The girl seemed to be in no hurry as she meandered along the street. Up close Audrey noticed how attractive she was, with an almost porcelain complexion and curly blonde hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. Yet her face was sad and her demeanour troubled. I wonder what a young girl with her whole life in front of her has to feel sad about? Audrey pondered as she uncoiled the hose a little further and moved to her front garden bed.
A few weeks earlier Audrey would have kept her head down, terrified of making eye contact with a stranger, but today she remembered her conversation challenge and spoke before she had a chance to talk herself out of it. ‘Good morning,’ she ventured, her heart beating a little faster with the realisation she had taken an important step all by herself.
‘Hello,’ the girl answered sadly, stopping near the front gate.
Audrey was a little shocked. A brief greeting as someone walked past was one thing, but having them stop and chat was another. It’s all right Audrey, she told herself calmly. Remember the rules of basic conversation. ‘Lovely day isn’t it?’ she said with a shy smile.
‘Yes it is,’ the girl agreed.
What have I got to chat to a teenager about? Maybe I could ask her about uni, but then I don’t know anything about the uni, even though I’ve lived close to it for thirty years.
‘You have such a lovely garden,’ the girl said, breaking the impasse.
‘Thank you. I do what I can with it.’
‘It’s the best in the street and it always cheers me up when I’m feeling a bit down. You can’t feel too sad when there’s a sea of pink and white roses to look at.’
‘I can’t imagine a lovely young lady like yourself could have too much to feel sad about,’ Audrey said shyly.
The girl sighed heavily. ‘I’ve just found out I’ll have to give up uni for a while and I’m so disappointed. I’m studying teaching and I can’t wait to get qualified and start my career.’
Despite herself Audrey was intrigued. ‘Why do you have to give up?’ she asked.
‘Well, I live over in Cloverdale. You know where that is right?’
‘Yes, it’s over the other side of the range, lovely country out there.’
‘Uh huh. I catch the bus in every day because I just can’t afford the cost of accommodation. But now they’ve cancelled the daily bus service and I don’t have a car. I guess I’ll have to work a year or two and save up.’
‘That seems like a real shame, when you’re so keen. You don’t know anyone you could board with?’
‘No, unfortunately. It would be great if I did, boarding is way cheaper than paying rent on a place and I wouldn’t have to pay for weekends or anything when I’m back at home. My parents have a farm and they need me to help out.’
‘Does the uni have an accommodation service that could help you find somewhere?’
‘Well yeah, they do, but there’s a major shortage of boarding accommodation. Nobody seems to want to do it anymore.’
‘Right,’ Audrey murmured.
‘Oh well, it will all work out somehow,’ the girl said with false cheerfulness. ‘By the way, I’m Melanie.’
‘Very pleased to meet you Melanie, I’m Audrey.’
‘Have a nice day in your lovely garden, Audrey.’
‘Yes, I will,’ Audrey said distractedly, waving the young woman off.
She couldn’t, of course. Now Audrey couldn’t stop thinking about Melanie as she pruned her rosebushes and spread mulch around her impatiens. Having had to give up so many of her own dreams due to her illness, she knew how devastating it could be. It just didn’t seem right that Melanie would have to delay her education because of financial constraints.
• • • • •
Six months later, Audrey couldn’t believe that she’d ever had time to feel lonely. Between volunteering at the homeless shelter and organising meals for herself and Melanie, she barely had time to catch her favourite TV shows in the afternoon. Later that fateful day she had met Melanie, she had finally opened the remaining envelope. It had told her to take a risk and do something challenging.
It had been surprisingly easy to track Melanie down through the university and offer her bed and board in her home. She’d had to go through the accommodation selection process, but it had all been a formality. Audrey’s life had been transformed from empty to overflowing and despite still missing Martin desperately, she now possessed an enthusiasm for life she couldn’t quite believe herself.
She still rang Olivia once a week to let her know how she was getting on, ending every call with a passionate thank you for transforming her life.
‘No Audrey, I just gave you the tools, you did the transforming yourself,’ Olivia always assured her.
• • • • •
Olivia smiled contentedly as she hung the phone up, glad of her ability to think outside the square. It was just as well she used a separate phone for each service she offered or she would never be able to keep track!
Universities could be very bureaucratic places and nowhere more so than the accommodation office she had worked in for the past decade. When they couldn’t come up with a feasible plan to tackle the affordable accommodation shortage, she had taken matters into her own hands.
Identifying several key streets within walking distance of the campus Olivia discovered there were lots of big houses with many empty rooms. Thinking strategically she had done her letterbox drop, offering either financial advice for those wanting to top up their income or counselling for those who were lonely.
For the cost of a bit of her time to talk to people on the phone, Olivia had managed to secure accommodation for thirty five students and had improved the psychological and financial wellbeing of twenty-four homeowners. This number would only increase as she expanded to another cluster of suburbs with easy access to the new improved uni bus service. She had also made many new friends, even though they had never met face to face. The wonderful conversations she continued to share with people like Audrey were the unexpected bonus of the whole scheme.
