‘Yeah, well, that’s a nice idea,’ Scarlett said. She tried to recall the very last time she’d gone dancing at the Kursaal with Brenda, but it was all a bit of a blur now. If she had known it would be the last time, she would have made more of an effort to store it up in her memory.
‘But how do you manage, bringing up two kids on your own and coping with your dad?’ Jonathan insisted.
Scarlett shrugged. ‘I just have to, don’t I? Nobody else is going to do it.’
‘But what about what’s-his-name—Ricky? Doesn’t he send any money or anything?’
‘No. But up till recently I wasn’t sure where he was, not exactly. Well, I still don’t, only that it’s Liverpool. His parents know. They went up to see him only a couple of days ago.’
‘They must tell you, surely? You’ve got a right to know where the father of your children is. He ought to be helping to support them.’
‘I know. I tried to find out but they said he was only in temporary accommodation. They were very tight-lipped. It’s my guess he’s shacked up with some woman they don’t approve of. They don’t approve of me, mind, so if I am right then this one must be pretty dreadful.’
‘If you are right, then you could get a divorce. Then he’d have to pay you maintenance.’
‘I suppose so.’
‘What’s the matter? You’re not still in love with him, are you?’
‘No!’ She had never been in love with him, not the way she loved Jonathan. But it was far too late to say that now. ‘Like I said, I’m afraid of what his parents will do. I’m sure they want to take the children away from me.’
‘They can’t do that, can they?’
‘I don’t know. They’re always saying as how I’m not a fit mother.’
‘You are a fit mother. Anyone with half an eye can see that.’
Scarlett looked at the two children as they played. Joanne was capering about, waiting for her little brother, then rushing off just as he reached her. Simon kept solemnly toddling after her, determined to catch up.
‘Don’t tease him, Joanne,’ she called. ‘Let him catch you.’
The little girl stood poised for a moment, ready to defy her, then at the last minute she allowed her brother to clasp her waist. She hugged him back boisterously while Simon laughed with pleasure.
‘I’m glad there’s two of them,’ Scarlett told Jonathan. ‘They’re a handful, but now they’ll always have each other. Life’s easier when you’ve got family. I’d love to have a brother or sister.’
‘I know what you mean. I was lonely when I was a little kid and Mum and Dad were both working. It wasn’t so bad when I got older,’ cos then I could go and play out with my friends.’
The talk drifted into safer waters. For a while it was almost like old times. They had always got on so well together. The aching sense of regret that Scarlett carried inside her was growing into a great ball. She could almost feel it pressing up into her chest. Anyone looking at them would think that they were the perfect little family—mum, dad and two children. It was how it should have been.
At the end of the gardens, she scooped Simon up and put him back in the pram and made Joanne hold onto the handle. Jonathan went into a sweet shop and bought them all ice creams. Simon got his all down himself and she had to clean him up with the old tea towel she kept in the well of the pram. They wandered up Hamlet Court Road until they came to one of the side streets.
‘This is where one of the restaurants is. Or, at least, I think it’s just been a café up till now,’ Jonathan said. ‘Would you like to come and look over it with me? I’ve got the key.’
That would just be too much. Scarlett shook her head.
‘No,’ she said. ‘No, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I could bear it. I’m sorry. I’ll go now. Good…good luck with it.’
She walked away up the road without looking back, while the tears that had been gathering spilled down her face.
‘…and Tante Sylvie is making the headdresses,’ Corinne said. ‘Of course, I can’t tell you what they are going to be like, not now Jonathan is here, but they are very beautiful. They will set off the dresses perfectly.’
The wedding day was set for mid-November. Already it was July, and preparations were in full swing.
‘That sounds lovely, dear,’ Jonathan’s mother said. ‘Six bridesmaids! Your poor mother must be in a right tizz organising all this.’
‘Tizz?’ Corinne asked, looking at Jonathan.
‘Fuss. Bother. To-do.’
‘Oh, yes, I see. Tizz! What a funny word. I will remember that.’
Jonathan’s father took him aside while the women moved onto the subject of flowers.
