by Power, P. S.
"Though so far so good. It may not be a real problem, or I might end up being a different person, but still alive and not bad. As long as I'm not evil, try not to kill me!"
Then he waved, picked up his plate and walked out of the room, wondering if anything he'd said that day made any sense at all. It didn't feel like it, but he still wasn't feeling the dread he should be. He was about to be... consumed by the mind of an Ancient madman that was so bad his own lovers and best friends had killed him. Tor wondered for a minute if his current feelings were being controlled somehow.
That wasn't what was happening though, at least he didn't think so. This was still just a side effect of not being forced to be a slave. That was what had happened to him. His entire life he'd felt guilt over things that most people wouldn't even have noticed. Every harsh word had impacted him as if it were fully deserved. Every dark glance he felt as a slap and each blow he felt as a personal failure. He'd always put other people ahead of himself.
That wasn't a bad thing of course. Good people tried to do that, make sure they did for others first, if they could. The difference was that he hadn't had a choice in the matter. Worse, Burks still didn't.
Of course if they could remove the Ancients Rhetistics it probably wouldn't help him at all. Not after three thousand years of living that way. It felt good enough though that Tor wanted to share it if he could anyway.
It wasn't like anything he could describe. He just felt... Like a real person finally. He could make his own choices and decide what was wrong or right for himself. True, he'd be influenced by the rest of his life, and that was fine, but maybe it would mean more when he did something good now? Before it had always just made sense to give away what he'd made, or hand out gold, because other people needed it. Now it would be a true gift when he did it. If he did. He was free.
It was hard to see, because he hadn't understood that he wasn't before, but it was true. Even if he died in a day or two, or in a month, or year, it was fine, because whatever happened would actually be his decision, not the will of some nameless doctor from before the great cataclysm that had mainly been showing how wonderful his skills were.
Smiling as he did it Tor opened the door to his room slowly, taking care not to tip the plate in his hands. That would mean a cleanup for someone named him, since the staff really was a little light on the ship. He should have hired some more people for it, but the idea just hadn't occurred to him. Next time though. Or he could bring his house staff. Maybe they and their families would like a trip sometime anyway? It wasn't like he needed to hold onto his gold that closely. That part had just been him he realized.
Giving away all that gold, starting businesses with people just so they could have a jump on the future, that made sense for so many reasons. He needed to do a lot more of it in fact. Even the giant parties that the finance minister liked so much. The only difference now was that he could do it because he wanted to, just to be nice and helpful, rather than feeling guilty over not doing it. That would have been hard to explain to any of his friends, how driven by guilt he'd been before, but it was so clear and real to him now.
The room was finally dark, but he could hear her lying on the bed, the light from the moon coming through the window just enough to outline her form. She was actually alone, sleeping like she'd said. It wasn't always a given with her.
Tor found the light plate and activated it with a thought which made it glow brightly from its place on the wall. The nimbus of brightness was as golden as sunlight on a cloudless day. The whole room was suddenly too bright, so it got moved back a level the glow receding enough to not be painful. The food was placed on the table with its single chair and both nice looking but serviceable instead of artistic. Someday he needed to remake the ships design, making it prettier inside and perhaps a bit larger. It wasn't like it had to put in at a dock or anything. Even this one wouldn't fit in most.
"Wake up honey, it's time to eat and then get ready for work."
"Sleep a bit more?" She mumbled it like a petulant kid, but sat up anyway, smiling. Then she yawned and stretched out, the thin white silk outlining her body nicely. Her eyes didn't seem focused yet as he watched her stand, so he crossed the room to make sure she didn't stumble as she walked and realized he hadn't gotten her anything to drink. That got him to roll his eyes and run out, floating back from the kitchen with a cup of juice, because it was faster and smoother that way. He didn't even spill any.
She looked at him with a bite of roast beef in her mouth. It had been really good, marinated in wine or something to make it more tender, then beaten with hammers to show it who was boss. The idea was funny, but oddly enough a memory from Cordes' life interjected itself, explaining how the meat had fibers that could be broken by pounding, making it more delicate. It seemed odd to him that Immortal people would have been given cooking classes like that, but they were all there. Green and the rest.
She ate very properly and let him place the juice alongside her, taking a sip with a raised eyebrow.
"Married and with an important position... and still I have to drink juice? At least it's not apple. Berry at least looks right." The look she gave him was far more grown up, but he laughed anyway, noticing that her face slipped into hurt for just the briefest of moments before returning his smile.
"Of course juice, that or water. No one that drives or pilots anything has alcohol before work. Or during. Um, no sex during either. You have to wait until after. Or, well, it might be safe enough, but I'd make sure you know what you're doing first. I mean as far as ship steering. The other part you should have covered well enough." They all did, except his brother and sister and honestly, Tiera might look young, but in a few months she'd be of age. Tor would have to make sure that his wife knew not to sleep with her. That would be freaky.
