“You were persuasive enough in speaking up for a rescue attempt,” Amir said.
Chen waved his hands helplessly. “That was different. The only thing I want is just to go on with what I’m doing. I don’t ask for anything more.”
“He doesn’t understand,” Betha said quickly. “I’ll consult with Chen. I’m sure he’ll change his mind. He won’t refuse your offer.” Her pale eyes were wide with worry; the Linker, Chen realized, might begin to doubt how effective a Counselor Betha was if she did not succeed in bringing him around. Iris was frowning; even she seemed annoyed at his response. Once, she might have understood why he felt the way he did.
“I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful,” Chen muttered, hating the weak sound of his own voice.
“Well.” Amir rose from his cushion in one fluid motion. “I imagine both of you want to speak to your Counselors now. I’ll call on you in a day or two, if that’s agreeable. I trust that you’ll consider any decision carefully.” He left the room before anyone could say a farewell.
“I’m glad Betha finally talked some sense into you,” Iris said when they were back in her room. “I couldn’t believe that you’d want to refuse such an opportunity.”
“I still don’t want it,” Chen replied. “I don’t like the Committee.”
“What are you talking about? You don’t have to like them, you just have to work with them. Do you like everybody at the Bat docks?”
“That isn’t the same.”
Iris let out her breath. “You’ll be in a position to help some of your friends. Do you want to be just another worker forever?”
He sat down on her bed. “You didn’t mind that once,” he said quietly. “Now that you have a Link within your grasp, you must think a worker isn’t a suitable bondmate for you.”
“Oh, Chen. I’m thinking of what’s best for you. You’ll be more valuable to the Project now. You’ll be able to get more of what you want for yourself.”
Something in her voice made him think of Nancy Fassi. He leaned over and pulled out his bag from under the bed; his carving tools were already inside it. He stood up, opened a drawer from the wall, and began to pack his few clothes.
She said, “So you really are leaving.”
“I said I would.” He pulled out a shirt and then waited, wondering if she might still ask him to stay.
“Guess there’s no point in putting it off,” she said. She was sitting in one corner, next to the tiny desk top that held her band and small screen. Her shoulders slumped; a thick lock of brown hair hid her eyes. “You ought to check in over there before they decide to give your room to someone else.” She was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry, Chen.”
“Don’t be sorry. It doesn’t do any good.”
“I thought at least you’d be happy for me. I never dreamed I’d have this chance.”
“I’m happy for you, Iris.” He closed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “Well. What are you going to do now?”
She lifted her head. “I ought to check in with Marc.” Her lips formed a half-smile. “He’s going to be surprised, I think. And I’d better arrange a meeting with Amir Azad as soon as possible. He’ll have to fill me in on exactly what he expects me to do.” She patted her hair, as if already preening herself for the Linker.
“He’s attractive.”
“So he is,” she said.
“Probably knows it too. Probably knows you know it.”
She sighed. “He can help me. That’s all I care about. I can be of more use here. I can’t be distracted by idle feelings.”
“I see.” He rested his arm on his bag. “I promised Benzi I’d speak to him after the meeting with the Counselors. He’ll be worrying about what they told us.” He turned toward the door.
“Wait,” she said. He looked back; she was standing. “I hadn’t even thought — of course Benzi should be the first to hear the news. I’ll come with you. We should tell him together.”
Together, he thought bitterly as he opened the door.
Benzi was sitting on the lawn outside the entrance to the pilots’ building. An auburn-haired woman was with him; as Chen came nearer, he noticed the cluster of circles on the woman’s gray collar. As Benzi looked up at Chen and Iris, the Habber quickly got to her feet, nodded at them all, and hurried away.
“You shouldn’t associate with those people,” Iris said as she sat down.
“Another pilot and I are supposed to take her and some others to Island Four tomorrow. They have to consult with some engineers. I was only working out —”
“That doesn’t mean you have to sit out here with her in full view of anyone who walks by.”
“Ah, Mother.” Benzi rested one arm against his knee. “You’re back to normal, I see.”
“I’m giving you good advice.”
“So you are.”
Chen sat down next to Iris. His bondmate and son’s brush with death had hardened them both somehow; he had been a fool to think that they might grow closer again. Something in each of them had died on the surface of Venus, had been swallowed by the barren, harsh world outside their ship. He could almost imagine how it might have been for them as they waited for a rescue they were sure would never come; only the strength of their wills could have allowed them to hold out. Now, there was nothing left except that willfulness.
Benzi glanced at Chen’s bag as Chen set it on the grass. “Just my things,” Chen said quickly. “I have to take them back to my room.”
“I see,” his son said, looking disappointed for a moment. “What happened? What did they tell you?”
Iris brightened a little; her eyes were glowing again. “I have wonderful news. You won’t believe it.” She told him quickly about the meeting with the Counselors and Amir Azad; she was grinning broadly and combing back her hair with her fingers as she mentioned the possibility of becoming a Linker. Benzi’s face tensed as she spoke; a look of pain crossed his face for an instant, startling Chen. What was wrong? Was his son also fearful of what Iris’s new position might do to her?
