“In a manner of speaking,” he said. He knelt beside the bed, grasping one of her hands in his. “Do not be mad at me,” he started.
Remy resisted the urge to yank her hand out of his. “Any talk that starts off with, ‘Do not be mad at me,’ is guaranteed to make me mad at you,” she said. “What’s going on?”
“I told Derek,” Dominic said. Remy’s heart lurched in her chest and her pulse sped up. “He’s on his way here to talk to you.”
“Oh God,” Remy murmured. “He’s going to kill me, isn’t he? He’s totally on the warpath, right?”
“Not yet,” he said. “Just be honest with him, and he won’t be.”
Remy swallowed hard and nodded. Dominic squeezed her hand and pressed his lips against the inside of her wrist. When he lifted his head again, there was another knock on the door, and he murmured, “Be calm, and be confident. You did the right thing.”
“It doesn’t feel like it,” Remy said. The door swung open, slowly and ominously, and Derek was revealed in the doorframe, watching them silently.
“I’ll come back when you’re done,” Dominic promised, and he dropped one more kiss onto her wrist and headed to the door. He slipped past Derek, who gave him a hard look, and the doctor stepped in and shut the door behind him. Derek stood there, staring at her, his arms folded over his chest. For once, he’d tossed the customary lab coats he’d worn like a shield for as long as she’d known him, though he had probably left them all behind in the inferno of Woodside. He was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and what looked like combat boots, an outfit so out of the norm for him that, if it had been any other situation, Remy would have done a double take or maybe cracked a joke about it. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse, low, and firm.
“Why?”
Remy shifted uncomfortably on the bed and picked up her bolo knife’s sheath, sliding the blade into it. “Why what?” she asked, hoping to buy herself some time to figure out how to explain.
“Why didn’t you come to me?”
Remy looked at him, eyes wide. “I…I d-don’t know,” she stammered. “I thought you wouldn’t help me. I asked for the cure over and over and over. I begged for it, and you wouldn’t give it to me.” Her voice cracked, and she looked away from him, staring out the window at the night again. “I thought I was going to die.”
Derek walked across the room, his boots thumping against the hardwood floor, and the bed beside her sank down when he sat on the edge of it. Remy studiously kept her eyes on the window, not daring to look at him.
“I was wrong,” he said. “I screwed up when I delayed giving you the treatment without any explanation. I should have explained. I should have told you about how it worried me. I should have told you about the side effects Ethan was experiencing so you would understand why I was delaying giving it to you.”
Remy still didn’t look at him. “What sort of side effects?”
“I don’t know for sure,” Derek said. “Uncontrollable hunger, anger issues, that sort of thing. I didn’t get the opportunity to explore it more in depth before Ethan…had to leave.”
“That’s a polite euphemism for ‘ran away,’” Remy muttered.
“These side effects are worrisome enough that I wasn’t willing to throw everything behind it all the way,” Derek went on, ignoring her. “It’s not a cure anyway.”
That was enough to bring her around with a gasp. “What?”
“It’s a vaccine,” Derek said. “Sort of. If you’re already infected when you’re given it, then you stay infected. It just replaces one type of infection with a stronger version of it.”
“So I’m still infected?”
“Yeah, and you always will be,” Derek answered. “It’s just a question of whether you’d be contagious or not, and if Ethan’s status is any indicator, the answer is no.”
“I can hear the ‘but’ in your voice,” Remy said.
“But I’m concerned that things may be different with you,” Derek said.
“Different how?” Remy asked. She was thinking back on what had happened at Woodside, when she’d walked right into a horde of infected and none of them had laid a hand on her. She put a hand up to stop Derek before he could say anything. “Wait, never mind. I’m not sure I want to know,” she said. “It won’t make a difference for me to know, especially since I’m leaving with Cade and you’re staying here with the baby.”
Derek gave her an uncertain look. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Remy said with a confidence she didn’t feel. “Like I said, it won’t make much difference when I’m out on the road.” She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and sighed. “I wish we could all go. I don’t like the idea of any of us being left behind. We’ve lost too many people already…”
Derek caught her hand in his and squeezed it. “I know, Remy,” he said. “We’ve all had our share of losses, some many more than others. And even after those losses, it never gets easier.”
There was a heavy vein of sadness in the doctor’s voice, one that drew Remy toward him like a moth to a candle’s flame. It was the sense of a kindred spirit, of a fellow survivor with a darkness that, like hers, was buried so deeply in his soul that he didn’t have a hope of digging it out. He was broken inside, and she wondered if he was aware of it. She didn’t say her thoughts out loud, though. It would probably only lead to trouble. Instead, she said, “No, it never does.”
Silence fell between them. Derek seemed lost in his thoughts and was staring at the wall across the room. When he spoke, his voice was hushed. “I’m a coward.”
Remy raised an eyebrow. “What? No you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. I should be going with you guys. You’ve got the more dangerous task ahead of you, and you’re the more likely of the two groups to need medical help. Yet the moment the opportunity arose, I jumped at the chance to stay here, where it’s safer.” He curled his lip like he was disgusted with himself.