It was win-win all round and nobody ever needed to know the full story.
# # # # #
‘Gosh, that had a darker theme,’ Marion remarked as she mopped around the bed.
‘Yeah, it did,’ said Grace quietly.
Before she could say anything more Edith succumbed to another violent coughing fit, the sound of each cough a truly terrifying thing.
Grace snapped to an upright position in the saggy chair, wanting to help yet frozen with fear. ‘Can I...? Do you…?’ she stammered, her eyes darting frantically around for the call button.
Marion shook her head and held Edith’s hand as the woman’s body continued to convulse.
Fighting the panic rising in her own body, Grace asked, ‘Are you sure?’
Again Marion nodded, more deliberately this time as the coughing gradually slowed. ‘She’s fine. It really does sound worse than it is because her body is so frail. But you’re okay now aren’t you lovie?’
Edith managed a very weary blink.
Grace sat quietly and tried not to stare as Edith’s breathing gradually returned to normal and her complexion retreated from bright red back to her normal, albeit pale shade.
‘Um, do you want me to keep going?’ Grace asked nervously, hoping there would be no more coughing.
‘Yes, off you go Grace. I’d like to hear what you thought of the story and I’m sure Edith would too,’ said Marion.
‘Uh, well it was a bit darker, like you said – I mean suicide isn’t a normal theme for a short story.’
‘That’s true.’
‘I can kind of understand how she felt,’ Grace admitted quietly. Although her eyes were downcast when she said it, Grace could feel Marion’s intense gaze upon her.
‘Why?’
Still avoiding Marion’s eyes, Grace shrugged. ‘Sometimes everything just gets too hard and you can’t see a way out. Audrey was so lonely and so isolated she just couldn’t imagine any other life for herse
lf.’
‘Do you have many friends Grace?’
Grace shook her head silently.
‘Family?’
It was only a micro pause, but Marion noticed it before Grace shook her head again.
‘You live by yourself, right?’
Grace nodded.
‘You wouldn’t ever…?’
‘No I wouldn’t, honestly. I’m not saying I’m thinking of suicide, I just mean I understand how circumstances can lead people there.’
‘You’re sure?’
Grace nodded. ‘I promise.’
Marion straightened Edith’s wedding photo before turning back to Grace. ‘The great thing about this story is that it shows how life can flip on you all of a sudden. You just have to do one little thing and suddenly everything changes. For Audrey it was a phone call, a fifteen minute conversation that set her on a whole new path. The world is full of choices Grace, you just have to have enough courage to make them.’
Grace nodded wearily. Everyone spoke about courage like it was so easy to come by. She was all out of courage. More than ready to change the subject she glanced down at the book again. ‘Uh lets move onto the other story elements before my time runs out.’
Edith managed a tiny nod.
It always amazed Grace how suddenly the symptoms could appear. Just as she was wrapping up her final thoughts on the story her heart began to beat so loud and fast she was sure Edith and Marion must be able to hear it. Then heat suffused her whole body as if the air conditioning had suddenly been turned up to forty degrees. She could feel the walls closing in on her and the roof caving. Her mind whirled as she tried to cope with not only the onset of the panic attack but what she would say to Marion to allow her to escape.
Today luck was on her side. Before the others seemed to notice her discomfiture a nurse bustled in and informed Edith that the doctor was ready to see her. Grateful beyond measure Grace managed to get up and bow out of the room without any further ado. Looking straight ahead she made her way through the centre and to the car park. Fumbling with her car key she finally managed to open the door and collapse inside. Crawling into the backseat she curled into the foetal position, closed her eyes and let the tears flow.
* * * * *
It was weird how the panic attacks didn’t actually start until after the event. While she had felt stress and uncertainty after she left Strauss, Grace had never experienced the overwhelming sensation that the world was about to end. Having no real knowledge of panic attacks, in that moment of her first episode she had truly believed she was about to die.
The panic attacks were the tipping point for Grace. Before that she’d had some hope she might sort things out and had believed that getting back on her original life path was a possibility. But once she realised that a force that strong could appear from nowhere and reduce her to a cowering shell, it was time to face reality.
Applying for a disability pension had been difficult at first but Grace knew it was her lifeline. Her social worker had been blunt but helpful and once the decision was made the forms were lodged within hours. She knew she was lucky to be accepted so easily when so many other deserving people had to fight for the same right.
Grace didn’t like admitting she was wrong, especially to herself. She had been dragged into the Rejoin Program knowing for absolute certain that it would not help her. Yet six weeks in even she couldn’t ignore the positive results. Doing something constructive, rather than just hiding away from the world was helpful. It gave her purpose and something to look forward to. It gave her Tuesday and her week some structure. It had even built up her confidence a bit. On her first visit she could never have imagined that she would be able to walk easily through the front door without anxiety, or greet staff with an easy smile, or that she could actually feel part of the running of Rosehill Gardens.
