I wouldn’t sit here and debate if I was in love with Rumpel. If I was, I would know.
Sometimes his smile made my heart flutter. Sometimes I would smile at the thought of him. Sometimes I found myself thinking about him.
Perhaps I liked him. I wasn’t afraid to admit that. I liked Rumpel.
But I was afraid to let it go further. Rumpel was cursed, and in four months, who knew what would become of him. Likely, he would be gone, morphed into the power of magic. If we couldn’t break his curse, which was a very real possibility, then Rumpel wasn’t an option for me.
I didn’t love him. But I didn’t want to lose him.
For that reason, I made up my mind to kiss him, and hope that it worked anyway.
The book wasn’t clear on what would happen when you tried an I-like-him-and-I’m-desperate kiss, but maybe Fate would grant us her graces and allow it to break the curse. At this point, I was willing to try anything.
* * *
That night, while Rumpel tried to teach me to spin straw into gold, I got frustrated. It just wasn’t happening. There was a lot of yelling involved. I didn’t even know how to initiate a kiss, but I figured that wasn’t the time for it. I willed myself to be better the next night, or at least not to yell at him. I couldn’t promise more.
The third night I set the mood. Anna twisted my hair that morning so by the time evening came it curled. I admired it in the mirror as I let Anna paint rouge on my lips and cheeks. She didn’t ask about the new look but simply hummed as she worked. She liked performing beauty rituals, so I justified myself by saying that I did this for her.
The truth was that I was doing this for Rumpel. I still didn’t love him, but I’d made up my mind to try true love’s kiss, and I wasn’t going to do that in my plain clothes.
I had foregone dinner with Conrad to prepare myself for the evening with Rumpel. I headed to the back room earlier than normal, surprised to find that I’d beaten Rumpel there. The straw was already piled up and the spinning wheel sat in its usual place on the rug. My head suddenly felt hot. Probably nerves. Fresh air would help me breath, so I pushed the window open and let the breeze calm me.
“You can do this,” I whispered to myself. I’d never initiated anything resembling a romantic moment before, but I didn’t think it would make me so nervous.
A familiar sound creaked behind me, drawing my attention. My body trembled with anticipation.
He was here.
I slowly turned around. There he was, positioned at the wheel, already spinning his gold. I moved toward him, aware just how unexperienced I was.
A new thought struck me, almost halting my steps. So focused on how to make my move, I hadn’t considered his reaction to it. What if he hated the kiss? Or laughed at me? The thought of him mocking me was almost enough to convince me to abandon my plan.
But he wouldn’t do that. Rumpel was too kind to mock me for my feelings. If it came to that, I’d tell him it was just to try to break his curse, and he couldn’t fault me for that.
Rumpel looked up as I got closer, but his hands didn’t stop spinning. “I thought I would start for tonight, give you a chance to watch. Then, when you feel ready, you can try. I’m still determined to teach you.”
Another reason why I was determined for this kiss to work, I was tired of failing at spinning gold. I paused in front of Rumpel, tilting my head to the side. My most charming smile fluttered across my face. “I wanted to thank you for helping me, and I don’t just mean trying to teach me. I mean all of it. Thank you for standing by me, even when you didn’t have to.”
“Well,” he said with a smirk. “It’s good to see you’re in a better mood than yesterday.”
“I’m serious. Thank you.” My breath was shaky and shallow, and my throat felt tight. “I can’t express how much it has meant to me. With words, that is.”
There was the line I practiced over and over in the mirror, one that I’d read from a book once. I lowered myself to his lap, still holding most of my weight on my own legs. Rumpel stopped spinning at last and looked at me, clearly bewildered.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I slid my hand around his neck and kissed him.
Rumpel’s lips froze for a second before relaxing and pressing into mine, and his hands moved to my back, holding me still. Every part of me tensed, afraid to move and break the moment. His hair tickled my fingers, and I resisted the urge to run my hand through it.
Too soon he pulled back, but kept his head bent close while his eyes searched mine. When he spoke, his breath warmed my face. “What was that for?”
I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I stammered, “I thought that true love’s kiss might break your curse. It was a long shot.”
Rumpel broke into a loud laugh that made me jump up from his lap. “You thought you were my true love?”
My face flushed. He was going to mock me after all. “No, but I thought it was worth a try anyway.”
Rumpel nodded slowly and I wished I could read his thoughts. My mind was already replaying that kiss, searching for a clue as to how he felt. He kissed me back, I knew that. What I didn’t know was if it worked.
“How would you know if your curse was broken?”
“I think I’d just know.”
“Oh. So this didn’t…?”
“Work? No, I don’t think so.”
I rocked back on my heels, embarrassed. Why did I think this was a good idea? I desperately wished that I could take it back. The flutter in my heart told me I was starting to feel something for Rumpel and kissing him only opened myself up to rejection.
Rumpel brushed his curls back toward his ears and sighed deeply as he stood up. His light brown eyes were steady as they watched me. “Listen, I need to be clear about something. I know you just kissed me to try to break the curse, but I do have legitimate feelings for you.”
Oh. Of all the ways I considered the aftermath of my stunt playing out, I hadn’t expected that confession from him.