“Just because you’re not actively traveling doesn’t mean you’re safer,” Remy pointed out. “There won’t be as many of you here to guard the house and the baby, only you and Isaac. That means your resources and your ability to watch for danger are going to be really limited. Personally, I’d rather go out on the road, cause I think you’ve got the worst of the jobs, protecting Olivia while trying to keep the three of you alive.”
Derek snorted. “Nice try, Remy,” he said. “I’m afraid that just sounds like a load of horseshit.”
Remy fought to not crack a grin, and she shrugged with one shoulder. “Can’t fault a girl for trying, can you?”
Derek chuckled. “No, I don’t suppose I can.”
Chapter 10
The following week passed in a flurry of activity, more than Cade had participated in in months. She’d bent to the task without complaint, despite the pain she felt in her back, hips, and legs. She pushed on past the ache, making lists of supplies and gathering what she could. On the eve of their departure, she stood in the master bedroom, packing what little she had left. The pile of personal objects on her bed was smaller than it had ever been, most of what she’d started out with long gone, and she thought wistfully on the closet and dresser full of clothes she’d had back home before everything had fallen apart. With a sigh, she started rolling and stuffing her few articles of clothing into her backpack. All of it fit inside with plenty of room to spare.
“At least I’ll have room for extra ammo,” she muttered, turning her attention to the equally sparse weaponry on the scratched dresser near the bed. The lack of guns and ammunition there was enough to make her heart sink to her knees. How was she going to track Brandt down, charge into wherever he was being held, and save him from an entire, well-equipped military unit with one pistol, a knife, and her rifle?
“We are so fucked,” she said. It was a struggle to keep despair from settling over her at the admission, and she swallowed the lump trying to rise in her throat. Her throat felt raw from grief and worry, and she looked around for a bottl
e of water to soothe the ache, even as the despondency settled further over her, trying to push her into a downward spiral she wouldn’t be able to pull out of.
“What’s the point in this?” she murmured. Giving up her search for a bottle of water, she stepped away from the bed to look out the window. The sun was starting to break over the horizon, spilling the faintest blue light over the few houses nearby and pouring like liquid over the pavement, running toward the house they were bunked in. The ambulance they’d used to escape the impending inferno that was to engulf Woodside was parked at the curb, the windows glazed over with nighttime condensation. Cade pressed a hand against the glass, which was cool from the air of early fall, and closed her eyes.
“The world is too big,” she whispered. “I don’t even know where to start looking for you.”
Brandt, of course, didn’t answer. Cade’s heart broke in the silence.
Olivia made a soft whimpering sound, and Cade turned away from the window to tend to her. She spotted a dark form in her bedroom doorway, and she stopped short, sucking in a startled breath. Her fingers twitched toward her hip to grab for a pistol that wasn’t there. She caught the movement and curled her hand into a fist, ready to go on the attack. “Who’s there?” she snarled.
“Just me,” Dominic said. Cade’s shoulders sagged in relief, and she loosened her stance, uncurling her fingers from her tight fist. “I thought I’d come check in on you, see if you needed anything.”
“You could have knocked,” Cade said, trying her best to keep the annoyance out of her voice. She headed for the bed to tend to Olivia.
“I didn’t want to wake you up if you were asleep,” Dominic said. “Sorry.” He stepped into the bedroom, halting inside the door.
Cade picked up Olivia, cradling her to her chest and rubbing her back soothingly, and one of the infant’s tiny fists curled against Cade’s collarbone. Dominic took another step and set a canister and a bottle of water onto the bed.
“I brought up another can of formula,” he said. “There’s quite a few more downstairs. I scavenged all that I could over the past several months.”
Cade couldn’t muster a smile of gratitude. “Thanks.” She started to pace the floor, attempting to soothe Olivia’s whimpers. It was like the infant could sense that Cade was getting ready to leave and that she was leaving her behind.
“I heard what you said,” Dominic said, his voice hesitant. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but…”
“It was nothing,” Cade replied. “Don’t worry about it.”
Dominic sighed and came into the bedroom, sinking down onto the edge of the bed and rubbing the palms of his hands over his knees while Cade paced the room with Olivia. Cade could tell he wanted to say something but was reluctant to do so, and she gritted her teeth. She smoothed her hand over Olivia’s back, adjusting the onesie the baby wore.
“Spit it out, Dominic,” she snapped. “I’m not in the mood to watch you dance around shit.”
Dominic scrubbed his hands over his face. “I know you’re not okay,” he said. Cade opened her mouth to argue, and he put up a hand to stop her. “And don’t try to tell me you are, because I’m not going to believe it. I don’t think there’s a soul on this planet who would be okay after all the shit you’ve been put through these past two years.” He paused long enough for Cade to wander to the window to check on the progress of the dawn. “I also overheard you a minute ago. I know you’re scared and hurting—”
“I’m not scared,” Cade interrupted. “I’m pissed. I want to track down those bastards who took Brandt and tear them apart. I want to burn the motherfuckers down and scatter their ashes across the fucking planet. I want to make every single one of them pay for taking Brandt away from me and killing all of our people.”
