by Neil Strauss
GROUP: Definitely number three.
YOU: I’d say either number one or number three. [Consider giving two answers, just to increase the odds that you’re correct.]
HER: It’s totally number one. How did you know?
YOU: When people remember things, they go to one part of their brain to access the information. But when they make things up, they go to a different part of their brain. And I could tell when you lied by looking for the variation in your eye movement, which meant you were getting information from the creative part of your brain instead of the place where you keep your memories.
If no one is able to determine which answer is a lie, continue with:
YOU: Wow, you’re a good liar. I could never date you. Fortunately, there are two other ways to tell when people are lying. One is to see if they break eye contact. Usually, liars know that they need to keep eye contact while they’re telling a lie, but they’ll often immediately look away afterward. The other way is—here, I’ll just show you quickly. Let’s choose someone else this time. [Select someone else in the group.] Okay, tell me three things you did yesterday—say them out loud—and make one of them a lie.
When she says three things, choose each statement, starting with the one most likely to be a lie. Then ask her lots of questions about the details as fast as you can. For example, if she says she went swimming, ask, “Where did you go swimming? For how long? Describe the swimsuit you wore. Who was in the lane next to you?” Her answers to the questions don’t matter. What you’re looking for is a point where she stumbles on her words or hesitates or starts laughing or breaks into a guilty grin. That’s when you’ll catch her in the lie.
YOU: That’s the third way. You just ask lots of rapid-fire questions, the way they do when you’re going through Customs. The answers don’t matter. Just keep firing off questions until they trip up. Like she just did.
THE FAT BASTARD CHALLENGE
Type of Routine: Playful Game
Difficulty Level: 3/10
Success Rate: 87.5%
Saturation: 0%
Comments: “I didn’t receive as many negative responses as I was initially anticipating. The routine seemed to hook well and everyone had something to say about it. I was weary of the gun to the head option, but I didn’t notice any negative feelings toward it. I was also surprised by how many girls accepted the offer at one million dollars. One guy said he’d have sex with Fat Bastard for a happy meal.”—Pendragon
Origin: I was having dinner with a friend named Kendra, and one of my favorite things to do when I’m bored (sorry, Kendra) is to ask people—in a fun, nonjudgmental way—what they would do for money. So for some reason, I ended up asking how much money she’d require in order to agree to sleep with Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movies. I was surprised by her answer. Not only would she not do it for a hundred million dollars, but she said she’d rather die than sleep with him.
YOU: I’m curious about something. Do you know that character Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movies?
HER: Yes.
YOU: If someone came up to you and said they’d give you a million dollars if you slept with a guy who looked like Fat Bastard but ten times worse, would you do it?
HER: No.
YOU: Then would you do it for ten million dollars? Just once?
HER: No way.
YOU: What if it just lasted half an hour? You could think about other things and go to that special place in your mind. Then afterward, you’d have ten million dollars tax-free.
HER: Maybe I could get him really drunk, and make him think we slept together or trick him somehow.
YOU: No, you have to sleep with him.
HER: Then no.
YOU: Okay, how about a hundred million dollars? Think about it: one hundred million dollars in your bank account.
HER: I still wouldn’t.
YOU: Come on. Even I’d sleep with Fat Bastard for a hundred million dollars.
HER: I wouldn’t do it.
YOU: Really? What if no one else knew or would ever know, not even me?
HER: Um… I don’t know. I don’t think I would. Maybe. I don’t know.
Tellingly, half the women who still say “no” at this point will falter when asked the above question.
YOU: Okay, last question and then we’ll talk about something boring, like the weather. What if someone put a gun to your head and told you, “Either you have sex with Fat Bastard or you die.” Which would you choose?
HER: I’d try to escape.
YOU: Hey, now, this is a hypothetical question. You don’t have other options. Either you sleep with Fat Bastard or you die. What would you do?
HER: [Answer.]
YOU: Interesting. What’s funny is that every guy I asked that question said he’d rather have sex with Fat Bastard than die, but half the women said they’d rather die. Why do you think that is?
STYLE’S EV
Type of Routine: Emotional Connection/Value Demonstration
Difficulty Level: 5/10
Success Rate: 89.7%
Saturation: 0%
Comments: “While I found this a little more difficult to do than other routines, it was worth it. The first time I used it, I got a phone number. The woman really enjoyed the exercise and said she felt like she had learned something really cool about herself.”—Erehwon
Origin: When I began learning Neuro-Linguistic Programming (or NLP), I was told to find out a woman’s core value and trance words, and then to use her exact language to convince her to do things she might otherwise resist. I soon discovered, however, that it was more effective and ethical to practice NLP overtly instead of sneakily. So I turned the process that some therapists use to learn people’s core motivating beliefs (known as eliciting values or EV) into a discussion that would teach them—and me—something about themselves. Today, I use this routine not just with women I meet but in almost every magazine interview I do. It’s a great way to get to know someone very quickly.
YOU: Hey, as long as we’re talking, let’s do something interesting. Someone just did this with me recently. It’s a great, quick way to get to know someone. In fact, a lot of people don’t even know this about themselves.