"Oh? It's not because I'm still basically a child? I heard your mother say that earlier. I don't think she meant it to hurt me, but it sort of did. She's right of course, but..." Ali had a worried look on her face and her eyes were on the table in front of her.
"But nothing, I'll talk to her about it. I mean, yes, you're young for being married, but you still are, and she needs to either get used to the idea or at least wrap her head around the idea of pretending she's alright with it in public. Saying something like that where you could hear... Of course she still thinks of me and my older brother and sister as kids too, and they're both married and have children, so it might just be a mom thing. Don't worry about it. I know she likes you anyway, even if she does say silly things like that." It was kind of stupid of her to have done that. Really. Feuds and wars could start over less, and had. That and hurt feelings.
He stood up, knowing that his mother was still in the dining room. He'd have to pull her away from the music, but just mentioning that she might want to watch what she said in public at times shouldn't take long. A quick kiss on the cheek for his wife and he turned to leave.
"Just going to have a quick chat with mom, make sure it wasn't anything personal or simply misheard, you know... things like that could happen. She could have been talking about some other girl married to her son that's too young for it or something." He winked at her, trying to be reassuring. It got a pained look in response.
"Sure. Well, don't get into a big fight over me, but thanks for believing me. I didn't know if you would. I mean, I know how much you love your family..."
"I do. And you, my dear, are my family now. Wife trumps mother any day, especially if she's the one saying silly things. She's old enough to know better. I'm almost certain of it. Really though, this sounds exactly like what she'd say, doesn't it? OK, so I don't want to get into a fight over anything on a ship, but just mentioning it and asking a few questions should be fine and what is she going to do if it's not?"
The answer to that, he found about ten minutes later, was yell at him loud enough to make the musicians stop playing and cause everyone in the room to look at them as if she'd lost her mind.
"How dare you tell me
what to think! I'm your mother and you are the child, I tell you what to think, not the other way around. I'm of a mind to tan your hide in front of all these people for saying that. The girl is too young and now that the threat from her father has been removed you should have the marriage annulled, you're both far too young to be married." She didn't throw anything at him, but had picked up a heavy mug with some kind of beverage in it and hefted the thing like she was considering it.
Tor smiled and shook his head.
"That won't work on me anymore. I know you used to come in yelling and pretend to be violent to cow me into doing what you wanted, knowing that I didn't have a choice in the matter, since I'd view it as being my fault, but that isn't working right now. Kind of refreshing. For me at least. So how about a real conversation where you deal with your own problems instead of trying to use your temper as a way out? All I asked was that you try not to insult people to their faces, especially my wife. I know that you like her as a person, so it isn't that, and Tarel got married at seventeen, at your urging, so I don't get where the idea that I'm not old enough is coming from." Then he waited, expecting another outburst to try and assert her dominance over him.
Except that was gone now, wasn't it? All the real stuff at least. His parents didn't have a hold on him now, other than familial ties. He had his own house, life and work. She couldn't kick him out or even threaten too, and if she tried to kick him out of the family he'd get Burks to scold her. They could write a script so the Count didn't give in to her ranting.
As if the thought had summoned the man he walked over, his face blank and smooth, unconcerned. Only that was just the surface, wasn't it? Tor remembered what it had been like and knew the man was probably close to being in a panic internally.
"Is there a problem?" He started to add more, but a shrill line of words ripped through the air from Laurie instead, interrupting him. It went on for almost two minutes before she finally wound down.
"Is that about right Tor?" He asked when that finally happened.
"Just about, as long as we take out some of the negatives there. I really don't think that asking her not to insult my wife counts as being ungrateful, do you? She's been challenged by a male and can't stand it, so has to try and cow me into doing what she wants. This time the answer is no and will remain that way. This isn't about her opinion being as valid as anyone else's, it's about being polite and courteous." Tor turned to look at his mother, still trying to look friendly. He wasn't in the wrong after all, or the one acting like a shrew, plus everyone was busily watching. Some of them looked scared. Those were mainly... Everyone in the room that wasn't an Ancient or his direct family member.
Burks turned to his daughter and smiled too, though it had a strained edge to it.
"That doesn't sound unreasonable dear. Tor is simply asking that you treat your family as if you care about them and not as puppets or playthings. I believe we've talked about this before, it's part of your pattern to do such things, I believe. It can be defeated though, if you keep trying."
That sounded about right, but she felt attacked and tried to berate them both, which finally had Burks wanting to back off. Tor just smiled and nodded at her, a little annoyed, but not even angry yet.
"I've heard your opinion, four times now mother. If you wish to keep going this way, may I invite you out into the hallway, or perhaps on deck where you can rant and rave to your heart's content without disturbing others? I'll warn you now that I'm not changing my mind on this one. Either start treating Ali as she deserves and that includes when speaking to other people, or don't bother talking to me until you do."Then he leaned in and whispered soft enough she had to stop talking to hear him.
