The look on her face was fresh in his mind, as if it had happened just yesterday. Well, it actually had, but still.
Angrier than he had ever seen her before. In fact, he realized, he had never even seen her angry before.
‘What,’ she had finally broken the silence, saying through clenched teeth, ‘the hell do you think you are playing at, Sid?’
He swallowed and said, ‘Look, Neha, it was just a joke, I was…’
Shiv, watching curiously, alternately gazing at Neha and Sid, ventured, ‘Didi…’
‘Give us a minute, Shiv.’
‘I’ll be out on the balcony.’ Shiv was off like a shot.
Now they were alone. Sid blurted out, ‘Listen, I didn’t know he was your cousin, otherwise…’
‘Otherwise, what?’ Neha cried. ‘Even if he wasn’t my cousin, you can’t barge in here and randomly start saying stupid things about me! Are you nuts?’
‘No … Not as such,’ Sid murmured, and then added, louder, ‘Look, I’ll explain it to him…’
‘You explain it to me first. What’s wrong with you?’
Sid kept quiet. What could he possibly say? That he had been driven crazy with insecurity and jealousy? That he had been afraid of being ousted from her affections by some old boyfriend? No way. His ego would never allow it.
‘I don’t know why.’ His tone was sullen. ‘It was just a joke. I thought he looked a bit uptight and I wanted to get him to loosen up. I was just pushing his buttons a bit, that’s all.’
‘That’s not good enough, Sid. No one does that. What are you not telling me?’
Somehow he couldn’t bring himself to apologize. So he decided to employ the Mandira tactic: go on the offensive.
‘What am I not telling you? I’m telling you nothing because you know you’ve barely replied to my messages all of this week.’
‘Sid,’ Neha hissed, ‘I just told you … Kippy has been sick this week with food poisoning. I haven’t had time to even think. Surely, you can understand that?’
‘I do, I get that, but I’ve had important things going on too – the trip I was messaging you about and I wanted to tell you that Mandira’s moved out, and…’
‘But that’s your agenda. And I’ve been busy with mine. We need to respect that and give each other some space.’
‘Space!’ Sid scoffed. He didn’t know what made him say the next words. ‘Oh I understand. I guess my time is up. Perhaps you want to move on and find the next “interesting person”, the next specimen. I know you collect us. Kind of like insects.’
The blood drained from Neha’s face. Sid could almost see her anger change from hot to cold fury.
When she spoke again, it was in a very quiet voice. ‘This was stupid – stupid from the start. There’s no way you were ready for any form of relationship. All you do is use people to feel better about yourself. How silly of me to think that you would grow up enough to actually bother about someone else.’
Sid couldn’t muster up the courage to say another word. He heard everything she said, but didn’t quite register it. His ears were still ringing from the horrible things he had said to her. What was wrong with him?
‘The funny part is,’ she went on, ‘I was telling Aditi and Shiv barely an hour back that I’ve decided to let Kapil see Kippy. And that was because of you … because you’ve got no bitterness about your marriage even though it’s over.’ Her short laugh had no humour in it whatsoever. ‘Hilarious, no? Trying to follow your example when it comes to relationships.’
Sid opened his mouth, but she had a faraway look in her eyes, and was talking more to herself than him. He saw the tears she stubbornly held back glistening in her eyes. Her tone was almost dead. ‘You never even bothered to ask Kippy’s real name. I should have known right then. That showed how much you care.’
Sid froze. That killed it, right there. He couldn’t possibly say anything to that.
Without a word he turned and headed towards the door and let himself out. He shut it quietly behind him, painfully aware that Neha hadn’t moved an inch to stop him. Why would she, though?
It was only when he was standing alone in the hallway that he muttered softly to himself, ‘Kalpana Cauvery Mehra.’
An unusual name. Sid had seen it on Kippy’s day-care diary the very first time that he visited Neha at home. He remembered noting that she had kept the Coorg connection in the middle name and still allowed the father’s Punju last name. How did it matter now? He turned and walked towards the elevator.
