by Power, P. S.
"Not that I'm going to be doing it any time soon. Right now I'm not even making copies. Part of the reason for leaving Sam and taking the others with me, just in case something comes up."
"Good. You work too hard anyway. When's the last time you did something just for fun. Or to relax even?" The Prince stopped and stood with his arms crossed.
"No fair counting meditation or sleep for that, I mean something done just because you wanted to that wasn't to help anyone else or work related."
Apparently Tor was actually expected to actually answer that, because his giant friend didn't move, just stood in place. Tor had to float back to him, which he did while rolling his eyes.
"I can't have fun right now Alphones. I mean that literally. It's impossible. I killed people, and the way I'm built means I have to suffer for it. It's the cost of doing things like that for me. Food all smells and tastes like rotting death all the time now, I'm constantly angry and know that I shouldn't be and nothing has any spark to it at all. It's like someone made the world over during the night and leached all the meaning from it. Even trying to relax right now is wasted effort, since the voices in my head keep screaming at me when I do. All of them except Box. So... Not to be a pain in the rear, but could we save this conversation for later? I swear I'm not working too hard. I can't do anything but talk to people. I'm even back to using the Not-flyer to get around..." It was dismal. Tor didn't sound sad about it though, no... even to his own ears he sounded angry and nearly ready for violence.
"You called me Alphonse twice in a row. I think that may be a record." It was a deflection, meant to turn the conversation away from what he'd just said, since there was nothing to be done about it anyway. Tor nodded and forced a smile.
"Yep. We're not at school now and it's your name. I should hire tutors for Ali and myself or something. Maybe get Denno to help me out with math again while we're on this trip. If I have time. When I'm not cooking. Carlos the spy said he'd actually run the thing for us though. Do most of the work, so I should be down to about half of what I did last time, when we went to Afrak I mean."
The Prince started walking again, thinking as he did it was clear from the silence.
"That makes sense at least. If he's in the Kitchen making the food and they serve themselves it will be a lot harder for anyone to poison them. Not that we'd do that, since this is all arranged already, but it has to have crossed their minds. It would mine at least."
It was Tor's turn to stop then, dropping all the way to the floor with a thought.
"Ah. That does make sense then. I was almost going to suggest we get some of the staff from my house to help, but that might be scary for the spies and their families. I guess I should check with them and see what they want done. I know I'd feel better if I got a choice, if it was me in their place." He didn't care for himself what they did, not in the moment, but if it made them feel better it would be the right thing to do. He could still tell right from wrong at least, no matter how he felt.
That didn't get a response, in fact nothing else got said, since they were in front of a rather nice door, made of highly polished red colored wood that shone in the dim light of the corridor. Alphonse knocked, then waited for a while. Nothing happened at all for a long time, but finally the door opened and a dark face, one that was nearly a true black it was so deeply brown, poked around the corner.
"Alphonse! And Uncle Court Jester! I..."
What she planned to say next Tor had no clue, since a familiar voice piped up from within.
"S'Tor?" The door got pulled open further, revealing his sister Terlee, who was adjusting her clothing. Normally in the palace that would have meant the women had been doing something that involved sex, but he really doubted that was the case here. Not that Abby wasn't cute enough, but Terlee was normally fairly shy, and worse, related to the woman. Abby was kind of shy that way too. No, this was something else.
A professional visit.
"Sorry to interrupt. I need to see if it's possible to get a full genetic work-up that Lyn Red, the Ancient of Vagus, can read? I don't know if that's possible, but it might be important. She thinks that my genetic profile might be different than Green's in some way." He spoke in Afrak, taking the chance to practice. Plus he'd learned about genetics and biology in that tongue, so it made sense to use it now.
Abby smiled at him and nodded.
