I barely made it through the rest of the day without crying. If my students noticed there was something wrong with me, they didn’t say it, but they were unnaturally subdued.
I kept remembering Matt’s face move closer as he tried to kiss me. I hated him for being such a jerk and vowed never to give him the benefit of the doubt again. My hands were still shaking when I made it to my car. I drove aimlessly, feeling restless and gross, and before I realized it, I had pulled up to Michael’s townhouse.
Thankfully, his car was in his usual parking spot, so I knew he was home. I turned off the engine and ran up the steps to his door to ring the bell.
Michael opened the door after my second knock, and his face lit up with delight when he saw me. He’d changed out of his work clothes into a pair of khaki shorts and a well-loved t-shirt. My mind barely cataloged these details as I threw my arms around his neck and burst into a fit of tears.
He stumbled backward at the onslaught of my affection and wrapped his arms around me with concern. “Cassandra, are you okay?”
I liked that he used my full name, it felt good to hear him say it, like a balm to my soul.
Tilting my head up, I brushed the hair that had slipped from my messy ponytail out of my face and whispered, “No.”
I couldn’t form the words to explain as he led me past his roommate and their menagerie of animals to the living room. Adam and another friend were stationed in front of the television playing some videogame. Michael glared at them and led me down a hallway. He opened the door to his bedroom and gestured for me to sit at the edge of the bed.
The room surprised me. I expected a mess, an unmade bed, and clothes everywhere. Instead, the bed was made with almost military precision. The sheets were warm blue and brown, and there wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere. Books on veterinary medicine lined the shelves against the wall, and pictures of his family and friends sat on top of his dark wooden dresser.
I sat gingerly at the edge of the mattress and inhaled the scent that filled the room, the gentle, warm male scent that was Michael. He sat next to me and leaned against my shoulder. The small connection made me feel stronger.
“I’m…I…and he…it was awful,” I gasped between sobs.
It had been a long time since one of these attacks struck me, but this one hit me like a train. It came on so suddenly and unexpectedly that I was utterly unprepared.
“Tell me what’s going on,” Michael said with more gentleness than I could ever have imagined. At that moment, Michael saw the worst of me, my weakness and chronic anxiety, but he didn’t run from it like I expected him too. Slowly, he put his hands on my shoulders and urged me gently, “Breathe.”
“I…can’t. It feels like an anvil on my chest.”
“Yes, you can. This is a panic attack. You can make it through this. Just breathe and don’t think about anything else. It’s just you and me, okay? I’m here for you.”
My cheeks flushed red again, and I shook my head. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
He knelt in front of me and took my face in his hands. “Why not? You’re beautiful and strong, one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Don’t you dare feel embarrassed about anything with me. Just breathe, and everything will be okay.”
I exhaled painfully and deeply, breathing fresh, chilled air before looking up at him with teary eyes. It took a moment for my pulse to slow and for the world not to feel like it was ending. He observed me and rubbed my shoulder soothingly while I regained composure. I felt his hands touching me, then glanced at him silently.
“Better?”
I nodded slowly.
He reached toward his nightstand and handed me a box of tissues. “Start from the beginning.”
My eyes closed as I told him about Matt’s wife being my latest dreamer, and how I found out she was pregnant. Then I told him about how I wanted to smooth things over and maybe help them get back together. “I wanted to believe that I misjudged him and give him the chance to explain himself. But he’s such a…a…” I wrinkled my nose and looked up at Michael. “A slimy, no good, creepy jerk.”
Michael’s brow furrowed, and tension poured off him so thick it was nearly palpable. I couldn’t remember ever seeing Michael angry before, and he seemed furious. Every muscle in his body stiffened, and his grip on me grew tighter when he asked, “Cassandra, what did he do? You wouldn’t have come over here crying if he was just rude.”
I shrank into myself nervously and stammered, “Uh, nothing. He tried to kiss me, that’s all. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was never happening.”
Michael’s face reddened as I finished the story, and his mouth pressed into a tight line. For a moment, he didn’t say anything.
“That son of a bitch tried to kiss you?”
“Yes, but that’s not all,” I responded meekly.
“Did he hurt you? If he so much as laid a finger on you without consent, I will freaking kill him.”
I shook my head and said hurriedly, “No, it’s not that. Ellyllon came to visit me at school; he wasn’t exactly pleased that I’m seeing you.”
A tiny smile crossed his face. “Well, no offense to your father, but I don’t care about what he thinks.”
“He knows about the Shadow Demon, Michael. The other Dream Weavers are disappearing, and he’s worried about me.”
“What did he say?”
Peaches, the swearing cat, decided to stroll into the room at that moment. He looked between Michael and me a few times, then sat down as if he deserved to be part of the conversation. Michael huffed a laugh and waved the cat away. He hissed at me but slunk out of the room.
“It’s not worth talking about. I wouldn’t give him what he asked for, so he’s rescinding his protection. I’m on my own in the Realm of Dreams from now on.”
“What…” Michael paused and looked around as if the Lord of Night himself would appear out of thin air. “What are you going to do?”
