Yet in her heart, she still worried about how much pain Trevor could cause, and this time not only to her, and held back on every natural reaction she felt toward him. He couldn’t be as good as he seemed. There had to be a catch—there always was with men. Maybe one day she’d meet a man she could trust, but so far…
“Do you recommend the fried chicken or the meat loaf?” he asked, still reading the menu as if it held the key to life itself.
“Hands down, the chicken. Of course, I don’t remember ever eating anything else here.” She glanced outside at the old bowling alley across the street, remembering her parents being in a bowling league with other teachers, and how she’d got to hang out and drink milkshakes on Friday nights. When she’d turned sixteen, she’d applied for her first job as a bowling-shoe clerk, helping people find the right size and making sure they checked them out and paid for renting them. She used to take her breaks outside no matter how cold it was, to get the stench of stinky feet and sweaty socks out of her nostrils.
Julie fought off the urge to grin over the fond memories.
Trevor took her recommendation and they enjoyed an old-style meal together—there was that word, together, again. The dinner came complete with mashed potatoes and gravy—the real kind, not instant whipped—along with overcooked green beans, and while they ate they recapped the day.
Julie had never seen another man’s eyes light up while talking about her son before, and she believed Trevor when he told her she’d raised a great kid.
“But you’ve only just met him, and don’t forget he got caught shoplifting.” She pointed with her fork before stabbing a sliced piece of fried chicken breast.
“I know good character when I spot it. He made a mistake, that’s all.” Trevor nailed her with his sincerest expression. “He was asking for help, and you got it for him. You did the right thing.”
Why his opinion meant so much, she wasn’t sure, but his kind words gave her confidence she hadn’t really been feeling before now. “Thank you.”
There seemed to be more on Trevor’s mind, but he got busy eating his dinner, and before she knew it two fresh peach cobblers showed up with coffee.
“I can’t ever resist cobbler when it’s on a menu,” he admitted.
She wasn’t trying to impress him or anything, but she decided to let him know she’d learned a thing or two from her momma before she’d moved to LA. “I happen to make a pretty great apple crumble, in case you’re interested.”
His brows lifted and his eyes flashed a playful glance. “You mean you’ve been holding out on me?”
“I don’t tell just anyone that I can cook.”
“I understand. You don’t want a man to like you for all the wrong reasons.”
“Oh, yeah, if word got out in Cattleman Bluff, I’d have men beating down my door. Of course, they’d all be over fifty, but a single mother can’t be too choosey.”
He gave a good-hearted laugh. “If my dad didn’t have Gretchen, he’d be first in line, too.”
“You think there’s a chance for me with your dad?” she teased.
Trevor’s face got serious; his hand flew to hers. “Not on your life, because I’m going to be the first in line when you decide to date again.”
Direct, straight down the line, his comment set off a reaction in her chest like a strike at that bowling alley across the street. She couldn’t dare mess up the early relationship between Trevor and James by getting involved with him. Yet Trevor kept dropping hints. Was she misreading him? Maybe he was just playing along with her and she’d taken him too seriously. Maybe it was his way of being nice.
And what happened to not ever letting a man mess with her head again?
“The day I bake an apple crumble, you’ll be the first to know, okay?” Why did I just say that?
“Sounds like a deal.”
He insisted on paying for dinner, and they drove home in awkward silence. She’d played around too much back at the restaurant, and he’d misunderstood her, putting a whole new spin on baking. Now he was so deeply in thought, she expected him to drop her at the curb and head straight home.
But she was wrong. When they arrived at her house, he jumped out, as always, and opened the door for her. Proving good Wyoming manners went deeper than any misunderstanding between a man and a woman.
He walked her to the door, and before she could unlock it he cleared his throat. “I need to tell you some things,” he said.
The porch was no place for a serious conversation, and that was definitely the impression she got from his earnest comment—a conversation was about to be had. “Why don’t you come in, then?”
