The Fire In My Eyes

by Christopher Nelson

  “That's shitty, Max. That really sucks.” No wonder he had trust issues.

  “That's another reason why I can't stand my family. All they did was blame me afterwards. Like I should have known better.” He shrugged again, then pulled out an unlit cigarette and stuck it between his lips. “Let's go talk to Andreas. Get him to come to this stupid party. He loves staring at Kaitlyn. And Kaitlyn loves being stared at.”

  “Does she?” I asked.

  “I guarantee you, she will wear a top that's amazingly low cut and tight. Plus something that shows off her legs. You'll stare, I'll stare, Andreas will drool, and Drew will leer. Lisa will hit Drew. A lot. He'll keep leering because it's impossible not to. You get it?”

  “I guess so,” I said.

  We walked upstairs and checked in with Andreas. He turned us down at first, but as soon as Max mentioned that Kaitlyn would be there, he caved in instantly. It was remarkably similar to Max's reaction when Lisa had mentioned that Jess would be there, I noted.

  I buttoned my shirt and chuckled at my image in the mirror. Black dress shirts were silly looking most of the time, but I still had one around for the rare occasions where it was appropriate. Black shirt, black jeans, black sneakers, even black socks.

  I walked out of the bathroom. Max chuckled as soon as he saw me. “You look like Johnny Cash! All you need is a cowboy hat.”

  “It's not bad, though, dude,” Drew observed. Both of them were wearing black t-shirts and jeans. Max's shirt hung loose off his shoulders, while Drew's looked as if he had sprayed it on. They were both carrying six-packs of soda, one in each hand. “We ready to go?”

  Andreas joined us in the hallway outside our room, smiling cheerfully. He wore a button-up shirt like me, except he was also wearing crisp dress slacks and freshly shined shoes. Max whistled at him. “Lady killer!”

  “I am no murderer,” Andreas stated. “I merely choose to dress well for the occasion. Dressing well is a mark of maturity.”

  “I don't think that will work on Kaitlyn,” Max said. “She goes for immature gorgeous assholes, not suave mature gentlemen. But good luck anyways.”

  “I think you are incorrect,” Andreas said. “But that has yet to be determined. Shall we, gentlemen?”

  “What's that?” I asked. He turned and I saw he had a laptop tucked under his arm. “Oh, for the movies?”

  “Yes. Lisa stopped by and asked if I had one, as hers is not in the best of condition.” We walked down the hall and past the stairwell, around the corner. Each floor had a lounge with a television mounted securely to the wall. Most of the time, they were completely ignored, but people would occasionally use them for gatherings that were too large for a dorm room.

  Black hearts and streamers decorated the lounge. Max and I both groaned. It was absurdly cheesy. In the back, Lisa was putting out some drinks and snacks. She was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans with her long black hair pulled back in a floppy red ribbon. She turned as we came in and grinned. “Hey guys! Drinks and snacks over here!”

  Drew and Max walked over toward her. I followed Andreas toward the TV, where Jess was playing with the remote. She looked up as we approached. “You got the goods, Viking?”

  “I am not a Viking,” he said, handing the laptop over to her. “You are the only one who insists on calling me that, Jessica. I do not understand.”

  “He's from Norway, so I call him Viking,” she explained to me, then looked back at Andreas. “I don't get why you don't like it. Makes you sound tough.”

  “I have no interest in sounding tough, Jessica. It is not a quality that I choose to cultivate.”

  Jess shook her head and I laughed along with her. She was wearing a baggy black sweatshirt and loose sweatpants, and her red hair was braided and hanging down over her shoulder. She grabbed the braid and threw it back out of the way, then reached for the cable. “Well, whatever. You two should be good friends. Both trying hard to be something you're not.”

  Andreas and I exchanged looks. “What are you getting at?” I asked. Unless she was just giving me shit for the gaming thing, I had no idea.

  She smiled up at us. “Don't worry about it. Keep pretending.” She looked across the room. “Hey, we should be ready to go,” she called to Lisa.

  “Cool! Now we'll just wait for Kaitlyn and her roommate to get here!”

  “Someone call my name?” asked a voice I didn't recognize.

  “Oh, wonderful, here we go,” Jess muttered.