Grace walked normally now, rather than timidly clinging to the edges of the corridors. She held her head – if not high – at least at an appropriate level so she could see where she was going. Along the way she greeted staff members without feeling too self-conscious that she might say the wrong thing or they would think badly of her for any real or imagined reason.
One thing she did still struggle with, however, was the sight of Sylvia. Despite the other woman’s courteous and professional manner, she was still the keeper of Grace’s secrets and was the one person at Rosehill with the power to alter Grace’s future should she so choose to do so. Even a glimpse of Sylvia in the distance was enough to send Grace scurrying back into the shadows or to lurk in the nearest public bathroom until enough time had passed for her to have moved on to where she was going.
Caught completely off guard, the sight of Sylvia sitting in Edith’s room was enough to unleash a whoosh of adrenaline through Grace’s body. She was cornered. Stay calm, she instructed herself silently as she opened the door wide enough to walk in. Forming her features into what she hoped was a smile Grace closed the door and walked over.
‘Hello,’ she said, taking in both women.
Edith gave her version of a smile, as did Sylvia. ‘Grace, good morning!’
‘Uh huh, you too,’ Grace said. ‘Um do you want me to wait outside until you’re finished? I have plenty of time.’
‘Oh no, I came here especially to see you today,’ Sylvia replied.
‘Right,’ Grace murmured. ‘Did you want to talk to me about something?’
‘No, no I was just going to sit in while you read and discussed today’s story.’
‘Okay,’ Grace said uneasily, trying to ignore the welling butterflies in her stomach. Feeling under intense scrutiny she retrieved the book and took her customary position on the recliner, trying to ignore Sylvia’s presence as she went about her normal routine. Once she got as comfortable as was possible in the chair she looked over at Edith. ‘Ready?’ she asked.
She took Edith’s blink as a yes.
# # # # #
Jake Harmon slid his Visa card through the reader on the ATM and waited with bated breath as it registered. Having trekked almost five kilometres on foot to the RSL specifically to use this slide-through machine, he prayed it would work. Both his debit cards had been swallowed by regular ATMs and he wasn’t prepared to let this last link with a financial institution crumble as well.
The transaction screen appeared. So far, so good. How much should he get? Jake knew he was close to his limit, but this card had an overdraft facility. Was it worth the risk to get an extra two hundred? He decided it was. Keying in five hundred dollars, Jake hunched over the machine and waited. Beads of sweat popped up on his brow as the machine wheezed and hummed. It never usually took this long did it?
Jake’s breathing started to quicken as he envisaged an alarm sounding and a hefty security guard appearing to escort him and his delinquent card away. Tapping his foot impatiently Jake glanced around the foyer. The door wasn’t too far away. If there was a problem he could take off before anybody realised what was going on.
The tap on his shoulder caused him to jump violently. ‘What?’ he snapped at the skinny red-haired man who had appeared behind him.
‘Hey, steady on buddy, you dropped your card.’
‘Right,’ Jake answered, holding out his hand to accept his Visa. ‘Sorry, I’m just a bit jumpy.’
‘I reckon everyone is these days. Ever since they installed those damned cameras. It’s a sad day when you can’t even pop down to the RSL without big brother tracking every move.’
The sweat was running down Jake’s face now and his mouth as dry as the Sahara. ‘Cameras?’ he croaked.
‘Yeah, security cameras. Don’t you read your newsletter? The whole place is crawling with them.’
Ten more seconds and then I’m leaving, Jake decided as he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. He had counted down to three when the cash slot finally opened and ten precious fifty dollar notes appeared. Jake snatched them up quickly, in case the machine should suddenly change its mind, shoved them in his shirt pocket and
bolted directly for the exit.
• • • • •
Jake had always known what he did was wrong.
Of course at the time he had worked hard to push the thought away, reassuring himself that in such a buoyant economy pyramid schemes didn’t really hurt anybody because there were always plenty of new investors ready to jump on board.
Deep down though the truth niggled at him, much like his tennis elbow that ebbed and flowed but never really went away. Plenty of booze filled nights out, extravagant shopping expeditions and luxurious holidays had certainly helped him deny his gut feelings. As did mixing with the sort of people who seemed to genuinely believe it was okay to operate outside the law, that the restrictions in the finance sector only rewarded mediocrity and stifled those with vision and the courage to try something new.
So when things came crashing down – when Jake was fired and his assets frozen, when his car and house were repossessed – he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on.
He was guilty and he was going down.
• • • • •
Later that night Jake sat on the cement floor of his former neighbour’s garage, eating Homebrand Cornflakes straight from the box. Old Mrs Swinson didn’t own a car and foolishly left the key under a pot plant outside the door. So far he had been able to sneak in and out without being noticed, but with each passing day the risk of discovery was increasing.
Room 46 & Short Story Collection Page 11