She sniffed against the tears. “You’ve always been so happy. So content and sunny. And then, when Allie came, you lit right up. It doesn’t matter that she had one name and now has another. She showed her true nature to us from the beginning. She’s a good girl, with a caring heart.”
Matt hung his head. “I know.”
A painful silence. If Matt had the right words, he would have said them.
“We all get down here and there,” Ma said. She was trying to encourage him, even though she was the one who had been crying a moment before.
He didn’t deserve such a swell mother.
“It's different this time,” Matt managed. “I know Allie didn't do anything really wrong. It's not her. It's me. I got... this hurt. It's so strong it won't go away no matter what I do. I think over everything that happened again and again.” Matt swallowed against tightness in his throat.
“Each time I think about it all,” he exhaled, “that rock in my stomach gets bigger. Seems it won’t quit growing.”
“And it won’t,” Ma said.
He looked up in surprise, having expected her to say something more reassuring.
“I’m doomed then, huh? It’s always going to be this way?”
“No,” she stressed. “It won’t. Not if you change it.”
Matt stared at her in confusion. “I’m sorry, Ma, but I don’t think I—”
“Awful feelings will breed in a person, Matt. They spread like the devil’s work.”
“Don’t I know it,” he muttered.
“Once that’s happened, and that awfulness is everywhere, like with you, there’s nothing else you can do. You have to surrender. Offer everything bad up to the Lord. Let Him change things.”
“I tried that, Ma. I asked him to guide me.”
“How long have you been asking for?”
Matt thought about that, wanting to give an honest answer. He found the truth, but it wasn’t easy to accept.
“I asked once,” he said shamefully.
“And what did you do after that?”
“I, uh...” Matt shrugged. “I don’t know, Ma. I went about my business.”
“You have to be faithful, Matt. You have to keep asking, to keep believing God will change things. It seems to me that you haven’t had much faith.”
Her words settled on him in a heavy way. “No,” he said. “I suppose I haven’t.”
“I know you’re hurting, son. I understand that. But you need to have faith in order for things to change.”
Matt nodded, staring at the table and letting her words sink in. They made sense. He’d never really had that much faith in God—not because he didn’t believe in God, but because he didn’t have much reason to turn things over to his creator. Before Allie, things always worked themselves out sooner or later.
Or maybe God made them right, and Matt just hadn’t been paying attention.
“How long will this take?” Matt asked, fearful of the answer. “If I ask God to fix… to heal me… how long till I wake up not feeling this way? Or until I can look Allie in the eye and not wanna be a coward and run away?”
Ma pursed her lips sympathetically. “I can’t say, but I have another question for you: Do you really want to wait until that happens?”
“What does that mean?”
“Allie is a smart woman, Matthew. She’s not likely to wait around for you forever. If you don’t claim her soon, you might wake up one day and find her gone.”
Allie gone?
Matt could remember life before her, but he didn’t want to think about life after her. He’d done an awful job of communicating with her since her big reveal, but he hadn’t planned on things continuing that way forever.
He’d expected the space between them to do some good, but now he saw it might have done the exact opposite.
“I have to talk to her!” Matt bolted to stand so fast his chair fell over backwards.
Ma’s eyes went wide.
“I’ve been a fool, Ma,” he said, unable to stop shaking his head. Before he knew it, he was pacing as well, crossing to the door before turning back to the table. “I have to tell Allie I’m sorry. I have to make sure she doesn’t leave. I… love her.”
The last part was more of a whisper. Matt turned to look at his mother and found her eyes shining with happiness.
“If you love her, you need to tell her.”
“I will.” Matt reached for the door.
“But not right now,” she said sharply.
“Huh?” he whirled back around.
Ma stood and began collecting the supper dishes. “She’s taking care of two sick women. It’s not the best time to barge into their home. Whatever you have to tell Allie, it can wait until tomorrow. Plus, perhaps taking a little time will allow you to get everything you want to say in order.”
Matt eagerness diminished. He knew she was right.
“I’m proud of you, Matthew.” Ma came around the table, placed her hands on his shoulders, and looked him straight in the eye. “What you’re doing takes a lot of courage.”
The words were sweet, but she hadn’t needed to say them. Pride shone from her eyes, and Matt could feel her love and admiration surrounding him.
“Thanks, Ma. For everything.” He squeezed her shoulder. “I’m going out to the stable. If Pa comes in before I see him, will you let him know I’m sorry?”
She didn’t bat an eye. “He understands, Matthew. He was a young man himself at one point.”
“Still, I’ve been disrespectful.” His jaw tightened.
Ma gave his cheek a little pinch and stepped back. “Go on now. There will be plenty of time for talking.”
