“You’re going to think it’s stupid. Forget it...”
“Probably, but tell me anyway,” he grinned, trying to pull the words from her in the only way he knew how, with humor. She offered him a half-hearted smile and shrugged again.
“Mimi, tell me.”
“The reason I didn’t want to go out tonight, the reason I have been so afraid to actually meet someone, to be intimate with someone...” she whispered, her voice trailing off as though she were pushing through her vulnerability. Luke waited patiently, nodding for her to continue. She sighed again. “I don’t think I’m very good in bed,” she admitted sourly, as though ashamed of herself. “I know that Andrew never seemed to enjoy it much, and to be honest, neither did I.”
“Can’t say that surprises me, but I highly doubt it had anything to do with you.”
“I don’t know,” she pouted, breaking eye contact again, “I always felt like I should be doing more, you know, to make him more interested but I just didn’t know what to do.”
“Well in my experience, and we both know that’s extensive,” he teased, happy to see her smile, “a woman needs to feel safe in order to let go of her inhibitions. She needs to feel beautiful and desired. Did Andrew make you feel those things?”
Emma shook her head slowly but her expression didn’t look convinced. “No, but I think there was more to it...,” she sighed.
“He never liked oral sex, I mean offering it. We tried on occasion, early on in our marriage, but he would just make these little comments like he hated the taste or that it was too messy. It just made me feel so insecure, like maybe there was something wrong with me,” she continued.
Luke snorted derisively and shook his head, “I promise there’s nothing wrong with you, Mimi, that was about him and his hang-ups. I’m assuming he didn’t mind receiving blowjobs though, right?”
“Well, no. He seemed to enjoy that. Sometimes that was all he wanted. He said it took the edge off, and for the most part, it did. He would fall asleep right after,” she admitted, her voice thick with sadness. “There were times, in the early years, that he would wake up the next morning and apologize for drifting off, but those last few years he didn’t seem to care anymore whether or not I got any joy from our lovemaking.”
“Jesus,” Luke said, “that’s brutal.”
“I just assumed that he was growing tired of me. Maybe that’s the norm in marriage?”
“God, I hope not. Maybe he was just a lousy lay. Did that ever cross your mind?” Luke asked, his brows raising.
“I thought about that, but the truth is, I had a hard time reaching an orgasm when we had sex. I think it really frustrated him. After a while, he just seemed to give up trying,” Emma offered quietly, as though the admission was painful.
She sat back on the sofa with her eyes looking up at the ceiling. Luke took in her words for a moment, trying to find the right thing to say, anything to make her feel better. She deserved so much more than the shit Andrew gave her. The man was so self-centered and weak, always using Mimi to stroke his own pathetic ego, never once considering her feelings. The stories Mimi shared over the years about their marriage, and the way Andrew treated her made his skin crawl, and yet she had always defended him, holding out hope that things would improve. She wanted it to, he knew that. She wanted to build a good life with that douche-bag and he would throw her little tidbits of hope to string her along, keep her on the hook, before pulling the rug out from under her, again and again.
“You are capable of climaxing, right?” Luke asked, speaking very softly. She looked at him curiously but said nothing. He smiled warmly and continued, “What I mean is, you’ve had orgasms, you know your body is capable of pleasure, right?”
She nodded at him but did not smile. “Yes, of course, but I have never had an orgasm during intercourse, not once. I’m not sure I can. Can I be honest with you about something?”
“Of course,” Luke nodded, waiting for her to continue.
“The only time I’ve ever cum, aside from um...taking care of myself...was last month, with Lorenzo, during that massage.”
“What are you saying? That Andy never brought you to orgasm?” Luke blurted, failing miserably to hide his frustration.
Emma shook her head slowly, “maybe it is me.”
“No, it is not you. It’s variable,” Luke insisted, anxious to ease her mind.
“What do you mean?”
