That job sucks.
That job sucks.
Scam.
I'm underqualified for that one.
I'm overqualified for that one.
…But that one looks good. I perk up, and click for more details. They just need a resume, cover letter, and references. Easy.
And the pay is even better than the one in California.
There's really no harm in applying to both, right?
∞
My phone rings after I finish the first application and e-mail my resume and cover letter to the other. No undoing it now. I'm not a big believer in destiny, but I'll let the chips fall where they may. Qué será, será.
It's Nikki. I fumble the phone, feeling like I've been caught doing something I shouldn't have been. "Hey."
"What are you doing this weekend?"
She sounds excited. More like her old self, and worlds better than than last few times I'd talked to her. Then, she'd sounded like a bag full of feral cats muffled by canvas. Now, she sounds more like… happily twittering birds.
Am I seriously making animal metaphors about my best friend's tone of voice? I lean away from my desk and massage my temples. I have got to get some more sleep.
"I don't have any plans," I say. "Probably just working in the store. Why? What did you have in mind?"
∞
My trusty duffel is back beside me as I hop out of Mom's car to meet Nikki outside the terminal on Friday.
"You know what you said impromptu bachelorette party, I admit I was surprised." I say.
"Well, Ron has a weekend off for a change."
I look up at the building in front of us. It's only been a matter of weeks— a couple of months since I found myself at this very same airport. Since I stepped off the plane from California, certain of my plan. But things are different now. I'm no longer certain of anything. Not sure I want to stay, not sure I want to go.
But I can't say anything yet either way. There's no point in giving anyone some sort of hope, and then snatching it away if I change my mind. If I say something, I have to be sure. Certain.
That's why this trip couldn't have come at a better time. A little break. A little breather to mull things over. I'd thought it a little odd that Nikki was jumping feet-first into a bachelorette party when she called, but who was I to question? A trip to Vegas isn't exactly in my budget right now, but I can make it work. No gambling while I'm there, and I'll just have to be extra careful with my money when I get back.
I frown, realizing what Nikki's said. "If Ron doesn't have work, don't you want to spend the weekend with him?"
She hesitates before responding. "I might not have been totally honest about this getaway."
"What do you mean?"
My feet stutter to a stop before baggage check when I see Cole waiting in line with Ron and some of the other people in the wedding party.
"It's not just a bachelorette party. It's sort of a joint bachelor/bachelorette party," she says brightly. "Me and Ron and the whole wedding party. Won't that be fun?"
"Nikki," I hiss. So much for a break. Cole hasn't spotted us yet, but he—or one of the others— will any second now. My eyes dart around, but there's absolutely nowhere to hide. Unless I dart behind that TSA agent, but somehow, I doubt he'd appreciate that.
Also, I should probably try to remember that I'm not five years old and this isn't a game of Hide and Go Seek.
"Come on." She seizes my hand, determinedly dragging me forward. "It'll be fine."
Cole turns and catches my eyes. He looks as blindsided as I feel, but I'm caught by his eyes, helpless and drawn inexorably forward, pulled into his current.
∞
Surprisingly, as Nikki promised, it kind of is fine. So far, anyway. Cole granted me a curt nod before proceeding to simply ignore me through baggage check and security.
At the gate, I stand with the other bridesmaids, uncomfortably folding and refolding my arms across my chest and doing my best to avoid looking at him.
Even if I have no right to be, I'm almost disappointed. Is it really that easy for him to forget about me after the fight we'd had following the wedding? More importantly, isn't that what I want?
Half-heartedly and a beat late, I laugh too loudly at a joke Joey's just told. She, Nikki, and the other two bridesmaids tilt their heads toward me, wondering what it is that's so off about me today.
With my nerves jangling, I board with everyone else, shoulders stiff. Eyes straight ahead. No looking back to where I can feel Cole behind me.
I struggle to hoist my heavy luggage into the overhead compartment. Even with my height as a facilitator, it isn't easy. I'd stuffed my duffel bag so that I could have only a carry-on and avoid the extra cost of a checked suitcase.
