by Nancy Bush
April had been glad of the extra problems the first; they helped her bury her own problems. But the last few days she’d felt completely drained.
Call Jesse.
Sighing, she ignored the temptation. Why should she call him, anyway? She should count herself lucky he hadn’t bothered her again. The letter from his lawyers was the last word.
“Eden?” April called, rapping lightly on her daughter’s door.
“Come on in, Mom,” she sang out.
The sight that met April eyes made her forget how tired she was. Eden was standing on a chair in the center of her room, turning her head from side to side. Her blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail, so stiffly gelled that it looked brittle enough to break. Her bangs had been sprayed with some kind of pink hair spray. She was wearing April’s white silk blouse like a dress, belted at the waist. Bracelets dangled from her wrists and she had to keep pushing them up her arms because they threatened to fall off.
Eden grinned at her. April, who had seen her daughter in some strange getups, hid a smile and tried not to think how much that blouse had cost. “Well, you look like you stepped right out of Touché.”
“What’s Touché?”
“A clothing shop downtown. Think you could take my blouse off? I’ll find you something that will make certain I don’t suffer a cardiac arrest.”
“I like this one. It looks just like Kendra Oatfield’s white dress. You think you could invite Kendra over sometime?”
April stopped halfway to the door. “I thought you hated Kendra Oatfield.”
“She’s okay. I only hate her half the time.”
April returned with a white sweater, and had just managed to retrieve her blouse and stuff Eden’s head through the sweater when the doorbell chimed imperatively.
“Oh, who’s that?” April groaned, leaving Eden and trudging downstairs. She didn’t want to see anyone tonight. She just wanted to take a bath.
Belatedly she remembered her father was returning to Portland for good sometime this week. During the last phone call to Nicole, her sister had said something about being liberated on Friday.
Well, today was Friday.
She flipped the switch on the outdoor lights. Through the peephole she saw that it wasn’t her father. Jesse’s dark gold mane flowed under the light.
April pinched her lower lip in distress. What did this mean?
Cautiously she opened the door. He met her gaze squarely. Hanging onto her poise, April said uneasily, “Hello, Jesse.”
“I came to see Eden.”
April hand clenched the brass doorknob. “She doesn’t know anything,” she said softly, glancing backward. Eden was still upstairs.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret.” He was sardonic. “For now.”
“She’s going to think it’s strange for you to come see her,” April murmured, flushing.
“Your problem, not mine. Are you going to let me in, or do I have to force my way?”
“It doesn’t have to be this way,” April remarked, but she stepped back and he strode inside.
He’d dressed more carefully, she realized. He was in jeans, but they looked pressed. His shirt was long-sleeved; the black leather jacket forsaken for a brown one. His hair was definitely shorter, too.
She would have remarked that he seemed to be trying to impress Eden, but his expression suggested this wasn’t the time.
Eden came tripping down the stairs. “Who is it?”
“It’s Jesse Cawthorne,” April answered with difficulty. “You met him the other night, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Hi, Eden.”
Something in Jesse’s tone must have set off silent warning bells, because Eden reacted as she always did when adults seemed too interested. “Hi,” she answered blithely, edging toward the kitchen. “Mom, can I have a cookie?”
“Didn’t Jennifer get you dinner?”
“Yeah, but I’m still hungry.”
“One cookie.”
April turned back to Jesse. She would have liked to resent him as much as he resented her. But when she looked into his familiar, handsome face, she saw only the man she’d fallen in love with so many years before. Though her love for him might very well remain unrequited, that didn’t make it go away, she realized with an inward sigh.
Accusations glowed in his eyes. April, who felt she’d emotionally beat herself up over this situation way after its pull date, narrowed her gaze. “You can try to hate me all you want. It doesn’t change anything.”
“When are you going to tell her?”
“When I feel she can handle it.”
“And I’m supposed to patiently wait on the sidelines?”
April’s anger flared. “Why don’t I tell her right now? Let’s just call Eden over here and explain that I lied for years and years and that, lo and behold, her father’s alive and well. Then you can introduce yourself. ‘Hi, Eden, I’m your dad. Let’s have a wonderful life together.’”
“That’s hardly what I meant,” he snarled.
“You’re talking about my daughter, Jesse. The child I raised. Alone. I tried to contact you, but no, you were off saving the world. I got tired of crying myself to sleep at night because I didn’t know what to do with the rest of my life. I made some decisions, and you’re right – they didn’t include you.”
“You made the decisions? Or your father made the decisions?”
April’s temper skyrocketed. He had her at a disadvantage – he’d always had her at a disadvantage! – but where Eden was concerned, she could be as tough as newly forged steel. “What exactly do you think happened after you left me ten years ago? Do you think I went to my parents and said, ‘I’m pregnant. Sorry. Take care of me?’.”
“What matters is now.”
“That’s right, Sergeant!” April declared fiercely. “And you’d better figure out right now that you can’t intimidate me! Not where Eden’s concerned.”
Jesse’s hand shot out and clasped her arm. April tensed, ready and watchful. Something smoldered in his gaze, something almost tangible. He wasn’t as immune to her as he’d like to believe, April thought. She tried to peel his fingers off her arm, but he held on tight.