Matt smiled his thanks and went out the door, feeling a hundred pounds lighter than when he’d come into supper. He kept his eyes scanned for Pa and the dogs but didn’t see or hear them on the way to the stable.
“Hey there, Oatmeal,” he told the pregnant mare, reaching into her stall and patting her nose. “Still no baby, yet?”
She didn’t answer, of course. Her tail swished, and she turned around, fidgeting in the stall. If Matt’s calculations were correct, the foal should have been born days before. Oatmeal must have been getting awfully uncomfortable carrying a second horse around day in and out.
“Don’t worry, girl,” Matt told her. “That little one will come. Sooner or later, he or she has to be born. You have to be patient. Everything has its time. Maybe if we do as Ma says and put our faith in God, your foal will come swift and smooth. How about that?”
Oatmeal turned her dark eyes to him. Thousands of times, Matt had talked to the animals, always with the knowledge that—other than the dogs—they didn’t really get what he said. But something was different that time. Understanding showed in Oatmeal’s eyes. That in itself seemed like the best omen of grace that Matt had ever experienced.
26
26. Allie
Chapter Twenty-six
Allie felt Kitty’s forehead for what must have been the fifth time in the last hour. It was clammy, and Allie thought she felt some heat there… perhaps. Or maybe she imagined that.
“I promise you,” Kitty insisted. “I am feeling better.”
“Hm.” Allie drew her hand back and looked down at where Kitty sat in her bed.
“What?” Kitty asked, keeping her voice low. It was late in the night, probably close to midnight, and Helen was sleeping.
“Your fever does seem to have broken, but it could always return.”
Kitty covered her mouth as she yawned. “You are doing such a good job taking care of us. You really must—” She coughed, unable to go on.
Allie fluffed Kitty’s pillows. “Must what?”
“Rest yourself,” Kitty said as she relaxed back into the bed.
“I am not tired.”
That was not entirely the truth. Allie felt bone-tired, but sleep had been hard to come by lately. With Kitty and Helen not well and everything uncertain with Matt, that night was sure to be one of much tossi
ng and turning.
“Sleep,” Allie said, leaving the conversation at that.
Kitty did not argue, and Allie turned the oil lamp down and left the room.
In the main room, the silence was oppressive. Allie moved about, wiping down the table and sweeping the floor while being as quiet as she could. Her body tingled with energy, and the last thing she wanted to do was sit still.
When there was nothing left to clean, she tiptoed back down the hall and peeked into the bedrooms. Helen and Kitty were both sleeping soundly, but still Allie worried.
Going back into the main room, she wrung her hands and looked around herself. Since Kitty’s fever had broken, surely Helen’s would do the same soon. Just in case it didn’t, though, what could Allie give her until the doctor came again?
Whenever she’d been sick as a child, Allie’s Aunt Lena made her peppermint tea. It cleared her head and soothed her throat. Perhaps she could have some ready for Kitty and Helen in the morning. With some fresh milk from their cow poured into it, the drink would be a real treat.
After a quick survey of the kitchen, it became clear that there was no peppermint in the cupboards. Undeterred, she took a lantern into the garden and searched there. Still no peppermint.
Nicolette had some in her garden. What if Allie were to ride out there and snip some sprigs? If she borrowed one of the Rosses’ horses, she would be back in no time. It was incredibly late, but the errand would give her something to do, and, as far as Allie could tell, the roads around Shallow Springs were safe at night. Unlike New York, there were no criminals lurking in shadows, waiting for unsuspecting victims.
Decided, Allie locked up the house, taking the key from the front hook. After an evening of cooking and caring for the Rosses’ animals, she felt she knew the home inside and out.
“Let’s go for a ride,” she softly told the horse, whose name she didn’t know, as she saddled him up.
As they trotted out of the yard, the breeze tickled Allie’s cheeks. There was something strange about it, and it took her a moment to realize the air had been cool.
Up till that point, any wind she’d felt in Wyoming had still been uncomfortably warm. This change in temperature felt too good to be true. Before Allie could question it any further, lightning flashed in the sky to the west, in the direction she rode.
“Rain?” she asked out loud.
An excited shiver went through her. If it were to storm, she would not mind getting caught in it at all. It had been far too long since she’d felt the cool kiss of rain on her skin.
The horse trotted with a new pep, likely sensing the change in the air as well. Allie watched the dark sky, catching sight of another flash of light in the clouds. Suddenly, a bolt came down from the heavens, and the whole land lit up.
Thunder boomed, and the horse shivered.
“It’s all right,” Allie said soothingly, petting his neck.
Another burst of light caught her eye, but this one was different. It was on the ground, and it was… growing.
