“I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to understand.”
Justin shook his head. “It wouldn’t have mattered. In case you haven’t noticed I can be kind of stubborn.”
I tried not to laugh. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”
“Anyway, it took me a while, but bit by bit, I started getting my head together, and then I wasn’t angry anymore—I just missed you like crazy. I wanted to find you and beg you to forgive me and take me back. I even came to your neighborhood a few times, but I always turned back around. I swore that when I saw you again, when I asked you to forgive me, that I’d have my shit together and be the man you deserved. That’s when I decided to look for my own place. Because you were right.” Justin smiled, his amber eyes lit up. “I’m starting to believe you’re always right.”
“No, I am so not.”
“I have challenges, but I’m not a cripple. I’m actually really lucky. There’s tons of guys who got hurt way worse than I did, but instead of being grateful for still being able to walk, I just felt sorry for myself.” Justin spoke animatedly. “But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to live my life again the way I did before I got injured, before I saw my friends dying in front of my eyes, because they can’t, but I still can, and I don’t want to waste the chance I was given.”
“Wow, Justin. I. . .I don’t know what to say.”
“I started going to a PTSD support group through the VA. It helped me a lot more than those fancy shrinks my mom kept making me see. I’m still going, and I think I’ll need to keep going for. . .”
I cut him off. “It’s fine, Justin. You don’t have to explain it to me. If it helps you that’s all I really care about.”
“I’m not all better yet, Jess. I still have nightmares, and I still wake up sometimes and stare at what’s left of my legs and I hate them, but I don’t want to be away from you for another second. I don’t want to wait until I’ve got myself all sorted out. I know that’s selfish, but I love you, Jess. I just want to go back to us.”
“Justin, you’re not selfish.” I felt like I could hardly breathe. “And I don’t expect you to be perfect, because I’m not either. All I wanted from you was a chance for us to help each other.”
“So that means you won’t tell me no all the time when there’s something I want to do for you?” I narrowed my eyes at Justin, which he noticed right away. It brought a smile to his face. “What? Are you saying I’m wrong?” he asked.
“No, you’re not wrong,” I conceded. I hadn’t thought about the fact that I’d also refused to let him in entirely. Maybe that was why he hadn’t been able to fully trust me. I’d never seen it that way before. “Oh, Justin. I’m sorry, too. It wasn’t all your fault that we fell apart.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. That’s the past, and I’m sure we can make things work, Jess, if you give us a chance.”
“What happens if we hit some bumps in the road?”
“Then I’ll hold on to you real tight.”
“Like this?” I scooted closer to Justin and wrapped my arms around him. He felt so warm, I leaned into him and rested my head under his chin inhaling his scent. I felt Justin’s chest rise and fall with each breath he took.
“Oh, Jess,” he finally said. “I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you right now.”
“Show me.”
Justin’s lips found mine, and I slowly lowered myself back on the couch with him on top of me. His hands cupped the sides of my face, then he reached for my hair and wrapped his hands in it as he kissed my neck. I slid my hands under Justin’s shirt, his back was slick with sweat making his skin feel softer than I remembered, but that was a few months ago, and since then I’d convinced myself that I’d never have him in my arms again. Now that he was, I wanted him more than it felt possible to want someone.
“Justin,” I murmured his name.
“What is it, Jess?”
“Is this really happening?”
“It’s happening,” he whispered and then kissed me again. My breaths came in quick gasps as his tongue teased me. I pulled off Justin’s shirt and ran my hands up his sculpted chest. Button by button Justin helped me out of my dress. I lay there staring up at him wearing nothing except my bra and underwear.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he said.
I reached around my back to unhook my bra and when it was off Justin leaned over me and teased my nipples gently with his tongue. I moaned and reached for him.
“You sure you want to do this now, Jess?’
“Very sure,” I breathed.
“Not here. Let’s go to the bedroom.”
Justin pulled me up and led the way. The rest of our clothes wound up in a heap next to his bed. He lay down first and I got on top of him and guided his hardness inside me. His hands held onto my hips as he swayed beneath me. I shuddered at the feel of him wondering how I’d made it so many months without him. It felt like there was no me and no Justin, like the two of us were one.
As Justin and I lay beside each other afterwards he played with the necklace he’d given me almost a year ago.
“You’re still wearing it.”