"I have the needed gear for that here now. It just came the other day in fact, which is good fortune. Along with the first part of your payment for the magical sky rivers. It's mainly seeds to rehabilitate the land you own. Some marvelous and unusual plants. Trees with a dozen kinds of fruit that will grow year round and others that take water from deep in the ground and brings it to the surface to provide for other plants. Plus some wonderful fungal spores that can work miracles in the right places." She waved them both in, which got Terlee to give him a hug, then as an afterthought a much warmer one for the Prince. It went on long enough that Tor cleared his throat.
"A little discretion in front of his fiancé?" He meant it as a joke, but it came out sounding wrong, mean and spiteful. For one of the first times in her life Terlee spun on him, eyes going wide, pushing Alphonse away as if scared.
"I meant no harm. We're just friends and..." She was acting like she'd actually done something wrong , like Tor was really correcting her. He shook his head as Abby covered a smile with her hand.
"Sorry Terlee, I was trying to be playful and it just came out garbled. If it had been a real problem Abby would have corrected you herself. I just sound like a complete ass today. Again, sorry... it isn't you or anything you've done at all. It really isn't anyone."
For some reason that got him another hug from her, as if she knew the real reason. Then, given how extensive her spy network was, which had at least one person in it, so was huge compared to his, maybe she did know? Possibly by simply asking their mother. Or being told unasked. It wasn't a secret after all.
Abby clapped her hands together and smiled, but didn't say anything for a bit, waiting to see who said what. Finally Terlee did, gesturing at her stomach, which was flat again. She'd had her first child already, a girl named Veronica. After the Princess of the same name. It was a good name. His sister looked directly at Abby again though and spoke in very well accented Noram standard.
"So, am I pregnant again yet? I wasn't planning on it, but we haven't been..." She hesitated and blushed, but finished the sentence, which kind of shocked Tor. His sister was normally pretty shy about everything.
"Using birth control. I don't want another child yet. Besides, Toverland suggested that I make some "friends" and I don't want to have the wrong child."
Tor figured he should blush, but honestly he didn't care enough to at the moment. His sister was going to sleep with people, probably men, other than her husband, at his urging? It fit the social model at least. Most of the nobles had scores of lovers and friends that they did things with that would have gotten them killed in Two Bends, where they both originally came from. Terlee was Countess Thomson now though, and very good looking, so a lot of people would expect her to have relationships like that and would probably be insulted if she turned them all down. That could lead to war, or at the very least not being allowed into the best parties.
"Good thinking. Don't take ma as an example of how many children to have. Two is a good number I think. Certainly no more than three. Eleven is a few too many."
Not that anyone would care what he thought on the matter, but he wanted to show support for his sister anyway.
Alphonse apparently did too, since he gave her a small half bow.
"Well in that case, we should meet sometime soon. Perhaps for s..."
Tor hit him.
It wasn't a little tap either, but a full blown punch that caused his shield to trigger and made the floor, which was solid stone, pop a little when the force got shunted downwards into it. Everyone froze for a second and Tor surprised himself... by hitting his best friend again even harder.
It didn't hurt him, but it made the Prince blink.
"I was just going to say we should meet to discuss some plans for Noram day or some projects to work on, to help make connections. Gods Tor, do you really think I'm going to proposition your sister in front of my intended? That would be beyond rude." There was a grin with it, but it looked a little confused and baffled, as if he didn't get that Tor was responding to his propositioning his sister in front of him.
Which only made sense. He wouldn't get it as wrong really, would he? Oh, his friend knew on some level that Tor was more provincial than anyone else he knew, but it didn't really translate to the idea that he'd lash out over something like that. If they'd been in Two Bends and someone had suggested they run off with one of his sisters for illicit sex he'd have been fighting still and not stopping until he couldn't go on any more. Even if it was his best friend.
It was a double standard of course, based on different situations. This was a noble place though, a royal one, so it was up to Tor to try and bend to their rules, not the other way around. He knew that, and normally did a decent job of it. He thought so at least. Maybe he just wasn't blending in as well as he'd imagined?
