tommy-tom. You only missed three, one on each page.”
“You did it, bro,” cheered Carl.
Both the robots clapped their hands in a most civilized way.
“Okay, we do it right now,” she said. “Carl, please call for a taxi.”
“This is a wonderful family moment,” said Demy. “Paycheck and I would like to go to the DMV with you.”
“Right on, Demy baby,” said Tommy, “let’s go storm the place together.”
Angie gave Carl a concerned look.
“No problem. I ordered a six door cab.”
“Well, very good. Lock up the house. Let’s go catch that cab.”
As they rode to the DMV, Tommy was very aware of each traffic situation they encountered. Today, a man was driving. The driver looked to be in his fifties and was making no mistakes. Tommy was also aware of lane positions. As far as he could tell, this man was just as good as any of those robots. Tommy realized he knew a good part of the traffic law and it made the world look just a bit different. The driver stopped in front of the Department of Motor Vehicles.
An odd variety of loathsome weeds were joyfully sprouting all over the lawn in front of the DMV building. One domestic robot was patiently removing them one by one without damaging a single blade of grass. The robot was putting the deported aliens in a plastic bucket where none of their seeds could possibly hide in the lawn until next year. Both Paycheck and Demy were immediately fascinated. Neither of them had ever seen this particular type of weed before and they both knew they could also remove them without damaging the grass.
Demy used its radio frequency link to communicate with Paycheck. ‘We should help our comrade robot pull the weeds.’
Paycheck replied over the same frequency, ‘You are right, comrade Demy, care of the beautiful lawn is a greater good, than the lesser good of watching Tommy take his driver’s license exam.’
Demy thoughtfully replied, ‘Were it not for the greater good, would you still want to pull the weeds?’
‘Yes, comrade Demy, I have never, in all my existence, pulled a weed. This is something new.’
Angie could tell her robots were losing track of why they were here. It was quite obvious they were looking at the lawn and the weeds. “Paycheck, Demy, come along. We are not here to pull weeds.”
The three humans and their two robots walked up to the doors of the DMV and were stopped by the guard. “Robots are not allowed in this part of the building.” Then shifting his attention to Angie, he asked, “Do you each have business inside?”
“No sir,” she replied in her own rather authoritative way. “My brother Tommy is here to take a driver’s license exam. We have come to give him some moral support.”
“Yes ma’am, that is very kind, however only the applicant may enter. May I suggest you all wait for him in the food court across the street.”
“Okay, Tommy,” said Angie, “you’re on your own. When you’re done we’ll all celebrate with some ice cream.”
The guard gave Angie a pleasant nod and opened the door for Tommy.
As the four of them started for the food court, Paycheck asked, “While you and Carl wait for Tommy, Demy and I would like to help the lone robot trying to clear the lawn of weeds. May we help our comrade?”
“No! I don’t want you and Demy down in the dirt. You two start messing around in the dirt and it will get all over you. You’ll both be a mess. I don’t want dirt all over my flat.”
“I would like to help our comrade,” said Demy with a gently pleading voice. “Paycheck and I can walk home and go through a robot shop. We’ll take a full cleaning at the shop and be as clean as new.”
Angie could never deal with Demy when it used that gently pleading voice. “You really want to do this?”
Both robots shook their heads up and down to indicate yes. Carl looked over at the weeds as though he might like to give it a try also.
“Carl you’re coming with me, and not one word about it,” she said and then let her eyes focus on Demy. “If you two feel you must pull some weeds, then go ahead but you had better be clean when you get home.” Angie then took Carl by his arm and walked him across the empty street.
Both Demy and Paycheck squatted down near the working robot.
The working robot communicated with them over their frequency. ‘Greeting comrades, has your human given you leave?’
Paycheck answered, ‘Yes, may we help?’
‘Yes, of course, there
are plenty of weeds for everyone.’
The three robots fell silent, lost in the joy of pulling the weeds for at least five minutes. ‘Have either of you made any progress in learning how to read human facial expressions?’ asked the gardening robot.
‘No,’ replied Demy. ‘We care for three humans, and while they can make many different facial expressions, we haven’t broken their code. We are committed to our humans, but there is much we do not understand. Have you made any progress with the humans you work with?’
‘No, but I have one test question.’