“I could never bring myself to take it off.”
It was only our grumbling stomachs that lured us out of bed later that afternoon. We ate lunch together, talked, made love again and then ordered pizza for dinner. It was dark outside by the time I left Justin’s apartment. He walked me downstairs and while we waited for a taxi he made me promise I’d be back the next day so we could have dinner together.
Night and day seemed to slow to a crawl as I counted the hours until Justin and I would see each other again. Finally, at four-thirty I got on the train headed towards Manhattan. Justin was already downstairs waiting for me. “What are you hungry for?” he asked after I kissed him.
“Hmmm. I don’t know.” I wasn’t actually hungry at all, but supposed it was probably better that I at least try and eat dinner. “Maybe Chinese?”
“There’s a nice restaurant just around the corner from here,” he said. “It’s pretty casual though.”
“You know I don’t mind casual.”
It took only a few minutes to get to the restaurant. We ordered our food and sat across from each other holding hands across the table. “I missed you, Jess,” Justin said.
“I missed you, too.”
“I’m not talking about the past couple of months, although I missed you like crazy then too, I’m talking about today. You’re the only thing I could think about all day.”
“And you think it was any different for me?”
“Then what are we doing here? I just want to be alone with you.”
Justin’s words were barely out when the waiter came with our food. I smiled at Justin and looked up at our waiter. “You know what, we’re going to take that to go.”
Ten minutes later we were in the elevator in Justin’s building. He pinned me with his body against the back of the elevator while he kissed me. The two of us almost missed getting out on the right floor. Justin unlocked the door to his apartment and I put our take-out cartons in the kitchen as we stepped inside. “I’m not really hungry,” I said to Justin. “At least not for food.”
He answered me with a kiss. We moved into his bedroom. I lay down and Justin kissed me again. I reached for him, but he held my arms down by my side with his hands. “No,” he whispered in my ear. “I want to taste every inch of you first.” My body tingled in response to his words. Slowly, he peeled off my clothes and kissed my neck and chest and breasts. He traced his tongue down to my waist and reached between my legs with his hand. I felt like I was on fire. He grabbed my hand with his as he lowered himself to finish his promise to taste every inch of me. I cried out as he made me climax and then again when he entered me. His movements were slow at first, then became more ardent until the both of us climaxed together.
Justin slid beside and kissed the top of my head. He whispered “I love you,” but didn’t say anything else after that. The feeling o
f being next to him again was both new and familiar at the same time. My heart, which for the past three months had felt almost as if it weren’t a part of me, was whole again. I was so deep in my thoughts that it was only after a while that I realized how quiet Justin had also been. I turned to look at him to see if I could read his thoughts on his face. His eyes were closed, and for a moment I wondered if he’d fallen asleep.
“Justin.” I nudged him.
“Hmmm.”
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“No, I’m not asleep, but I’m afraid to open my eyes because I’m worried that when I do this will have all been a dream, and you’ll be gone again.”
“I won’t be gone.”
“You promise?”
“Of course I do.”
Justin’s eyelids flicked open. “Then it’s settled. You’ll move in.”
“Wait.” I sat up slowly as the words Justin just said settled into my mind. “What did you just say?”
“You promised you’d never be gone again.”
“You want me to move in with you?” I asked, not believing that’s what’s he’d really said.
“Is it too soon to ask?” Justin looked worried about how I’d answer. I stared at him, taking in his warm brown eyes, soft full lips, the sprinkling of freckles across his cheeks, and I couldn’t imagine going another day without seeing him, but I was too stunned to answer him. “Well? Are you going to make me beg, because I will if that’s what it’s going to take?”
I thought about how hard it had been to leave his apartment the day before, and how long it had felt until we got to see each other again before dinner. It was less than a day, but it had felt like forever. “You don’t need to beg.” I shook my head, refusing to give myself the chance to overthink things too much. It was crazy, we’d only just gotten back together and there was so much for us still to talk about, but I didn’t care. We would have plenty of time for that later. “It’s not too soon.”
Epilogue
My last year of school seemed to fly by, and graduation day was turning out to be everything I hoped for and more. As I sat and listened to the valedictorian’s speech I thought back on the last graduation I’d attended—high school. I’d taken the bus to the ceremony alone. I was probably the only person in my class who didn’t have a single friend or family member come to watch them graduate. There was no one to celebrate that day with, but this time around Mike came with Mel, and Justin came with his mother who’d actually taken the day off of work to attend.