  Andreas whirled toward the doorway. I followed his gaze and felt my mouth drop open. The owner of that voice was a leggy blonde who was wearing a black miniskirt and a top that was so low cut, I was afraid – or hoping – that she'd go spilling out of it if she leaned forward. Every inch of her exposed skin was smooth and tan, indicating that she spent plenty of time in the sun, or a tanning bed.

  Max had been right. He stared. I stared. Andreas drooled. Drew got punched.

  She marched over to me, bouncing with every step. I wasn't sure where I should be looking, but decided that eye contact was safest. One girl back from high school would wear tops like that, then give guys shit just to embarrass them. It only took once for me to learn to avoid her. “I don't think we've met. It's so nice to see a new face here, I was getting so tired of just seeing Drew and Max and Andreas. Especially you, Andreas! You're so stiff and boring.” She poked him in the chest with a manicured finger and giggled. Her smile was bright and warm.

  Andreas' expression was that of a martyr, ready to die for a glimpse of heaven. I glanced at him, then forced myself to look away and meet Kaitlyn's eyes again. “I'm Kevin,” I said lamely. “Max and Drew's roommate. Nice to meet you.”

  “I'm Kaitlyn,” she said. “Doesn't this look great? I was going crazy trying to find an outfit that would fit Lisa's theme. The skirt is cute, isn't it? See?” She spun around in a quick whirl, flaring the skirt. At my angle, I couldn't see anything except for another inch or two of tanned thigh. From hearing Max swear as he dropped his soda, he probably saw a little more. This girl was far more dangerous than the one back in high school. “I thought it was a silly idea when Lisa first told me, but then I thought, like, I didn't want to get dragged out on some silly romantic date by some guy who'd be all serious just because it's Valentine's Day. Ever since middle school, my boyfriend that year would take me out and confess they loved me, stuff like that. As if. They just wanted my body,” she said, leaning forward as if she was confiding a secret to me.

  “Imagine that,” I said. I couldn't help but glance down. Black lace was showing. It was well worth the potential embarrassment.

  She didn't seem to care that I was talking to her chest. “Guys here are so boring. All they do is work and study and then go out drinking and then they want to take me home and have sex. It's so totally predictable. If you ever find a guy who isn't boring and predictable, let me know, ok? You too, Andreas!”

  “I shall endeavor to do so,” he said, with only the slightest quaver to his voice.

  I looked up at Andreas. “Steady, Viking,” I muttered quietly to him.

  He glanced sideways at me. “Jeg prøver ikke å være kjedelig,” he muttered. I had no idea what he meant, but his expression was gloomy.

  Jess sighed. I had practically forgotten she was there. “She's such a bitch to him,” she said, not bothering to lower her voice.

  Kaitlyn didn't even pretend not to hear. Instead, she looked down at the redhead and smiled. “Oh, Jess, I didn't notice you down there! Still having fun with all your imaginary friends?”

  “Oh, yes, tons,” Jess said, standing up and brushing herself off. “I'm surprised to see you here tonight. Was your regular street corner occupied?”

  Before the situation could escalate any further, Lisa shouted across the room. “Hey, Kaitlyn! Come over here and say hi to me, too! Where's your roommate?”

  Kaitlyn turned her back on us and flounced over toward Lisa. “She's coming, she just had to make a phone call.” She glanced over her shoulder
at me and Andreas, smiled, and put an extra sway into her walk. Andreas whimpered.

  Jess pushed me sideways and grabbed Andreas's hair. “Listen, Viking,” she hissed. “She's a bitch. She knows how you feel. She knows perfectly well that you want to fuck her in half. She is going to lead you on until you run off a cliff. Then she'll watch and laugh and fuck someone else and tell you all about it. Is that what you want?”

  “No! But the way she looked at me!” Andreas protested. He winced as Jess pulled harder. I cringed in sympathy. “Stop! Devilish woman!”

  “That's her, not me,” Jess continued. “Look, Andreas, you know I'm telling you the truth. I've heard her talking about it to Lisa. I'm telling you, you don't have a chance with the way you are, unless she decides to pity-fuck you. Is that what you want?”

  Andreas sighed and she let go. “No, it is not. But I can hope, yes?”

  “Hope all you want, Viking. I feel for you, but that’s the way she is,” Jess said.