It slips from my grip and a familiar hand catches it before it crashes onto my head, giving it the final push it needs to be safely stowed.
Reluctantly, I meet Cole's eyes. "Thanks."
"Not a problem." His mouth a grim line, he motions for me to move ahead and I slide into my seat at the window.
His expression blanks and I raise an eyebrow, feeling defensive. "What?"
Without a word, he holds up his boarding pass and slides into the row's aisle seat.
"You're joking."
He shakes his head, fingers curling taut around his knees. "You know, I really wish that I was."
"Perfect."
Nikki sidles past him and settles into the seat between us, wriggling happily. "This is going to be so much fun."
Cole takes the easy way out and unfolds an airline blanket, curling into it and closing his eyes. He's asleep before we're even taxiing and I breathe a little easier. He has this annoying ability to either make me feel completely at ease or totally disquieted. Unsettled. My pulse erratic, and my voice too high. And I never seem to know what to do with my hands.
With him asleep though, my heart and pulse slow to more human rates. Even if they're slightly accelerated. I don't exactly love flying.
Thankfully, our plane lifts easily into the sky. When we're in the air, Nikki leans past me to press her hands against the plane window.
My lips quirk up in amusement and her eyes slide from the scenery below to me. "Sure you don't want to give me the window seat?" she says. "I am the bride, you know."
"How could I forget?" I look past her to where Cole's already fallen asleep in the aisle seat, mouth open, softly snoring. Traveling has always done that to him. Unless he's driving, in which case he's almost annoyingly alert. "But no, sorry. That seat makes me nauseous."
"Motion sickness?"
Cole squirms in his seat and my eyes narrow on him, suddenly unconvinced of his slumber. My traitorous stomach twists.
"Something like that," I murmur under the hum of the aircraft.
Nikki follows the path of my eyes. "What's going on with you two these days?"
"Same old. Nothing new," I say quickly.
"Oh, so the sexual tension is still insane?"
A sound that could be either a snore or a snort of laughter comes from Cole's seat and I look at him suspiciously. "Nothing is going on, Nikki."
"Uh-huh. And I'm marrying Chris Evans next week."
"Very funny."
"I try." Nikki smiles sweetly.
"Why aren't you sitting with your betrothed anyway?"
"God, you are so weird. Who talks like that?" A grin bursts forth. "I had Ron sit with his groomsmen. We're spending the rest of our lives together. We can do some pre-marital bonding with our besties before our bachelor bacchanal."
"And I'm the one who talks weirdly." I fidget, unable to stop my eyes from flicking to Cole. "Why is he with us instead of Ron?"
She frowns. "You and I had him first."
A baby wails from somewhere in first class. The customers who have paid extra for the luxury of roomy leather seats and meal service must be thrilled. I fiddle with the buttons on my armrest, trying to find an in-flight channel that can distract me, but I jump when Nikki jabs me in
the arm. "Don't you ignore me, Emmeline Hayes."
"Ow! I'm not—Nikki, stop it!" I catch the offending finger and toss it back into Nikki's lap. "I don't need that right now."
"Aha!" she exclaims, waving a triumphant finger. "So you admit it! Something is wrong!"
"Keep. Your voice. Down," I hiss. I angle a glance at Cole. One of his feet splays into the aisle, a hazard to anyone on their way to the cramped plane restroom. Another passenger trips over his sneaker, stumbling and shooting a glare down at him.
He doesn't even twitch. Maybe he really is asleep.
"Nothing's wrong, exactly." I lower my voice to a whisper. He had better stay asleep if Nikki and I are going to have this conversation right now, right next to him. I close my eyes for a minute and grit my teeth, looking away from her to watch tiny houses, cars, and buildings stream by beneath us. The whole world looks like a dollhouse up here.
I turn back to her. I can't believe I'm admitting to this. "It's just been— I've just felt… jumpy lately."
"Jumpy?" Nikki's brow furrows in confusion.
"When I see him," I explain. "When I talk to him."
When he touches me, I think silently, flashing back to the last time I'd been alone with him.