“I was stunned,” Iris finished. “A chance for a Link, and Chen on the Workers’ Committee.”
“I suppose that means Michael will have good news, too,” Benzi said tonelessly, “maybe a bonus.”
Iris frowned. “You could look happier about all this.”
“I’m just surprised,” Benzi responded. “I’m happy for you, but —” He paused. “Don’t you see? You’ve shared the doubts others have about how this Project is going. Now, they’re dangling a Link in front of you, and you’re running after it. Pretty soon, you’ll forget that you ever had any doubts.”
“That’s ridiculous. I’d be mad to turn it down. All these years, I did my best and didn’t care if anyone else praised my work. It was enough just to be here and know that my work was of some small value. Now, I see that there’s more I can do. To be a Linker —”
Benzi leaned forward. “If you were on one of the Habitats, a Link would be your right, not just a privilege for a few.”
“Is this what comes of your talking to such people? I don’t care what happens on Habs. It’s mad to expect everyone to be able to use a Link.”
“Some are better at Linking than others,” Benzi said, “but all of them have a chance. Their Habs are —”
“You don’t know what they are. You only see such folk here, where they can tell you whatever they like and hide whatever problems they have.”
“They would share everything, all their knowledge, with us if we asked,” Benzi replied. “Look at what they’ve done here, or for Earth. We could have drawn closer to the Habbers and benefited more from them, but then the Linkers and Mukhtars would have lost the power they now have.”
Two pilots in blue were watching them from the entrance; Chen motioned to his son with his hands. “Please,” he said. “Lower your voice when you say such things. Benzi, you should be more careful. Too much time spent with Habbers may bring you bad luck. You’ve forgotten what happened to me.”<
br />
Benzi did not seem to be listening. “There’s a rumor,” he said, “a story that the Habber biologists may be close to finding or eliminating the mechanism that brings death. If they do, think of what that would mean.” He lowered his eyes. “Earth would refuse such a gift even if the Habbers offered it. Linkers would rather have a century and a half with power than an indefinite lifespan without it.”
“And what would we be then?” Iris asked. “I’ve heard those stories, I’ve even heard that Habbers have known how to evade death for some time, but I don’t believe it. If it were true, they wouldn’t expose themselves to danger here, they’d be too afraid of death. And how many could live such a long life without growing weary of it?”
Benzi’s mouth twisted. “Once, that was said of the lifespans we have now. Your arguments aren’t as good as they usually are, Iris. First, you say that people with indefinitely long lives wouldn’t risk death, and then you claim they’d be bored with their lives.”
Chen glanced from his bondmate to his son. Benzi had Chen’s features and coloring, but the stubborn expression on his face was Iris’s.
“I don’t know what’s the matter with you,” Iris said. Her voice had dropped nearly to a whisper. “I came here to tell you good news, and you speak of Habbers. You’d better regain some sense. You think too much about Habs.”
“Do you hate Habbers so much?”
“I don’t hate them at all, but I keep my distance from them, as you should. I’ve been given a great opportunity. I could be helpful to you now, but —” Iris glared at Benzi. “I won’t have the Administrators distrusting me because of my son’s foolishness.”
Benzi reached out and clutched her wrist. “Does this mean so much to you?”
“You must see that it does.”
“Iris, I have something very important to ask you. Think carefully before you speak.” Benzi’s face was taut; his throat moved as he swallowed. Chen watched helplessly, frightened by the intensity of his son’s gaze. “Would you give it up? If you were offered a chance for something better, would you give it up?”
Iris shook off his hand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What could be better?”
“Mother, just once, will you look at me and really hear what I’m asking you?”
“Why can’t you see what I’m saying? I can help you now much more than I could before. If you were still in school, I might be able to get you the best training possible. I could help you rise to a position where you could have some real influence on our work. I know I haven’t done as much for you before as I might have, but now I’ll finally be in a position where I can make that up to you, and you’re saying it doesn’t matter.”
Benzi seemed to withdraw into his own thoughts. Chen saw that his son was struggling with himself, and longed to comfort him; at the same time, he felt Iris’s pain.
“I’ve been thinking,” Benzi said at last. “I’ve had a lot of time to think, here and when we were trapped below. What you’ve told me today may make what I’m going to tell you easier to say. You have a new life now, but it’s not one I can share — I have my own. What I’m trying to say is that I think it’s time I severed my formal bond with you as a son. I’m old enough now to take such a step. It would free you of any obligation to me, and nothing I do could affect you then.”
Chen could not believe that he was hearing those words. Iris was very pale; a tiny vein throbbed at her temple. “You can’t mean that,” Iris said softly.
“Other children have severed bonds with their parents.”
“For cause,” Chen managed to say. “Have we been such evil parents to you?”
“And how do you think that’s going to look?” Iris said angrily.
“No one will blame you,” Benzi replied. “We were never like many of the families here. I wasn’t with you for most of my earlier years, and we were never as close as we might have been. People will understand, and think we did well to maintain our formal tie for as long as we did. This will be best for all of us.”