‘So it’s a full Catholic do, then? How do you feel about all that?’
‘It’s that or nothing. Corinne’s parents are absolutely adamant, so I haven’t much say. I’m going along for instruction each week, just to keep them and the priest happy.’
‘Rather you than me, son. Still, I suppose they have been very generous helping set you up.’
‘So have you and Mum. Don’t think I’m not grateful.’
‘Not much point in slaving away to earn the money if you can’t spend it on your kids, is there? You’re still going to have a big mortgage and a bank loan, mind.’
‘I know, but we’ve got to have the right place. This is going to be the classiest restaurant in the whole Southend area, Dad. I want it to be everyone’s first choice for all their special occasions. I can’t wait to show Corinne the shortlist. She’s seen the details, but it’s not the same as looking at the real thing, is it?’
Behind them, the women were deep into posies and bouquets. Jonathan looked out at the glory of the Illuminations. Thousands of coloured lights blazed and flashed. Right opposite their window a huge illuminated clown juggled red balls while dancing on his big flappy feet. Below him in the street, hundreds of evening visitors swirled in and out of the amusement arcades, the chip shops and the pubs. Downstairs the bars were heaving. You could hear the noise of the packed customers even over that of the television going full blast. Normally his parents would be down there in the thick of it, but today was special. Jonathan was home to see to the buying and renovation of his new business. Corinne would be going back to France again in a couple of weeks, but he was staying here until the wedding. Then the plan was to have just a few days’ honeymoon before returning to their new home for the grand opening of the restaurant.
Everything was going his way, but somehow he wasn’t quite as excited about it all as everyone expected him to be. He wasn’t as excited as he thought he should be. Somewhere beneath the perfect surface, there were nagging doubts.
He tried to put them aside the next morning when he and Corinne set out to look at the two premises he thought were most suitable for their venture. First they caught the white open-topped bus to Chalkwell to see a place opposite the park. Corinne liked the park but not the flat over the restaurant.
‘It’s too small and too dark. And there is a strange smell,’ she said, wrinkling her nose.
‘I expect the smell will go when it’s all cleaned up and painted,’ Jonathan said.
But Corinne was not convinced, so they caught the bus back again, past the Trafalgar and the Kursaal to the quiet end of the sea front nearer to Thorpe Bay. The building there was one of the ones that Jonathan had shown the details of to Scarlett. This time Corinne was far more enthusiastic.
‘Oh, yes, it is a very pretty place. I like the railings and the steps. We could have window-boxes there with geraniums, and a tub by the door with a bay tree.’
Jonathan felt his spirits rising.
‘Wait till you see inside. It’s not big, but it’s got everything we need.’
He fitted the key into the door and they stepped into a big dusty room that still had a couple of cheap tables and some chairs abandoned in it.
‘Look, we could put six tables of four and two twos in this part,’ Jonathan said, ‘and then we could knock
down this wall, or maybe partially knock it down, and have a bar area and a couple more tables in the back here.’
Corinne looked slowly round, nodding.
‘Yes, yes. I can see it. We shall have very sophisticated colours—eau-de-nil and dark green maybe, or sky-blue and white with a touch of gold—and mirrors and candles and fresh flowers and crisp white linen.’
‘Wonderful,’ Jonathan agreed. ‘Now, come through here and see the kitchen. It’s pretty crummy, but there’s space for improvement.’
It was pretty crummy. There was a large stained sink, a couple of worktops, some built-in cupboards and a capped-off gas pipe. But it was a large enough room with natural light and ventilation and a back door leading to a large yard. Jonathan could immediately see how he would divide up the space to make an efficient working kitchen.
‘The toilets are horrible,’ he warned Corinne.
They both looked at the Ladies and Gents cloakrooms and agreed that, like the kitchen, they would have to be completely refurbished.
‘So—the restaurant is fine, or will be when all the work is done. What about the apartment?’ Corinne asked.
Jonathan led the way up a dark staircase to the living accommodation. It was on two levels, with a large sitting room overlooking the sea, a kitchenette and bathroom on the first floor and three bedrooms under sloping ceilings on the second floor. Corinne was delighted.