Sid had been about to turn the key to open the car door when it occurred to him what Neha had said: ‘I told Aditi and Shiv just an hour back…’
He sighed. Then he turned and walked with renewed purpose towards Aditi’s building. With every step, his already black mood became blacker and he was almost trembling with anger by the time he reached Aditi’s door.
She answered the doorbell and her smile froze on her face at his dark expression.
‘What’s wrong, Sid?’
‘Don’t you “what’s wrong, Sid” me,’ he snapped.
If she was taken aback, she managed to conceal it well. ‘Arrey? What is it? Will you come in?’
‘No.’ He had to fight hard to keep his voice under control. ‘I just want a minute with you, out here in the hall.’
Aditi stared at him for a moment and then came out, gingerly closing the door behind her.
‘You knew,’ he hissed.
‘Knew what?’ Her tone was defensive and Sid knew her well enough to sense the under-current of guilt.
‘That he was her cousin – you had just met him. But you didn’t tell me that. You wanted me to go and make an ass of myself.’
Aditi protested, ‘Hey! You lied too! You acted like it was an evening planned for the three of you. I was just…’
‘… just trying to sabotage Neha and me,’ he finished for her.
‘What nonsense, you…’
‘Shut up, Aditi.’
She was stunned. He had never spoken to her in that tone before.
‘First,’ he said through clenched teeth, ‘you drove us all nuts trying to get Neha and me together. And then, the minute we started getting close, you had a problem with it. Why, Aditi? Do you have a problem with anyone else actually being happy? Oh yes … how else would you then get to play Miss Problem Solver and Oh-so-Caring Friend? Right?’
Aditi gasped. Sid felt his ears getting even hotter. He knew he should walk away now, but he had to have it out with her. This time she had gone too far.
‘It’s always been the same, right, Adu? Right from the start. You were always so worried and sorry for me because things weren’t good for me with Mandira. But it made you feel so good about Krish and you, right? You could sit there on your pedestal and look down with pity at me. It infuriated you initially because I didn’t let on how bad it really was, not because you cared…’ He paused but then decided to go ahead and say it, ‘Because you wanted to know for certain, you wanted me to admit that I was miserable. Well, I was miserable. I’m miserable now, too. And I hope that makes you happy.’
Sid wasn’t sure if he was deliberately hurting her because of his fight with Neha and the unpalatable things Neha had said to him. But it felt right. Aditi deserved to know what he truly thought, so he might as well finish this and be done with it.
‘You had your chance, Aditi.’ His voice was softer now. ‘Years ago. You knew it, but it wasn’t good enough for you. You waited, and then you chose Krish. That’s fine, it’s always been fine. But to keep me around … keep me close, getting pleasure from the fact that I could never be happy? That was low.’
At these words, Aditi slowly turned away from him. She stepped into her house and shut the door behind her.
Sid stared after her for a few seconds and then turned and walked away.
But today was a new day, Sid comforted himself brightly as he peered at the bhindi in the shop. It was all good, GOOD. He acted as if he knew which of the bhindi were good, ra
ndomly selecting a few to toss into the basket.
Hah! Only a day later and he could feel himself getting over it already. Neha and he obviously were never meant to be. That was fine. Sid wasn’t going to ruminate over it. Ruminating was what women did. Not him.
And today, for the first time ever, he would cook himself a desi meal. A simple yet healthy treat. What would he cook? Oh damn! Perhaps he should have looked up some recipes online so that he would know what to buy. But never mind. He would get a little bit of everything. Sid proceeded to cheerfully pile into his basket copious quantities of all the vegetables he could set his eyes on. There was aaloo, gobi, tamatar, shimla-mirch, lauki … what was this? No, he didn’t want karela. And this was what tori looked like? Cool. Off into the basket with you … and you … and you, he told each of the vegetables. Then he marched over and stood behind a fat lady, patiently waiting his turn to be billed. Life was too busy to think, especially to think about hurtful things like how all his so-called best friends had turned out to be backstabbers.
The fat lady finally waddled away with her purchase and Sid stepped up to the counter, putting his basket on it.
So much drama women caused, he thought, as he put his basket on the counter. Hanging out with women was just not worth it. Best friends, girlfriends, wives – all horrible, crazy people. Yes, he was so much better off like this. Alone.