“Like I said, most women need nurturing. They aren’t robots you can just switch on and off. They need a lot of fluffing, you know? Romance, stimulation, imagination, security, encouragement, validation, playfulness. These are important things,” he explained, his grin promising that he knew what he was talking about.
“Coming from the one-night-stand king?” Emma teased, poking him in the ribs.
“Well, I’ve had a few relationships, if you recall, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s one night or something else, when I’m with a woman I go to great lengths to make sure that she’s getting just as much out of it as I am,” he retorted.
“I’m sorry, I’m just kidding,” Emma assured, touching his leg lightly.
“I know you are, but I’m serious,” he continued. “It’s true, I’ve hooked up with the occasional woman that just wants a thorough shagging but believe it or not, that’s not my favorite. I like heating a woman up, getting into a groove with her, you know? There’s something carnal about watching her sensuality unfolding in front of you, knowing it’s because of the way you’re touching her, tasting her, and then seeing her eyes glaze over while she writhes under your tongue. Fuck! Bringing a woman to orgasm is half the fun. There’s nothing hotter than listening to a woman cum knowing it’s because of you,” Luke boasted, sitting proudly back on the couch. He was getting aroused just thinking about it.
“Wow,” Emma mumbled, looking at him thoughtfully.
“Yeah. So, you see what I mean? Have you ever been fluffed like that?”
Emma answered way too quickly, “absolutely not.”
“Variables, my friend. Too many of them missing from your life. You need to find someone who considers your pleasure just as important as their own.”
“I guess that’s what worries me. What if I don’t ever find that? What if I put myself out there and meet another guy like Andrew?” Emma considered, her words laced with concern.
“Unlikely.”
“Why is it unlikely?”
“Because I won’t let that happen,” Luke insisted confidently. He took her hand in his and squeezed her fingers, hoping to reassure her.
“Well I appreciate your confidence Luke, but I still feel anxious about it. You can understand why I’m so apprehensive, can’t you?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. She waited for a response, hoping for some sort of validation, he assumed.
He did understand her concerns, of course he did. He would probably feel the same way under the circumstances. Christ, after his little Puerto Rican dropped the bomb that she was married he had trust issues, and that was just a little surge compared to the tsunami of lies and manipulation that Mimi had endured during her marriage.
“I do understand, Mimi. But you can’t worry about that, it will just hold you back and you were held back by Andy for too long. Don’t do that to yourself,” Luke advised, knowing she needed to take a chance but also afraid she wouldn’t if she let her insecurities drive her decisions.
Mimi considered his words for several moments, a small worry line prominent between her pretty eyes. Luke smiled warmly at her, waiting for her to speak, unsure what more he could do to console her.
“You’re right,” she finally replied, sighing heavily.
“Of course, I always I am,” he smirked, pulling a smile out of her.
“You dick,” she giggled, pushing him playfully away.
“What?” he blurted innocently, teasing her with his eyes.
“I guess I just let him into my head today, but I refuse to rent out that space to him anymore. If I
do, I’m only sabotaging myself, right?”
“Right.”
“And that’s what he wants?” she said, her words more a question than a statement.
“Yes.”
“Just because we didn’t make each other happy doesn’t mean that I won’t make someone else happy...”
“Or that someone won’t move mountains to make you happy,” Luke concluded, wanting her to finally come to the conclusion that she deserved a loving, balanced partnership. She didn’t have to do all the work, in spite of what Andy made her believe.
“Thanks, Luke,” she offered genuinely, melting into his hug. He pulled her close and inhaled deeply, breathing in her sweet scent, happy he was there to talk her off the ledge. “You’re such a good friend. What the hell would I do without you?”
Luke shook his head, wondering the same thing, “you keep saying that...”
“Because I mean it. I love you,” she smiled, hugging him tightly. He closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head, enjoying the easy intimacy they shared, maybe just a little too much.
“What’s not to love...” he quipped, tickling her ribs playfully, tactfully gesturing for her to release him, “now stop your whining and let’s finish this stupid movie.”