‘Oh, yes, I can make it so pretty! We will have a sofa just here, and we will sit together in the afternoons between lunch and dinner service and look at the sea and the ships. We will be so happy, and so successful!’
Jonathan could see it all. The busy kitchen where he would produce food that would have all of Southend and the surrounding area flocking to his door, the elegant eating area buzzing with happy diners, the comfortable apartment to which he and Corinne could retreat. It was on this last point that his imagination blurred over a little and the nagging doubts crept in. He pushed them aside. He was committed now. He smiled at his fiancée.
‘Shall we buy it, then?’
Corinne beamed and threw her arms round him.
‘Oh, yes! Oh, I am so happy! We must go and buy it straight away!’
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
IT WAS at the beginning of September that Nell said to Scarlett that she needed to have a serious chat.
‘Oh, dear,’ Scarlett said. ‘That doesn’t sound too good. What’s the matter?’
‘Come upstairs. I’ve put the kettle on,’ Nell told her.
Bert was sitting with his feet up reading the newspaper. He smiled at her a bit uncertainly when she came in. Scarlett was beginning to feel distinctly unsettled. Something was going on here. Nell brought cups of tea and slices of brightly coloured angel cake.
‘Now then,’ she said. ‘I’m afraid we’ve had a bit of a shock.’
Fear snatched at Scarlett’s heart. ‘Are you all right? You’re not ill, are you, either of you?’
‘No, no, dear. Nothing serious. But I suppose that’s got something to do with it, in a way. No, you see, yesterday evening we had a phone call from our daughter.’
‘Our Thelma,’ Bert supplied.
‘Yes, our Thelma. In a right state, she was, feeding pennies into the phone box at her end and crying. Her husband’s been made redundant. Terrible shock, it was. That’s five hundred of them all out on their ear at the same time, and no jobs going up there. Well, not five hundred jobs, anyway. Poor Thelma doesn’t know which way to turn. They’ve got all this stuff on the HP and rent to pay and all the rest of it and she doesn’t know how she’s going to manage. Well, after she’d rung off, Bert and me had a long talk.’
‘We’re not getting any younger,’ Bert said. ‘And we can’t do the standing, not any more.’
‘And we have still got that flat upstairs,’ Nell said.
Scarlett suddenly saw where this was leading. A feeling of doom settled on her stomach. She pushed the slice of angel cake away. She wasn’t feeling hungry any more.
‘The thing is, dear, we’ve got to think of our future,’ Nell carried on. ‘We did hope as you’d see your way to coming and living here and being a sort of manageress for us, but I can quite see how you can’t, what with your dad and all. So you see, we thought we’d offer the flat to our Thelma and her Andy, and they could run the place for us. There’s two of them, you see, so they could do it between them. We’d only have to fill in if it was very busy. We could retire and still live here. It’d be ideal. We’ve nowhere else to go if we leave here, but with them here running the place we’d be able to stay, and they’d have a home and a living.’
‘I see,’ Scarlett said. ‘It’s all very neat. Works perfectly.’
‘Well, it does,’ Nell agreed. ‘And we had been getting a bit worried about what we was going to do in our old age. I mean, we got our pensions, but that’s all. And now, with Thelma’s Andy being out of work, like, it solves two problems.’
Scarlett could understand that all right. But she couldn’t see a place for herself in the scheme.
‘So—you won’t be needing me any more?’ she said.
Nell and Bert both looked very uncomfortable.
‘We hate doing this to you, dear,’ Nell said.
‘You been a real little grafter. A godsend,’ Bert agreed.
‘But it’s family, you see—’
Scarlett did see. It was just very hard when you didn’t have any family yourself to stand by you and help you through the bad times.
‘Right,’ she said. ‘Of course.’
‘You’re to stay on until you’ve found somewhere else. And just tell them you work here and we’ll give you a glowing reference.’
‘Yeah, anyone’d be pleased to have you,’ Bert said.