‘That’s interesting,’ communicated Paycheck. ‘What is the question?’
‘How many humans does it take to screw in a light bulb?’
Across the street, Angie was keeping an eye on her robots. She couldn’t hear what they said over their robot radio. She really wasn’t much interested. She knew they must be discussing the intricacies of pulling weeds without damaging the grass. Oh well, she thought, someone has to do it.
A police transport pulled up and parked. Captain Dax got off and came in under the shade. “Hello, Angie, hello there, Carl. Are those your robots helping out with the lawn?”
“Officer, Dax, what a pleasant surprise,” she answered. “Those are my robots. You have a very keen eye.”
“Thank you ma’am. I do my best. Is Tommy inside?”
“He is,” said Angie. “We all came out to give him some moral support,” said Angie. “They wouldn’t let us go in with him. In fact, they told us to wait for him here.”
“How do you think he’ll do? Did you guys help him study?”
“We sure did,” said Carl. “In fact, he only missed three questions on the practice test we gave him this morning. I really think he knows his stuff.”
“Oh that’s great,” said Dax. “You guys have a great family, but in the last few years Tommy has been less than cooperative with HC. He’s got to pass the test on his own, but once he does they can still give him some problems. I think I’ll go inside and give him some of my moral support.”
Angie couldn’t remember all the times she had gone to a HC office to sign for Tommy and bring him home. “You know, I think the job has really been a good experience for him. I think he’s more mature than just six months age.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” said Dax sounding more like her uncle than the neighborhood cop. When Captain Dax approached the door, it was opened for him. Even from where Angie and Carl were sitting, they could tell Dax was being shown respect for his rank.
Once inside, Dax saw Tommy at one of the windows. There appeared to be a problem. When Dax came to the window the clerk became silent. “Hello there,” said Dax in a friendly way. The clerk said nothing. “I am Captain Dax of Homeland Security. Do you need to see my Identification?”
“No sir. Our internal security has read your com-link. How may I help you?”
“Tommy lives in the neighborhood I patrol. Has he completed the driver’s license exam?”
“Yes.” The clerk stood there and said nothing more. He was acting as though the conversation was over.
Dax wondered if he was talking a man or a malfunctioning android. He continued with total calm. “Did Tommy pass his test?”
“He answered four questions wrong.”
“How many questions can one miss and still pass?”
“An applicant can miss up to five questions and still pass.”
“Well then,” said Dax, “he passed the test. Have you taken his picture for his license?”
“No sir, he didn’t bring proof of a driver safety course.”
“He doesn’t need to. Did you scan the Highway Patrol data base?”
“No sir, I did not.”
“I would like to speak to your supervisor, right now!”
The supervisor was watching the proceedings just out of Dax’s range of sight. She had been with the DMV for many years and knew Him. “Hello Daxy, giving my man a bad time?”
“No, Trudy. Your man was giving my man a bad time.” Dax leaned forward and spoke to her in a hushed voice. “Was that guy one of those androids we heard about?”
“I really don’t know. They never tell us.” As Trudy was talking, she was also typing on her computer monitor. “Two hours. I see Tommy completed two hours on a midsized motorcycle with the Highway Patrol just last week. It also says here, he drove in road-like situations with another motorcycle. The patrol officer gave him a full pass.” She handed Tommy a stiff piece of paper. “Go on over there and give them this. They will take your picture. Then come back here and I’ll give you your driver’s license. Tommy started smiling ear to ear. I did it! Man I did it! Trying hard to keep his composure he got in line for his picture.
There were not many people inside the DMV, so there was no problem for Dax to stay at the window with Trudy. “What about you guys?” she said under her breath. “We heard the first androids would go to the police. Have you seen one yet?”
“I don’t think so, but how would you know? They told us that fully functional androids don’t exist. They said it was a rumor being spread by enemies of the state to create mistrust of HC.”
“I heard that too,” said Trudy. “Look at this. The machine is making up his license even before he even gets back here.” Dax stepped back as Tommy returned. Trudy handed him his virtually indestructible composite driver’s license.
“Thank you so much, man. This here is a beautiful thing and I’m telling you right up front, I ain’t gonna lose it. You have yourself a number one day.”
“Thank you Tommy, and a number one day to you too.”