“You need to find out where he is,” Dominic said. “That’s something I might be able to help you with.”
Hope, that forbidden emotion she’d been trying to avoid, welled up in Cade despite her best efforts, and she turned away from the window to look at him. Cade knew that Dominic could see the hope in her eyes, but she didn’t care. She had to know what he was going to say.
Dominic produced a large map from his back pocket. He unfolded it, spreading it out to its full size on the wrinkled comforter. “I took the liberty of trying to figure out the potential radius of where they could have taken Brandt.”
Cade leaned over the map to get a look, though she couldn’t see much in the dim light. Dominic took a flashlight out of his pocket, mashing the button on the end to turn it on and shining it over the map. He’d drawn large, concentric circles over the map that rippled out from the approximate location of Woodside.
“There are a lot of unknown variables,” he said. “The range of one of those helicopters is about six hundred miles. We have several possibilities.” He pointed to the smallest of the circles. “This is about three hundred miles out from Woodside in every direction. They could be anywhere in this circle if they flew straight from their starting point to Woodside and back.” He pointed to another circle, this one much larger. “This is six hundred miles out from Woodside. If they flew from a starting point six hundred miles out straight to Woodside, they’d have to refuel in Woodside to make it back to their starting point. Of course, they couldn’t do that, because Woodside had no refueling capabilities. They’d have to find somewhere that did. I’m thinking there’s a possibility they had a refueling point roughly halfway along the route and that they flew from their starting point to the refueling post, gassed up there, and then flew the rest of the way to Woodside. This would have left them enough fuel to get back to the refueling point so they could go back to wherever they came from. Or they could have gone three hundred more miles past that.” He pointed to the largest circle on the page, which encompassed both of the smaller ones. “If they refueled at their original starting point and flew out from there, then there’s no way we can even begin to know where they went.”
“So we’re practically right back where we started,” Cade said. She slumped onto the end of the bed and leaned against one of the bedposts. “With no real idea of where to look, except maybe inside one of these circles.”
“It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack when you have no idea which haystack you’re supposed to be looking in,” Dominic said. “Which is why I think your plan might be the most sound. We’ve got to figure out exactly where he is, and that means we need better intel. The Tabernacle is the only place I know of in easy traveling distance that might have more information. Going there is a start, and I think it’s a wise idea, regardless of what anyone else says.” Cade looked up at him, her heart right there on her sleeve, and he gave her a smile. “I’ve got your back on this, Cade. I promise.”
“I hope so,” Cade said quietly, breaking her gaze from his and shifting it to Olivia, “because I’m worried that no one else will.”
“Remy has it too,” Dominic said confidently. His mention of her reminded Cade of what he’d told her and Derek seven days before.
“Were you serious about what Remy did?” she asked. “About her shooting herself up with the cure?”
“Of course I was serious,” Dominic said. “You think I’m going to make something like that up?”
Cade shrugged. “I don’t know. People have made up stranger things.”
Dominic circled around behind her, leaning over her shoulder to look at Olivia. “She’s beautiful, you know,” he said. “Looks like a perfect cross between the two of you.”
“You’re changing the subject,” Cade replied.
Dominic stepped away, going to the window, and Cade twisted on the end of the bed to watch him. He stared out at the ground below, and when he spoke, he talked to the glass in front of him.
“I’m not making it up,” he said. “I was there when she did it. I helped her.”
“You what?”
“I knew you were going to get pissed about that,” Dominic said.
“You bet your ass I was
going to get pissed about it,” Cade snapped. “What the hell did you do?”
“I…helped her inject herself with the cure,” he said. At least he had the decency to look ashamed of himself. If he hadn’t, Cade would have been tempted to smack him. “Look, Cade, I had to, okay? You know there’s only so much of the suppression medication that Derek was giving her left, and we were bound to run out before he got off his ass and did what he needed to do. She was desperate, and considering the circumstances we were in, with the infected banging at the walls and about two seconds away from getting in, it wasn’t like we could shut her up in a room until we cured her like we did Ethan.”
Cade grimaced. “I want to argue with you so bad,” she said, “but I can’t, because you make too much damn sense.”
Dominic shrugged. “Yeah, the sense-making doesn’t happen very often, so when it does, relish it.” He stepped away from the window then, turning to face Cade with a grave expression. He leaned back against the window frame, studying her. She studied him right back, waiting for him to voice whatever was on his mind. “Have you finished packing yet?”
Cade motioned to the backpack propped against the wall by the bed. “Yeah, about as well as it’s going to happen,” she said. “I gave Sadie the duffel bag with my spare ammo and weapons in it. I figured she should take the time to clean it all and get familiar with it.” She paused, brushing her fingers over Olivia’s sparse, curly, dark hair. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?”
“Do you feel like you are?”
“I like to think so, but…” Cade chewed on her bottom lip, trying to figure out the best way to phrase what was on her mind. “I don’t have a problem with going myself. I can handle anything that comes at me. I’m just worried that I’m dragging everyone else into something they might not actually be willing to do. Maybe they feel obligated to help and don’t really want to.”
The Becoming (Book 5): Redemption Page 6