I rubbed my arm where the Shadow Demon’s mark still marred my skin. My heart began to beat rapidly inside my chest, and I could already feel the splotches of adrenaline breaking out across my chest and collarbone. “I’ll have to be faster and more careful.”
“Listen to me. I’ll handle that jerk, Matt—whatever his name is. How dare he try to kiss you. It is completely unacceptable. I’ll put him in his place, and then I’ll deal with your father and—”
I smiled at his show of protective rage and jealousy. Michael was the least aggressive and territorial person I’d ever met. It was kind of adorable to see him get worked up over me, mostly because it was so unlike him.
“I didn’t come here for that,” I told him quietly. “I came here because my life is a mess, and you’re the only thing pulling me through. You’re the only one I wanted to see right now—my safe harbor.”
He relaxed slightly and put his arm around my shoulder. “If that’s what you want, I promise not to get involved. And whatever your father said, we can handle it together.”
Neither of us said anything for what felt like an immeasurably long time, and he gazed at me with his eyes smoldering. He moved in slowly, wrapping his hands around my waist. “Are you feeling better?”
I nodded. “Yes. I just wanted to be with you. I just…needed…”
My lips were on him before I could get another word out. Something came over me all at once, and I had to connect with him on a deeper level. I wanted to feel his hands on me—warm and secure.
Michael’s response was almost instant, holding me tighter and dipping his tongue inside my mouth. The kiss was incredible, soft and sensual, leaving no doubt how much he wanted me. My heart thrilled, and I forgot how to breathe—not that it mattered.
His body molded against mine, then we were lying on the bed, wrapped in each other, kissing passionately. His gripped me with a possessiveness that electrified me. I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, unable to control myself.
Michael groaned against my mouth,
and the sound reverberated through my body, sending a shiver down my spine. I wanted him–no, I needed him like I needed air.
Across the room, my phone rang from inside my bag, breaking the spell. I jerked back at the sound of it, still shaking with desire from the heat of that kiss.
Michael propped himself up on one elbow, amusement dancing across his face. “Do you need to take that?”
I shook my head, leaned down, and kissed him a final time before climbing to my feet. After I grabbed my purse, I looked down at him and said, “This never happened.”
Michael shot from the bed, shock and distress in his eyes. “What? Yes, it did. Cassandra, we should talk about this. Where are you going?”
“I’m not sure. I have to go.”
I turned and ran out of his townhouse without another word.
My Dream Lover
Chapter Twelve
“C assandra, we need to talk. I miss you so freaking much. You’ve got my number. Please… call me back.”
I listened to Michael’s voicemail a second time before setting my phone on the nightstand. It was the sixth one he’d left for me since I kissed him, then ran away, embarrassed.
What was I thinking? I wondered miserably.
It had been over a week since it happened, and I’d been asking myself that question ever since. Michael tried calling me a dozen times, but I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to be with him, to have things like they were before, but it was all happening so fast. Even though he claimed I wasn’t the horrific trainwreck that I knew myself to be, there were more factors to consider than my desire to reunite.
I wasn’t emotionally available to commit to Michael the way he deserved.
As I nibbled my bottom lip while looking at my phone, I tried to decide whether to call him. I didn’t want to have that discussion until I knew what I wanted to say. The person I needed to talk to was on the other side of the country, and she and I had our own falling out over the same issue. Still, I knew Halle was the only person who could help me figure out this problem.
I pulled my laptop out of its case and set it up at the end of my bed so I could Skype with her over dinner. My hair was twisted into two buns at the back of my head, and I wore a loose tank top and a pair of sweatpants on this lazy Saturday evening. After logging in to Skype, I clicked on her icon in the corner and smiled at the electric hum as it tried to connect.
Moments later, Halle’s face showed up in a video on the screen. Her dark hair was pulled into a low ponytail at the side of her neck, and she gazed at me in surprise once the video connected. “Hey…”
It was so good to see her again after not speaking for a week that I felt myself becoming emotional. The splotches on my skin appeared and my mouth went dry. I closed my eyes and willed myself to work through this. I knew what to do. I had done it a hundred times before. With great effort, my breathing became deeper and more deliberate—it was an exercise my therapist recommended whenever I felt overwhelmed. Slowly, I felt the tightness in my chest dissipate, and the heat in my body faded. When I opened my eyes, I was calm. I smiled and waved at the screen, picked up a bowl of granola cereal and started to eat as per our ritual. I hoped the gesture of familiarity would help ease our conversation, even though I knew it would be difficult. “Hey, Halle. I was hoping we could talk.”
She nodded. “Yeah, okay. I didn’t like the way we left things.”
“Me either, it feels all wrong whenever we fight.”
“Tell me about it. My stomach has been twisted in knots for days.”
I set my bowl down on the nightstand and looked away uncomfortably. “I’m not going to apologize for seeing Michael; he’s sweet, and I like spending time with him. He’s the only person, aside from you, that I can talk to about fae magic—he gets it.”
Her lip twitched as she appeared to be fighting a laugh. “Okay.”
