He has tried calling the Hathaway’s telephone so many times that James has finally changed the number. Before the number was changed, he was always greeted with a “Stop calling!” or a swift silence on the other end.
He writes letters on a weekly basis, mails them to the Hathaway home, and never receives a response from Grace. He has thought about getting in his old Nova and heading to Ocean View, but he has not built up the courage yet. He knows that Grace wants nothing to do with him from the lack of response he has gotten, but he just cannot give up on her. It has been months since he has seen her, but he prays that she is unable to move on without him. The same way he is unable to move on without her.
Jaden is sound asleep when the ringing of his telephone rudely wakes him from a dream of Grace. Fumbling for the phone he picks it up.
“Jaden?”
Am I still dreaming or is she really calling me? A cough escapes his chest as he says, “Yeah.”
“Were you sleeping?”
“Ahh, yeah. It’s cool though. How are you, Grace?”
There is a long pause before she answers him. “You haven’t called or anything?”
He takes a deep disappointed breath in and blows it out slowly. Reaching for the joint on his nightstand he lights it, inhaling deeply. He knew this was coming. How does he explain to her what he is thinking without hurting her feelings or divulging the truth?
“I’m sorry,” he says, simply not knowing what else to say.
“I’m confused.”
He can only reply with another apology.
“What’s going on with us, Jaden?” she asks, sounding impatient.
He takes another drag on his joint, blows out the smoke and says blatantly, “Nothing.”
“Oh. Okay. Fine.”
“Grace, I want you. I do,” he pauses, “I do love you.”
Grace huffs.
“I do. But let’s face it, sugar. You’re five thousand and some odd miles away from me. You’re clear across the Atlantic. My life is here. I have so much major shit going on right now. My record is almost done. The band is going into the studio next weekend. I—”
“Just stop, Jaden. Stop making excuses! If you really love me as you confessed when you were here and just said again a minute ago, then you would try to make the distance between us work.”
Jaden knows she is right, and she is also right that he is making excuses. What he cannot confess to her is that being around Ian again, makes it too hard for him to go forward in a relationship with her. He does love her, but he knows if Ian ever found out what he has done, what they have done, again, it will ruin their friendship forever. Ian still talks about Grace almost daily, and Jaden is well aware of all his attempts to contact her. As usual, he knows he acted only on impulse when he slept with Grace in Paris. Impulse and sheer desire.
“I guess I won’t be expecting you sooner rather than later!” Grace says, sharply and then Jaden can hear the click that indicates she has hung up.
It has been two days since her call to Jaden. Grace is so confused by all that has happened between them. She cannot get Jaden out of her head or her heart. As much as she tries to resist the thoughts, she is unable to have the self-control to keep from contacting him again. Instead of calling, she decides that her best course is to email him, at least this way she will not hear the rejection in his voice. She sits down at the desk and types out an email.
Jaden,
I can’t believe that after all that I have gone through, that you, the one person that I trusted, would treat me this way! You know how heartbroken I was over Ian, and you came here giving me hope that I could actually fall in love again. You did, Jaden, you did make me fall in love again. Only to break my heart! Why would you lie to me like this? If you just wanted to have sex with me just say that! You didn’t have to lie to me to get in my pants. I thought we cared about each other enough to be honest with one another. I don’t know how I can ever forgive you for breaking my heart.
Grace
Grace stares at the computer. She is anxious to send the email, but she is so furious with him, yet her heart longs for her friend and lover. The anger builds as she re-reads her words. She slams her hand down on the mouse, and clicks send.
For several days, she constantly checks her cell phone and the computer for a reply from Jaden. His lack of response makes her feel as she never has before, that Jaden does not even care for her as a friend. He used me. Now she knows that she was nothing more to Jaden than a lay.
Grace is sitting in her usual spot at the café down the street from her home, sipping on her coffee. The alert tone that indicates she has a new email rings on her cell phone. She looks down at it and immediately recognizes Jaden’s email address. She was just beginning to accept the fact that he was not going to respond to her.