"Since we don't know if I'll be around in a month to accept your apology, perhaps you could make your decision rather more quickly than usual this time?" On that note, still feeling decently good about himself, he spun on his heel and left, everyone fallowing with their eyes.
Back in the room Ali was gone, the plate still there, but cleaned of food. Tor rinsed them cup and utensils in the restroom sink, then washed the plate with his fingers. All the water was pure and filtered, but would just be returned to the ocean when it was finished, and a few food scraps wouldn't harm anything, he didn't think. It would mean he didn't need to take it back to the dining room immediately. His mother could take a while to cool down. If she did. Normally that was in hours, not days or weeks, but Tor had never stood up to her at all before and definitely never suggested he could do without her if it came to it. How she was going to respond to that information he didn't know.
Maybe insist that Tor get her home?
Well, he could lend her a carriage if she wanted. He wasn't even angry with her. If she couldn't treat his wife with due respect though, then she was certainly allowed to leave. It was part of a husbands job to do that after all, to protect the well being of his wife form anyone seeking o harm her in any way. It seemed to him that the one that had taught him that had been his mother, come to think of it.
Tor didn't want to bother Ali at work, but he did let curiosity drive him to walk by the pilot house and look through the door where she was watching the wheel and through the big shield glass window in front of her. It was hard to see anything, but there was a enough moonlight to see ships or icebergs by. As long as you were paying attention. He didn't bother her, but waved a little when she turned around. She waved back but returned to her job almost instantly and didn't call out him. Which was just about perfect.
That byplay caused Tor to almost walk into Trice when he turned, his face actually hitting her in the chest.
"See, that's more like it, a little forwardness is refreshing at times." She grinned at him, a look he used to think of as a smirk, but that he could see as a genuine smile now. It was the same expression, it just felt different to him. More warm and friendly and less sneaky. So that had really been about him not being able to see certain emotions the whole time and not her at all? What else had he just been getting wrong about people?
"Tor, can we talk?" Her smile slipped, meaning it might not be something good.
Probably coming to take him to task for fighting with his mother or something. If that was the case then she was in for a surprise, because he'd fight with her too. Or at least correct her gently. There was no need to make more trouble than he had to.
"Sure. Here or do you want to go to my room? I'm not up for much, sex wise, but we can cuddle if you want." He said it in a teasing way, but she nodded.
"That sounds good. Um, here though first, in case... I don't want to blame you for anything, so, this isn't about that. I mean... Um, I kind of put some things together and, well, Denno mentioned something... It kind of scared me." She stopped talking then, collecting her thoughts or trying to come up with a tactful way of asking something, Tor guessed.
"Did... I... almost kill you when that combat rage thing happened. I mean, you said it was from the building you did, but was it mainly me wasn't it? You can tell me the truth, I can take it." She swallowed though, nervously.
Tor didn't know what to say, if he told her the truth and she didn't react well, then it would be his fault. If he lied and she already knew the truth, he'd have to call Brown a liar, which was kind of rude, especially if he was being honest with her. Tor decided that the truth would have to do, but that he could at least give her the whole of it and what he suspected was possible. OK, it was probably a bit outlandish really, but it was something he'd mentioned earlier.
"Yes. I think so at least. I didn't mention it before, since you were kind of worked up back then, but I don't know how I made it through three days of combat rage alive. I'm starting to wonder if it was all a set up though, something orchestrated to do exactly that. I mean, not you leading Maria Ward to my room like that, which started it, but the actual fact that you set off combat rages as your own rage ability. That was probably specifically built into your family. You were probably driven toward me in particular, if that idea is right, but maybe
not. I don't know enough to do more than put out random guesses right now. For all I know it was just a random thing all around. Just thinking out loud here. It doesn't really matter... I thought that someone was trying to kill me, but maybe they were only trying to get Cordes going in my head?" Something occurred to him then that simply hadn't before.
"Or... one of the ancients could have been trying to kill off Cordes. If they knew about it I mean. If that's the case it could be anyone. Even Burks, though I doubt that. Lyn or Denno.... that could be very possible. Lyn used to be his girlfriend. Maybe even his wife, if you can believe it. I didn't ask, but a bit of that is coming through the memories as they build in my head. Or uncover. I'm not exactly certain how it all works. I think it may be possible that this has been in my all along and is not just becoming something I can notice."
Trice just stood still for a few seconds, her face bleak and sad. It turned hard after a bit, her jaw setting as she brushed her two tone hair, blond fuzz on the outside and straighter deep brown at the base, out of her eyes. A soft breeze played over them carrying the scent of the sea. It was both strange to Tor and relaxing at the same time.
"So... my nearly getting you killed is maybe going to do it again? I'm a curse for you aren't I? Everything bad that happens to you has me right there, involved in it. It's like I just attract horrible things to you." She didn't tear up or anything, which was good, since that could start her crying.