She chuckled and slipped out of his embrace, leaving the ghost of her perfume lingering between them. He took a second to let the mood reset itself.
“I’m hungry, do you have anything that resembles food in this house?”
“Is your stomach the only thing you think about?” she taunted, giving him a poke.
“What do you think?” he playfully flirted, throwing her a wink.
She laughed out loud, shaking her head, “I think I have some cold pizza in the fridge.”
“Ah, a gourmet meal, I’m in!”
She went into the kitchen and returned with the pizza box and two beers. Luke twisted the caps off both beers before grabbing a slice of pie.
“Bone-appetit!” he smirked, “Emphasis on the bone...”
Chapter 18
They were in another club, this one completely different from the last. In particular, it lacked the paddles and fet-wear. The dance floor was crowded, filled with scantily dressed women swaying provocatively to sexy club beats, grinding their bodies against their partners while eager hands slipped sensually up and down their thighs, occasionally stroking a breast or two.
Emma stood off to the side, shielded by a half wall that separated the dance floor from the rest of the bar. Luke left her side to go to the bar for a ‘stiff one’, he’d quipped as he disappeared into the crowd. She assumed he meant alcohol.
For the first time since venturing out with Luke she felt sexy and self-assured. She had gone shopping earlier in the week and had purchased sexier clothing, determined to feel more confident. She didn’t have a clue where to start, but thankfully a young, fashion-forward sales girl took pity on her and spent more than an hour bringing her different outfits to try on. She was pretty opinionated about what looked good and what didn’t and truthfully, Emma didn’t have any reason to question her fashion sense. She had left the store feeling like her shopping spree had been a success, returning home with three dresses, four (cleavage-friendly) shirts, a denim jacket, an itty bitty leather skirt and two pairs of what the clerk called “boyfriend” jeans. They were the perfect addition to her dowdy wardrobe. Andrew would have disapproved.
She chose a sexy little black dress for that night’s adventure, low cut and slit way up her thigh. It hugged in all the right places, enhancing curves she never knew she had. She matched it with a pair of strappy heels and a simple pair of silver teardrop earrings. When she took her jacket off and handed it to the coat check, Luke’s expression told her she chose well. She laughed and told him to close his mouth before someone slipped something in there he might not want, but she felt flattered, nevertheless.
There was good energy in the club, an undeniably sexy vibe, thick with pheromones. Emma rocked her hips to the music, a sultry tune flirting its way into her soul. It had been a long, long time since she’d been to a dance club, not since college. Andrew hated dancing. He hated being anywhere the music was loud. Even on their wedding day they married at noon, an event with no alcohol, music or dancing. The whole blessed event was over by four o’clock. His mother planned the whole thing, right on down to the guest list, inviting all the right people to elevate their social standing. Casual elegant, she called it. Emma wished it had been more of a party but she kept her opinions to herself, afraid to rock the boat with her new family.
She felt Luke slip in beside her, placing a drink in front of her.
“What did you bring me?” she asked, stirring the clear liquid with the little red straw.
“What else, a gin and tonic. I made it a double,” he grinned, raising a beer to his lips.
“A double? Are you trying to get me drunk?”
“Trust me, you’ll need it,” he quipped provocatively. She wondered what he meant by that and grinned..
“Why’s that?” she said, close enough to his ear for him to hear her.
He winked back at her, chuckling like he had a naughty secret, “You’ll see. Now drink up, I want to show you off on the dance floor, see if that dress can dance as well as it
flirts.”
Emma laughed and sipped her drink, wondering what Luke was alluding to. They stood side by side, a friendly distance between them yet close enough for her to hear his encouraging words. He explained to her that the bar, Alchemy, was actually a premier Lifestyle Club catering to adventurous, sexually fluid couples looking for a more intimate, sexy social scene.