“Do you think that bond matters?” Iris’s hands were fists. “Do you think I won’t still be your mother when it’s severed? Do you think you won’t still be part of my line?” She pressed a fist against her mouth for a moment. “How much pain will you cause me?”
“I was a way for you to reach for what you wanted. You have that now, and I was always a disappointment to you. You can go on without a bond with me, and there can be others in your line. When you’re a Linker, you’ll surely be given a chance for another child.”
“Another child.” Iris’s voice shook. “Don’t speak to me of other children. You didn’t have to speak of severing our bond — I could have gone my way while you went along yours without that. But you have to hurt me as much as you can. You have to show me that everything I’ve done means nothing to you.” She stood up. “Very well. You’re no longer my son. I won’t speak to you again.”
She hobbled away along the path, moving as an old woman might.
Chen was about to follow her when he saw Benzi cover his eyes. “I didn’t think you had such cruelty inside you,” Chen said.
Benzi looked up. “Please believe me when I say I was being kind.”
“That wasn’t a kind thing you did.”
“You’ll understand, Chen. I can’t say any more. I’ve said too much already. It’s better for Iris this way. It’ll be better for you too.”
“You’re my son, without a bond or with one. You can live on Venus someday. Nothing else matters.”
“That still means so much to you?”
“That, and Iris.”
Benzi gestured at Chen’s bag. “How can you still hope?”
“Do you think I weep for her like a baby? I can’t force her to feel more for me. Sometimes, with another woman, I can forget for a time, but I think this way.” Chen tapped his skull with one finger. “I’m here. I have a bond with her still. She may come to want me with her again, and I’ll be here. If she doesn’t, I’ll have done all I could and have nothing to regret.” Chen was silent for a bit. I’ve done evil deeds to get here, he thought. I brought death and discord to Iris’s household. We both have what we wanted back then.
“I’m sorry, Father.”
Chen said, “So you’ll do this thing, break your bond.”
“Yes.”
“Iris and I are bondmates. If you break the bond with her, you break it with me as well.”
“I know.”
“You’ve wounded us, son.”
“You have other things to think of now. You both have new positions.”
Chen shook his head. “I didn’t want mine. I must make the best of it.”
“Better that the workers have you to speak for them.” Benzi clutched Chen’s shoulder for a moment. “I wish I could have been the son you wanted.”
“You must be what you are.” Chen looked up as Benzi rose. “Come to Iris’s room with me tonight, and take back the words you said.”
“I can’t. It’s too late. You mustn’t think about me now. Farewell, Chen.”
Benzi had promised himself that he would not look back, but as he reached the entrance to his residence, he turned.
Chen was walking away along the path. Had his father’s eyes met his at that moment, Benzi might have hurried after him, but Chen did not turn around. It was just as well. To plead for forgiveness from his parents now, to go to them and soothe their hurt, would only cause them more pain later, when they at last understood his dream.
You taught me to dream, Benzi thought. You stood on Earth and looked toward this place and dreamed of your own escape. You planted your seed in me. Couldn’t you see that I might in turn stand here and gaze elsewhere? That had been his parents’ lesson to him — that a dream was worth any price one had to pay.
He gazed up at the dome above and envisioned the ships that might one day move toward distant stars.
Iris forced herself to concentrate. She was again losing track of what Amir was sayi
ng to her. She would hardly be a good liaison if she let her mind wander.
On the other hand, when Amir learned that Benzi intended to sever his bond with her, he might have second thoughts about this appointment. A woman with a son who had turned from her might not seem a suitable assistant.
Amir took her arm as they walked along the path; the light above was beginning to fade. His touch unnerved her a little, and she kept her eyes averted from his face as he spoke. His smile had been a little too warm when he greeted her in front of her residence; she had quickly suggested this stroll rather than a meeting in her room, saying that she wanted the exercise. She admitted to herself that she had been afraid of being alone with the Linker.
Since coming to the Islands, she had been cautious about choosing her bed partners. Too many people here did not understand Plains ways, and she had learned to be discreet. Harmless dalliances were tolerated, and she had taken no members of her team as lovers, feeling that this might only complicate their working relationship. Making that decision had been easy, for she had felt no strong desire for any of the men with whom she worked.
Amir was different; she had known that almost as soon as she met him. Part of his attraction had to be that he was a Linker and an Administrator, but his dark, intense eyes had also told her that he was a man who could feel love strongly. She was afraid of that, but even her fear seemed to fuel her desire.
Amir was simply being polite, she told herself; he would be relying on her, and wanted her good will, no more. She was foolish to expect anything else.
“The most important thing for you,” he was saying, “is to let the Institute people, both new arrivals and those already here, know that they can trust you, that their complaints won’t be ignored or dismissed as insignificant, that the days of treating them as the Project’s stepchildren are past. But I’m also hoping you can anticipate any complaints before they become problems. Perhaps we need to arrange more meetings between new arrivals from the Institute and Administrators.”
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