Justin wanted to throw me a party at our apartment, but he said his mother insisted on hosting it instead and I agreed. Mrs. Lambert—Allison—she insisted I start to call her, had come around after Justin and I got back together. Justin hadn’t been on speaking terms with her, not since our break-up, but I convinced him to forgive her, and she was grateful to me for it. Grateful enough that she apologized for believing the worst about me. She’d told me that she owed me for bringing her son back to her.
After Mike and I gave up our apartment, he moved in with Mel. Their wedding was only a few weeks away. They’d decided on a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic. It would the first real trip away from New York for me and Justin, and I wasn’t sure what I was more excited about, being in the Caribbean, or watching my brother get married. Between that, my life with Justin, and the handful of interviews that I’d lined up, it felt like there was so much to look forward to.
Living with Justin had turned out to be even better than I imagined it would be. Justin still surprised me with gifts and fancy dinners, and when my instinct to tell him no came, I reminded myself that it was okay to let him do things for me. At night before we fell asleep the two of us lay beside each other and talked. We talked about his nightmares and the long months it took for him to recover in the hospital after he lost his legs. He’d even brought out his photo albums and I was finally able to see what he’d looked like in his Navy uniform. We also talked about my life, and what it was like to be raised by my crazy father. I told him what living in a group home for four years had been like. I took Justin to his doctors’ appointments, and he let me help him when he needed it, and even sometimes when he didn’t. Our hearts became irrevocably intertwined as we bared our souls to each other.
It was a perfect June day, so Justin’s mother held my celebration outside. It was my first time on a New York rooftop deck. She walked up to me with two glasses of champagne in her hands and handed one to me. “Congratulations, Jessica.”
“Thank you.”
“To you.” She raised her glass and I clinked mine against hers before taking a sip. “I was thinking the other day about how stupid I’ve been.”
“What are you talking about?”
“After I gave birth to Jeff, I wanted a daughter so badly. When the doctor told me James was going to be a boy I cried for months.” I still wasn’t used to this version of Justin’s mother and tried to relax as she spoke. “The other day I was looking through some photos, photos with you in them, and I realized that you’ve become the daughter I prayed for.” She shook her head. “Leave it to Justin to bring you to our family, he always had a way of making me see things differently than I was used to. Our lives feel more complete with you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to see the real you.”
“It’s okay,” I said, touched by her confession.
Justin’s eyes caught the two of us talking and he walked over. He was still very protective of me when his mother was around.
“Everything okay?” he asked. He circled his arm around my waist and kissed me on the temple.
“Yes.” I turned my head to look at him. “Everything’s perfect.”
Acknowledgements
Sometimes I think deciding to write a book was one of the craziest ideas I’ve ever had, but once the decision was made, there was no turning back. I love books, both reading them, and it turns out, writing them as well. There is just something indescribably magical about books. The road to publication was not an easy one, and I would like to thank everyone that helped me along the way.
Thank you to my husband, Ben, for your support and for being an amazing cheerleader. Thank you to my children who put up with months and months of hearing me say “I swear, I’m almost done with this chapter”. Writing has definitely consumed a lot of mommy time, but hearing my kids brag about their mom being an author is always super cute. A special thanks goes to my sister, Elisabeth, who is also my best friend. Don’t ever think that I’m not eternally grateful for your beta reading, edits, and words of encouragement.
I would also like to thank Damonza for creating my beautiful book cover and for putting up with my pickiness. It really is appreciated. Thank you to the Kindle Press team, and to everyone who nominated my book and helped my dream of becoming a published author come true. Thank you also to Lisa Reid, for beta reading and cheering me on, and to Brenda Pandos for your writing and publishing advice.
About The Author
Teresa Roman is a lover of books. Born in Romania, she moved to the states as a young child and has lived on both coasts and the Midwest. Now, she happily calls Sacramento, CA, her home, where she lives with her husband, three kids and a dog. When she isn’t at her day job or running around with her children, you can find her in front of the computer writing, or with her head buried in another book.
Connect with Teresa Roman online:
www.teresaromanwrites.com
[email protected]
www.facebook.com/teresaromanauthor
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