  Kaitlyn's voice was suddenly louder. “There she is. Over here, Nikki!”

  I spun around. If I had been holding a soda, I would have spilled it. She stepped into the lounge, looking around and staying close to the doorway. She was wearing all black like the rest of us, but she was wearing a button-up shirt open over a black tank top. She drifted a couple of steps toward Kaitlyn, then glanced over in my direction and did a double-take. “Kevin?” she asked.

  I lifted a hand in greeting. I was a lucky bastard. Incredibly lucky. Amazingly lucky. What had I done to deserve this? “Hi!”

  “Who's that?” Jess whispered.

  “I know her from class. Must be Kaitlyn's roommate.” I whispered back.

  Andreas cleared his throat. “Jessica, could you assist me with setup?”

  Jess pointedly turned her back on me and knelt down beside Andreas. I took the given opportunity to walk over to Nikki. My palms were sweaty and I was suddenly nervous. Why? I'd had dinner with her several times, we were comfortable together, and I really liked her. “I didn't know you'd be here,” she said, suddenly looking down. Her cheeks were flushed. At least she seemed equally flustered. “Kaitlyn didn't tell me anything.”

  “She wouldn't have known. I've never met her before,” I said.

  She nodded and looked me over, then whistled. Behind me, I heard Jess stifle a laugh. “I knew you'd look better in darker colors. All black is a little much, but you still look great.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “You look pretty good yourself.”

  “Thanks! So these are all your friends?” Nikki asked, looking around the room.

  I nodded. “Over there, the girl I was just talking to, that's Jess. The guy with her is Andreas, he's our wing's residence assistant.”

  “I see. Are they dating?” she asked. “They seem pretty close.”

  “No, they aren't. I think they're both interested in other people. Besides, if they were dating, why would they be here at an anti-Valentine's Day gathering?”

  Nikki slapped her forehead. “There you go, using that logic thing again.”

  I chuckled. “Over there with Kaitlyn, the tall one is Drew, the one with the ponytail is Max. They're my roommates. The short girl is Lisa. I guess she's friends with Kaitlyn?”

  “Yeah, Kaitlyn talks about her a lot. I haven't actually met her yet. Aren't you going to introduce me?” She smiled at me again. I led her over to the table with drinks and snacks where the others were.

  “So he was holding me at arm's length and I couldn't punch him, so I kicked him in the shins,” Lisa was saying as we walked over there.

  “Then she headbutted me right here when I let go,” Drew added, rubbing his chest. “I folded like a dollar bill. Got me right in the solar plexus. She's such a violent woman.”

  “I told you I was sorry!” Lisa said.

  Drew ignored her and looked at me. “Hey, Kev, this the hottie you were talking about before?” He yelped as Lisa suddenly smacked him in the back of the head.

  Nikki blushed. I grinned. “This is Nikki, Kaitlyn's roommate, and classmate of mine. We've been having dinner together on occasion. Weird how stuff like this works out, isn't it?”

  Both Lisa and Kaitlyn looked at us with eyes gone wide, then both grinned. Some sort of relationship calculus was going on behind their eyes. I could see it in their expressions. They exchanged glances, then Lisa looked directly at me, and Kaitlyn looked across the room at Andreas. I did not understand what sort of group dynamic was going on here, but I was sure that I wasn't going to like it.

  Max sneered. “So, you think you're good enough for our roommate? We shall see.”

  Lisa marched over and cuffed him in the back of the head as well. “You are such an asshole! Stop messing with her!” She turned and drove herself between me and Nikki. “Hi, I'm Lisa. If any of these animals, especially Kev, say anything mean to you, just let me know. I'll beat them up for you. Your hurt feelings are my hurt feelings!”

  “Thanks?” Nikki sounded a little confused. Max caught my eye and pantomimed holding his hands in front of his crotch, just like soccer players did during penalty kicks. I winced and nodded. Lisa did not make empty threats.

  “Ok, let's watch some terrible movies!” Lisa called out. Drew flopped down in the middle of a couch, leaving plenty of room on either side. Andreas and Jess picked a couch close to the TV, and to my surprise, Kaitlyn sat with them, trapping Andreas between herself and Jess. Andreas looked confused but pleased, Jess looked wary, and Kaitlyn was smiling. I shook my head.