She opened the door and flipped on the lights and he followed her into the living room. The house wasn’t nearly as settled as she’d like it to be, but things were getting there.
“Can I get you anything to drink?”
“I’m fine, thanks,” he said, sitting on the cream-colored microfiber love seat in front of the modest fireplace, practically filling the seat up with his broad shoulders and long legs.
Would it be weird to sit beside him? So close? There was hardly any room left and they’d have to touch. She opted to sit in the brightly patterned accent club chair a few feet away. Julie folded in her lower lip and bit down as she waited for whatever Trevor wanted to tell her, a breeze of anxiety whispering through her.
He traced the brim of his hat with his fingertips, turning it round and round in the process, while he stared at the black granite tile on the fireplace. “I want to be a part of James’s life. I don’t know how I can just step in and begin, but I want to. I want him to trust me and know he can depend on me, and I know that takes time, but I want that. You know?”
His honesty touched her so deeply, she could barely breathe. She’d longed for a man to care like this for James since the day he was born. But she’d been fooled before.
“Seeing the two of you today,” Trevor continued, “I can’t explain how it touched me, it’s too hard, but I’ve never felt anything like it. I want that, too.” He looked up and nearly knocked her out of the chair with his heartfelt expression. “The thing is, I understand that people don’t love each other just because you want them to. It has to be earned. But I want to earn that with James, no matter how long it takes. I want him to think of me as his father, not just because I’m the biological parent, but because I’m being a parent for him.”
Julie’s eyes welled up; the man was saying the magical words she’d always dreamed about for her son, and she believed him. He wasn’t just spouting platitudes. Seeing her with James had moved him, and he truly wanted a slice of that parental pie for himself.
Overcome with hope and optimism, Julie got up and went to Trevor. She sat beside him on the love seat, saw the early signs of moisture in his eyes and threw her arms around his neck. She couldn’t help herself. She’d come face to face with the father of her son, had taken the chance to tell him, risked jeopardizing a job over it, but discovered the true character of Trevor Montgomery in the process. Her gamble had paid off like nothing she could have dreamed up.
His arms circled her waist and back; they hugged and laughed, and cried a little, too, but good tears, like long-lost-family tears. She took his face in her hands and looked deeply into his eyes; she’d never noticed before now that they were lighter brown at the center with gold flecks. “I’m going to hold you to that, Trevor. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for my son.”
She kissed him lightly, and though she’d meant it to be a completely different kind of kiss—a tender kiss of thanksgiving and appreciation for the man—it didn’t turn out that way. With the melding of their mouths, warmth spread over her shoulders and down her back; a surprising need to be close to him reached inside and wrung her out.
His arms roamed her spine as he pulled her closer, smashing her breasts to his chest, opening his mouth, kissing her deeper, meeting her tongue with tiny flicks of his, then slipping between her lips. She kissed him back, sliding her tongue o
ver his, then heard a sound deep in his throat as his need to take over became apparent. She let him kiss her to near dizziness, let his eager mouth explore and take whatever he wanted. The warmth quickly turned to burning, and she was confused. She couldn’t let their sexual desire for each other interfere with the fragile new relationship between Trevor and James.
His hands felt so good on her back, kneading and massaging her into stupidity. No, she couldn’t let this happen, no matter how badly she wanted it. She couldn’t let things go any further.
One moment her hands were on his shoulders, enjoying their width and power, the next they slid to his chest where his muscles tightened under her touch. Just one more kiss before she ended it, just one more taste of his velvety mouth. So selfish of her.
She had to stop. There was too much at stake. Her hands pushed against his chest, and she pulled back her chin, breaking their touch, hating the feel of cool air in place of his moist, inviting lips.
“This was a horrible idea.” She croaked the words as she glanced into his fiery eyes. Raw sexual passion burned there for her. The tips of her breasts tightened even more at the sight of him, and his wanting her.
