Mistakes were made. Things happened beyond his control. He needed to stop thinking of all the bad that happened and remember he did important work. He made a difference hacking away at the drug distribution chain. He put bad people behind bars. He took dangerous drugs off the streets. He’d saved countless lives.
That mattered.
What he did mattered.
Who he was mattered.
Maybe he couldn’t go back to working undercover. Not now. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t still make a difference in people’s lives.
He’d made a difference in Ashley’s. And Adam’s.
He picked up his phone and got back to work. “Hey, it’s Beck.”
Ashley stared at him over the glass of milk she chugged. She pulled the glass away from her lips and smiled at him with an adorable milk mustache.
One side of his mouth cocked up in a half grin he couldn’t stop. He nodded, giving her that small acknowledgment that she’d indeed nudged him enough to make a change in him, but not to gloat.
Caden, on the other hand, remained silent on the line, taken by surprise that he’d used his real name. Caden knew from caller ID that he’d called, but Beck wanted to let him know in this way that something was different now. Beck was different, because of the woman standing in his kitchen, wearing his T-shirt and way-too-big sweats, devouring yet another apple. She shouldn’t look that damn sexy, but she did. He didn’t know how she did it, or how she’d so easily worked her way under his skin, but damn the woman had really gotten to him.
“Hey, man, I’ve got a problem. I’m nearly out of clothes. Ashley looks ridiculous walking around holding up her pants so they don’t drop to her ankles and trip her.”
“Uh, are you okay?” Caden asked, surprised by Beck’s teasing tone.
“I’m good.” For the first time in a long time, he meant that. The tension in his shoulders eased. The constricting band around his chest let loose. He breathed easier and actually felt comfortable in his skin. For the most part. The outside needed a little work. He’d get to it soon. “Snow’s letting up. Forecast calls for clearer skies tomorrow. Where are you on getting the supplies I need?”
Since Caden and Mia lived closer to town, where the snowplows worked a hell of a lot faster than out here, and they got a lot less snow than he did, he hoped they’d been able to get some of the shopping done.
“I checked—the snowplows are out and clearing the roads and headed your way. We’ve got the truck packed and ready to go. Any last-minute things you need?”
“Were you able to get all the food, multivitamins, and supplements?” Beck had looked up everything he could about malnutrition and boosting your immune system. The last thing he wanted was for Adam and Ashley to get sick in their weakened conditions. While their energy levels increased with the sleep and food they’d gotten over the last two days, they still had a long way to go to good health. When he took them to a doctor, Beck would make sure to ask what else they needed. For now, he’d do his best to give them the best he could provide.
“Everything on your list, or as close to it as I could get.”
Ashley stood over him, her brows drawn together. She mouthed, “Who is that?”
“Hold on, Caden.” Beck held the phone away, his thumb over the microphone so Caden didn’t hear them. “It’s my brother. He’s DEA, so he’ll keep his mouth shut. He’s bringing us supplies, including new clothes for you and Adam and more food, since you’re eating me out of house and home,” he teased.
She stuck her tongue out, then took another big bite of her apple.
“Is there anything you want?”
She tugged her pants up again before they fell down her hips. He could barely make out her shape under his too-big clothes draped over her thin frame. She scrunched her lips into a thoughtful pout. The hand holding the apple shook. “I can call my manager or my bank and get them to overnight me a new credit card. I can order what I need online.” She glanced around the room, unease building in her fidgety body and worried eyes. “I can find us a place to stay. We’ll need a car. I don’t even know if I still have my place in L.A. What happened to all my stuff? Is everything just frozen in time?” Her whole body shook now. Her voice grew quiet and shaky. “You’ve done so much. We’ve stayed too long. I’ll just . . .” Overwhelmed, she didn’t know what to do.
Beck stood and wrapped her in his arms. “Shh. Stop. You don’t have to do anything but tell me if there is anything you need right now. We’ll figure out the rest soon.”
She burrowed into his chest and held tight to the back of his shirt with one hand. She sighed so big he felt the warmth of her breath penetrate the cotton T and seep into his skin.
“I need to know what to do and how to make this right. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I mean, there’s no rules or guidelines to follow when someone steals a year of your life.”
Beck held Ashley and put the phone back to his ear and told Caden, “Come as soon as you can. Bring what you have. If we need anything else, we’ll get it later.” He hung up, dropped the phone on the table, and encased Ashley in both his arms.
Beck leaned down and kissed the top of Ashley’s head for no other reason than that he wanted to comfort her. “You don’t have to do anything right now, except breathe. You want to control how this plays out. I get that. He took away your choices and forced you to bend to his will. This investigation and making this right means others are going to make decisions that affect your life. It will take on a life of its own. You want to find your footing and take control of your life again, but you’re going to have to fight for it. Let me handle the investigation part. You concentrate on getting healthy again. Take a breath, find your head, and think about what you want for your future.
