“Sarah, honey, I’m so happy you’re home.” She walked up and wrapped those arms around me.
“So am I.” I mumbled into her shoulder.
“Come in. I want you to walk around, have yourself a good look. See if anything brings back a memory. Lunch won’t be ready for a while and I’ll stay down here,” she pointed towards the right as we walked into a large room with many pieces of colonial styled furniture strewn about. Couches, chairs, tables, and lamps. Artwork covered the walls. A huge white brick fireplace stood in the center of the outside wall. She sat down on one of the couches. “I’m finishing my tea, can I offer you a cup?”
“Your home is, well, it’s beautiful.” I said as I slowly spun around. Thick curtains that were the color scheme that matched the sofas were pulled back, and sunlight filled the large room making it seem warm and inviting. “I would love some tea. Thank you.”
“Sit. I’ll pour you a cup and then you can begin to explore.” There was such excitement in her voice it was contagious. She lifted a large blue ceramic teapot and poured me a cup, then put in two sugars and a little cream. “It’s just how you like it.” She said, handing me the cup.
“Thank you.” I took the cup and sipped it. It was perfect. “I would like to look around. Did I live here long?”
“Since you were born. You lived here until you went away to college in Pennsylvania, and then moved into the city, Philadelphia, for grad school. Then when you graduated you stayed in New York. But you came home often.”
“Wow, this is all so overwhelming. Here is a house, where I spent a good portion of my life and I can’t seem to remember anything.” I looked down into my cup.
“That is to be expected the doctor said. She was confident that your memories will come back in time, when you are not so…” She stopped.
“So what?”
“Well, Sarah, the doctor thinks your memory loss is partially due to stress caused by a traumatic experience.” The whole tone of her voice changed, like she was making light of what the doctor said, she went on, “I got so angry with that man. Nonsense, I told him. How else would you describe falling down a flight of stairs and cracking your skull? Of course it is stressful and traumatic.” She shook her head. “He’s the best in his field, but acts very superior. Personally, I’m not fond of him, but I am in his debt.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I sat there staring at her like a complete idiot.
“You just finish your tea. I would come along with you, but I think it’s better if you look around without feeling like your being nosey or intrusive. I want you to be completely at ease. Just keep in mind that this is your home, you can look at whatever you want, and please don’t feel out of place.”
“Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that. It eases my mind a little.”
“Well then finish your tea.” She finished her cup and placed it on the serving tray. “Off with you, lunch will be ready in about an hour or so. Trudy is making your favorite.”
“Trudy? Who is…” I realized it was senseless asking that question, because I wouldn’t remember who they were anyway. “Brad told me you liked to cook.”
“Oh, I did, do, especially for you and daddy, but today I thought it best to spend as much time with you as possible. Besides Trudy makes one of your favorites better than I do.” She laughed.
“What is my favorite?”
“It’s a surprise.” She said, quite proudly.
“I’ve been getting a whole lot of surprises lately.” I smiled crookedly and slowly made my way towards the door.
“What is this, this room?”
“The formal living room, dear.”
“Oh…”
I was set on exploring. I liked the idea of going into every room and taking a good look around. Praying hard that something will click.
Walking back into the center hall, I turned towards the dining room. It was a lovely room with rich wallpaper in shades of burgundy, hunter green and bright yellow. There was a long elegant table surrounded by eight beautifully, upholstered chairs, both the backs and seating surfaces matched the curtains. A large floral piece stood in the center of the long table. There was a sideboard on one wall and a huge hutch on the other, full of beautiful dishes and sculptures. The furniture itself was all a shiny dark wood. If I had to guess, I’d say cherry.
I walked back out and made my way down the hall. I turned and stepped into the kitchen and was amazed at how large it was. A woman was taking items from the refrigerator and placing them side by side on the counter. She must have heard me because before I could prepare myself she spun around to face me.
“Miss Sarah!” Her voice was high and excited. She nearly ran over to where I stood and wrapped her large arms around me. “I am so happy to see you up and about. Whenever I visited you, you just slept and slept. I said to your mom, when she comes home, you bring her here and I’ll fatten her up.” Her exuberance was infectious and I found myself smiling in spite of not knowing who the hell she was.
I hugged her back and…
Flash.
There was something…she smelled familiar? Or was it something in the kitchen that did?
“Miss Sarah, you okay. Do you need to sit?”
“No…” I was at a loss; I didn’t know this kind woman’s name.
“Trudy.” She said softly.
“No, Trudy, I’m fine. Just…”
“What Miss?”
“Something smells good in here.” I covered up immediately.
“It’s one of your favorites.” She smirked as she released me and stepped back. Her eyes took me in from head to toe. “Yes, it is good to have you back. Now go so I can get to cooking.” She smiled. She was so friendly, I was actually angry at myself for not remembering her.
“I’m off to explore.”
“Then off you go. I’ll give you a hint…that room. She pointed across the hall, “is where you spent most of your time.”
“Thank you, Trudy. I’ll see you soon.”
“Yes, you will.”
I walked out of the huge gourmet kitchen, with its huge fridge, and huge ovens and large cabinets…it was very big.