“But,” he went on. “I don’t plan to do anything about it.”
Just as soon as my hopes got up, they went down again. Rumpel was using his hands as he talked, rolling them over so his palms faced the wide wooden beams lining the ceiling.
“It’s not that the kiss wasn’t nice, but I don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t promise that I can finish anything that we start.” He touched his forehead to mine, and my heart fluttered. My feelings for him were new, but was it possible that he felt this way for a while?
An unexpected warmth swirled around inside me at that thought. “I know you can’t promise me anything. I don’t need anything. I just want you to be okay.”
He sighed as if breathing me in, closing his eyes closed and keeping his forehead against mine. I savored the moment. His touch, his breathing, the flutter of his eyelids: I didn’t want to forget this feeling.
If Rumpel never broke his curse, if in ten years he was only a distant memory to me, I wanted to hold on to this feeling.
“I’m sorry the kiss didn’t work. But thank you for making me feel alive again,” Rumpel whispered to me. Then he pulled away and sat back down at the spinning wheel, turning the straw over in his hand. My feet stayed still for a few moments more before I moved to help.
I wasn’t in love with Rumpel. But I could no longer deny the effect he had on my heart. I had to pull it back before it broke.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“You are a liar!” I stormed into the room and threw the book at Rumpel. It slid toward his feet. He picked it up in surprise, blocking himself from any further attack. “You deceived me! You lied!”
I dug my nails into my hands as tears streamed down my face. The sight of Rumpel made my heart ache. I was so happy the day before. So naïvely happy. Now my blood rushed with fury. There were only a few times in my life when I had been this mad. Once, Anika had lost my favorite book. It had taken weeks to forgive her for that. Another time, my friend told one of my secrets to another friend, who let the wo
rd spread. I had been so upset that our friendship never recovered.
This anger surpassed both of those instances combined.
I would let Rumpel go through the book, find out on his own what I was talking about. With his eyebrows scrunched together he examined its cover, but I urged him to open it and he did, flipping through the pages.
It was the second one that Old Mr. Walters gave me. It told me the story, the whole story, of how Rumpel was cursed. Rumpel told me only part of the tale, about how after he saved Clarissa from the Black Sickness, a band of men came and killed her in hopes of setting the balances of life straight.
Then he had been cursed, and I hadn’t fully understood why. But I did after reading that book. Rumpel hadn’t told me everything.
The disappointment on Rumpel’s face indicated that he identified the source of my anger.
“Let me explain.” He put the book down and tried to approach me, but I backed away from him.
“I don’t need an explanation. I already understand why you did it. But it wasn’t justified. It was cruel and heartless.” I spat the words at him. Heat rushed to my head and fueled my fury.
Rumpel’s eyes were wild and he ran his hands through his hair. “Please calm down, it was a long time ago. I’ve changed.” He stumbled toward me and this time I let him. I wanted him to clearly see the rage in my eyes.
“You know,” my voice was raspy. “I never understood why you were cursed. It didn’t make sense. But now? Now I get it. Now I know you deserved your punishment.”
“They killed my wife!” Rumpel yelled. I choked out a humorless laugh.
“So you killed them, and their entire families? Children? You killed them all! You got drunk on your power and your grief and you murdered innocent people!”
The pain in Rumpel’s face was evident, but I was too angry to let it sway me. He hid this from me. According to the book, after his wife was murdered, Rumpel chased the killers back to their village in a fit of rage. His power overcame him and he killed everyone who lived there. A whole town wiped out because he couldn’t control his anger.
They killed his wife, and that was terrible. But they were right that without magic, Clarissa should have died. And those children? They shouldn’t have died. Rumpel killed a hundred people who deserved to live.
“Cosette, please understand. Clarissa was my life. Without her I was lost and confused and angry. My powers were so new to me, and I couldn’t control them. I did not consciously kill those people. It was a mistake, one that I have had to live with like an anchor on my soul ever since.”
I shook my head at him. “You don’t get to explain yourself now. If you would have told me this on your own, then I could have listened and understood. But you lied. You hid this from me. You can’t expect me to pity you now.”
“How was I supposed to tell you that? I can hardly live with myself because of it. I didn’t want you to see me the way that I see myself.”
His words sounded pitiful and dripped with desperation, and I saw tears in his eyes that matched my own, along with a quiver of his lip. I kissed those lips yesterday. I shuddered as I pushed the image from my mind, replacing it with my anger.
“That’s why you aren’t fighting hard to break your curse? You think you deserve to die?”
Rumpel nodded slowly.
“You’re right,” I said. Regret filled me as soon as I said that, but I didn’t let him see that. He sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. A tear slid down my face, but I wiped it away. My voice shook when I continued. “There’s something else I never understood. I want to know the truth. Why did you start helping me? It never made sense why you would do it when it gave you nothing.”
Rumpel opened his eyes again and I could see the sadness residing deep within them. “I thought it would break my curse. The King would have killed you. Because of me, he didn’t. I thought saving your life would make up for the ones I took.”
I pursed my lips and looked away, crippled by his deceit and my inability to see it sooner. Rumpel lied to me the whole time. He wasn’t selflessly saving me; he was always trying to save himself.