“In the meantime, you can stay here as long as you want and as long as it’s safe.” Until he said it, he didn’t realize how much he meant it. He didn’t want her out of his sight until he knew 200 percent that she was safe. The longer she stood in his arms, the more right it felt, the more he didn’t want to let her go. Dangerous territory. She didn’t belong here. She had a life in L.A. Friends. Family.
The thought of someone waiting for her, missing her, wanting her back sent a bolt of jealousy through his gut, but he asked the hard question anyway. “Is there anyone you want to call? There must be a lot of worried people out there who want to hear from you.”
She stepped out of his arms, anger flaring in her eyes. “Is there a missing person’s report on me?”
“I’m not sure.” He’d seen the reports on TV, but he hadn’t seen a single cop asking for information about her disappearance.
“Has anyone been on TV or in other news holding up a picture of me with a number to call, asking for information on my whereabouts?”
“Uh, not that I’ve seen, but that doesn’t mean—”
“Right. People don’t think things apply to you when you’re famous. There is no such thing as privacy and personal space. Nothing in your life is off-limits. People think you asked for it when someone does something to you that they’d never do to a normal person. They think they can insult me to my face and it doesn’t bother me. ‘You’re so much prettier on-screen.’ ‘Is that really your voice? You sound so much better on TV.’ ‘I thought you’d be taller or thinner,’ or ‘I thought your boobs were bigger.’”
“Seriously?”
“They say all kinds of stupid things. They put you on lists. Best Dressed. Worst Dressed. Sexiest. Most Beautiful. Who wore it best? As if there isn’t enough judgment in the world.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a genuine friend? A guy who’s interested in you and not who you can connect him to in the business or just wants to be seen with you to advance his own agenda?” She rolled her eyes.
He didn’t want any part of that kind of life and understood she wanted to stay as far away from it as possible right now. “So you don’t want to go back to L.A.?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I love
acting and making movies. Everything else, not so much. But you can’t have your passion and not accept that all the rest comes with it. I have—had—a good team of people around me, but I am always aware they’re paid to be there. Maybe I’m more aware of it because of the way I grew up having to fight for everything I wanted. My mother raised me on her own. She didn’t have time or the desire to give me anything more than a roof over my head, food on the table, and the necessities of life. She lived her life. I lived mine. I wasn’t abused or neglected, but I didn’t get a lot of support either. I was expected to go to school and stay out of trouble. Anything else I wanted, I had to figure out a way to get it. My life wasn’t good or bad, it just was, and that wasn’t enough for me. The more I wanted, the more my mother resented that I didn’t appreciate what she gave me. She was satisfied with her ordinary life. I wanted a big life. She didn’t get that, until I achieved something she never thought I would. She expected me to fail like so many other dreamers do, but I worked hard. I didn’t take the setbacks as defeat. I used those experiences to feed my ambition.
“The more success I achieved, the more she wanted to benefit from it. Our relationship was never warm, but I wanted it to be despite understanding she just didn’t have it in her. But to watch it deteriorate to the point where I no longer felt like family but a means to an end . . .” Ashley frowned and shook her head. “With success, you gain so much, but you never expect to lose the things you do. It’s very lonely at the top.”
Beck sympathized and opened his mouth without thinking. “It’s lonely undercover. To have success, you give up everything to become something else. The relationships you have are all superficial. You’re using them. They’re using you. In the end, you’ll take down a guy who’s been your friend, maybe even saved your ass, because he’s breaking the law.”
“I bet you never thought you’d have so much in common with someone like me.”
In fact, he’d seen the reports on TV and thought some spoiled, self-centered movie star didn’t deserve his consideration. He had more important things to think and care about than a woman who’d run away from her glamorous life. Ashley changed his mind. He appreciated her strength, determination, her thoughtfulness to consider him and see that he was hurting, too, when she had every reason to focus on herself and what she’d been through. For whatever reason, she’d gotten through to him when his family and coworkers hadn’t made a dent in his determination to remain locked in his head, mired in his regret and guilt, and living alone in exile. The woman he’d found nearly dead had breathed new life into him.
He still had a ways to go in reconciling his past, but he actually felt better about his future. One where he moved forward and didn’t stay mired in his nightmares. He could finally see the light.
“I’m glad you’re here, Ashley. I needed you.” Not an easy thing for him to admit, but he’d told so many lies, he liked that she forced him to own up to the truth.
“This from the guy who warned me away.”
“Be careful,” he warned her again, letting her in even more. “I’m having trouble thinking about letting you go.”
Chapter Fourteen
Ashley stood in front of the window, the light shining on her face, her eyes closed, and breathed through her warring emotions. She fought the urge to hide so no one, especially Brice, saw her basking in the bright, white day, and tried to enjoy her freedom. Beck’s warning that he might not be able to let her go initially set off a bolt of fear. But that quickly got swamped by the warmth that spread through her system and the thoughts of staying here with the intense man who surprised her with his honesty and depth of emotion when he tried to hide everything behind a wall of indifference. She saw past the facade to a man with a kind but battered heart. And a smile that made her belly flutter when he let one loose, which wasn’t often enough.