Grace,
Look, when I planned on coming there, it never once crossed my mind that I was going to try and get into your pants. It just happened. It shouldn’t have happened. I do love you. You’re one of my best friends. But you and me, sugar, that ain’t never gonna work. I never want to be without you as my friend, fuck my life would be horrible if that happened, but we can’t be together as a couple. I was wrong to write to you what I did in that note. I was not trying to hurt you. I can’t help it that I felt that way when I wrote that letter. I shouldn’t have given you false hopes. I realized when I got home that it just can’t work between us. I can’t be with a girl that I only see once a year. I hope that you will believe me that I never meant to hurt you. I was just living in the moment and not using my head. I don’t regret what happened with us, I only regret that I hurt you. Please don’t be mad at me. I DO love you.
Jaden
Grace slams her cell phone shut and grabs her coffee, feeling irate. His words have only enraged her further. Bullshit! He just wanted sex! Now he feels guilty about it and wants my forgiveness? Screw him.
She looks at the time glowing on her cell phone and realizes she has to get to class before she is late.
Grace runs into her class, barely making it on time, and takes her seat next to Eddie. As usual, he just nods and smiles with his stunning smile.
After class, she gathers her things and darts out the door. She can feel someone walking behind her and turns to see who it is. Eddie stops walking and smiles, his hands tucked in the pockets of his blue jeans, his head facing the pavement.
“You’re fast.”
“Oh hey, Eddie,” she says, faking a smile.
Eddie approaches her, seeming to take care with every step. His golden, dirty blond curls catch the sunlight, which distracts Grace from how angry she is for a moment.
“Wanna go to dinner tonight?”
She studies him amusingly. “With you?” she asks, sarcastically.
“Like on a date.”
Grace thinks about it for a moment, as she takes the sight of him in. She thinks that maybe Eddie would be able to keep her thoughts off Jaden and agrees to go to dinner with him.
“So you’re letting the elusive Eddie take you on a date, huh?” Michelle asks, smiling as she sits at the computer.
Grace walks out of her bedroom while elegantly putting on her bright, blood-red six-inch pump on her other foot. “Well, I couldn’t get him to shut up about it!” Grace replies in a sarcastic tone.
Michelle laughs. No doubt because Grace has told her what an introvert Eddie is, and Grace guesses that Michelle finds her response amusing. “Did Jaden write you back yet?”
Grace sits in the chair next to Michelle and gives her a frown. “Yeah, today.”
“Uh oh.” Michelle sighs.
“He’s an asshole!” Grace says, sharply.
Grace reads Jaden’s email to Michelle. “I’m never, ever speaking to him again!”
Before Michelle can utter a word, their doorbell rings. Grace slides out of the chair and opens the front door. Eddie is standing there with that magnificent smile on his face, his head bent slightly toward the floor, and his radia
nt blue eyes peering up at her. Lifting his head he smiles and then reaches out his hand without one word passing through his lips.
“See ya later, Missy,” Grace says, as she closes the door.
A few weeks later, on an unusually cold, spring morning in Ocean View, Ian slips quietly out of his car onto the sidewalk in front of the Hathaway’s home. He leans against his old Nova and folds his hands together before bringing them to his mouth. He blows on them attempting to warm them. The air is crisp and biting at his fingers, making them ache. He sucks in a deep cold breath of air and walks to the front door.
Ian can see that James cannot believe his eyes when he opens the door to find him standing on his front porch. Ian can also see that James pities him, but takes a firm stance regardless.
“I have asked you to leave us alone,” James says, harshly.
Ian puts his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and looks down at the front porch. He speaks without raising his gaze. “I’m sorry, James. I just have to see her.”
James looks at Ian sternly. “She’s not here.”
Ian raises his gaze to meet James’. His eyes are filled with fury, and it almost scares Ian.