“No, I don’t think you understand. Michael helps me. Being with him makes all the voices in my head go away and takes away my anxiety. It’s the most wonderful presence I’ve ever felt, and it hurts my feelings that you can’t just be happy for me. I’m sorry that you don’t see it, but he’s good for me, and I don’t want to give that up just because it makes you uncomfortable. We’ve always supported one another and been upfront about this stuff. I can’t even talk to you if there’s a problem because I know you don’t want to hear it. And that…hurts. It hurts, and I miss you.”
Halle’s eyebrows furrowed as she let out a tired sigh and rubbed the back of her neck. “You’re right, and I’m sorry for flipping out when you told me. I love you, and I don’t want to see you hurt again. I should have supported you.”
“Thanks.”
She raised an eyebrow behind her thick-rimmed spectacles and said, “Is there something you wanted to tell me now?”
I closed my eyes, and blurted, “We kissed. Well, I kissed Michael, and he sort of kissed me back.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
A nervous laugh bubbled up inside me. “I mean, we kissed once before, but this was different. It was…intense. So, this time, after we kissed, I kind of ran away from him, and we haven’t talked since. I’ve been avoiding him.”
“Ah. I see.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m the worst.”
Halle smiled before clearing her throat to say, “So, you like him, huh?”
I chuckled. “So freaking much.”
She shook her head and laughed. “Oh, Cass… What am I going to do with you?”
“You weren’t there, okay? He was looking at me all sexy with these big, brown eyes. I could tell that…he meant it. The kiss meant something to him. It meant something to me too. I’ve never had anyone look at me like that.”
“That must have been a good kiss,” she commented with a smile.
“Oh, it was fantastic, but that’s not the point. I’m a grown woman for crying out loud, but when it comes to Michael, I’m a starry-eyed teenager. I can’t think straight. It’s like all the years between high school and now just fade away, and I’m head-over-heels all over again.”
My sister laughed again, saying, “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“I guess. You’re not upset?”
Halle sighed. “I’m not sure how I feel. Part of me hates the idea because of how bad he hurt you when he left, but I also want you to be happy. If Michael makes you happy, then I promise not to freak out if you continue seeing him.”
“Thanks, Halle. I’ll tell you one thing though, spending time with him makes Dad furious. He scolded me at length about it the other day.”
“What? Dad loved Michael when you dated in high school.”
“Not Fred,” I corrected her. “Dad. Ellyllon.” The word came from my mouth with emphasis.
She gasped. “What?”
“I know, right? He showed up at my work one day after the kids had gone home from school. I couldn’t believe he was trying to be high and mighty after all these years.”
Halle’s eyes grew wide. “No kidding. What did he say?”
Exhaling a puff of air, I said, “He demanded I stop seeing Michael and said that lesser fae was beneath me.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
I shrugged. “Beats me. Ellyllon mentioned something about Michael being a satyr as if the variant of magic even mattered—he’s still a Son of Lilith.”
“Huh, I didn’t realize Michael was a satyr,” she mused. “But I guess it makes sense.”
“Me either, but that doesn’t change anything. I told Ellyllon he wasn’t allowed to tell me who I could date—he didn’t like that very much.”
“Well, of course not. I just wish I could have been there,” she told me with a giggle. “Who would imagine Ellyllon, the Lord of Night, at a public school? He must have looked ridiculous.”
Snickering, I added, “It was hilarious, the way he sat on the chintzy plastic chair in his giant robes and glittering cape.” Halle grinned, and, after a moment or two, I cleared my throat. “There’s
something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Shoot.”
“Lately, when I go into people’s dreams, I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know how I’ve told you about the Shadow Demon—the other creature that’s after Dust of Dreamers?”
“Uh-huh…”
“It never interacted with me before, but now it feels like it’s getting closer, trying to keep me from leaving.”
“That’s weird.”
“No, this is what’s weird,” I told her, turning to show her the mark on my arm.
She leaned forward to view the image on her screen. “Whoa…are those fingerprints?”
I nodded. “Last time, the shadow grabbed me. When I came back to the Mortal Realm, I had these marks.”
Halle’s face went pale, and her eyes grew even wider. “I don’t like that, Cass. You’ve got to be careful in there. If something else is lurking in those dreams…”
“Oh, I’m one step ahead of you. That’s one of the things Dad and I talked about.”
“Have you shown it to Michael?”
“He knows. He pretty much had the same reaction you did.”
“Then stop going into these dreams and putting yourself in danger.”
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean, ‘you can’t?'”
“I mean, I physically can’t! It’s like a compulsion; I’m drawn to the flute whenever it calls me, and I can’t say no. My body will not let me ignore a dreamer summoning me. The lullaby gets so loud and I can’t hear myself think. I get the worst headache, worse than a migraine and I can’t function until I pick up the flute.”
“Well, then you’re going to have to figure out a way to defeat the demon or live with it chasing you forever.”
“But—”
Halle cut me off. “I don’t have access to the Realm of Dreams—you’re the one who owns the flute. You’re the one it chose to be its champion. We could go back and forth all day over why that is, but in the end, the result would be the same. It chose you, and that means it believes you can handle whatever’s out there. You’re stronger than you think. I have faith in you.”
Chasing Starlight: Cassandra's Story (The Daughters of Night Chronicles) Page 14