She hadn’t had anything to smile or laugh about in a long time, but she found herself daydreaming of a day when, held in Beck’s arms, she smiled up at him and something made them laugh together. As much as she wanted that kind of joy back in her life, she wanted to see Beck happy, too.
If she got the chance.
She glanced back at the laptop on the table. Before Beck disappeared into his room, he’d sat her down, put his hand on her shoulder, and asked her in his gentle but firm way to tell her story. She tried to boil down what happened to the bare facts in the report, but the more she entered and filled in that empty space the angrier she got until she couldn’t stand to think of it one more second. She felt the tick of an imaginary clock in her mind counting down to Brice coming after her and counting up the seconds Brice took up in her life.
She wanted this to be over.
But it was far from done.
As much as she wanted to run, Beck was right, she needed to stand and fight. To do that, she needed to find her feet again.
She wrapped her arms around her middle and stared out the window at the snowy landscape. Three months to Christmas. She’d missed spending the holiday with her friends, the dinners and cocktail parties held by friends in the business in gorgeously decorated Beverly Hills homes, and even the strained call with her mother they shared each year. She didn’t miss the loneliness of spending Christmas morning alone trying to make herself believe she wanted the peace and quiet. She didn’t even have a dog for company. She didn’t want the responsibility or guilt for leaving it every time she had to go on location for work for long periods of time.
She missed her simple house with the beautiful view of the hills. She loved sitting in the backyard, the flowers blooming in the Southern California sunshine year-round. She’d drink her coffee or favorite tea and stare at the view soaking up the sun.
The dark clouds parted and a sliver of sunlight beamed through, bounced off the crystalline snow, and shined on her face. She closed her eyes and soaked up the warmth. Her heart lightened as some of the fear she’d felt trapped in the dark fell away.
A hand settled on her shoulder, pulling her back into that nightmare. She jumped and swatted the hand away. Her back hit the glass as her hands came up to protect herself. She yelped, cutting off the scream that rose in her throat when she saw the man standing before her, familiar but different.
“Beck?” She stared in amazement at his transformation. He’d shaved the beard and cut his thick, long hair short along the sides and back, leaving it longer on top to fall back in a soft wave.
He slid his hand along his bare jaw and up along the side of his head. “It’s been a while since my face saw the sun. The hair wasn’t easy to cut with the clippers, but it’s a hell of a lot better than having it falling in my face all the time.”
She didn’t know what to say. She’d never seen a more handsome, rugged man in her life. Those penetrating gray-blue eyes stared at her. At first she was tongue-tied, then words tumbled out her mouth before she thought of them. “You’re gorgeous.” So much so that her stomach fluttered and her fingers tingled with the desire to reach out and touch his strong jaw and slide through his thick, silky hair.
His eyes narrowed, then dipped, scanning down her face and body, all the way to her toes and back up leaving a trail of heat in their wake.
Beck reached out, took the side of her face in his big hand, and swept his thumb over her cheek. “If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to have to—”
The alarm went off, buzzing incessantly, cutting off whatever Beck intended to say and her hope that he meant to kiss her. After all she’d been through, she couldn’t believe her mind and heart reached out to Beck in that way, but she craved his touch and the sweetness and light it shined into her desperate heart. For a split second there, she’d felt like a real person again. A woman, not some possession.
Beck swore, gave her one long regret-filled look, then went to the coffee table, picked up the remote, shut off the alarm, and changed the channel to check the cameras.
Ashley gasped. The unfamiliar white truck made her heart thunder. “Someone’s h-here.”
Her voice cracked, fear clogging her throat.
Adam bounded off the couch and ran to her, wrapping his little arms around her hips. She held him close, looking from the front door to the back for a means of escape.
Beck closed the distance between them in a few long strides. With Adam between them, he cupped her face and made her look up at him. “It’s my brother. You’re safe. Don’t bolt.” A trace of a plea sounded in his deep voice, despite the order in his eyes.
With his hands on her face, the warmth from his palms sinking into her skin, the total awareness she had of him this close, she couldn’t do anything but fall further into the depths of his eyes that convinced her he’d protect her no matter what. The urge to run dissipated, but the frantic need to hide lingered in her gut.
The knock on the front door made her jump. Beck held on to her, leaned in with his cheek pressed to hers, and whispered in her ear. “No one will ever hurt you again and get away with it.” His lips pressed to her temple in a soft kiss, then he let her go all at once, turned, and walked to open the door for his brother.
Beck held the door only wide enough for him to look out. A man’s deep voice boomed with, “Holy shit, you finally cut your hair,” then, “You look damn good, man.” Relief laced those words from Beck’s brother. He cared deeply about Beck. That eased her a bit more about meeting strangers.
Beck said something under his breath that sounded like, “Take it slow and easy,” then opened the door and a near-duplicate version of himself walked in behind a golden-haired woman carrying a box filled with cupcakes.
Adam buried his face in Ashley’s leg and held her tight, hurting the bruises on her legs, but she held him close anyway and tried to breathe and soothe his fears at the same time.
Montana Heat: Escape to You Page 12