by Sienna Snow
Unlike Dad, I will sacrifice my happiness to make sure my babies never know a day without love.
I shook the melancholy thoughts from my mind as a knock rapped on the door.
Natalie entered with two bottles and immediately closed the door.
I frowned. She never closed the door.
“Someone wishes to speak to you in the other room.”
“Tell Max I’ll call him later when I’m not angry enough to punch him in the face.”
“It isn’t Max.”
My skin prickled.
I’m going to kick Max’s ass!
I stood up and let the boys continue their play.
“We’re going to have to figure out how to tell Arya she is a widow because her husband is dead. I don’t care if he is my brother.”
“I think she will agree that it was just cause.” Natalie winked.
I bit my lip, inhaled deep, and opened the door, connecting the nursery to the playroom.
“I thought I told you to leave.”
He ignored my statement and stared at the pictures of the boys on the wall. He traced their faces with the tips of his fingers.
“They look like me.” His voice filled with awe.
I closed my eyes for a moment at the ache fisting my heart.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” Thomas asked as he continued to stare at the pictures.
“Natalie arranged a meeting at your Manhattan office in a few days.”
He turned with an angry glare. “You planned on handling this as a business transaction?”
“I thought it best, considering our history.”
If I kept the discussion formal, then I could keep the anger and emotion of his betrayal out of his relationship with the boys. No matter what I felt, Thomas had a right to his children. Plus, anywhere else, I’d remember everything we’d been to each other and the pain left in its wake.
“This isn’t about a contract, it’s about our boys. When it comes to them, I don’t care what you want. I won’t negotiate.”
I bit the inside of my cheek as my temper flared, pushing all the heartache away. “I would never use them to get anything from you. You’ve accused me of too many things to make me believe you’d entertain anything but business from me. I wanted to meet to discuss our sharing custody.”
“You make it sound so cold.”
“What did you expect from me? I’m exactly what you accused me of. A cold, heartless, calculating Dane.”
“I should never have said that. You aren’t cold.” He took a step toward me, then stopped when I retreated.
Dammit, this was my house, and no matter how he made me feel, I had to stand my ground.
“You don’t know me anymore. You never really knew me.”
“I know you better than anyone else. Better than Andrew or your father or even Max.”
Hearing Andrew, the name of my long-deceased fiancé, made me cringe inside. Although I’d loved him, he never understood who I was. He was happy in his role as my submissive, never knowing he couldn’t meet my needs.
“Carm, you’re anything but cold.” He gazed at me in the way he’d done that weekend long ago, when we’d conceived our sons.
For a brief second, I believed him.
Thomas was the only person who’d ever seen past the image I projected to the vulnerable girl deep inside. To the woman who wanted someone else to hold the reins for a change.
Then the memory of him tearing out my heart resurfaces, and I resign myself to the fact that it was all an illusion I’d created. The desire of someone who’d spent her life rejected by the men she loved.
First Father, then Andrew, and ending with Thomas.
“Look. I don’t want to fight.” I turned away from him and stared out the window overlooking my gardens. “I can admit now that keeping my pregnancy a secret was wrong, but at the time it was the best decision for me.”
“Is there any way we can work this out?”
I rubbed my arm. “I’m not going to keep them from you.”
“That’s not what I meant. I want this to work.”
I sighed. What did he want from me? My emotions were at war with my composure, and I was too exhausted to argue with him. I refused to cry in front of him and demand to know what made him believe I was such a horrible person.
“Thomas, I don’t have time for riddles. Please. Can we just talk in a few days?”
“Answer a question for me first.”
What now?
“Fine. Ask.”
“Why haven’t you been to the club?”
I jerked and faced him. That was not the question I expected. The stark change of subject surprised me but also helped recompose my shields. He was the only man who ever shook my defenses.
“Thomas. I don’t have time for this.”
“I tried to find you.” He stepped toward me, but I raised a hand to keep him away.
This made no sense. Why would he look for me? I wasn’t his submissive, and he wasn’t mine.
“As you can see, I’ve been too busy to visit the club.”
“That isn’t what I meant.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You disappeared. I looked for you everywhere. After we rescued you and Milla, you all but vanished. I tried to use the tracking system Arya and I designed to trace operatives, but she changed the programming. She told me to get lost and not to bother calling Max.”
I smiled. Ari would protect me even though she’d known Thomas longer. I guessed I could forgive her for marrying my shithead of a brother.
Last year, I stupidly agreed to help my other best friend Milla Duncan stop a human trafficking ring, masterminded by Vladimir Christof, an international terrorist who’d plagued Arya, Milla, and me for the past ten years.
The original plan was to find the building where the sales for the women and children took place, attach software to their server, and be home before evening. As with all great plans, ours went to hell in a handbasket. We were recognized and then held hostage. Thomas along with a group of federal agents rescued us.