The shopkeeper billed all his vegetables, expertly bunging them into a large plastic bag. He produced a bill of three hundred and thirty-six rupees and Sid took out a five-hundred-rupee note. It felt so good to be independent, to be doing these things by yourself. So much pleasure in these little domestic acts. Sid decided to buy vegetables everyday irrespective of whether or not he needed them. He gave the shopkeeper a friendly grin that seemed to startle the fellow. The man recovered quickly enough and accepted Sid’s money. He then counted out and handed back a hundred-rupee note, six tenners and … Sid did a double take. A wooden ice-cream spoon? He looked up questioningly at the fellow.
‘Yeh…?’
‘Yeh four rupees hai.’
‘Nahin.’ Sid was very clear on this point, having examined the item in his hand closely by now. ‘Yeh ice-cream spoon hai.’
The man looked helplessly at Sid and opened his mouth, but Sid had noted by then that the ice-cream spoon had ‘Rs 4’ inscribed on it in blue ink.
‘Oh.’ Sid brightened up suddenly. ‘Yeh coupon ki tarah hai phir? Agli baar main yeh aapko doonga, toh aap chaar rupaiye bill se kum karenge? Yeh achha system hai! Change ki badi samasya hai na aaj kal?’
The fellow nodded dumbly. He seemed glad that Sid understood, but also faintly embarrassed and a bit worried by Sid’s overjoyed reaction. Apparently, his other customers had never really appreciated his ‘currency system’ in such an overt manner.
Sid beamed at him in what looked to the fellow a crazed manner. He was so tickled that he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and taking the fellow’s hand and pumping it up and down vigorously.
‘Aap jaise log hai jo…’ He began with enthusiasm and then figured he couldn’t possibly translate what he wanted to say next into Hindi. He decided his admiration was worth expressing anyway, so he continued to pump the hapless fellow’s hand up and down as he finished, ‘…come up with the most entrepreneurial solutions to everyday problems in our desh! Wah!’
Sid finally let go of the man’s hand, picked up his packet of vegetables and went off with a cheery, parting grin and a wave.
The shopkeeper stared after him with his mouth slightly open. Then he shrugged and murmured under his breath in a bemused manner, ‘Pata nahin kya bak-bak kar raha tha. Gadha!’
Sid arranged all the vegetables neatly on the kitchen counter. He had washed all of them carefully. Now. What did he feel like cooking?
He went over to fetch his laptop. He placed it on the counter and quickly connected to the Internet. Manjula’s Kitchen, the ex-wife had often used that. Aha, lovely. Today, Sid decided he was going to learn how to make Hyderabadi Baingan. That sounded great. He looked at all the vegetables. Yes, he realized with glee, he had all the required ingredients. The recipe looked quite simple. What was all that fuss Mandira was always making about cooking? It was just about following instructions to the T.
He read the recipe thrice to make sure he could handle every step. Great. Time to start. Wait. Mood music. Sid found the U2 folder on the laptop and nodded his head happily to the opening strains of ‘Even better than the real thing’. Yeah, now, this was living.
Okay, step number one: make slits at the top of all the baingans. Cool, cool. For this, he needed a knife. He went and opened what he thought was the cutlery cupboard. It was empty. Hmmm. Sid tried the one next to it. Nothing in here either. What was going on? He checked the next, and next, and next. Why were all these shelves empty?
He suddenly realized what that vicious ex-wife of his had done. Packed up all the cutlery and taken it with her. Just because they had agreed that whatever each person had individually bought over the years would be their property. It was plain vindictive of her. She expected him to buy all the kitchenware himself, even though there had been plenty of extras – and she hadn’t even bothered to tell him. So much for his cooking plans. Sid laughed more bitterly than he had ever before and it rang hollow in his own ears.
She had taken it all. She had left him nothing.
Women were soul-sucking creatures wreaking havoc and dismay wherever they went. In his next life, he was going to be one. That way, maybe he would get his revenge.
9
Sid and Brownie: The Sequel
‘Hey-lloooo?’
