"Not a whole lot. I'm told iron used to be a problem, but all of the entrances to the mortal world were sealed off ages ago. Now it's mostly boredom and heartache we need to worry about."
"I can imagine," I smirked. "So you're saying if I choose to stay here, I'm choosing an endless stretch of eternity with nothing to do?"
He grinned at me, and I looked back down at the water and watched the images dancing across the surface, easily transfixed by the dream playing out in front of me. I sighed contentedly and managed finally to banish my darkest thoughts and fears to the corners of my mind where they belonged.
"No," he answered, deep and thoughtful. "You would be choosing an eternity as who you are meant to be and protecting the innocent from the darkness."
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, his face dark with barely concealed guilt, the emotion hiding under the surface like the dreams that danced in the waters in front of us. I scooted next to him, our legs pressed together as I took his hand in mine and twined my fingers around his.
"Maybe eternity is long enough to find forgiveness," I said, looking back at the water. The silence stretched between us, and I wondered if maybe I hadn't crossed some invisible line. I kept my eyes on the dreamers in the water, wondering if I should apologize for speaking out of turn when I felt him squeeze my hand.
I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder, enjoying the warm tingle where our hands were joined, feeling heat build there. In the quiet moments like this, I felt like I was complete and exactly where I was meant to be. It was a heady feeling, and I sighed contentedly, pondering my future when a bright light flared, distracting me.
"Oh!" I gasped as my eyes adjusted and found the source of the bright glow. It was coming from my hand—our hands, where they wrapped around one another.
"Maybe you're right," Aleksander said, his voice low. "Perhaps it’s long enough to forgive myself."
I swung my gaze up at him and was shocked to find that he wasn't looking at our hands anymore.
He had been looking at me when he had said it.
I felt a light brighter and hotter than the one we held in our hands building in my now frantically beating heart.
Manufactured or not, whether or not Aleksander thought it right, the Queen had been successful. I now had someone on the inside whom I cared about as much as I did on the outside, and for a wild, hopeful moment, I wondered if I wasn't alone in that.
Chapter Sixteen
Whoever said you can't go home again had clearly never been a college student. The moment that Becca and I walked through the front door of my childhood home, it was as if we had never left. My mother wrapped her soft arms around me and held me so tight to her chest that I wondered if she would ever let go and hoped that she wouldn't.
"Oh, baby, I've missed you," she cheered as she gripped me firmly to her, rocking gently back and forth. I smiled and buried my face in her shoulder, inhaling the scent of Ivory soap and the vanilla perfume she always wore. "All my babies are under one roof again."
"Geez, Mom, let her breathe! Who's going to help me wash the dishes if you smother the girl before dinner even starts?" rumbled the deep voice of my older brother behind me.
Mom pressed a kiss to my cheek and turned to welcome Becca with the same big hug I had received. I spun to glare at Elliott as he leaned against wall, a smirk on his face.
"Why do I get stuck with dish duty?" I demanded, a smirk on my face as I took in his six-foot-two-inch frame. We looked so much alike except for our eyes and the difference in height that I was still amazed he had managed to convince me I’d been adopted so many times. I punched him playfully in the arm before he swept me up into a bear hug, his arms crushing my ribs as his deep laughter echoed through the house.
"Because I said so," he teased, putting me gently back down on the ground. "You wash, I'll dry. I always break Mom's good china. I can't help it. My hands are great for fixing helicopters, horrible for washing dishes." He held up his hands in front of me as if I weren't aware how big they were and we laughed, enjoying the moment.
Without warning, his laughter died and a blush as red as our hair climbed his cheeks. His eyes were focused on something behind me. I turned to see what had captured his attention and found Becca standing quietly behind me.
I smiled mischievously and resolved to have a sisterly conversation with Elliott as soon as possible so I could berate him for brushing off my best friend. He was a fool for having shot her down, and I had every intention of telling him so.