I stepped into ‘my favorite’ room, according to Trudy, and instantly felt warm and comfortable.
A polished wood piano sat gleaming in the corner next to a large window. As I turned slowly in place I noticed the room had more windows than walls, and smiled inwardly watching the sunlight pour in through every one of them. I walked over to the piano and saw that four of the windows were actually doors that opened onto a patio. It was a warm, inviting room and I could see why this would be a favorite. The large flat screen TV was mounted on the wall adjacent to the stone fireplace. Brown worn leather sectional sofas, forming a huge U, were centered in the middle of the room and it was completely covered with all patterns of pillows, some super large and some small, all inviting.
Opposite the wall of windows was an entire wall of shelving; floor to ceiling shelving. And they were covered, every inch covered, in books. In fact, they were overflowing. There were books stacked in small stacks on top of books in neat rows.
“Someone likes to read a lot.”
I walked over and ran my fingers over their bindings; the smell of the books filled my nostrils. I inhaled deeply.
Flash.
I think I loved that smell, or I do love that smell.
Was that a memory?
There was a large, long sofa table at the top of the U that held what looked to be a hundred pictures of all sizes and shapes. There were pictures of ‘me’ with my front teeth missing smiling awkwardly. I looked to be about three or so. There were pictures of ‘me’ with braces, my hair hanging down, no form or shape.
Ah, the gawky teenaged years.
There was a picture of ‘me’ in a graduation gown and cap holding my diploma up proudly, conservative smile on my face. Now I see the outcome of the braces. I looked so young, so ready to tackle the world; there was such confidence in tha
t smile. There was another picture of ‘me’; I looked to be about fifteen sitting next to Ronn…my mother with a man standing behind us. He had a hand on each of our shoulders.
Flash.
I know that smile.
Out of nowhere, tears filled my eyes. I don’t know why, but it had something to do with that picture. I wiped them away and looked over to see a picture of me and Brad, all dressed up like we were headed out for a night on the town. He was wearing a suit, and I was in a gown. I had to admit to myself that we were indeed a very nice looking couple. My green eyes were shining; his blue eyes were striking.
We’d have nice looking babies.
Where the hell did that come from?
I walked over and lifted a picture up, it was my mother and, who I can only guess was my father and examined it closely. Willing my memory to come back and tell me why I’m so haunted by this face. I put it back down. There was a large picture in a thick ornate frame, a replica of the one that hung over our fireplace, our engagement picture. I smiled as I looked at the love struck couple.
Stepping back I took another look around the room and felt something here, a pull of sorts. It was both reassuring and frightening at the same time.
I turned and left the room.
I walked over to the next door and opened it. Inside was a large laundry room, with a huge white folding table and two big machines taking up a good portion of space. A line hung from one corner to the next and directly underneath it was a rack, apparently for hanging clothes that couldn’t be dried. I knew whatever memory I had of this room couldn’t be good, and smiling at my own wit, I closed the door…I crack myself up sometimes.
The next door was a large pantry, lots of goodies inside, but nothing that would trigger a memory. I opened a door that led to the garage. A classy white Mercedes with a convertible top sat on the far end of the large space. Nice taste ‘mother’ I thought to myself.
Then I opened a series of doors, a coat closet, another closet, and yet another closet. This house definitely had plenty of closet space. Good selling feature!
Well, that’s it for this floor. I walked to the bottom of the stairs and looked up. Putting my hand on the railing, I slowly made my way up to the second floor. Glancing over the rail, I noticed for the first time since arriving today that there was a large round table in the center of the center hall entrance way. Fresh flowers took up the entire table. I turned back to the task at hand, making it to the top without falling.
My grip on the railing was so tight my knuckles were white. I took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. When I finally reached the top, I exhaled. I surprised myself to find that I had been holding my breath the entire climb.
Pushing open the first door at the top of the steps, l took a good long look around. There was a large bed, two nightstands, a dresser, two lamps and little else. I walked over and opened the door on the far wall. Closet, big surprise there. The next door was the entrance to the bathroom. It was all dark wood and glass, very classy, but nothing here was interesting to me. I closed the door behind me and made my way down the hall to the next. It was another bedroom that also held no memory for me. It, like the others I’d just seen, was tastefully decorated, but it didn’t stand out in my mind.
I closed that door and walked to the next door down the hallway. This room was towards the back of the house.
I pushed it opened and stepped inside, it was a spacious bright room, pale yellow and blue curtains were pulled back allowing the sun to spread throughout the cavernous room. A large four-poster bed was centered on the large wall across from the windows that looked out onto the yard. I walked over and looked out.
Rolling green grass and slate walkways led to the large in ground pool. A cabana stood next to the pool. Directly underneath the window was a roof, I expect that it was the covered a patio area off of the large family room, the one with all the pictures.
I turned and looked at the bed. On the wall between the bedposts was a painting. It was a familiar painting. Very soothing. I liked it. The bed was covered in a luxurious French blue and pale yellow duvet set with what looked to be twenty pillows set on top against the huge wooden headboard.