Allie’s whole body tensed, and she squinted westward. Was that fire?
Every part of Allie seized up, and she sucked in a painful breath. She’d heard talk about fire since arriving in Wyoming, but this was the first one she’d seen herself.
Unmistakable flames licked skyward. The fire was consuming something not more than a half a mile away.
Which was, if Allie had it right, exactly where the Dentons’ farm was.
Ignoring her sudden sick feeling, Allie took the horse into a run. It was something she’d never done before—having only walked and trotted horses around the Dentons’— but she’d seen enough people kick their heels into a horse’s side to know how it was done.
Her heart pounded as she rode for the farm. As she gained ground, the flames grew in size. It was the stable on fire. Lightning must have struck it!
The horse halted and reared back, nearly tossing Allie out of its saddle. In the nick of time, she leaned forward, pressing herself into its neck. The animal’s front hooves hit the earth, and she took the opportunity to jump down.
The horse sprinted, running past the main house. She would have to find him, but that worry needed to come later. Right then, there were animals in the stable she needed to save. The horses. The sheep. The oxen. Perhaps even the dogs were in there.
Fear enveloped Allie, but instead of making her freeze up, it pushed her forward. She rushed for the stable. The fire was on two sides and beginning to eat up the roof. The front entrance was still clear—and perhaps the back entrance, as well, though Allie couldn’t tell for sure from where she stood.
Moving faster than she ever had in her life, Allie flew into the stable. She opened one stall door, and then another. The animals needed no encouragement. They ran past her, horses neighing and sheep bleating. Above her head, the roof creaked.
It would give in, she knew. At any minute, the whole barn might collapse. Still, she kept going, throwing open Oatmeal’s stall and hitting the pregnant horse on the flank when she didn’t budge. The mare finally understood and ran, tail and mane streaming past Allie.
With Oatmeal escaped, she looked around and found all the stalls empty. Smoke burned her eyes, and she coughed. She had to get out of the stable.
As she whirled around, though, a crashing sounded behind her. The building was tumbling down. She had minutes—perhaps only seconds—before the frame was no more.
“Help!”
Allie halted and turned back around, staring into the flames and burning boards.
There was another shout, and a figure moved on the other side of the collapsed rafters. With a smack of terror, she understood what was going on. She recognized that voice.
Matt was trapped in the stable.
“Matt!” she screamed, rushing closer to the flames. They heat burned her face and hands.
There was a second exit out of the stable, but if he wasn’t using it, it had to be blocked. Why hadn’t she seen him before? He hadn’t been in the stable when she came in, had he?
There was no time for questions. She heard what might have been Matt kicking at the blocked wood, but maybe that was merely the logs cracking.
Allie desperately cast her eyes around the one part of the stable that hadn’t yet succumbed to the fire. She needed some kind of tool, something with which to knock away the wood that trapped Matt.
She found what she needed leaning against the wall. Snatching up the rake, she jumped for the middle of the stable. Flames reached out for her, hungry for her hair and dress. Allie paid them no mind, though. Matt was trapped, dying in the middle of the fire, and she was the only one who could help him.
Using the brunt end of the rake, she knocked it against the closest rafter. It was crumbling already. If she could only hit it enough…
Again and again, Allie struck the rafter. She couldn’t hear Matt calling anymore.
Please, God, let him be all right.
All around her, the fire roared. Its noise… its smoke… its heat… All of it filled her senses. It was like she had suddenly found herself in the middle of Hell. Something touched her arm, and she was faintly aware of a burning, but even that didn’t seem to matter.
Another bang, and the fallen rafter moved, taking down a second one with it. Through the smoke, she saw Matt laying on the stable floor.
Dropping the rake, Allie leaped forward and hooked her hands under his shoulders. The heat was so close her dress might have been on fire. She couldn’t stop to check, though. She had to get the both of them out of there.
With all her strength, Allie tugged. Matt’s lifeless form moved backward a few inches. Allie took a deep breath, but only smoke filled her lungs.
Coughing, she pulled again. He moved another couple inches. Allie squinted against the heat. She could barely keep her eyes open.
The noise intensified, and more wood cracked. She didn’t dare look behind herself. Had the last exit closed off?
Was this it? Were she and Matt to me
et their end?
She should have told him she loved him. She should have let him know he was the only man who had ever meant anything to her.
It didn’t matter that things had been strained between them. Nothing mattered now. With death staring her down, Allie finally realized that the only thing she’d done wrong was not be honest in each and every moment.
She should have told Matt she loved him the first instant she’d realized it, and now it was too late.
Her Unexpected Destiny_Seeing Ranch series Page 17