"Hey, Becca," he greeted, his voice uncharacteristically shy. "You look...nice." He ran a hand over his closely cropped hair as if self-conscious about missing his trademark curls. The crew cut looked good on him, making him appear more mature than he actually was.
"Thank you," she returned, her voice soft and her eyes unsure.
I frowned at her, not accustomed to seeing her look so awkward. Becca was always in charge of any situation and never let anyone but Miguel and me see when she wasn't on top of her game. Oh yeah, Elliott and I would be having a talk, and the longer I looked at Becca, the more I resolved that it wouldn't be pleasant for him. Brother or not, nobody hurt Becca and got away with it.
The three of us stood in awkward silence, my brother and my best friend staring balefully at each other and me glaring at my brother and wishing I could make his head to burst into flames. Judging by his ramrod straight posture and the slightly dazed look in his eyes, I was willing to bet that my brother had gotten past his belief that Becca was too young for him.
"Hey, mom," I called, tucking my arm in hers and pulling her along, intent on giving Elliott and Becca a moment of privacy. "Let's go see what Daddy is up to. And where is Brittany?"
My mother grinned at her son as he stared stupidly at my friend and patted my hand conspiratorially, and I wondered if she had already picked up on the tension in the room. Who was I kidding? Of course she had. Not a thing ever happened in my parents’ home that my mother didn't know about.
"She's at the movies with her new boyfriend Jack. She'll be back in a little while. Your father is in the den. Let’s go see if we can pry him away from the football games. Elliott, can you help Becca take the bags to your sister's room?"
"Oh you don't have to do that," Becca said, reaching down to grab the handle of her suitcase, blushing prettily. "I can take our bags up."
Elliott swooped in and as gracefully as possible snatched the suitcase from her hand, flashing her a wicked grin. She glared at him in return. I was amazed that he didn't dissolve into a pile of ash where he stood from the fury of that look.
"Sure can, Mom." He smiled at us before turning to Becca. "Lead the way Becky-bear."
"Don't call me that," she flared. "I'm not twelve anymore, or haven't you figured that out yet?" She shot me a pleading glance, and I shook my head and silently urged her to go with it. She gave me a dirty look and spun on her heel, stomping up the stairs in a show of temper. Elliott grinned and followed her up the stairs, hauling our suitcases as if they were weightless.
When they disappeared out of sight, my mother and I dissolved into giggles.
"It's about time he caught on," she grinned as we headed for the den. "He is my son and I love him with my whole heart. But I was starting to wonder if there was lead paint on the crib bars he used to chew on."
"It would explain a lot,” I snorted. "I didn't know anything until a few weeks ago, so blindness must run in the family."
My mother shook her head. "Those two have been in love with each other since you were all kids. Your father and I have been waiting for them to realize it. I just never imagined it would take so long."
I blinked at her in surprise as we walked into the den. "I didn't know it had been going on that long. Becca told me that she told him she was in love with him last year and he blew her off. Said she was too young for him and that she was like a sister."
"Who are we gossiping about now?" my father asked with an easy smile, climbing out of his re
cliner and hugging me tight." Hey, pumpkin. I've missed you."
"I missed you too, Daddy," I responded, burying my face in his chest and snuggling into the warmth. There was no feeling better than my dad's hugs. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the smell of shoe polish and the musky aftershave he had worn since I was a little girl. "We're talking about Becca and Elliott. Mom seems to think they've been in love since forever and were too thickheaded to see it."
"Oh she's right, you know," he agreed, releasing me and sitting back in his recliner. "Your mother is always right about these things. She knew I was in love with her before I did, that's for sure."
"If I had left you to figure it out yourself, Harold, we would still be dancing around the subject, and I've never been the type to keep quiet about something I want." She sat on the arm of his recliner and pressed her lips to the top of his head.
I smiled and sat on the couch next to them.
"Speaking of love," my mom said, turning back to me. "What's got you all aglow? Or rather, whom should I ask has you all aglow?"