I sat on it and looked around. There was also a matching dresser, armoire, and two wood night tables, each with a blue glass shaded lamp sitting on top. I lay back trying to get a feel for the room and looked up.
On the ceiling were what seemed to be a zillion small stars. They were everywhere. At first I didn’t notice them. The stars were almost invisible, all appearing to be the same color as the ceiling, but after a few seconds I could make out their outlines.
I couldn’t help my smile.
“You had your father place each and every one of those stars.” I sat up and saw my ‘mother’ standing in the doorway. “That huge cluster above where you are laying is the Milky Way.” She let out a short laugh, “You insisted on it being accurate. Your poor father…” She shook her head, smiling at the memory.
“I did?”
“Yes, they actually glow at night. It’s really quite pretty. It’s like the whole night sky is shining above you.”
“I’d like to see that some time.”
“Later, when it’s dark, after dinner. You come back up here and lay back on your bed. You’ll see it then. But now it’s time to eat lunch. I hope you’re hungry.”
“Seems I’m always hungry.”
“That’s good. I can see that you are already putting on some weight.”
We walked down the large curving staircase, my ‘mother’ stayed by my side, keeping my slow pace with me. Talking about how I used to swim all the time, and when I was little I collected bugs.
Yuck, really?
She laughed at the face I made.
“Have you had any memory of Jez since I last asked?”
“No. I haven’t. But Brad told me a few stories about her. Said she used to follow me where ever I walked, like a puppy.”
“That’s the truth. She did. Especially when she was little, but she’s been acting so strange of late. I think it’s because she’s never gone so long without seeing you.” She looked intently at me, “I tried giving her apples and sugar cubes, but that girl won’t take them from me. She misses you terribly. We all do.” There was a sadness in her voice that triggered instant guilt. I really wanted to remember everything.
“Do I ride well?”
“Yes, you do. Did.” She looked down to the bottom of the stairs, then back at me, “Don’t get me wrong. You had your share of falls, especially when you were stubborn and insisted on making a jump you weren’t ready for. Your father would get so mad at you when you pushed yourself too hard, but you were hard-headed, took after him if you ask me. You took the jump without a second thought. I swear there were times when you fell off that horse when I didn’t know who felt worse, you or Jez.” She laughed. I joined in. I could see me being stubborn.
I found myself really wanting to see ‘my’ horse. Jez.
We walked into the dining room and sat at the table. The smell of tomatoes wafted through the door as Trudy walked in carrying a tray.
“Smells heavenly.” I said.
“Do you know what it is?” Trudy asked.
“No, I’d guess tomato something.”
She placed a bowl in front of both my ‘mother’, and I. I was pleased to see I was right. It was tomato soup.
Trudy shaved fresh Parmesan on the top of the hot soup, which immediately melted on the surface.
“With fresh basil, just the way you like it.” Trudy stepped back and smiled.
“Mmmm. It looks fantastic. I can’t even describe how it smells.”
It was weird, at how weird it was, that I didn’t mind sharing my meals with people who I saw as total strangers. Where food was involved, I was comfortable. Don’t ask me why.
Trudy beamed. My ‘mother’ let out a small chuckle as she lifted a spoonful to her mouth.
“Trudy, you’ve outdone yourself.” She
threw fresh croutons on top of her soup.
“Oh, we are getting serious here?” I laughed as I lifted a large spoonful of croutons and placed them on the top of my soup. “What else am I smelling?”
“She’s onto you Trudy.”
“Coming right up.” Trudy walked towards the kitchen and returned moments later with two plates. “Here you go.” She proudly laid the plates down.
I looked down.
Grilled cheese.
I nearly jumped up and down!
“My favorite!” The voice wasn’t mine and yet it came from my mouth.
I don’t know who shouted, Trudy or my ‘mother’ but my mouth was way too busy tasting.
They both turned their heads and simultaneously looked at me. Both of them had their mouths hanging open and eyebrows lifted.
“Best close those lips before something flies in there.” I told them both.
Now where the hell did that come from?
I ignored their ‘faux’ indignant looks and put my nose close to the plate. Either I was brought up in a barn, or food was my thing. The smell of fresh cheddar, American, and pepper jack cheeses wafted in the air—the perfect combination by the way—melted between two slices of lightly grilled fresh sourdough bread. I must be in heaven.
I grabbed a triangle and bit down deeply, loving the feel and taste of the hot melted cheese oozing out of the sides of the sandwich, and the crunch of the bread as it filled my mouth. I scooped up another spoonful of the tomato soup and ladled it into my mouth. I loved the taste of these two foods together.
“Wait. I love this. I remember loving this.”
Flash.
Flash.
Flash.
Flash.
“Trudy you’re a genius.” My ‘mother’ clapped and bounced in her chair.
“Trudy, you are the best!” I said, shoveling another mouthful of my sandwich into my mouth.
Truer words were never spoken.
Chapter Ten
I spent the rest of the afternoon into early evening walking around and looking in almost every nook and cranny of ‘my’ home. Walking into my parent’s room wasn’t revealing in any way other than it somehow made me feel sad. I could see looking at my mother’s eyes that she saw that sadness, and felt it too.
Ever, Sarah Page 8