Sid answered the phone with a slow, sing-song lilt. He liked it and decided this would be his new ‘hello’. His new Hello-Tune, you might say. Heh heh.
‘So, you finally decided to pick up the phone.’ Aditi’s voice came floating over the phone. She sounded more worried than mad. ‘It’s been two weeks, Sid.’
‘Has it?’ said Sid. He felt rather dazed. What time was it? For that matter, what day? He looked around blankly and murmured, ‘I guess it has.’
Her voice was quieter now. ‘Well, I’m glad you at least picked up the phone today. Happy birthday.’
‘Whose?’
‘Very funny.’ Aditi sighed, sounding exasperated. ‘Can you ever be serious?’
Sid said wonderingly, ‘I’m … thirty-seven?’ He struggled to figure out the date and realized Aditi might just be correct. He exulted, ‘And I’m alive!’
‘Okay now, you’re acting stranger than usual,’ Aditi said. She hesitated for just a moment. ‘I thought we could have a conversation … and make up.’
‘Sure,’ said Sid agreeably.
There was a moment of silence on the phone and then she said, ‘Look, I know things got a little complex with … what happened … and I know you blame me. But the things that you said the other day.’ Her voice broke and she hurried on, ‘Is that what you really think? That I wanted to see you unhappy?’
He shook his head vigorously to deny this as well as to clear the cobwebs in his mind. The specific context was a little hazy, but he knew he owed her an apology.
He said, ‘You bet I don’t think that! I was just mad then and it was wrong on my part to say such a thing!’ He added lovingly, ‘You’re my beeeest friend, Adu. Even better than Vikas … and you didn’t sleep with Mandira.’ He became a little confused and thought it best to clarify. ‘Did you?’
Another pause. Aditi sounded suspicious when she spoke next. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? And why do you sound so cheerful?’
‘Oh but I am, I am. After all, it just became my burday! What’s there to not to be cheerful about? I mean, what’s there to be not cheer … I mean…’
‘I get it, I get it,’ Aditi hurriedly cut in. ‘Where are you?’
‘Home, can’t you see?’ Sid swung his hand around in a wide arc to indicate his drawing room. He was holding a lit cigarette in his hand and a little ash dropped ont
o the carpet. ‘Shit,’ he muttered to himself.
After another moment’s silence, Aditi said, ‘Sid, it’s two in the afternoon on a weekday. Are you seriously drunk?’
Sid made several scoffing noises and this caused him to have a minor coughing fit. He took another swig of beer to soothe his throat before answering, ‘Of course not. This is only my fifth beer.’ Since noon, he admitted to himself silently. Aditi probably thought he wasn’t keeping count, silly woman.
‘Sid, now I’m really worried. Two weeks and you haven’t taken calls and now you’re drunk, alone at home. On your birthday! Are you okay?’
‘I’m good, GOOD,’ Sid assured her. He took another swig of beer and swallowed. ‘No problem at all.’
‘Sid…’
‘Arrey, I’m fine!’ Sid burst out. He found himself getting agitated. ‘When are you going to understand how bloody fine I am? I can take a bloody day off! It’s my bloody birthday, remember?’
‘Okay, okay, calm down, I was just…’
‘I am happier than I can remember being EVER! I’ve got the entire place to myself after years. I’m the King of the Castle. Ha ha!’ Sid looked around his drawing room fondly and this put him in a better mood. He slurred, ‘You remember, Adu? How she used to say I had no taste in furniture? Well, I’ve got loads of ideas about how exactly I want my bachelor pad to be, and I’m just going to go ahead with all of them!’
He ran out of words and took another drag of his cigarette. He cackled in what must have seemed to her a rather irrelevant manner, but he was just feeling pleased with how he could finally smoke in his own home without inhibition.
Aditi’s next words forced him out of his reverie. ‘So is that what you’ve been doing? Redecorating the place? That’s what you’ve been busy with?’
‘Well, not exactly,’ admitted Sid. ‘But I’ve been planning it all out. It’s all mapped out right here.’ He tapped his forehead meaningfully.
‘Wow, you’re really out,’ muttered Aditi, and then added in a determined tone, ‘I’m coming over now.’
Sorting Out Sid Page 24