A part of herself responded unwillingly to his firm touch and she fought her weakness with the only weapon she knew would scratch his invulnerable hide. “You know what I think,” she said, lifting her chin. “You’re afraid of caring for me too much.”
He gazed into her rebellious face. She hadn’t changed all that much, he thought angrily. She was just as reckless and forthright ever. And damn it all, it was a potent and lethal combination.
Jesse’s mouth compressed. He wanted to shake her. But her skin felt warm and smooth beneath his hand. Her eyes were shadowed and tired. A surge of male protectiveness swept over him, leaving him shaken and disgusted with himself. How in the world could she still make him feel this way?
His gaze dropped involuntarily to her mouth, full and wide and pink.
April nervously circled her lips with her tongue. “I think… you want to kiss me.”
He said, “You’re right.”
“So, do it,” she challenged.
He hesitated a fraction, then bent his head to do just that. April, who had planned to reject him, instead lifted her mouth to meet his. This is what has remained constant, she thought ruefully. Nothing else but this.
As she savored his plunging tongue and the masculine pressure of his lips, she wondered how she could be with him while Eden was in the house. She hated herself a little for being so susceptible. Then the doorbell rang again.
April nearly jumped out of her skin. Jesse surfaced more slowly, lifting his head but still holding her as if he was certain she would run away if he let her go.
“The door,” April said huskily, embarrassed.
The sound of Eden’s footsteps made him thrust April away. He turned his back to both of them, his shoulders tense, and ran one hand furiously through the dark g
old strands of his hair.
April shot him a nervous look as Eden yanked open the door. Peter Hollis stood on the porch.
“Grandpa,” Eden announced, as if April couldn’t see well enough for herself.
“Hello there, Eden,” he greeted her with a smile. “Have you got company?” he asked, jerking his head in the direction of the Dodge charger.
“Mom has.” Eden inclined her head toward Jesse, who had slowly turned.
April would have done anything to avoid the coming scene. Her first thought was for Eden, and she was about to hurry the child to safety when Eden took the initiative and skipped toward the kitchen. Distantly April heard the sound of the television. She hoped her daughter would remain busy.
Peter’s expression had changed from expectant to grim. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I know you’re having some problems with personnel,” he said to April. “I thought you might want to talk about it.”
“Yes, well…” Unusually, April was at a loss for words.
Stepping into the fray, her father nodded to Jesse. “Cawthorne. What are you doing here?”
“Just visiting.” Jesse was cautious.
Peter’s gaze swung accusingly to April. “I see.”
“Dad, it has nothing to do with you,” April told him, her eyes flashing a warning.
“This isn’t about the store, then?” he asked, glancing at Jesse with an expression bordering on distaste.
“I came to see my daughter.”
April caught her breath. How like Jesse to make an uncomfortable situation intolerable!
Peter stiffened. He wasn’t as tall as the younger man, but he was still a formidable presence. “So she told you,” he said. “I suppose you were bound to find out sooner or later. Let’s get one thing straight at the outset – you are not a part of Eden’s life. I don’t intend for her to—”
“I really don’t give a damn.” Jesse cut him off. “Let’s get that straight.”
“Dad,” April protested.
He took no notice. “April may be blind to your faults, but I’m not. You were a punk kid, and you’re an even worse adult. You’ve got one thing on your mind and that’s to insinuate yourself into my family.”
“Dad!”
“But I’m not going to let you. If you so much as try to see Eden again, I’ll crush you. I’ve already spoken to Lieutenant Rothchild once, and you’re walking on thin ice in that department. It wouldn’t take too much to get you fired.”
April actually grabbed her father’s arm and yanked him backward. She threw a pleading glance Jesse’s way. Have mercy, she begged silently, but it was clear he wasn’t listening.
Jesse’s gaze had narrowed to a menacing slit. “Go ahead and crush me,” he said softly. His hands swept to the inside of his jacket, and he withdrew a long, narrow package wrapped in gold foil. He placed it in April’s unsteady hands. “Didn’t you say Eden’s birthday was St. Patrick’s Day? It’s a late gift from her father.”
Without another word he yanked open the door, shutting it gently behind him.
April paced her father’s office, waiting for him to appear. She was nearly an hour early, but she’d been too consumed with restless energy and fury to stay another minute at home. How dare he? His interference had cost her all the progress she’d made with Jesse. After Jesse left, April had barely hung on to her own temper. She would have blasted her father, if Eden hadn’t come back at that precise moment and asked April to help her with some homework.
Jesse’s quiet challenge had apparently taken her father, two. He’d left almost immediately, on Jesse’s heels. April had been glad. She’d managed to push her miseries to the back of her mind and helped Eden with a special math project. The gold foil package had been forgotten until Eden spied it on the counter.
“What’s that?” she asked, and April had been forced to explain it was a belated birthday gift from Jesse.
Eden pounced on it, ripping off the paper. “Look!” she cried delightedly. Nestled in white cotton was a necklace of delicate, peach colored shells. A piece of white enamel flecked with gold hung down from its center. April recognized the black foil tag: Bettina.