He didn’t utter a sound, just stared at her, hungry-eyed, with promises of ecstasy, if only she’d keep kissing him. Knowing he saw the same desire in her, she let out a ragged breath, pleading for him to understand. The moment of danger stretched on as the burning gaze in his nearly black eyes slowly flickered out. He inhaled and regained his composure. They stared at each other until it was safe and their passion vanished.
It had been too close.
“I just wanted to thank you for caring for James. I didn’t…”
He touched his forehead to hers. “You didn’t mean to drive me crazy?”
They snickered together and it released more pent-up tension. “We can’t confuse things any more than they already are, Trevor.”
“Might be true, but it sure would be fun trying.”
For him it might be fun, but for her making love to Trevor Montgomery would mean something completely different. “Please understand.”
He kissed her forehead. “I do. But I’ve got to tell ya, you kiss like a crazy lady, and I like it.”
No sense in being embarrassed; she’d reacted exactly how she felt. Something about Trevor had always done that to her. Surprisingly, all these years later that feeling hadn’t changed. But for the sake of her son, she’d bury the lost love she still carried for Trevor deep inside, just as she had for the past thirteen years.
She could never again allow her personal desire to interfere with her son’s welfare.
*
Trevor drove home, thanking Julie for stopping him from making a huge mistake. Her kiss had set him off on a road he had no intention of turning back from. He wanted her. Like a madman. The way he wanted contact with his sometime girlfriends around town. But those consensual arrangements were meant to keep feelings out of the mix.
Julie deserved better from a man, but these days that was where he was at. Good thing she’d put on the brakes.
He chose to ignore the thought niggling way at the back of his brain… Julie is different.
Well, of course she was, she was the mother of his kid. Surprise! She wasn’t exactly the kind of woman he could screw and forget, now could he? Not any more, anyway. Not her.
Yet, seeing her with James today, seeing how deep their mother-son love was, had reached inside him and changed something in that cold hole he called a heart. Hell, he’d told her how he wanted to act like a father, to be a father, now he damn well better live up to his braggadocio.
The kid deserved a dad.
Julie deserved a man of his word.
And he deserved a chance to prove himself to both of them.
Taking the woman to bed would ruin everything.
*
Monday morning, Trevor was back to all business at the clinic, though Julie made it challenging by wearing a skirt. He’d catch glimpses of her legs as she walked into her examination rooms, and on more than one occasion he had to take a moment to recover. Damn, she had great legs.
Tuesday morning, she tapped on his office door and asked for help with a difficult patient diagnosis. After evading her eyes, pretending to be engrossed in the lab results on his computer screen, he followed her into an exam room and gave his expert opinion on atopic dermatitis versus rosacea, while pretending he couldn’t smell her shampoo in that wildly misbehaving hair of hers. Thank goodness the clinic closed down on Tuesday afternoons. He spent the entire afternoon on the ranch, working alongside Jack and his crew, vaccinating cattle.
Wednesday was easy since he’d set up a day of house calls, traveling as far as Medicine Bow National Forest in the morning, where a family of campers had all come down with a fever and a rash, and ending up at old Jake Jorgensen’s place to make sure he’d been keeping up with his heart meds and that his blood pressure wasn’t acting up.
Thursday was tough, though, as it was the monthly staff meeting—Julie’s first. Fortunately, Charlotte did all the talking, and Trevor was able to avoid eye contact with Julie by staring at the Italian cold-cut sandwiches Rita had ordered in for lunch. But as Julie slipped out of the meeting to take a call he watched the sway of her hips and noticed how her hair bounced around her shoulders when she walked.
After nothing more than civil work-related conversations all week, on Friday Trevor had to talk to Julie since they needed to make plans for the trip out to Laramie and the military academy the next morning.
Though hesitant to be up close and personal with Julie for the ride out—only because he knew it would wreak havoc with his good sense and make him want her all over again, and not because he didn’t otherwise enjoy her company—he used the office intercom to contact her.