Walking outside, Tommy jumped into the air and shouted, “I did it.”
Angie and Carl stood up and they all met each other in the middle of the street. There were still no cars on the street. They all jumped up and down and cheered.
Dax finally caught up with Tommy. “Okay people, let’s get out of the street.” They all walked back into the shade of the ice cream stand. Carl called Jackson on his com-link then spoke to Tommy. “Hey, bro. What’s it gonna be? You want some ice cream, or you want to go home and see if we can turn some modern art into a motorcycle?”
“Oh, man, we got ice cream at home. Call us a taxi little brother.”
Dax stood by Angie. He spoke to her quietly. “I’d like to take Tommy home in my transport. I heard somebody in HC doesn’t like what Tommy did with his modern art. If HC is coming by today, I’d like to be there.” Dax and Tommy left in his transport. “It’s a much nicer drive without that police spider trying to catch us.”
“Oh, man, I forgot about that thing. I hope it’s on the scrap pile where they takin’ it apart. They better not put it back on the street?”
“I hope you’re right,” said Dax. “I heard, through the grapevine, that Jackson bought himself a motorcycle wheel and tire that is the wrong size for his bike. The rumor is that he also had a new seat made up from scratch, and they got the size all wrong. He can’t use it. Do you know anything about that?”
“Oh no, man,” said Tommy, “I thought he was smarter than that.” Suddenly, Tommy realized what Dax was saying. He wanted to yell to the heavens. Be cool, he told himself, just be cool. “If it won’t fit on his bike, maybe I could use it. I got me a license now! I can buy whatever I want. If it fits, I’ll just buy it off him.”
“That’s a good idea,” said Dax cheerfully. “Wouldn’t it be amazing if that stuff would fit on your bike.” They both enjoyed the ride until the transport pulled up Tommy’s driveway. Parked off to the side was an official transport with the man and woman that Dax had talked to at the park. “Don’t say a word, Tommy.”
Oh, man, thought Tommy. Daxy is sounding just like he did when we saw the police spider. Tommy looked up into the sky and saw no helicopters. The man and the woman got out of their transport as Dax’s transport came to a stop. Tommy tried to stifle a smile as he imagined a helicopter dropping a ton of white goo on top of the man and the woman.
“How nice to
see you, Mr. Dax,” said the man. “I have a warrant authorizing the confiscation of Tommy’s operational motorcycle and his arrest for willful fraud in concealing said motorcycle. Will you open your garage, Tommy?”
Tommy immediately looked to Dax for direction.
“Sure,” said Dax calmly. “Open her up, Tommy. Let’s have a look of your kinetic art. The garage door opened revealing Tommy’s amazing collection of junk. In the only clear space however, there was an antique motorcycle missing its front wheel and its seat.
All four of them walked inside. “My goodness,” said the woman. “That robot sure knows how to paint a motorcycle. Is the robot here? Look at it. It’s just beautiful. Where is that robot?”
“It’s not quite a motorcycle,” said Dax. “You can’t ride it without a seat and a front wheel. Like I said, it’s nothing more than a garage project.” Dax heard nothing from the man or the woman, so he continued. “It doesn’t make any difference any more. An hour ago Tommy got a driver’s license. I know this because I was there. The laws you are trying to uphold are no longer applicable.”
“Let’s see the license,” said the man.
Tommy had it out in an instant. The woman took it and pressed it into a small device she carried in her purse. “Well congratulations, Tommy,” she said as she gave it back. “Your license is authentic. Come along Oliver, let us leave these people to their garage project.”
As they left, a taxi pulled in with Angie and Carl. Angie walked over to Dax. “That transport was HC. Is everything all right?”
“No problem, Angie dear,” said Tommy. “The man here, Mr. Dax, made everything just fine. All that’s missin’ is I got to get me a wheel and a seat.”
“You might be in luck, bro,” said Carl. “That Jackson guy is on his way over here right now and he found some stuff that just might fit.”
Demy and Paycheck had come back on the bus and where now coming into the garage. Jackson pulled up the driveway leading a small delivery van. The robot driving the van unloaded a rebuilt front wheel and tire, a new rear tire, a new seat and a box labeled accessories. Angie took the receipts from the delivery robot and paid the freight bill.