My body shuddered, and I turned to leave, but before I got to the door, I spoke over my shoulder. “How can I believe you now? How can I believe the stories you told me about Conrad when you haven’t been honest with me?”
“Why would I burden you with the dark secrets of my past? I wanted to keep the shameful parts hidden.”
My head turned further so I could shoot him one more angry look. “You should have let me in.”
“Where are you going?”
“Back to my room. You can spin gold, or not. I don’t care anymore.” Slamming the door would have been too childish. Instead I held my head high and floated quietly from the room.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Anna was surprised to see me awake in bed when she came by in the morning. I didn’t have the strength to tell her that I spent the night there, drowning in my tears. I was so angry at Rumpel for lying to me, angry with him for killing all of those people a hundred years ago, and angry at myself for developing feelings for him in the first place. On top of that, I’d cried for the innocents that died at Rumpel’s hand.
Rumpel was my stronghold here in the castle, where I didn’t belong. He was my light in a place shadowed with confusion. He was my breath of fresh air. Now that was tainted, my memories of our time together stained with his dishonesty.
How many hours did I spend trying to break his curse? How many times had I gone over ideas with him while he kept the real reason for the curse a secret? Learning the truth in this way was just the wake-up call that my heart needed to pull back and protect itself.
My pillow was stained with my tears, which Anna mercifully ignored as she set my tray of food next to the bed. It was customary for me to sleep in through the morning after being awake all night, so she let me be without question.
I waited to see if the King would come.
Rumpel might not have spun gold for me, after all, I’d been so mad at him that I told him he deserved to die. He had no reason to continue helping me. It was only a matter of time before I found out if Rumpel covered for me; the King would come in if he hadn’t to demand why the room only held straw this morning.
Every part of me shook with nerves. What would I say to the King if there was no gold? Would he believe me if I told the truth? What would Conrad say?
Nervously, I nibbled at my food before pushing it away. I tried to get myself ready for the day but found myself back in bed, hugging my knees.
The guards might not check on the gold until it was time to refill the room with straw, which could be any time before this evening. My feet swung over the side of the bed, determined to do something with myself, but I ended up simply putting on my day dress and pacing about the room. How long would I have to wait?
Hours passed as I found little ways to preoccupy my mind. Reading books, organizing my clothes, taking a bath. Time inched by as my mind went mad.
The door creaked open slowly as I peeked my head out to see if any guards were coming my way to arrest me. Nothing but sheets of sunlight from the window filled the halls, as well as distant footsteps on marble floors, growing quieter with every pace. Sighing, I pulled my head back in and closed the door.
I remade my perfectly fine bed. I braided my hair then let it out again. I fluffed the pillows and sorted the desk. I settled into the bed and tried to read a book. I had to get my mind off the possibility that Rumpel hadn’t spun gold, that my life would end soon. The King’s face kept appearing in my mind, red and angry, threatening to kill me.
No. I wouldn’t think about that. I focused on reading instead.
Over the top of the book, something caught my eye—a small piece of paper had been slid under my door. I threw the book down and rushed to the door. Flinging myself on the ground, I picked up the paper and read quickly.
Cosette,
Though upset, I spun the gold. I couldn’t
bear the thought of anything happening to you. But I would like a chance to redeem myself in your eyes. Come tonight to the back room. You don’t need to say anything to me. I will spin gold for you each night as long as you come.
-Rumpel
Relief rushed over me. Rumpel came through. I hated needing him, but it was easier than dealing with the King. The wooden door supported my weight as I leaned against it, debating the request.
There was nothing more to say to him, but I could sit in the room while he spun gold. I could give him that much.
Knowing I wouldn’t face an angry king after all, I became quite productive, braiding my hair and finishing my breakfast, then grabbing a shawl and heading out to find Conrad. If I had been wrong about Rumpel, then I could have been wrong about Conrad. He deserved a second chance.
I spent the afternoon with the prince and joined him at dinner. These political dinners became more bearable as I got to know people. Their interest in me had faded, leaving behind mutual respect and light friendship. I no longer needed to stick to Conrad’s side all night, as I was able to hold my own in conversations.
The only person who I hadn’t found common ground with was the King. We orbited each other, exchanging pleasantries and tense smiles. Our conversation never went deeper than general inquiries or well wishes. From what I saw, he was like that with most people. There were a few with whom he seemed to connect, but more often than not, he could be seen at the edge of the large room among the protective shadows, quietly watching the court in a way that I found unsettling at first. But as days went on in this manner, it appeared to be more social anxiety and quietness that kept him at bay. When he spoke as a king, his voice was filled with power and authority, but in social circumstances he was timid and removed.
It eased my worries to see him as something other than the unyielding king that I’d met that first night. Someone more human who gets nervous around crowds.
He was quite the opposite of his son. Conrad’s laugh could be heard from everywhere in the room. His smile was the widest, his voice the loudest, and his hair the brightest. He was filled with charm and energy that pulled everyone to him, making it obvious why the people wanted him to take his place as king.
The Storyteller’s Daughter Page 16