HER: What’s that?
YOU: It’s just three questions. It’s easy, and it’ll tell you what really drives and motivates you in life.
HER: That would be cool. What’s the first question?
YOU: The first one is: If you had to choose one thing you need to have in your life in order to feel like life is worthwhile, what would it be? [If this question is too abstract for her, ask instead, “Name something you really enjoy doing.”]
HER: [names a worthwhile thing]
YOU: Okay, if you have [worthwhile thing] in your life, what kinds of things does that allow you to do or experience? [If the second question is also too abstruse, ask instead, “Describe your perfect experience of (worthwhile thing). Either the best time you had doing it or your ideal scenario of (worthwhile thing).”]
HER: [names various things]
YOU: Okay imagine a time in the future or even now when you have [worthwhile thing] in your life. And this enables you to do [various things]. [Paint an ideal picture here but make sure you use the exact words she’s spoken, because they mean something special to her beyond just their dictionary definitions.] How would that make you feel inside?
HER: I don’t know. I guess good.
YOU: Go inside a little more. Just a minute ago, you smiled as you were imagining it. What was that feeling you got inside? Right there.
HER: [names feeling]
This will usually be a word like “fulfilled,” “safe,” “free,” or “joy.” Try to direct her toward a more specific word if she answers with a vague feeling instead like “good” or “happy”; if she’s still unable to elaborate, tell her, “Well, maybe it’s difficult to capture a feeling like that through language, but that feeling you get inside when you say that word—that is your core value.”
/> YOU: Yes, that’s it. [Feeling] is your core value. In other words, it’s what really motivates you. Some people say they want to be an actor, and they think it’s because they want to be famous. But the truth is, what they really want is to feel [feeling]. And it’s funny, because when we were talking about imagining it earlier, you actually felt it for a second. It was really cool.
HER: Yeah, I did.
YOU: Awesome. We fulfilled your life goal in five minutes. You can die now [pause]. But seriously—and this is the real lesson—whenever you have to make an important life decision, whether it’s about a job or a guy or a friend, just ask yourself if it brings you closer to that [feeling] feeling. If it does, then you should pursue it. If it doesn’t, then you should move away from it.
HER: Wow. That’s really interesting.
YOU: That’ll be fifty dollars. I don’t do this shit for free, you know.
THE SECRET SELF ROUTINE
Type of Routine: Emotional Connection
Difficulty Level: 5/10
Success Rate: 100%
Saturation: 0%
Comments: “I was actually surprised by how easy it was to have girls tell me what they didn’t like about themselves. It’s fun too. I think it’s actually easier than Style’s EV because they have less to think about. They all came out with some pretty random examples of how their characters looked, which made for some laughs.”—Sandoval
Origin: One evening, I was at dinner with my girlfriend at the time and Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins. He walked us through an exercise he had done with one of his teachers, which helps people with their inner demons, issues, and insecurities. Since then, I’ve done it with hundreds of other people. It can be a powerful, transformative experience. However, not every woman will be willing to expose this vulnerable side of herself. So make sure you have a sufficient degree of trust, comfort, and rapport before starting this discussion. If she seems uneasy with the topic, just drop the routine and talk about something else.
YOU: You know, a lot of people try to repress the parts of themselves they don’t like. But that never works. When you try to repress something, you’re basically pushing it down on a spring. Eventually, it’s going to release full force and take over your personality. It’s interesting, because a friend recently did this psychological test with me, and it taught me that instead of denying the parts of yourself you don’t like, there’s a better way to handle them.
HER: What’s that?
YOU: I’ll tell you what. I’ll quickly do it with you. It’s just four questions. But for it to work, you have to be totally honest.
HER: Okay.
YOU: The first question is the toughest. What’s the part of your personality that you like the least? This is the part of yourself that you don’t like to show other people—your secret self—which maybe you sometimes even wish you could get rid of. [If you’re dealing with someone who’s not self-aware or doesn’t understand the concept, list a few common negative traits for her until she picks one or you assign her one that’s most appropriate.]
HER: [says a negative trait]
YOU: Okay, if you could give this part of you a name, what would it be? For example, a friend of mine said his problem was that he was too controlling, and he named this part of him Dexter.
HER: Okay, I’ll call it [says a name].
YOU: Good. What does [name] look like? Describe her features and what she’s wearing. For example, my friend said Dexter was a red baby, floating in the air with a pitchfork and a forked tail like a devil.
HER: [gives a description]
YOU: Okay, Now here’s the key question. That part of ourselves that we don’t like probably once had a purpose that no longer serves us. So if we give it a new purpose that’s helpful to our lives, we don’t have to repress it anymore. For example, when my friend did the exercise, he had to find a useful job for his controlling nature. And since he’s an actor, he made Dexter his manager. So Dexter helps him rehearse, gets him to the set on time, critiques his performance, and drives him to make the right choices about his career. Another friend of mine had an anger problem, but now he uses that energy as his personal trainer in the gym to make him work out harder. So for [name], what job can you give her that would be constructive in your life rather than destructive?