  Nikki tugged my arm and we sat together on the last empty couch. Max rolled his eyes and sat down next to Drew, who glared at him and grudgingly moved over a little, still leaving an obvious amount of room next to him on the other side.

  Lisa held up a bunch of DVD cases. “So what does everyone want to start with? Cheesy 80's action movies, or cheesy 90's action movies?”

  “80's!” Kaitlyn called out.

  “90's!” Drew shouted.

  “Why do you have a collection of cheesy action movies?” Max asked.

  “Shut up, Max. Ok, I'm picking one!” Lisa ignored all objections, fed one of the movies into the laptop, and switched the lights off. Instead of sitting in the conspicuously empty space next to Drew, she ran over to me and stuck an elbow in my ribs. “Move over!”

  I ended up shoulder to shoulder with Lisa on my left and Nikki on my right. Neither of them seemed to mind the close quarters, though I spotted Drew glaring in my direction. I would have shrugged helplessly at him, but that would have dislodged one girl or the other. I'd just have to apologize to him later. I certainly didn't mind the attention.

  The movie was one I hadn't seen before, just your typical low budget action flick from the time before CGI was used for everything. It was full of horrible lines, wooden acting, and a body count well into the triple digits. I didn't pay as much attention to the movie as I did to Nikki. Several times, I caught her looking in my direction as well.

  When the movie ended, Lisa bounced up without warning and I sagged sideways. Nikki leaned on me for a moment, a long moment, before pulling herself up. Lisa looked back at me with a wink, as if she had planned for that to happen. Sneaky woman. “Let's take a few before the next movie, ok?”

  I stood up and stretched as Nikki did the same. She grinned at me. “I think I'm going to get some air,” she said.

  “I think I'll join you,” I said.

  Max stood up and reached into his pocket. “I'm going to smoke.”

  “Not right now, you aren't.” Jess stalked over toward him.

  He glared at her. “I'm not stupid, you know. I'm going outside, and whatever direction they go in, I'm going the other way.”

  “I'll be damned,” Jess said, stopping short. “You aren't as stupid as you look. I may have misjudged you, Maxie.”

  Max sketched a slight bow to her, then gestured for us to precede him. “Go on, get out of here.”

  True to his word, Max went the other way. Nikki and I walked around the corner
of the dorm, toward a courtyard in back. “You never told me you lived here,” I said to her.

  She laughed. “You never asked.”

  “There's a lot of things I haven't asked you about,” I said.

  “I'm not going to tell you my sizes or how much I weigh,” she warned me. “And we might have to fight if you do.”

  I laughed. “Nothing like that.”

  She smiled at me, then stretched her arms up over her head. “Nice night.” She brought her arms down and pulled her shirt closed over the tank top. “Colder than I thought, though. Smells like snow tomorrow.”

  “If I had a jacket, I'd give it to you to keep warm,” I offered.

  “If you had a jacket, I'd take it to keep warm,” she replied. “Of course, after all the teasing I’ve given you over wearing layers, I didn't wear them tonight.”

  I laughed. “Of course not. I didn't expect to be going out in the cold tonight, you know, and I'm only wearing this shirt.”

  “Neither did I,” she said, looking up and staring into the sky. There was something wistful in her voice. She sounded like she was remembering something pleasant. I wanted to ask her, but I couldn't. Her profile was lit up by the quarter moon, a gentle smile and hair whipping around as the wind picked up. She flinched, then looked back at me and smiled as she brushed a lock of her hair back behind her ear. “Sorry. Didn't mean to stand around spacing out. Especially in this cold.”

  “It's ok. Hey, Nikki,” I started, and then stopped. My heart was starting to pound. It was the perfect time. She was obviously interested if she had made it so obvious she wanted to go out on a walk with me. The only thing holding me back was my own fear. “There's something I wanted to ask you.”

  “Oh? What's that?” She smiled at me. My knees felt weak.

  “You're going to think I'm completely lame,” I said, looking away from her and down at the ground. It was a play for time. I couldn't come up with the right words, or the right tone, or the right idea. All the scenarios that had ever played out in my head had vanished. My tongue felt thick. Even though it was below freezing, I felt uncomfortably warm.