"The problem is you don't know anything about anything!" Aleksander yelled, his face screwed up in exasperation. "I warned you over and over again what it would do to me if you died, and instead, you charged off and threw yourself headfirst into danger anyway, not caring what it would to do me."
"It's not that I didn't care, Aleksander," I said sadly,. "I didn't understand. You said I didn't know anything about true guilt, loss, or fear, and you were right. I thought I did but I was wrong. You have no idea how much shame and guilt I feel now, knowing that the monster was under my nose the entire time. That the day after he ripped the soul out of my friend and ate her like a midnight snack, I was freaking crying on his shoulder. It's my fault she's dead, and Erik too, because I didn't see him for what he was."
"You couldn't have known," he said, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "How could you? None of us knew."
"Then what's the problem?" I asked.
"The problem is I'm in love with you. I don't think there ever is a time that I wasn't. From the moment I saw you on the beach, I knew it was over for me. I tried so hard not to, Cassie. You don't know how hard I tried not to love you. When Erik fell, it was like the most painful reminder of what I was setting myself up for with you, putting my heart into the hands of a Síofra who hadn't even made a choice yet. Knowing you were blindly throwing yourself into danger and there was nothing I could do to stop you, so I tried to pretend I didn't care, tried to be cold so you would leave and stay safe.
"I don't have the energy to pretend anymore," he sighed, his eyes shadowed and dark as they watched me. "It's a full-time job acting like you aren't in my every thought, my every breath, and each beat of my heart. I can't do it anymore, not knowing I came so close to losing you. You could have died with me still pretending you meant nothing."
"But I didn't die.” My heart sped up, his words shocking me. "I'm still here.”
"You still don't get it, Cassie," he asserted. "It's draining. Loving you is draining. You are the only person in the world to me, and I cannot emphasize how horrible that is when faced with the prospect of losing you.
"You wouldn't even remember me if you left here," he said, his voice growing hoarse with emotion. "You would grieve for maybe a week, and then it would be like I never existed to you. You would dance along on your merry way and live your life. But for me..." He reached out and grasped my hands in his own, pulling me into his chest and looking down at me. His piercing green eyes, eyes so like my own, captivated me so much that I couldn't look away even though I wanted to. I still didn't want him to see the pain of his rejection in mine. "For me, nothing would ever be the same. At least not for the short amount of time I'd have left. This isn't a flirtation for me. You're not just a source of amusement or some silly little human crush. What I feel for you is stronger than that. I love you. You don't understand how dangerous that is to a Faerie."
"Then why?" I demanded, the blood rushing to my face with my anger. "Why did you push me so hard to make a choice? I thought you wanted me gone! Why would you send me away if it would hurt you? If it would kill you? Why not tell me how you felt in the first place and avoid all this unnecessary drama?"
"Because I would rather die than see you become a victim of the Erlking," he said flatly. My eyes widened at his unexpected response. I started chewing on my lip, fidgeting nervously as I always did when words wouldn't come. "I wasn't really thinking about what would happen to me. I just wanted you safe. If he had devoured your soul, my heart would have shattered anyway, but at least if you had chosen, you would have been safe, even if it was safe in another place. If you chose to stay here, I wanted it to be because you wanted this life, because you wanted me. Not because you felt you had to or risk my life. I want you to stay for love, not for guilt. I wasn't even supposed to push you to make a choice at all."
I inhaled sharply, my mind racing a mile a minute. I already felt like such a fool for falling for Dom's game in the first place. Now, to find that I had been angry with Aleksander for trying to protect me at the cost of his own life only furthered my low opinion of myself. I wasn't worthy of this man's heart. I was a silly little girl throwing a tantrum because things hadn't gone my way, and I had horrible judgment.
I tried to put myself in his shoes. Could I have been that selfless? Would I have willingly risked my own life to ensure his safety? I knew as soon as I silently questioned myself that I would have. I would risk anything to protect Aleksander from harm. Even if it would cost me my own life, but I wasn't ready to make the same declaration. I had already proven to myself once tonight I was no judge of character. I had thought Dom was thoughtful and caring and he’d turned out to be a cold, calculating monster. But Aleksander was different.
He did love me. What's more was that I knew I could love him if I was willing to let myself. Caroline had known it. She had seen it and tried to tell me. The thought of never seeing him again, of not even remembering him, was painful to imagine.
There was no way I could go back to my mortal life and leave him behind. Even if I couldn't remember him, I knew my heart would feel the loss and I would mourn him without knowing what I was mourning for the rest of my life. I would have left my family behind eventually anyway and forged my own life independent of them. This would just be a life nobody could have imagined.
He watched my face, searching for clues as to what was going on in my mind as I was sure he could read me like an open book. I had never been good at disguising my emotions well. Smiling tentatively, I closed the gap between us, wrapping my arms around his neck and stretching on tiptoe to press my lips to his cheek.
"I choose this life," I whispered into his ear, silently rejoicing when I felt his arms encircle my waist, crushing me to him. "Whatever else comes, this is what I want."