“A swingers’ club?” Emma gushed, curiously scoping the room. Upon closer inspection, she realized that there was a beautiful texture of ages, colors, shapes and sizes. People ranging from millennials right on up to baby boomers. She quite enjoyed the unapologetic diversity and felt like she fit right in.
“Swinging is such a 70’s idiom, don’t you think? It conjures up images of shag carpeting and naughty games of Twister,” Luke chuckled. “New swingers are so much more sophisticated.”
Sophisticated was a perfect way to describe the atmosphere. It was an upscale club, smartly decorated with high-end furnishings and expensive fixtures, the antithesis of how she imagined a swingers’ club would look. It was elegant, sensual, and playfully inclusive.
She glanced over at Luke and saw that he was staring at the dance floor, grinning as though he recognized someone. She followed his eye-line and landed on a hot young couple, probably just a little older than she was. They were dancing quite sensually together, their hands all over each other. She was small, perhaps only five feet or five two, with a beautiful mane of silky golden hair that swung loosely down her back. She was quite attractive with lovely almond shaped eyes and full red lips. By contrast, her partner was tall with dark hair and eyes. He was holding her closely while they danced, his expression denoting a healthy combination of desire and love.
“Let’s dance,” Luke gestured, nodding his head toward the dance floor. She took his hand, allowing him to lead her through the crowd of swaying bodies.
He pulled her close to his chest after spinning her playfully around, their smiles only inches apart. It felt so good to be out dancing, leaving everything else behind. When she was getting ready that night, she promised herself that she would just go with the flow, open her heart and mind to whatever the universe saw fit to offer her. She didn’t know what Luke had planned for her. His text was an intriguing poem but also pretty non-specific. She assumed it would involve dancing, but what else?
Once Cinderella, locked up tight in a tower, No longer a woman without any power, You get to choose, nothing or all...put on your shoes, it’s time for the ball...
“So what do you think?” Luke asked curiously, looking down at her. If she didn’t know him any better she would have sworn he was sneaking a peak at her voluminous cleavage.
“Hey, Romeo, my eyes are up here,” she scolded p
layfully, raising his chin with her polished fingertips.
“Busted,” he grinned, winking at her. She didn’t mind, really, even if he was her friend it was still flattering. “I’m sorry...” he added with a wink, shaking his head no.
“You’ll never change, will you?” she purred, unable to hide her amusement.
“Would you want me to?” he asked, pulling her a little tighter.
“Not a chance.”
He raised his hand and placed it gently behind her head, leaning in towards her. For a moment she thought he might kiss her and whether it was her sexy mood or the naughty atmosphere, she wasn’t sure she would have refused him. Instead, he whispered in her ear.
“I want you to meet some people. I think you’ll like them.”
He gently spun her around, continuing to sway behind her, his hands holding her hips gently. She could feel the hardness of his chest against her back, warm and comforting. Dancing in front of her was the couple she had spied earlier. They were smiling at her and Luke, the way people do when they’re comfortably familiar with each other. They knew him well.
“Hi Luke, it’s been a long time,” the blonde said, easing politely around Emma to offer him a hug. He held her warmly for a moment or two, obviously pleased to see her. Emma wondered who she was. A friend? A past lover? He released his embrace and held his hand out to her partner to greet him.
“Nice to see you guys, you look great. Hottest couple in the room, as always,” Luke flirted, completely at ease with them.
“I wouldn’t say the hottest couple,” the man returned the compliment, his sweet smile landing on Emma. His chocolate brown eyes were incredibly kind, shy even, Emma noted. There was something appealing about him, like a warm blanket on a chilly night.
“I want you to meet my friend Emma,” Luke offered, placing a warm hand on her shoulder. She nodded shyly at them, still wondering who they were to him.
“It’s great to finally meet you!” the blond said with the sweetest southern drawl, pulling her in for a hug. Emma appreciated the welcoming gesture and hugged her back in return. “I’m Jane, and this is my hubby, Paul. We are just so glad you’re here! We’ve heard so much about you!”
Protecting Her Heart Page 9