“Julie, can you come to my office?”
Within a minute or two, she stood at his door, that sweet, innocent smile of hers driving him nuts.
He really was excited about bringing James out to the ranch, though he wondered how long it would take for his father to catch on that the boy was his grandson, and that the story about helping out a troubled kid was a bunch of hooey. On that level, he was nervous, knowing he’d have to, sooner or later, tell his dad that he, Trevor, was a father.
And on that note, he needed to broach a touchy subject with the lovely woman standing before him in a dark gray pencil skirt and a periwinkle blouse with a bunch of inviting ruffles down her chest. Damn.
“Time to make plans for tomorrow?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said, his hand cupping the back of his neck as if she’d just put a crick there. “I know I said I’d pick you up at eight, but maybe we should get a much earlier start, say six?”
Her shapely brows lifted nearly imperceptibly, those huge hazel eyes attentively waiting for his reason.
“That way it will be nearly eight before we check him out and almost ten before we can get started on that ride. I was thinking of taking him out to Sheep Mountain.”
“Wow, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. He’s only been on horses a few times.”
“You think we should stick closer to home, then?”
“This time, I would. See how he takes to riding, then maybe the next time you can cover more territory.”
Trevor smiled. “I like the sound of next time.”
She smiled back. “I do, too.”
Next time made him remember her kiss and how he’d tried his damnedest all week to not want a next time but had failed miserably. But right now he took back control over that weakness for Julie’s sake. “I bought James a skateboard, and I just wanted to let you know I plan on giving it to him tomorrow.”
“That’s okay.” She didn’t look happy.
“I’m not trying to bribe him to like me or anything, but we had that conversation about keeping his grades up and all. Any reports about that?”
“I figure we’ll find out tomorrow when I sign him out for the day.”
He
couldn’t waste another minute beating around the topic he really needed to bring up. He laced his fingers and planted them firmly on his desk. “So tomorrow, if at some point the time feels right, are you okay with me telling James I’m his father?” The thought made Trevor’s mouth dry up and his pulse race. Had he just said that?
She inhaled and forced her shoulders to relax. Her delicate hand flew into a clump of light brown chaotic curls near her temple, and she gripped them. Slowly she let out her breath and removed her hand. “Trevor, that’s something we need to do together, when the time is right.”
“I wasn’t lying when I told you I want to be his dad, Julie. But what I’m hearing is that you’re not ready to tell him.” He leaned forward on his desk. “If it helps at all, I’m as nervous as you must be about this. The thing is, will the time ever be perfectly right? Maybe we should just jump in.”
She shook her head, comprehension flashing in her worried-looking eyes. “Like we did the night I got pregnant? Hell, no. We need to give this time, think about how best to go about it. Plan a day.”
He tightened his chin, stretching his lower lip, and nodded, even though it went against everything he was feeling. “Okay. When do you think that will be?”
“Not just yet. I’m sorry, but I can’t rush this. He’s still traumatized over Mark.”
“I’m not Mark. I’m his dad.”
“It’ll take time for him to understand that. Can’t tomorrow just be about James getting some guy time? Some bonding time, like you said you wanted?”
“I guess it’ll have to be.”
“Thank you for understanding. See you tomorrow at six, then.” With that, she nodded and left.
“I’ll bring the coffee!” he called out after her, not caring who heard him.
Something told him he’d need a lot of caffeine tomorrow because he probably wouldn’t sleep a single second tonight.
*
True to his word the next morning Trevor appeared on Julie’s doorstep at one minute to six by her kitchen clock. She was putting the finishing touches on a couple of breakfast burritos filled with scrambled eggs, pinto beans, cheddar cheese and salsa. It wasn’t exactly a cowboy meal, which would include meat and biscuits with whatever else got splashed onto the plate, but good old SoCal food and good enough for the drive out to school.
Hot-Shot Doc, Secret Dad (Cowboys, Doctors...Daddies) Page 11