by Jenni Regan
'So, you haven't really told me what went on at the police station,’ Rachel said. ‘You mentioned on the phone they had found another set of remains. Jesus, what the hell happened in that house?'
Tom couldn't look at her. 'Alice is insistent that she has no idea about this new set of bones. She was very honest about Mum's body; she says Mum died of natural causes and she panicked so she moved the body down to the chest freezer.'
'Oh gosh, I remember that chest freezer, always full to the brim of specials from Iceland. I used to sneak down there to see if there was any ice cream hidden below the onion rings and oven chips.'
'I don't think now is the time to get all nostalgic, especially considering that this was where they found her rotten and putrid remains.'
Rachel went white, and Tom was worried she was going to be sick. He knew it was mean to spring that on her, but he was also sick of shouldering the burden alone. This was as much her mess as his, and she should have to deal with it too.
'My god, what did Alice do to her? And why?'
'I don't know exactly, but it seems like she didn't really know what to do when Mum died, and so when she started stinking out the house, Alice moved her down to the basement to store the body. That would have been fine apart from the fact that the house lost its power a couple of months ago so poor old mum started to rot. Oh, and Alice keeps mentioning some kind of war, which is what she blamed for the lack of electricity. I hate to say it, Rach, but she is pretty crazy. Some of the stuff she was coming out with was insane. I am really annoyed I didn't notice what was wrong before.'
'But why didn't she call the doctor or the police or something?'
'She claims she hasn't left the house for years. I mean, there was me, oh, and the rest of her social media world, thinking she was living the life of Riley, flying round the world and living in her own swanky flat when actually it was all just a fantasy.'
‘The Alice that came out of the house was definitely not the Alice she portrayed online. I had no idea she was so big and awkward. She is almost like a child rather than a sophisticated young woman.’
Tom stared at her. ‘I think Alice’s BMI is the least of our concerns at the moment.’
‘I don’t mean that. I mean it was such a shock to see how different her real life was to the one we had been reading about.’
Tom softened. ‘I know, and she even said in there that she literally had no one she felt she could tell. I always thought I was being a great uncle by liking her Facebook posts and sending her money, but really, I abandoned her as much as everyone else did.’
'That is so sad. My poor little girl. There must have been some terrible reason she was locked away all alone for so long.'
'Actually, there is more.' Tom stopped and took a big sip of his drink. 'Alice disclosed to us that, after she was taken into care, she was abused.'
'By one of the foster families?' Rachel looked horrified but also relieved.
'Yes, by one of the other children in care, but then the abuse continued when she was returned to Mum and Dad's house.'
'You mean he hurt her?'
'Yes, it looks that way, sadly.'
The change in Rachel was immediate. Gone was the weeping mother. She was furious and immediately grabbed the wine from the table.
'You mean that bitch, after knowing what that man did to me, allowed exactly the same thing to happen to her beloved granddaughter? What kind of a fucked-up woman allows that to happen?'
Rachel was standing by now, and Tom could see people looking at her.
'If she was alive right now, I would tear her apart myself. All those fucking social workers telling me they knew what was best for my baby, and actually all they did was put her in far more danger than she was when I looked after her. OK, I wasn't the world's best mother, but at least she was loved. And god forbid, if anyone would have tried to hurt her, I would have killed them.'
'Rach, I know you are upset, but you need to calm down. We don't want to draw any more attention to ourselves. We are already the freaks from the house of horror.'
'So, who the hell is the other body in that house then?'
‘They have no idea. I guess things will be moved through pretty quickly.’
‘Poor Alice, it must have been a shock to her to hear this news. She seemed so calm when she talked about Mum. I guess she had a few weeks to digest what happened. Having no one else judging her actions, she must have felt as though it was a plausible option.’
'They have told me we are all “people of interest” considering the fact we all lived in that house, but I have every faith in science. They should be able to identify both remains from dental records and date them. Hopefully they should be able to ascertain that Mum died from natural causes also. If you had seen Alice in that room, you would have seen that she is one messed-up girl. She needs a lot of help and support. There is no way they will charge her with anything, even if the forensics are unclear. We need to be there for her now. We need to ride out this storm and make sure that she is kept safe.'
Rachel
Rachel managed to stop at one glass, although she longed for oblivion. She knew she had to be the grown-up here, the mother to an adult who still bore all the hallmarks of a teenager. She knew she shouldn’t be drinking at all with a child inside her, but she had no idea how to deal with what she was feeling. It was very hard to think about bringing another child into the world when the one she had was upstairs falling apart.
She was feeling completely wrung out and had passed through almost every stage of grief in the space of a few hours—well, at least denial, anger, and depression. The acceptance was still a long way off. She no longer knew what she was actually grieving for, her dead mother whose mangled body lay in a morgue or her poor daughter who she now knew had suffered more in her short lifetime than most people ever deal with.