"Are you sure?" he asked, still clutching me tight as if he were afraid I wasn't sure at all, turning his face and burying it in my hair. "You know you can't change your mind, and I want you to make certain you know this is what you want. It's a big step, Cassie. I don't want it to be something you regret later."
"I'm sure," I replied, reveling in his embrace. "I don't want to make it official until I have to though. Dom isn't around anymore so there's no reason to rush anything. I want as much time with my family as I can. But when the time comes, I will choose to stay here. I care about you, more than I've ever cared about anyone I'm not bound to by blood or friendship. But I'm only just learning who I am now. The girl I was thought she knew everything, and it turns out she didn’t know anything. The only thing the girl I am now knows is that this is where she belongs."
"We've got forever to learn about the girl you are now," he said as he held me. "But know that whichever girl you are is the girl who holds my heart and that, whoever you are, she is going to be okay."
Though I didn’t want to admit it, I knew deep down that I wasn't okay—not even a little bit. But I would be...in time. And that was all that mattered.
Chapter Thirty-One
The downside to still having a mortal body was that all my aches and bruises were there when I woke up the next day. I was so glad to have Becca there to take care of me. My parents had threatened to come up and collect me right away, but Becca had promised that we would be driving home as soon as her last final was over. My dad hadn’t wanted to agree but they had to drive to Sacramento to pick up my brother from the airport. As soon as Elliott had heard I’d been assaulted, he’d begged his leadership for emergency leave and left to go home. He was going to be a handful, but at least if he was home, Becca could keep him from going off the deep end.
“I’m so sorry,” Becca apologized tearfully for the fifth time that morning. She looked beautiful even when she cried. I didn’t know how she did that. I only had one setting for crying. Ugly. “I feel like I should have seen something. I shouldn’t have pushed you to work things out with him.”
“There’s nothing you could have done, Becca,” I insisted, trying to reassure her. “I told you, that was the first a
nd last time he ever put his hands on me.” I regretted that I couldn’t explain what had actually happened because I knew she would continue to blame herself.
“Yeah well, if he ever shows up here again, they’ll never find his body. I promise you that,” she swore.
I laughed. She was too late.
“So Miguel is going to come check on you before he and Ray head out, and I’ll be back as soon as my exam is over. Keep the door locked. Call the police if you see anything suspicious…”
“Yes, Mother,” I groaned. “And I won’t talk to strangers or accept candy from strange men in unmarked vans.” She was taking her overprotective nature to a new level, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop her. If it made her feel better, who was I to stop her?
Her eyes softened and she hugged me gingerly, trying not to touch my cracked rib. “Just be careful.”
I promised I would and shooed her out the door, locking it before I flopped on the couch. I flipped on the television, determined to lose myself in mindless daytime TV when a sharp knock on the door startled me. I climbed to my feet, biting my lip against the pain as I turned the deadbolt.
“Did you forget your notes or something?” I asked as I swung the door open.
“Or something,” Finn greeted me, leaning against the door frame, a wry smirk twisting his face.
“What in the holy hell are you doing here?” I gasped, the color draining from my face. “How in the holy hell are you here?”
I looked past him, glancing around the neighborhood, making sure nobody else could see him. Not waiting for a reply, I grabbed the arm of his shirt and tugged until he walked in the door, slamming it shut behind him.
“Look at that,” he said with a frown as he dragged his eyes over my frame, taking in the bruises and the bandages. “You survived, although I’m not sure I would say in one piece. No offense, Cassie, but you look like someone ran over you, backed up, and ran over you again.”
“Gee thanks, Finn. You look awfully handsome yourself,” I deadpanned.
“I do, don’t I?” he grinned. “See? I told you would come around to—”
“How are you here?” I demanded, interrupting him crossly. “And why are you here?”
He sat down on my couch and motioned for me to join him. I would have kept standing just to spite him, but my body was aching so I sat on the farthest end I could.
“There are still a few paths back to the mortal world known only to me. I knew after what happened with that damned Elf you got yourself involved with, your pretty boy guardian would never let you out of his sight again, so I had to find someplace where he can’t see you—namely, here.”
My eyes widened in surprise, the words dying in my throat.
“How did I know about your Elf? You didn’t think you drew all that magic by yourself, did you, sweet Cassandra?” He smiled darkly, something unreadable flashing in his eyes. “I may not have realized what your boy toy was at first, but I never left you unprotected.”
“Then why are you here?” I asked, feeling exhausted.
“Because I need your help, Cassie. Word travels fast, and my mother has already heard that your boyfriend had slipped into the Dreaming. She’s convinced herself that if they can get into the Dreaming, they can slip back into our world through the Pool of Dreams.”
“Can they do that?” I asked, my voice betraying my fear. Dom had been bad enough, but if there were more of them running loose in Otherworld, could they be stopped?
“Probably,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “But that’s not my concern. My mother is going to close off the Dreaming to mortals, Cassandra, and you and I are the only ones who can stop her.”
“Why do you need my help?” I asked warily, still trying to wrap my head around Finn being in my mortal living room looking like a regular human guy. With his glamour hiding his oddly shaped eyes, he was almost beautiful. “I would have thought that a man of your immense ego would think he could stop the apocalypse single-handedly.”