He'd had sex with all the women in Alphonse's immediate family at some point and his buddy had done no more than tease him gently over it. He didn't even do it seriously. Even the King had just smiled about it and they were his wife and daughters. By Tor's way of thinking the man had a right to have him killed... or do it himself. Even if he wasn't the ruler of the whole land.
He sighed and made a half bow to everyone, starting with Abby. After all, she was the one from a place where violence virtually didn't exist. Him hitting someone, even if it wasn't meant to really harm anyone, had obviously shaken her. Her eyes showed fear, a white rim around the ice blue in the center under the brilliant bird red hair. It was incredibly apparent that he'd miss-stepped with her. Of course, in the room he was in the only one that got what was truly happening was his own sister. She'd be within her rights to call him on it, maybe even ordering him out of the Capital all together for embarrassing the family. It wasn't a minor thing, attacking someone like that. Oddly enough, by the rules they'd grown up with Tor was the one in the right, except that Alphonse was a royal. That would have changed things normally, even a year before, but now Terlee just...
Laughed.
Her hand came out and touched his shoulder gently, which was meant to be calming he knew, then explained to the others before Tor could form a real apology.
"I understand the feeling Tor. I nearly hit him too and I'm planning to send a note later asking if he'd be free for such "discussions", it isn't easy to straddle two worlds like this. I'm sure Abby gets it, though with less lashing out, no doubt." Her words started warm and ended dry and slightly country sounding. It was just a hint of an accent though, not slipping into home-speak totally. If she'd done that Tor would be the only one in the room to understand her.
He nodded and puffed his cheeks up.
"Sorry Alphonse. I forgot myself. Won't happen again. Until, you know, the next time. I'll try to do better though." It wasn't a good apology, but there were no debts between friends, right?
The Prince laughed gently.
"I stand rebuked anyway and will strive to be more discreet in the future." There was a bow that came back, but it was just a bob, one that could have been taken as being self-important, but wasn't. Tor couldn't do a lot of bending at the moment, so by keeping the move subdued his friend made it so that he didn't have to try and get his own head at a lower angle that just couldn't be easily managed.
Abby gathered some tools from a low table and turned back towards him.
"I... Let us take tissue samples. The testing itself will take several days to finish, that can't... It cannot be helped. Is that alright?" The words were in Afrak, and sounded like she expected to be beaten at any moment. It wasn't really fair, but Tor got that Abby really couldn't help it. She had no coping skills for such things at all, except medical ones.
"I can come back and get them in a week or two, if that's good for you? We can chat using the communications device when it's done. The only reason for the boat ride over to Austra is to give the appearance of comfort and luxury to the people there for their agents. It isn't enough to not abuse the guests in our care, we need, as a land, to show that we respect them as a people. We had their leader and his heir killed. I had them killed. Even if it was needed, and the best way to end the war... that has to be atoned for. Otherwise everyone will keep thinking it's OK to just kill off the leaders every time an argument takes place between lands." It made a lot of sense to Tor, but it wasn't the tradition. Normally you didn't kill the leaders at all, you just killed their people until they gave up.
Terlee went wide eyed then and stared at him.
"What do you mean you did it? You were here. Thousands of people saw you. Was it some kind of magic? The duel with that evil Baron..." It was her turn to be baffled now.
Tor rolled his eyes.
"I was here. It... It was my plan. In part at least. There's no escaping that part of things at all for me. I got the information, made the plan and gave it to people that I knew might well implement it. It had to be done, and I'm not sorry about it, but..." Tor suddenly felt exhausted as laughter entered his ears from the ghosts in his head. Even Box chuckled this time.
And spoke gently as two of the voices faded.