I felt my face turn so red I was sure my ears were burning. "Nobody," I denied. “I’m not glowing. There was a guy I went on a few dates with but it didn't work out. We're better off as friends.”
She smirked at me and patted my hand kindly. "I don’t know what it is with you kids thinking you can hide things from me. Just know that you can't fool your mom. I've never seen you like this before. You're practically glowing. Or are you like your brother and haven't figured it out yet?"
I felt my jaw drop. I couldn't hide anything from my mother. I sighed and sat down next to her on the couch.
"There might be someone else I’ve been interested in,” I admitted reluctantly, unsure how yet again my mother could pry the truth out of me. "But he doesn't look at me like that, and even if he did, he would think it was inappropriate anyway. He's very serious."
"It's not one of your teachers, is it?" My father frowned, a look of concern shadowing his features. "I've heard stories about some of these professors taking advantage of their young, beautiful, impressionable students. Do I need to call the Dean's office?"
"No!" I laughed. "It's not any of my professors. And they're all women anyway, Dad. Aleksander is my...supervisor. We work together. He takes his job seriously and doesn't think it’s okay to date employees." The fib felt uncomfortable on my tongue, and I had to remind myself that I hadn't actually said anything untrue, but I hadn't been honest either.
My mom shot me a questioning look, and I fidgeted with the ring on my thumb anxiously. I sucked at keeping secrets, and she always knew when I was trying to. I would have to figure something out and quick because I knew the only reason she wasn't grilling me on the spot was because she was planning on doing it later—or getting it out of Becca.
She could grill me all she wanted because I wasn’t telling her anything. How could I without explaining that my heart was conflicted and I wanted to take it slow because I was attracted to my Caomhnóir? There was no way I could ask her for help.
"Good man," Dad said. "You never dip your pen in the company inkwell. It means he's got integrity. Pretty rare these days. Shame too. I rather like the idea of you dating someone with integrity. "
"I don't think he looks at me like that anyway, Daddy."
I thought about the blinding light that had grown in our hands. I wasn't entirely sure that was an accurate statement either, but I had no real way of trying to explain my unconventional relationship with my Caomhnóir. At least not without trying to explain what a Caomhnóir was, which would lead to an explanation about what I was, and I didn't want to tell my parents that I wasn't exactly their real daughter.
I was a magical parasite that had taken over the baby in my mother’s womb. I felt an inexplicable wave of guilt wash over me. I tried to remind myself what Aleksander had told me. I would have entered the body before a human soul could have. I couldn't help but wonder what the girl who should have had my body would have been like. Would she have been a good daughter to my father? Would she have giggled and shared secrets with my mother? Would she have teased Elliott and snuggled with Brittany under the covers when the she had nightmares? Would her family have been better or worse with her in it?
"Then he's a fool," my mother said firmly, snapping my attention back to the conversation at hand. "You're a beautiful girl inside and out, and if he hasn't figured that out, you may have to be blunt with him. It worked for your father after all. Just don’t drag it out too long, darling, or will you need me to tell you when you’re over the moon? Matter of fact, Elliott is so much like your father that Becca may have to tell him how things are before he'll accept it either. The whole lot of you can never figure out what you want until you’re told."
"You have to say that I'm beautiful," I grinned at my parents. "You're my mother. You're supposed to think that. Especially when I look like you."
"That doesn't mean it isn't true," she smiled. "And if this boy can't see that, then he's not worth your time anyway."
"I can't say I'm ready for you to find Mr. Right though,” Dad interjected. “You're not done being my little girl. You've got at least three more years of college to get through and you don't need to be in any rush to find the guy who is going to take you away from me forever."
I blinked. If I fell for Aleksander, that's exactly what would happen. Or at least that's what the Queen wanted to happen. For me to fall for Aleksander and choose to stay in Otherworld forever. Choose him over my family. I felt a terrible sadness wash over me at the thought of never seeing my father again and my eyes burned with tears.
"I'll always be your little girl, Daddy. No matter what happens."