“Because we are Anam Chara,” he said seriously, his eyes glittering. “Humans call them soul mates.”
“Bullshit,” I sputtered incredulously. “We are not soul mates. Do I look gullible to you?”
“Not particularly. Nevertheless, we are soul mates. Or soul twins. The word doesn’t translate well and it doesn’t mean what you think it means. We are two halves of the same soul, and unless we can learn to work together as one, everyone you love and care about in this world is in danger.”
“No. That’s enough. I’ve heard enough. I’m taking pain medication and I’m hallucinating. You can’t even be in this world, let alone trying to convince me that we’re soul mates, so I’m going to kick you out of my house now. Then I’m going to go rest and we’ll pretend like this never happened.”
“Yes well, all that aside, I’m still here and the fact remains—” Finn broke off as the front door opened and Miguel and Ray stepped into the apartment. Saved by the besties. Miguel stopped short and stared at Finn suspiciously.
“Who are you?” he demanded, glancing back and forth between me and Finn questioningly.
“This is Finn,” I said hesitantly. “He’s a classmate of mine. He was nice enough to bring me some notes on the final since I have to make it up after break. But he’s leaving now, aren’t you, Finn?”
For the first time ever, Finn looked flustered. “Um, yes. I’ll see you when you return then,” he said firmly, his eyes flashing his meaning. “Pleasure to meet you, gentlemen.” He bowed stiffly in the same way he had at Court and quickly exited the apartment.
Ray and Miguel watched him leave with raised eyebrows. When they looked at me curiously, I shrugged at them.
“Exchange student,” I lied, waving my hand dismissively.
“You okay, Cassie?” Ray asked gently, moving beside me on the couch. “You’re pale.”
“I’m fine,” I promised, my mind a whirl of doubt and confusion. “I think I’m going to go lie down and take a nap.”
“Let us know if you need anything,” said Miguel. “We’re going to hang out here in the living room until Becca gets home.”
I smiled gratefully and moved to my bedroom, gingerly lowering myself to the mattress and wincing at the pain in my ribs.
Finn showing up at my door had been a shock, but I wasn’t sure what was worse. His announcement that he and I were soul mates or his declaration that everyone I loved was in danger. I wanted to call him a liar, just stirring up trouble for the fun of it, but I needed to talk to Aleksander and I had to sleep for that.
As my eyes fluttered shut and my body relaxed, one thought kept returning to me and it made my blood run cold.
Fae couldn’t lie.
Acknowledgements
First and foremost I need to say thank you to my husband and best friend Ben, and my children who supported me and listened to me while I poured myself into this book. You’re my rock and my everything. I couldn’t do anything without you there next to me believing in me and telling me I could do anything I dreamed of.
Thank you to Carol who was the very first person I talked to about Cassie and her adventures, who has kicked me into action more times than I could count, was gracious enough to let me kill her, gave me chocolate when I was a good word monkey and helped take Aleksander from the bland good guy he was and help me give him some color and make him someone worthy of liking. Lindsey and Jenn who answered endless texts, cheered me on and read my thousand and one revisions until I got it just right, I couldn’t have done it without you. You are the best plot bunny breeders a girl could ask for. To my other beta readers, Cheryl and Roxy, thanks bunches girls! I also owe a huge thank you to Erin Westlund from Mel, Erin and Regina Read A lot for reading it before it was polished and helping me polish it until it shined. I owe you some super hot aliens and one lickable gancanaugh.
Thanks to Mike who encouraged me to write this bad rad while it was still in my head and reminded me of all the stories we had to write back in Mrs. Holmes’ class in th
e fifth grade. For my mother who always listened to my stories and instilled a love of reading in me, and still has the very first book I ever wrote back in kindergarten: The Bear Eats Cake. Thanks for always believing in me Mom. My lawn walkers who got me and got my story and encouraged me to be my nerdy self and fly that freak flag hard and to Ryan and Becky for being the best fauxmily a girl could ask for.
Finally to my publisher, SJ Davis, who believed in me and in my story and gave me a chance to share it with you, Megan Thomason who helped me put together a blurb that became the pitch that got my book noticed, Stephanie White from Steph’s cover design who created the beautiful and amazing cover for my book, I’m floored by your talent and Mickey Reed, my editor who helped me fix this story so people weren’t whispering constantly and crying all the time. They say the authors voice is what’s left when you fix all the flaws. Thanks for helping me find mine. Of course I also owe a huge thank you to all the authors in the #onehouseunited family. You made me feel like an author when I still felt like a poser. You guys are amazeballs and I love you for it.
About the Author
KR Wilburn has traveled the world with her family but currently calls Fairbanks Alaska home. When she isn't writing about the creatures that intrigued her, she is busy studying nutrition science, and reading everything she can get her hands on.
She is the mother of six crazy, creative and hilarious children and married to her childhood best friend and hero Ben. When she isn't busy with her dogs Trouble and Denali, you're likely to find her in a corner with her nose buried in the latest Deadpool and Red Sonja comic books and counting down the moments until she can find inspiration capturing the perfect Aurora through the lens of her camera.
The Changeling (Book One of The Síofra Chronicles) Page 23