‘Right,’ Scarlett repeated. ‘Thank you.’
So it was back to looking at the local paper and the newsagents’ windows. There were cleaning and bar jobs going, but no employers were as accommodating as Nell and Bert had been when it came to allowing the children to be with her in the mornings. She had to settle for just an evening job for the time being, and prepared to cut down on the very few extras she had come to allow herself. She bade a tearful farewell to Bert and Nell, and wished them well in their retirement.
‘We’ll miss you, dear, and the kiddies,’ Nell told her. ‘So we bought a little present for them to remember us by.’
Little wasn’t quite the word to describe it. The brown paper parcel was as tall as Simon. Both children ripped the paper away to reveal a horse that moved along when you bounced up and down on it. Joanne and Simon were at first speechless with amazement, then wild with excitement. They couldn’t wait to get it home and play with it. Scarlett gave Bert and Nell a last hug, loaded the toy horse onto the pram and left the Horse and Groom and the happy times she had had there.
The new job wasn’t half as nice as working for Nell and Bert. It was at a big pub just off the High Street. There were lots of staff, so she was bottom of the heap instead of the trusted almost-manager, the customers weren’t so nice and at times could be far too friendly and it was further to walk to and fro. The long trek back along the London Road at night was not pleasant. She didn’t tell the Harringtons that she had lost her job at the Horse and Groom, but of course Joanne let it slip, being far too young to understand the need to cover things up.
‘So you’re finding it hard to keep the children, are you?’ Mrs Harrington said.
‘The children never go without,’ Scarlett assured her, and went onto the offensive. ‘Have you heard anything more from Ricky? Is he settling in Liverpool?’
Mrs Harrington’s mouth went into a hard straight line.
‘He hasn’t any fixed plans at the moment. He’s considering his career.’
‘And what’s that supposed to mean? Is he going to send any money for the children’s winter shoes? I want them to have proper ones that fit their feet, not any old rubbish that might cramp their little toes.’
She managed to sh
ame Mrs Harrington into submission. She couldn’t very well suggest that Scarlett was incapable of providing for her children when it was her own son’s fault that Scarlett was in this position. Then she attacked while she had the advantage.
‘Has he got a girlfriend up there in Liverpool? Is that why he’s not contacted me, or made any move to come and see his own children?’
‘No, of course not. He’s a married man,’ Mrs Harrington told her.
‘Then perhaps he’d better remember that,’ Scarlett retorted.
The children were beginning to look upset over the simmering tension. Scarlett decided to quit while she was ahead.
‘Thank you for looking after them,’ she said. ‘It’s a nice day. I think we’ll go for a walk along the sea front. Get some nice healthy fresh air into their lungs.’
Usually she walked along the Westcliff part of the sea front, but today Scarlett decided to go the other way, under the pier and along the Golden Mile. They passed the Trafalgar, and Aunty Marge’s chip shop, and the Mancinis’ café. It was too early in the day for any of them to be open. The street cleaners were still clearing up after the evening trippers who came down to see the Illuminations and stayed on to enjoy the fun of the Golden Mile. At the Kursaal corner she paused. They had come quite a long way and it was even further to go back. Joanne would be tired long before they reached home and she would have to push both of them. But there was something calling her on. She knew it was stupid, but she’d heard where Jonathan was going to open his restaurant and she just wanted to see it.
‘Come on,’ she said to Joanne. ‘Just a bit further. Then, if Aunty Marge is open on the way back, we’ll get a bag of chips to help us along.’
The little girl ran ahead of her, shouting at the seagulls to make them take off from their lookout spots on the railing posts. They passed the gasworks and came out onto the prettier part of the sea front. And then there it was. She recognised it straight away from the description she had read on the estate agent’s leaflet. There was a big Sold notice attached to the railings on one side of the door, and on the other side a board announcing Coming soon—Petit France—Fine French Cuisine. The front door was open and a builder’s truck was parked outside. A sound of hammering came from within. Scarlett stood and gazed across the road at it. If only. Her life seemed to be full of If Onlys.
Bye Bye Love Page 28