Chapter Seventeen
"So I think I'm ready," Caroline said to me, a sly grin on her face as we lay on our backs in the sweet-smelling grass.
Spending time with Caroline had fast grown to be one of my favorite parts about coming to Otherworld. We had grown almost as inseparable as I was with Becca although it left me feeling like I was cheating on my best friend. Aleksander had been great about giving me plenty of social time around the other Fae as well, trying to get me to build relationships with the other Fae. It meant less time alone with him but it did mean more time with Caroline and Erik and I was fine with that.
"Ready for what?" I asked, confused by the sudden shift in topic.
Her eyes danced and her cheeks tinted a pretty shade of pink. "You know," she said coyly, "to make my declaration. To stay here and quit commuting."
I blinked in surprise. "Already? I thought you had almost six months left to speak up. What changed?"
"He did," she grinned, her gaze drifting to Erik, where he stood talking with Aleksander. "He asked me what I was waiting for and I didn't have an answer for him. I mean, I know how he feels about me and he knows how I feel about him."
"I somehow doubt there's anyone who has ever seen the two of you together that doesn't know how you feel about each other," I interrupted with a burst of laughter.
"Yeah," she agreed with a smirk. "But still, I don't see what the point in waiting is. I mean, it's not like there's anything waiting for me on the other side, you know?"
"So now you're ready to make the jump?" I envied Caroline her easy choice. She didn't have the easiest life on earth. She had no siblings, no close friends, and no father. Only her mom, and the way she described their relationship made me want to hug her and drag her home so my mom could mother her too. What she did have was a clear-cut choice, and if there was any doubt that I didn't, the day I had spent with my family had banished it completely.
"Yeah," she nodded, pushing her golden brown hair over her shoulder. "I think it's time. I'm going to wait until after Thanksgiving, but it's time."
I chewed my lip thoughtfully. "So what are you going to tell her? Are you going to tell her the truth?"
"God no!" she chortled. "Not that she'd believe me even if I did, but I don't want to listen to her flip out and call me delusional either. I'm going to t
ell her that I'm moving out west with some friends and I'll call her when I can." She waved her hand dismissively, as if being able to pacify her mom with such a weak statement and not get challenged wasn't a heartbreaking thing, but the shadows in her eyes told me otherwise.
"Well at least you know you will always have Erik," I smiled encouragingly.
She sat up, her face cheery and full of sunshine again. "That is true. I'll get my fairytale ending. Literally."
I snorted.
"Plus," she continued, looking at me slyly out of the corner of her eye, "there's always a chance I'll get to keep you too."
I blinked and opened my mouth to respond before I realized I didn't know how. I was still on the fence. Back at school, I had been leaning toward staying here forever, but now that I had had a chance to go home and see my family, losing them felt like it would be too much.
"How are things with your 'sorta' boyfriend back in the real world?" she asked curiously, seeing the hesitation in my face.
"Not great," I said with a trace of regret. I hated that I had let Becca talk me out of breaking things off with him completely and felt guilty that he was willing to just be friends while I figured out what the hell I wanted. I was so not worth waiting for.
I frowned and looked away toward Aleksander. The light illuminated his hair, making it look like a halo, and the lazy smile on his face as he laughed at something Erik had said made my heart tug sharply in my chest.
"I don’t want to get his hopes up. If I choose to stay here, there's no future in it anyway."
Caroline chewed her lip thoughtfully. "So does that mean you've told Aleksander how you feel about him yet?"
I jerked my gaze back to her face blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry, what?" I gasped out, my voice a little higher pitched than normal.
"Oh come on, Cassie," she snorted. "You're not any better at hiding how you feel than I am. Face it, babe. I'm not the only one with a crappy poker face. You're head over heels for him and you know it, even if you don't want to admit it yet. I mean, you can keep telling me that things are crappy with your guy because you don’t want to get his hopes up, but I'm not in the market for bullcrap today so you might as well fess up."
The Changeling (Book One of The Síofra Chronicles) Page 13