“You need to leave my sister alone, Ian. She doesn’t want anything to do with you.”
The words cut at Ian’s heart.
“Will she be home later?” he asks, with determination.
“She doesn’t even live here anymore, man.” James reaches out for Ian and Ian backs away from him quickly.
“Man,” James says, putting his hand on Ian’s shoulder, “she’s happy. Just leave her be. Do you hear me, Ian?” James slows his words to a crawl. “She is happy.”
Ian tries to no avail to get James to tell him the whereabouts of Grace. With the heaviness of failure upon him, he reluctantly climbs back into his car and speeds away from the Hathaway home.
He finds himself sitting in his car in front of Lincoln High School. He is not exactly sure how he ended up parked in the senior parking lot at his old school, but once he realizes where he has driven, he knows exactly where he wants to go. The parking lot is empty, and the school is abandoned. Must be no school today.
He slinks out of his Nova and cautiously walks up to the fence that separates the senior quad from the parking lot.
Standing tall as ever, in the middle of the senior quad, is the majestic oak tree that he and Grace used to sit under almost every day. Ian wraps his fingers around the chain links of the fence and the coldness of it sends pain into his fingers. He takes a deep breath as memories come rushing to his mind. Steam from his warm breath paints the air in front of him. He closes his eyes as the physical pain that he has grown accustomed to in his heart resurfaces. Grace’s beautiful smile haunts his mind.
With an agile move, he leaps on the fence, crawls over it then lands on the other side with both feet. The clanks of his jewelry, his heavy breaths, and the thud of his boots hitting the pavement are the only sounds that fill the spring air.
He stands staring up at the tree as more memories of times he spent here with Grace flood his mind. Without his control, he falls to his knees as pain surges through his heart. We had so many hopes and dreams that we shared under this tree. He recalls how they were the epitome of what young lovers should be. The first time he kissed Grace’s sweet lips was under this very tree. They had some of their deepest and most heartfelt conversations here. To Ian, this tree was a symbol of their love. It was tall, strong, and everlasting, just as he thought their love would always be. I have destroyed everything I ever loved. He leans up against the tree and slowly slides down until his bottom is touching the cold, wet grass.
A dubious amount of time passes and Ian rises to his feet. With a heavy heart he runs his index finger over the bark of the oak tree where he carved I Loves G. He laughs as he remembers the day he carved this into the tree to impress Grace. Smiling, he thinks of how touched she was by this one simple gesture and how it brought tears to her eyes.
He lets his finger linger on the carving before he inhales deeply and walks back to the fence. He turns to take one more glimpse of this special place he holds so dearly in his heart. With another swift move, he leaps back over the fence and lands in the empty parking lot.
Slinking back into his car he lights a cigarette. The ringing of his cell phone startles him, but he picks it up casually.
“Hello?” he asks, pain lurching from his throat.
“How did it go?” Jaden asks, gently.
“She’s not here. James won’t tell me where she is.”
Jaden pauses. “I’m sorry, Ian.”
“I was pretty stupid coming all the way up here anyway. I’m going to grab a bite to eat and head out,” Ian says, as he musters up the strength to deal with his situation.
“Okay, man. I’ll see you when you get back.”
Ian grabs a sandwich to go, from the diner that sits on the side of the highway out of town. He decides he is not done torturing himself and stops at the spot by the lake where he spent some of the most beautiful moments of his life with Grace.
Sitting on the hood of his Nova, he eats his sandwich, and throws a pile of rocks that he gathered from the shore near the lake into the water. Playing on the stereo in his car is a song that he wrote for Grace. He watches as the rocks skip along the surface of the water and suddenly sink out of sight.
“Kind of like my life, sinking to emptiness,” he says, as he continues the destruction of his rock pile. He is frustrated, angry, and brokenhearted. The failures of all his mistakes wash over him with alarming realization. This is it. I have lost her forever.