"It's my stomach. My pulse rate. My throat."
My heart.
"Everything's all…" I wave my hands vaguely, in search of a better word, but I fail to find one. "Jumpy," I finish weakly. I know I'm going to regret admitting this somehow.
"Okay…" Nikki draws the word out slowly, looking at me like I've sprouted a new head and possibly a hat to match.
I don't blame her. I kind of feel like I have.
"These jumps," Nikki asks. She's still speaking like she's trying to get her bearings on what I've said. "Do they happen around anyone else?"
Much to my appreciation, a flight attendant cuts into our conversation, bending to ask if we'd like anything to drink. I straighten, grateful for the interruption.
"No, thank you, we're fine," Nikki says shortly, sending him away with a dismissive hand.
I settle back, disgruntled. "I wanted a soda."
"You can have one later." Her eyes bore into me. "Do the jumps happen around anyone else?"
"No."
"Does it feel like your stomach's just dropped out beneath you?" she asks clinically, like a doctor diagnosing a patient.
I'm not stupid. I know what she's getting at. I close my eyes, hating that I've admitted this with every fiber of my being. "Yes."
Her eyes gleam. "Emmeline Hayes, you are in—" I clap a hand over her mouth.
"Don't. Say. It." I snatch my hand away and wipe it against my jeans. "And don't call me Emmeline either, Nicole."
She sticks her tongue out with all the dignity of an infuriated seven-year-old and I tilt my head as a wave of nostalgia sweeps over me. It doesn't feel so long ago that we were seven years old. How had time whisked us from childhood to adulthood so quickly? How are we old enough for one of us to be engaged?
"I can't believe you're getting married," I say softly.
The tone of the conversation shifts as Nikki's eyes drop to her hands. She clasps and unclasps them in her lap and toys with her engagement ring. "I'm afraid," she whispers. She puts a hand to her mouth like it slipped out and looks around nervously.
In that moment, I'm really glad Ron isn't sitting near us. And that Joey and the other bridesmaids are asleep in the row behind us. I don't think Nikki wants everyone privy to these doubts. I thought she'd talked to Ron about her worries.
"Of what?"
"A lot of things." Nikki spins the diamond around on her finger. "That I should have dated more. That his mother will poison him against me. That he's only marrying me because it's the next step."
I jump in to object, but Nikki's voice raises over mine. "That I'm going to lose myself by becoming Mrs. Dr. Ron Jennings. That I really will be a Nicole." Her face crumples. "That I won't be Nikki anymore."
Oh, hell.
"Nik." My mouth opens and closes before it firms in determination. "You're still you. No matter who you're with or how much you love them— or even depend on them. Ron loves you. You love him. That's why you're marrying each other."
Her expression clears and she grins wickedly. "I know."
"You—" My mouth drops open again. She'd played me.
There's a soft 'ping' and the fasten seatbelt light flicks off. With deft fingers, Nikki unbuckles hers and pecks me on the cheek as the captain announces we've reached our cruising altitude. "You'd still be you," she says, and favors me with a wink. "Just maybe a little jumpier."
She slips past Cole and into the aisle, straightening her shirt. "I'm going to see if there's any empty seats by Ron. I think you need some space to think. And maybe if Sleeping Beauty wakes up, you should talk to him about the rabbits in your stomach."
"There are no rabbits." I make a futile grab for her hand, thinking to keep her here. Who cares if it makes me feel like a child? I need a chaperone. But she sidesteps me neatly and skips away to Ron.
I eye Cole as she walks away and I lean back into my seat. He's asleep. I might as well get some rest, too.
Because I have a feeling this trip isn't going to be the restful sort.
∞
I've barely drifted off before I wake to an incessant shaking of my knee. Back and forth and back and forth and— my God, that's annoying. I smack a hand down onto the source, encountering a warm hand that isn't mine.
"Em," a deep voice insists. "Emmmm."
I struggle to consciousness. "What?" I say blearily. "What's the matter?"