“Well, what did you expect? If I’m a liar and slut, what would that make her husband?” I folded my arms and leaned against the wall. “We Danes stick together, you know,” I said with as much coldness as I could muster. It was better to pretend I didn’t feel anything than let him see how much he hurt me.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since that dreadful day almost a year ago. Arya had told me about Thomas’s attempts to contact me, but I was determined to move on with a life that didn’t include him.
“Stop freezing me out, and listen to me for a second. I made a mistake. I…know I hurt you. Carm, I’m so sor…”
The doorknob turned, and Max entered the room. “Regala, you’ve had your five minutes. I think the rest can wait.”
“No. I have to say this.” He stared at me. “I’m sorry, Carmen. More than you can ever know. I want to try again. Not because of the boys, but for us.”
I shook my head, refusing to listen. The patch I’d placed on my heart was tearing open, and I wasn’t sure if I could trust him again.
“I don’t believe you. I’m not foolish enough to delude myself a second time. All I can offer you is a chance to get to know the boys, but nothing more.”
He released a resigned sigh. “I’m not going to give up. I want the boys, but I want you, too.”
I remained quiet as he exited the playroom. My mind reeled from Thomas’s last words.
A few minutes later, I heard the rumble of the helicopter taking off.
After a few more seconds, I turned, glaring. “How could you, Max?”
CHAPTER THREE
I didn’t have a choice, Carm,” Max said as the rumble of Thomas’s helicopter grew fainter in the distance.
“Of course you did. I just needed a few more days until I returned to Manhattan and met with him.”
Natalie was personal assistant to both Max and me. She was a stickler for organization and would have told Max the reason I
couldn’t make our normally scheduled strategy meeting.
“This would have happened whether I brought him here or not. He saw the pictures in the tabloids and knew the rumors were true. Consider yourself lucky that he only found out now.” Max paced back and forth. “He’s their father. He had a right to know.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I couldn’t imagine missing six months of my sons’ lives.”
My anger disappeared, and guilt replaced it. “What choice did I have? The Regalas made it clear what they thought of me. He…made it clear.” I held in a sob, but Max saw my reaction and approached me, gathering me in his arms. “He said he loved me and then threw me away.”
Seeing Thomas released all the pain and emotions I’d spent the past year containing.
“Shh.” Max stroked the back of my head. “I know he hurt you. I didn’t betray you. I punched him when he first came to my office.”
I pulled back. “Really?” That explained the bruise on Thomas’s jaw.
Max smiled. “No one messes with my baby sister and gets away with it.”
“Why did you tell him where I was? Couldn’t you have waited a few more days until I was back in Manhattan?”
“He runs all US-based security for our company. He knew where you were the second you arrived back in the country. Besides, he was going to see you whether I wanted him to or not. Coming with him was the best way to help you keep the upper hand in the situation. He’s the only man I’ve ever met who can rattle your unshakable control.”
At that moment, laughter echoed from the other room.
I sighed and then shook my head. “When I decided to come back, I knew I’d have to face Thomas and eventually his family. His grandfather hates me, and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let him do to my boys what Dad did to us. I will protect my children.”
“It’s Thomas’s job to protect Simon and Leo, too. He knows our history and won’t ever put the boys through the same thing. I don’t see him as the type of man who’d let anyone mistreat his children. Besides, you have bigger things to worry about. Like the fact…” Max released me, pinched the bridge of his nose, and walked toward the window.
I finished the sentence he hesitated to complete. “Things have been too quiet since the incident with Christof’s brother, and Thomas has the means to protect me in case Christof decides to move against me.”
Ten years ago, I helped Arya and Milla develop an intelligence software for MI6 through an MIT internship program. We never expected the agency to use our program in an actual operation, especially against Vladimir Christof. The agents used our software to freeze hundreds of millions of his assets and infiltrate his network. Which eventually led to the arrest of ten of his top men.
To this day Christof was determined to recoup the losses he incurred because of us. He’d initially focused on Arya with her skills in computer engineering and her government software. When that failed he decided Milla was a better asset because of her shipping contacts. Which led to last year’s fiasco that resulted in Milla and me becoming hostages.
Now it was my turn, and if what I discovered last night during my foundation audit was any indication, I was in deep trouble. The respite I thought I had from Christof was just another illusion I’d tried to make real.
Max stared at me in surprise. “Yes, Thomas is the best person to protect you from Christof. Arya must have said something.”
“I was talking to her a few minutes before you landed. She mentioned she was worried, but she never went into any detail. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Arya put out feelers on the Dark Web about the three of you. She’s worried he might be getting ready to move against you. Christof isn’t one to wait, particularly when you’re on his shit list for the stunt you pulled last year.”
“I wasn’t the mastermind of that adventure. Arya and Milla were the ones in charge.”
God, I felt like I was a teenager trying to defend myself to my big brother. No matter how old we get, we seemed to fall into these roles. With all the chaos in my life, at least some things never change.