"There you go. Taking responsibility will shut those two down fast. Same with the rest of us. Think about it Tor, you know that for you, killing is wrong. If you want to be free of us mentally, you have to admit to yourself that it was needed. That won't make you feel better about it, not really, and it shouldn't in the long run, but that's what has to happen to get a good night's sleep. It won't fix it all. That's clear. There are things and things in your deepest mind here that you have to deal with Tor, things you haven't been, matters you've been denying and hiding from yourself. At least two things that are going to be central to your continued existence. You need to look into that soon, or everything isn't just going to fall apart, you're going to die and a lot of other people will be going with you." He laughed again inside Tor's mind as the others stood quietly, just looking at him strangely.
Baron Rochester growled.
"I didn't deserve to die! I have a right to use anyone under my power as I will. Connor was my own son and that means-" What it meant Tor decided not to care about. Instead he took Box's advice and examined why he felt bad about the Baron being dead at all.
It wasn't what he'd thought, not when he really looked at the issue. It was wrong to kill and more than any other person involved, the Baron had been killed out of anger. Tor was, on a very real level, afraid of feeling angry. It kind of shocked him, but it made sense. Anger had never caused him to do anything good, had it? Just lash out and act like a little brat.
Oh, he'd tried to fix it when it happened, control it and make sure his actions weren't too bad, but that was the problem there. It was a deep thing, but he hadn't just coldly killed the man, he'd done it out of rage. To protect others, sure, but that wasn't all of it. Not even close. The responsibility was all his and had to be. No matter what other people said, Tor had murdered Baron Rochester because he hated the man.
"Fuck you." The voice in his head sounded farther away then as the Baron left as well. It was a relief, but tiring, like he'd just run a great distance and had just now noticed how hard it had been.
Box sighed in his ear and waited for a long while before going on.
"I'm... not a ghost Tor. None of us really are. I'm just a part of you trying to make sure you don't turn into a monster. Really I shouldn't even be here. Why do you feel bad about killing me? I deserved it you know. If you hadn't have acted they would have made Debbie do it. That would have scarred her for life and that evil bitch of a Baroness knew it too. That was her point, trying to punish Debbie for what I'd done. She didn't even know or she would have tried to stop me. How c
ould she? It wasn't like I started the dinner conversation with a list of the girls I'd raped and killed that day, you know?"
Tor shrugged and wrinkled his brow, then spoke out loud. It got him some worried looks, but he didn't try to explain.
"I should have known though. I should have realized that something was wrong and stopped you sooner. Most of the girls that died here were my fault. If I'd just paid attention..."
The answer came silently, for his ears only.
"Then what? You want to blame yourself for my actions? For not noticing something that you'd never even imagined was possible before? You aren't exactly worldly you know Tor. Not yet. Give yourself enough room to learn. I took pains to not be found out and that you didn't search my mind for clues, well, that's normal isn't it? No one goes around looking in other people's heads for secrets like that. Now, forgive yourself for that. Before I go... Would you make sure to watch out for Debbie? I was an awful person, but she was my sister, I don't want her to suffer because of what I did. Not more than she has to."
"OK." It was a given anyway. Debbie was his friend.
Alphones reached over and patted Tor's shoulder gently, letting his hand linger. It was so huge it easily wrapped over, the huge fingers on his back.
"Alright there Tor? You seem to be talking to yourself. A bit off-putting to tell the truth." There was no smile with the words, even though the tone was friendly.
The voices were all gone then and, Tor noticed, the room didn't smell like rot anymore. Just strange medical things. Not pleasant, but still a thousand times better.
"Oh... just dealing with the ghosts in my head. I wasn't kidding about that earlier. Box was just asking me to look out for his sister. Like I wouldn't. Sorry for being weird. Really though, blame the Ancients for that. They, made me this way."
Everyone just stared more, not speaking as Abby went about taking bits of his hair and flesh, a sample of blood and a swab from the inside of his mouth. Then without even a pleasant word she waved them all out. It was abrupt for her, but Tor thought he understood. She was freaked, and had to be wondering if he was going to start killing people left and right. That or just hitting people more.