I open my eyes to see Cole stifling a snicker. His eyes amused, he puts a hand to my head, smoothing down the fly-aways raised by static electricity. I shake my head to clear it, regarding him warily. He doesn't look pissed anymore. And he doesn't have that blank slate face that means he's trying not to show what he's thinking either.
The aisle seat is empty, and he's commandeered Nikki's middle seat next to me.
I rub my eyes. "Where's Nikki?"
"I passed her on my way to the bathroom, all cuddled up with Ron. I guess he had some space nearby," Cole says. He's watching me carefully. "You all right?"
I stretch, wincing as various joints pop and crack. I'm stiff from sleeping all scrunched up. "I've been better." I look wistfully at the curtains barring us from first class. "If I had a job that wasn't retail, I'd spring for sitting up there. I think it'd be worth it."
"It's not so bad here," Cole says. He gestures to his lap. "You could always put your feet up if you need to."
"Oh, no. No thanks." I laugh nervously and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, where I tug. "I wouldn't want to invade your space like that."
His eyes follow my hand and he grins, spotting my tell. "Em, you've been invading my space since college."
I straighten, a little offended. "That is not true. I've been really good about keeping my distance."
"No one's denying that," he says, starting to laugh. "But space doesn't have to be physical." He reaches through the space between us— which isn't much to begin with— to move my hand off my ear and take it in his.
I stare at our hands as he entwines his fingers with mine.
"Though a physical space invasion is always nice, too."
My heart takes a flying leap into my throat.
"But I'm talking about a different kind of space. You take up space in my head." He turns my hand over in his, seeming to examine every detail, from my palm to my fingernails to my wrist. His eyes flick up to me. "Space in my—"
"If you say space in your heart," I manage to croak out, "I will never let you live it down."
He chuckles softly—sexily. Dammit, that's annoying. Why does he have the power to do that? It isn't fair.
"Fine, then I won't say it. But I have to ask you something."
My heart dives to my toes. Cole leans forward and I mirror him, not entirely sure what he's up to. "Does the plane feel a bit—" He frowns in m
ock consternation. "—jumpy to you?"
Wait… what?
He bounces in his seat, still wearing that fake expression of concern. "It's just that I think we might be going over some turbulence, you know? The plane feels a bit jumpy to me."
If the flight were anything but smooth, I'd be freaking out a little right now, but Cole's phrasing is too coincidental. I look at his face closely. There. The twitch of a smile. The gleam of mischief in his eyes.
"Oh, you jerk!" I shove at his shoulder and he flops backward in his chair, laughing, clutching his stomach and looking entirely too pleased with himself. My cheeks burn. "You were supposed to be asleep. That is the last time I let you anywhere near me."
"Oh, come on, Em."
"Shut up, asshat," I say with venom.
"It was funny."
"No it wasn't, you titanic douche."
"Em." Something in his voice makes me turn back to him. He catches my chin in his hand and gently lays his lips on mine. It's quick. Barely a heartbeat, but my pulse hops around on a trampoline and I catch my breath as he draws away with a funny smile on his lips. "You make me jumpy too."
NINETEEN
COLE
∞ Then ∞
Senior Year
It was always so weird to watch Em with a guy, Cole thought during their last semester.
After the night at Patsy's— the night she'd had the unbelievable balls to say that something between them would be "just sex"— he'd had to let it go. They didn't talk about it again. But he watched her seek solace with others, and this one had lasted longer than the rest.
Ron and some of their other friends still believed Cole when he said he didn't see her that way. Or they at least did him the courtesy of pretending. But of course he saw her that way. Nikki was the only one he was sure wasn't fooled by his protests. He saw how she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye whenever Em had a new guy around.
But Em clearly wasn't dwelling on him, so he forced himself not to wait for her.
She tripped through the door night after night, leading Sean, the new guy, in behind her. Tonight, she laughed and stumbled while Cole sat on the couch with Alicia, from his Spanish class. It was their third date— and he was seriously wishing they'd gone for movie night out instead of movie night in so he didn't have to watch Em. The sound of the movie blended into the background as his eyes moved from the screen to her.
Now and Again Page 11