HER: [says a job]
If she has trouble finding a job for her secret self, you may want to suggest some occupations or reframe her trait into something positive. Afterward, in order to avoid getting stuck in the “therapist” role, switch gears and say something like:
YOU: That’s perfect. So [name] can be your [job], and help you with your life rather than hindering it. It’s a pretty amazing exercise. I think we need to talk about something shallow now, though, like reality TV.
THE NANCY FRIDAY FANTASY ELICITATION
Type of Routine: Call to Action
Difficulty Level: 4/10
Success Rate: 100%
Saturation: 0%
Comments: “I love this. Having a girl tell you her sexual fantasies just minutes after meeting her is surreal. I ran this on an engaged woman who was due to be married in five weeks, and she basically offered herself to me on a plate!”—Tigs
Origin: For most of my life, I thought that sex was something a woman had to be tricked out of—usually with a wingman named Jack Daniel’s or Grey Goose. So when I was learning the art of attraction, I hit a sticking point for several months. I could meet a woman and exchange phone numbers, but I couldn’t work up the courage to turn talk into touch. My first step toward solving that problem was reading books that brainwashed me into accepting the truth: women not only want sex just as much as men, but also usually enjoy it far more. One of the first books I read was Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden. There comes a time in a conversation to start turning the subject safely toward sex without coming off as horny or desperate, and the book provided a perfect launching point for doing so (note: the story of the book’s origins remains unverified).
YOU: Women are so much more fascinating than men. For example, there was this professor in the sixties who wrote a book and said that women were incapable of sexual fantasies.
HER: That’s not—
YOU: I know, exactly. Obviously it’s not true. So this woman named Nancy Friday wrote a book in response called My Secret Garden. And to disprove his theory, she interviewed hundreds of women about their sexual fantasies. Where men’s fantasies are handed to them on a silver platter and encouraged, making most of them pretty much the same, women live this much more exciting and varied fantasy life. I think this is because women’s sexuality is often repressed when they’re young. If they see their dog or their father peeing, they ask, “What’s that?” And they’re told, “That’s bad. Only bad girls talk about that.” So their sexuality is held back, and eventually starts to flower in dynamic, wonderful ways.
HER: That’s interesting.
YOU: Yeah, so Nancy Friday interviewed these women who were basically in relationships where they never even had oral sex and had sex only in the missionary position, and they had these wild fantasy lives. So she says that a woman’s mind is like a house. And each room contains a different fantasy. There’s the anonymous sex room. There’s being with other women, being watched by an audience, being dominated, being a prostitute, or even transforming during sex into something or someone else. Obviously not every woman has all these rooms in her mind. Like, for example, when you’re alone and thinking about something that gets you excited—and it doesn’t have to be anything you’ve ever done or would ever do in real life—do you think about something that’s in one of those rooms, or something completely different?
HER: I guess—
YOU: It’s funny. A lot of people think things that get them excited but actually want them to remain just fantasies. Like, I dated someone whose fantasy was to be on stage strapped in stirrups in this mechanical device, while these robots had sex with her and an auditorium full of doctors in white lab coats
watched. [Pause.] And, no, we never did end up doing that.
HER: [describes her fantasy]
YOU: That’s interesting. It’s amazing. Women can have all these different kinds of orgasms—vaginal, clitoral, blended, full-body—and usually they can have many of them, back to back. While most men only get this one little release that isn’t nearly as pleasurable or intense. So you’d think it would be women who chase men for sex and not the opposite.
Rather than lingering on this subject, temporarily change to a nonsexual topic shortly after the conversation and allow her to think the ensuing thoughts while you’re chattering away passionately about something completely unrelated.
THE SEVEN-MINUTE DATE
Type of Routine: Call to Action
Difficulty Level: 6/10
Success Rate: 65%
Saturation: 0%
Comments: “This routine takes a strong frame to pull off. I had to make the routine fun and playful in order for it to be effective, and it had to seem spontaneous. Separating the woman from her friends was the biggest problem, and I either needed a good wing to keep the group entertained or a female strong enough to brush off her friends.”—DocDan
Origin: One of my favorite pickup artists to go out with while writing The Game was known as Maddash. Every night, we seemed to turn rooms full of strangers into best friends. Along the way, we’d improvise material like the Whole Room Destroyer (bonus routine alert), where we’d eliminate any competition in the room by telling women, when they were laughing and enjoying something we said, “Listen, I’ll tell you what. Pick any other guy in the room, and I will personally walk up and introduce you to him. And I guarantee you that not one of them is as interesting as us.” If they didn’t pick anyone else, Maddash felt they were basically conceding that we were the most interesting people in the room. Below is another piece of nonsense we came up with that same night. It was based on a principle we’d read in the book Influence: that the best way to sell something is to lower the cost of commitment. So we decided to lower the cost of commitment of going on a date. As indicated by the lower success rate for this routine, calibration is key. Make sure the woman has some attraction to you first. And if she’s reluctant to separate from her friends, just invite them along as chaperones.