Overall, I knew Max had a point. Every time I thought about what could have happened to Milla and me when Christof’s brother held us hostage, shivers went down my spine. Especially knowing I was carrying my sweet boys at the time.
“Carm, there was chatter about your whereabouts, your finances, and the boys.”
I crossed my arms around myself. “I guess it was too much to hope that he would forget about me?”
“Carm, you’re a smart woman. I never mistook you for delusional.”
“Thanks,” I muttered. If he only knew.
“How many years did he hold a grudge against Arya for something she did in graduate school?” Max gripped the window ledge. “And after what happened with you and Milla this past year, we knew you’d be next on his list. He was just biding his time. And on top of everything else…”
He didn’t have to finish. I knew the next part since I’d thought of it myself, a few moments ago.
“I was involved in the capture of his brother and turning him into an informant against him.”
The moment I’d met Christof’s brother, Abram, I knew he was a submissive who would do anything to please me. I’d used his desire to redirect his interest in Milla toward me, allowing the FBI enough time to rescue us.
I never expected his need for my approval to extend beyond his loyalty to his brother. In an attempt to prove to me that he deserved me as his Mistress, he relayed as much information about Christof’s organization as he was privy to.
“Christof has a long memory, and the three of you can’t seem to stay off his radar.”
“He’s the one who won’t leave us alone. First, Arya for Arcane, a software that had nothing to do with him, then Milla for her shipping empire, and now me. Let me guess, for my work with the foundation.”
“That, too, but you left something out.”
I frowned. “What?”
“Your access to Arcane.”
“I’m not the computer nerd, plus the program is old news. We implemented the project nearly two years ago. I think you’re reaching.”
“Don’t for one minute let your guard down. Arya and Milla aren’t such easy targets with Lex and me in the picture, but you’re vulnerable.”
“I can protect myself,” I argued.
“You’re doing a bang-up job. You’re on the verge of falling apart by spending a few minute in Thomas’s presence.”
“Fuck you, Max!” I rubbed my temples. “The two situations have nothing to do with each other.”
This was what I got for leaning on someone. They saw me as fragile.
“I know, but accepting help doesn’t mean you aren’t strong.”
My gaze jumped to his. I opened my mouth to argue but shut it instead.
“You think allowing others to help will break the ‘unshakable Carmen Dane’ image you have the world believing. I know the real person underneath.”
He has me there.
“I can’t fall apart. I have those two boys to raise.”
“Yes.” He walked over to me. “But you aren’t alone. Those boys have a father who runs one of the world’s top security and protection firms. He won’t let anything happen to any of you.”
My shoulders dropped. “I guess you’re right. Thomas would protect anyone he cared for with his life. Just let me figure out how to talk to him about the boys before I spring this crap on him.”
“Your relationship isn’t the only thing you need to figure out.”
His change in tone had me turning to look at him.
“Great. More bad news. What else could be wrong?”
He pulled out his phone and handed it to me. “Read this.”
I scanned the screen, and my stomach plummeted. There was page after page of transactions from our family’s South African education foundation to a private account held in my name. The sum totaled over thirty million dollars.
Arya and Max
had learned about the discrepancies I’d discovered before I could tell them. Hell, I only discovered them last night while I was reviewing all the foundation’s accounts for tax payments scheduled to go out.
My gut screamed Christof was behind this somehow, but until I had proof, no one was going to believe that I wasn’t behind the siphoning of the charity’s assets.
“Max, it wasn’t me. I didn’t do this.” My hands shook. “I don’t even have an account in that bank. Oh God, Max. After what Dad did, who’s going to believe me?”
“I do, and so do Arya and Milla. Arya has started tracing where the funds are going, and Mil is scouring all the books to see who’s had access to any of the accounts.”
“But if it becomes public, it will ruin me. Everyone will think I’m like Dad.”
“No, they won’t. We will stand by you.”
“Max, I lived through this once, and I can’t do it again. You never experienced the innuendos and gossip the way I did. No matter where I went, I was the daughter of the embezzler. If it weren’t for meeting Ari and Mil, I wouldn’t have had any friends at MIT. No one wanted to be associated with someone like me.”
“I didn’t have it much easier. I just didn’t give a fuck what others said.”
Etched forever in my memory was that fateful day during my last year of undergrad when the indictment came through. Agents had stormed our home searching for evidence and freezing all our accounts. They’d even searched my dorm room, essentially turning me into a leper at my over-the-top prestigious school.
I couldn’t even buy a piece of gum without borrowing money from the handful of friends I had remaining. Thank God, it was proven that most of our fortune came from my mother’s side of the family and had been in conservatorship until Max and I turned twenty.
Dad had hurt so many people and destroyed so many lives. I couldn’t blame the woman who ended up killing him and herself. She loved him, and he’d taken every cent of her inheritance.
The craziest part of it all was that Dad’s lover turned out to be Thomas’s aunt.
“You don’t understand. I deal with it to this day; you don’t. It is one of the reasons Thomas and I aren’t together anymore.”