Rachel hadn't allowed herself to get really drunk for years. She had lost so much of her life being completely out of it that her drinking had become a very controlled affair. It involved a carefully measured calculation of units combined with a longing that never went away. As a respectable mum of two (well, three), her past had been kept hidden away as she sipped her one or two glasses of wine.
She found it hilarious how so many of the mums groups on Facebook posted funny little memes about wine and gin fuelling motherhood. All those funny little chats about 'Wine O'Clock'. For all she knew, those mums were lying in a pool of their own vomit by ten o’clock every night, but it was all dressed up in such a fun way, almost a rite of motherhood. How many of them were like her, always craving, always controlling, never really enjoying a social occasion because all they could think about was the next top-up.
Both Tom and Rachel had been to check on Alice almost hourly, but she hadn’t stirred.
Tom settled back down with some crisps and more water, but neither could think about eating.
Rachel started to give him advice. ‘I know I was telling you before that you should have kids, but I have actually changed my mind. You think all the hard stuff is babies, but actually when they are that small you can protect them. Not that I did a good job with Alice, I know, but knowing she went through all this and that my other girls are at a similar risk makes me want to give up.’
‘Oh, come on, Rachel. I know this has been a horrific few days, but you have had a second chance. Your kids are great, and you are clearly a good mum—this time round.’
This set Rachel off and she started sobbing. ‘That’s the thing, I’m really not. How can I be when I have messed up with Alice so much and when I have a child growing inside of me right now, one that I really don’t want.’
Tom was shocked into silence and looked at her as though she was a monster.
‘See, I knew you would look like that, and for good reason. I am the evil bitch that Mum talked about all those years ago. I always thought I would be such a strong woman and that I would protect my kids no matter what, but I seem to be repeating history.'
‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t know for sure. This is something I have always wanted with Dave—I mean, we always talked about having our own—but now I am petrified that he is like the rest of them. How on earth can I even think about bringing another child into this fucked-up world?’
‘Come on, Rachel, you are just being stupid now. Not every man is an abuser. Why are you even thinking this?’
'I don't know, it's just a feeling. Do you remember after Jimmy Saville when suddenly all these paedophiles were popping out of the woodwork? It seemed like everyone was at it. As you can imagine, this triggered a lot of feelings for me. I mean, it was all over the news every day, and I did a lot of reading about it. It was then I started noticing things, like how Dave would always want to give the kids a bath or how he called Jess his “special princess”.'
'Have either of them ever told you anything or shown any signs?'
'Well, no, not really. I mean they really love Dave. He is really the only dad they have ever known, but they could be trying to protect him. I did with my dad for a while. I thought no one would believe me, and when I told, I was proved right. I have tried to approach the subject a couple of times, but I don't want to put words in their mouth either in case I'm not right.'
‘Rach, you do have to trust your instinct, and I can understand why you would be so worried, but not everyone in the world is evil. And no matter what you think of yourself, I know you are a brilliant mum. We need to focus on Alice right now, and then we can think about what to do about this.’
By this, she guessed he meant the tiny blob of life currently being assaulted by red wine and cortisol inside her body.
She couldn’t escape the feeling of hatred she had for herself. She should never have become involved with Alice again. She was bound to bring more pain into her life.
Alice
It was around two in the morning when I felt someone get into bed next to me. My immediate reaction was to freeze and panic. I had seen lots of men walking around the hotel earlier; was it one of them coming to get what all men seemed to want? I realised almost immediately that this wasn't a man; the body was lighter and softer. As a hand stroked my hair, I breathed in the scent of Rachel, my mum. Funny how the smell of her was so familiar. She was sobbing quietly as she cuddled up to me. I wondered if I needed to comfort her, but I found it was just so wonderful lying there with her. I didn't want to scare her off. I wanted to drink in every moment.
I had wanted to stay awake all night just to experience the closeness of my mum, but I must have fallen asleep at some stage as the next thing I knew the light was streaming in through the window. At first, I didn't understand where I was. I had woken up in the same room for most of my life, so being somewhere different was a new experience for me. I was alone in the bed. I wondered if Mum had gone for a shower or even if she had gone to fetch me some breakfast. I wandered over to the kettle and switched it on, loving the little wrapped up teabag I plunged into the cup. I was flicking through morning TV when I heard a knock at the door. Thinking it was Mum, I opened it with a huge smile, but it was Tom who stood there, looking very crumpled as though he hadn't slept at all. He looked angry and stressed, so I offered him a cup of tea.
'The police called. They have had developments which means they want you back at the station for some questions. Let's get downstairs to get some breakfast and then we can head straight there. I am not allowed to represent you anymore, so I have put a call into one of the local law firms. We don't want to end up with some work experience boy.'
'Have they said what the development was?'
'Yes, actually.' He couldn't look at me, so I knew it was bad. 'They have done some initial analysis on the bones they found, and they have concluded that they are that of a man in his sixties. Alice, you will really have to talk now. What the fuck happened?'