Chapter 21
Grace has not heard from Jaden for several weeks. Michelle casually gives her tidbits of information about him, but Grace does not push for anything more. Eddie convinced Grace to go on a few more dates, and a relationship has started to blossom. For the second time in her life, Grace thinks that maybe, just maybe she could fall in love again. Eddie is kind to her, but he is so introverted, and self-absorbed that sometimes it is hard to strike up a conversation. She is lonely, so she enjoys what she gets from his company, even if it is not what she needs from a relationship.
After a while, Jaden attempts to contact Grace, but she is still too furious to speak to him. He calls her, but as soon as she sees that it is him calling, she turns her cell phone off. Texts trickle in every other day or so with Jaden pleading, Please don’t be mad at me, or you’re my family, I can’t lose you. Grace rolls her eyes at Jaden’s audacity to call her family. She longs to forgive him, but she is still too furious. She tries to talk herself out of being angry, and chalk it all up to one big mistake, but every time she goes to call or text him, her heart turns cold.
Please stop ignoring me. Jaden reads the words on his cell phone screen as he relaxes on a couch in a dark recording studio. He hesitates before pushing send and his heart rips in half. One part of him wants to hop on a plane so that he can be with Grace. The other part struggles with the guilt of being in love with the girl that his best friend is still suffering over. He is torn, and knows that any feelings between them, other than friendship are wrong, but he longs to make love to her again and becomes aroused every time he thinks of his last day in Paris with Grace. As much as he tries to convince himself that he would behave differently, he knows that if Grace lived closer to him he could not resist her. Although he knows he cannot be with her, he is also certain that he cannot live his life happily without her friendship.
Ian flops down on the couch next to Jaden and Jaden hurriedly hits send, before he pushes his cell phone into his pocket.
“Ready?” Ian asks, with excitement ringing in his voice.
Jaden nods. “Yeah, man, let’s do this. Are you going out again tonight?” Jaden asks, as they walk into the recording booth.
“I was thinking about it,” Ian says, quietly.
“With the same girl you saw last night?” Jaden hesitates to ask.
“If I go, it will be with her.”
<
br /> Jaden picks up his guitar and slides the strap over his head and onto his shoulder.
“She’s cute, man,” Jaden says, with a reassuring smile.
Ian grabs his microphone stand and pulls it closer to his body. “She’s okay. I guess.”
“It’s good that you’re starting to date.”
“I’m trying, but honestly, man, I’m just doing it because I think it’s what I’m supposed to do. The entire time I was with this chick, I kept comparing everything she said or did to Gracie.”
“Are ya still sure you don’t want to look for her anymore?”
“What’s the use, man? She knows I’ve tried. She hates my fuckin’ guts. What is another letter from me professing my love going to prove to her? I went all the way to her house in Oregon and still no phone call or anything from her.” Ian runs his hand through his hair. “I have to face the fact that she despises me and never wants to see me again.”
As bad as he feels for Ian, a tremendous weight lifts from his shoulders. Ian has finally given up trying to find Grace.
Michelle walks into the loft holding her cell phone to her ear with her shoulder.
“And this happened when?” she asks, sharply. She slams the front door, and Grace jumps up from the couch, startled. Grace can see that Michelle is extremely angry, and it is written all over her face.
“Yeah, I think you should have told her! I can’t believe how utterly stupid you can be sometimes, James!” Michelle screams into the phone.
Grace walks over to Michelle with concern eating at her heart. She helps her take her purse off her shoulder, as Michelle listens to James with a scowl on her face. Michelle walks to the couch and sits down with a huff.
“I just don’t think this is something you should’ve kept from her,” she says, looking at Grace as Grace takes the seat next to her. “No. I’ll tell her. Okay. I love you, too. Talk to you soon.” She pushes the end button on her cell phone and stares at Grace.
The Falling of Love (The Falling Series Book 1) Page 26