Eden clasped the necklace around her neck and promptly forgot her homework. She stood in front of the hallway mirror, admiring herself. “Can I call him up and thank him?” she asked.
When April furrowed her brow, Eden rushed in, “Or maybe I should just email him?”
“I don’t know his number or email address,” April responded with a catch in her voice.
“When will we see him again?”
“I’m not sure…”
She realized now that she knew very little about Jesse’s personal life. What did he do in his free time? Was there anyone special in his life?
The last thought made gooseflesh rise on her arms. She hadn’t even considered that there might be someone else. She’d fallen back into his arms – on her own bed, she reminded herself with a grimace – as if the ten years they’d been apart hadn’t mattered. The awful truth was, those years did matter to her. They mattered in the fact that she’d never stopped loving him. She still loved him as much now as she had when she was younger. Maybe more so. But what did Jesse feel? He desired her, yes, but did his emotions run deeper?
Now April hunched her shoulders. She was normally so sure of herself, but when it came to Jesse, she was a mass of indecision. She’d handled him all wrong. And her father hadn’t helped.
The intercom on her father’s phone buzzed. “April? Are you in there?” It was Jane.
April crossed to the desk. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“Bettina Cawthorne’s waiting to see you. She’s one of our jewelry suppliers. She says you requested to see her.”
Bettina! April’s heart jolted. With everything else going on in her life, she could hardly imagine what she might talk about to Bettina.
“Do you want me to send her to your father’s office?” Jane asked diffidently.
“Uh, no. I’ll meet her in my office in just a couple of minutes.”
April snatched up her purse. It would hardly do for her father to be faced with yet another member of the Cawthorne-Taylor clan, she realized. Angry though she was with her father, she wasn’t fool enough to create an even more impossible situation.
When April entered her office, she scarcely recognized the chic woman who was facing the far wall and studying a silk screen print that hung above the walnut credenza. Hearing April’s footsteps, Bettina turned gracefully. Her sun-streaked brown hair was clipped at her nape, her willowy frame enhanced by a white shift whose only ornament was a tooled brown leather belt cinched at the waist.
One look and April felt old and out of date by comparison, though Bettina was several years older than herself. “Hello, Bettina,” she said through dry lips.
“April.” Jesse’s sister regarded her consideringly. Her coloring was different than Jesse and Jordan’s, but her resemblance to both of them was clear, especially around the eyes. “You wanted to see me?”
April suddenly realized that Bettina thought she was being called on to the carpet. Resentment was clear in the set of her mouth and the steely look in her gray eyes. Bettina expected to be next in line to receive her walking papers. “Well, yes, I did. But it’s not—” She waved a hand and sighed. “It’s nothing to do with your work.”
Bettina waited with a cool patience that frazzled April’s nerves. I wish I could learn that trick, she thought.
Drawing a long breath, April managed a crooked smile. “It’s about Jesse, I guess.”
“You guess?”
Something in her tone made April realized that Bettina knew a whole lot more about their relationship than she was letting on. “He’s told you about me, hasn’t he? About our relationship, whatever it is.” She laughed harshly.
“Are you sure you want to talk about this with me?” Bettina regarded her steadily.
“No, I’m not sure of anything. But I don’t know where Jesse lives! I ca
n’t get in touch with him except at the police station. Jordan doesn’t know where he is.”
“You want me to tell you where Jesse lives?”
“I want you to tell me anything,” April admitted.
Bettina’s reserve thawed a bit. “He told me about Eden.”
“Did he? Did he also tell you how he threatened me for parental rights?”
“Mmm.” Bettina rubbed her nose. “That isn’t much of a surprise, is it?”
“And did he tell you that my father made a jackass out of himself last night?” April asked, a catch in her voice.
Bettina’s gaze was solemn. “I didn’t see Jesse last night. I haven’t seen him for a while, as a matter of fact.”
“Will you help me?” April asked, dropping all pretense. “Jordan thinks I’m better off without Jesse. My father’s in complete agreement. Maybe I am better off without him.”
“But you don’t believe that.”
“No,” she answered with more conviction than she truly felt.
Bettina sighed. “You know, all those years ago, Jesse wanted to hate you. There were a lot of reasons, none of them that really had to do with you. Jordan was making a fool of himself over Tasha Bennington, and there were… things that happened to me, too.”
“Stef Tamblin?”
Color swept over her sculpted cheeks. She wasn’t quite as cool as she looked, April concluded.
“Yes,” Bettina said dryly. “Stef Tamblin. Jesse felt we’d all gotten the shaft one way or another from the Windsor Estates brats.”
“But that was all prejudice on his part,” April declared. “And it’s all over now.”
“Do you know what he felt when he found out you’d never told him about Eden? It was just one more way to push him down. How would you have felt, April? To find someone you cared for had hidden something so important?”
“Someone he cared for.” April choked on a humorless laugh. “He left me! I wouldn’t have hidden it. I tried to find him, but he was gone. And then time passed, and I don’t know…”