I don't know why I felt so calm. I guess because I knew; I had always known. ‘My guess is that it is Grandad, and that Granny finally gave him what he deserved.’
Alice
He disappeared maybe a month after Granny had found us together. The official story, and one I heard her tell all her friends during loud phone calls, was that he had left her for some tart from the local betting shop and run off to Malaga.
On my eleventh birthday, Granny had gone all out, putting up balloons, making my favourite food, even inviting Tom and some neighbours over. This was before Tom had been banished, of course, before I had lost my only real lifeline to the outside world.
It had been a jolly party where Granny had knocked back a few glasses of sherry. She had been strange for a few weeks, and I had noticed her crying silently by herself when she thought I wasn’t aware, but then at other times she was cheerful, almost too happy.
Tom didn’t like coming to the house when Granddad was around, but I heard Granny reassure him that Grandad wasn’t here and wasn’t coming back. As she put on a display of joy and celebration for my birthday, he wasn’t mentioned. Him being gone was added to the list of things never to be mentioned again in this house. It was locked away with the rest of the secrets.
It was only when the cake had been eaten and the neighbours were practically pushed out the door that Granny sat down, suddenly looking exhausted with the strain of trying to play the happy family.
She was clearly drunk by that stage. I had never seen her drink more than a glass or two at Christmas. Tom had made us all a pot of tea.
She had saved one last present for me. Tom had, of course, spoiled me as always, buying me some amazing trainers that would be wasted being worn around the house.
Her present to me was beautifully wrapped, and I wondered if she had asked one of the store ladies to do it. Granny wasn’t the type for ribbon and bows.
I gasped as I opened in. It was the most beautiful jewellery box I had ever seen, one with a ballet dancer that moved around as you opened it. It was something I had wanted for years as a child.
‘There you go, my darling. I wanted you to have something lovely to put in your room. I know it hasn’t always been the happiest space for you, but I hope now every time you look at that you will think nice thoughts and any nightmares will be well gone.’
I now know that this was her way of trying to recapture my childhood. She was trying to bring back the innocence by ridding the evil in the house.
Alice
Tom stared at me. ‘Why do you think that?’
I explained about the birthday and what I thought Granny was trying to tell me. ‘Don’t you think it’s strange that he was never mentioned again, that he never turned up? He literally disappeared, and I know Granny always said he had made a new life in Spain, but there was never any proof of it. Then again, I guess none of us ever went looking.’
‘I always thought that she supported him in whatever he did. I mean, she never intervened. He used to hit me, you know? I always knew he was an evil bastard, but it wasn't until what Rachel told me that I realised what he was capable of. I am so sorry.’
I realised he had mentioned Rachel's name.
'What do you mean, what Rachel said? How did she know what had happened to me?'
'I didn't mean to you. Oh, I think it should really be something she tells you herself. Listen to me. I will make sure we get justice for what happened to you, but we really need to tell the police everything, and this includes what your gran may have done. At the moment, we are going in there voluntarily, and if you tell them what you told me, then we can hopefully make this whole nightmare go away.'
Tom left me to have a shower and get dressed. He had left a bag of clothes on the bed from the local supermarket. They looked like they were designed for a teenager. My t-shirt had an amazing rainbow made of sequins that changed colour when I stroked it. I had seen similar ones on Instagram, and although it probably wasn't designed for an overweight twenty-two-year-old, I still loved it. I was worried I wouldn't fit into the jeans he had bought me, but to my surprise, I was able to get them up my legs.
I couldn't do the button up, but luckily the t-shirt covered my fat. I guess I must have lost weight. Funnily enough, I had never tried to lose weight before, despite being exposed to clean eating Instagram and perfect bodies. My way had always been to reach for the filter rather than the salad. It wasn't as if anyone ever saw me, and actually the fat had been almost like a protective layer for me—not to keep me warm, although it had definitely been a bonus, but the more unattractive I felt, the safer I felt.
After the food had run out and the power had gone in the house, I had begun to discover that food didn't just come from the freezer. I had kind of expected the army to drop off food parcels or something, but I guess that is because for most of my life I had just waited around for people to look after me. At that point, I was still sitting most days listening for sounds of life outside the door. I had heard signs of life a few times, but no one had come and knocked, which made me both pleased that I was safe from the enemy and sad that I was yet to be rescued. I had taken extra precautions during the first few days, so the windows were all locked and I had even managed to seal the letter box in case there was some kind of gas attack.
There had been a day when I had actual hunger pains, which was not something I had really experienced in my life. I remember seeing adverts on TV for starving children in Africa as I was growing up, and my gran was always telling me I should finish everything on my plate. Because I had never even really been hungry, I had no idea of what they were going through. As I had been wondering what to do about my impending starvation, I had suddenly remembered something that Uncle Tom had said the last time they had spoken, something about Gran stockpiling food. For years I had ignored it when Gran took a bag or two of shopping down the basement ‘just in case’, but now I realised that this could be my salvation.