She found herself moaning as well. “I want you, Alex. Tonight.”
He was devouring her. And she reveled in the taking.
“If you cannot cry, cannot let it go, then spend it on me.” She looked into his eyes when he lifted his head. “Spend it inside me.”
“Dear God, Delaney you have bewitched me for certain.”
“Then we have both been bewitched. I have never wanted a man like I want you. This is no sacrifice I make. It’s a pledge.”
“I canno’ take yer pledge, lass. No’ when I’m questioning everythin’ I’ve been about for seven years.”
“You don’t have to decide tonight. Come to me and leave the rest of the world and all the decisions. They will be there in the morning.”
He looked as if he was going to speak, but after a long, searing look into her eyes, he merely pulled her against his chest and tucked her head beneath his chin.
She felt small and protected. And strong. Stronger than ever before. He may have had the bigger frame, the more powerful body, but they had equal strength where it mattered. She protected him as well.
Together they found sanctuary.
“I fear the morning will be too late.” He pressed his lips against her hair. “It has begun. I know it, I felt it the moment Duncan disappeared. I need to be decisive about this now, yet I find I canno’ be. This is no’ the mark of a true chief, Delaney.”
“No. It is the mark of a great one. You care, Alex.” The torment in his eyes tore at her. “You care about the people you are sworn to protect. In this century and in your own.”
“I canno’ hide in your arms.”
“Seeking solace isn’t hiding. You are not a better laird, or even a better man, because you shoulder every burden alone.”
“Aye, you are one to speak of shoulderin’ burdens alone. Have ye not done that all yer life?”
“More than I realized. But because of my new family, because of you, I’m realizing how lonely an existence that has been. I’ve spent my life helping others and I’m proud of that. But somewhere along the way I began to use that as an escape. I was afraid to risk failing in something I’ve always wanted so badly for myself. Maybe I was right to protect myself until it mattered enough, when I couldn’t protect myself any longer.”
She faltered, but pushed on through the knot that was tightening in her stomach. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life questioning what we might have had, might have shared. Even for this one night. You matter enough, Alexander. Take me to your bed. We’ll face the morning together.”
Alexander looked into her eyes and knew the answer had already been decided for him. She had bewitched him, but the magic had been purely her own. “Yer heart is a warm, generous place. Glad I am to be held within it. Even for this one night.” He lifted her into his arms and carried her from the room, stepping over the piles of rubble, then ducking into his own chamber.
He laid her gently on the thick furs he’d borrowed from Rory. “Leave your troubles at the door with my own. This night is to be ours.”
Alexander smoothed the short, tangled hair from her brow. Even in sleep, Delaney looked capable and ready to do battle. There was energy vibrating from within her, as if she could spring to action, at a moment’s notice, ready for anything.
He wasn’t ready for her.
He pressed his lips into her hair, then felt his heart squeeze when this slumbering warrior snuggled closer to him, tucking herself into him, instinctively knowing that she could sleep peacefully in his arms.
Peacefully, yes. But securely? Alexander felt a wash of fear run through him, freezing his blood, chilling his heart. The time would be upon him soon, he felt it. He had a decision to make.
That his firm resolution to return to the past was now something he viewed as a choice was a warning in itself.
His loyalty lay, first and foremost, with his clan, did it not? His brothers had made other choices. He wished he could summon up outrage or even a small sense of betrayal. But the sleeping woman in his arms made that impossible as well.
Och, what he’d felt when he’d thrust inside her for that very first time. It was a sensation that was carved on his inner being for all time. Never had there been anything so perfect, a place perfectly meant for him.
He frowned. Yes, he’d given in to the temptation of thinking of talking to her about coming with him once they found the portal. But even though the world had turned upside down for both of them this night, he could not, would not ask that of her. Whether or not his clan was successful in battle, he would likely not survive long in the past once he returned. Such was the time he lived in. He could not subject her to a life of strife and difficulty she did not deserve when he could not swear to her that he’d be by her side to guide her and protect her. He almost smiled at that. She wouldn’t take well to his willingness to protect. But it was more than her physical self he wanted to protect from harm. His smile faded and there was a stabbing sensation in his heart.
How am I to leave you? Never had he suspected such a woman would exist for him.
Delaney shifted in his arms and placed a warm kiss to his chest, just over his heart. Her wide violet eyes, even more magical when filled with the softness of recent slumber, lifted to his. “What goes on behind those stormy eyes of yours, Alexander?”
He knew he could pull her beneath him, bring her finely tuned body to a peak of quivering need into which he could pour himself without restraint. Aye, but she was made for him she was, as he was for her. But there would be no more escape into the mind-numbing pleasures of lovemaking this night.
She reached up and smoothed her hand over the rough stubble of his jaw. “You were supposed to have left your worries at the door,” she chastised gently.
He looked down into her eyes for a long time, felt his heart grow heavier with every beat, his throat grow tighter with every breath. “I find I canno’ leave it go,” he managed. I canno’ leave you go, he added silently.
“Alexander—”
He placed his fingers across her lips. Smart, seductive lips he had sipped from until his head reeled like a drunkard. Lips he would kiss no more once his decision was made, once the portal was found.
Worry creased the corners of her eyes, pinched at the edges of her perfect mouth. “Tell me,” she said, her gaze steady and unfaltering.
He wasn’t going to, had planned not to. It wasn’t fair to either of them. But his mouth opened and the words began to tumble forth. “The portal will open soon. I am no Key, but I feel it as surely as I breathe.”
“I feel it too.”
Her response only made the knot tighten in his gut and further crumbled his good and noble intentions. “I fear we have little time left to us. And I find I am no’ ready to part wi’ ye.”
“What are you saying? That you’re not going back?”
The hope that had sprung into her eyes, despite her attempts to remain strong and steady chewed his guilt to ragged ends. He was handling this badly. Very badly.
But was there a good way to say good-bye?
“I have to go back, Delaney. I have no choice.”
A series of fissures shot through his heart, splitting it apart, as he witnessed the death of hope. She was valiant, for she did everything she could to protect him from her pain. But suffer she did.
“I understand. Perhaps more than you realize.”
He did no’ deserve one such as she.
“You know how I feel, but my reasons for not wanting you to return aren’t all motivated by my beliefs of right and wrong.” She took a breath and her steady expression began to shatter. It was a slow destruction that stole his will and decimated what was left of his control. “I don’t want you to return for reasons that are purely personal and every bit as selfish.”
The tears came then, slicing him clean through in ways the sharpest blade never could have. He stroked her hair and felt tears of his own slide from his eyes. “If I dinna return, I will never forgive myself. Even if it
is all for naught and I die just as Edwyna predicted. Stuck here in the future is a similar death, but worse still for being alive and still useless.”
Her head came up then and he was almost happy to see the violet sparks shoot through the tears. “You would not be useless here. Not to me.”
“I know. And that is why I canno’ put my worries aside. You fill my mind as well as my arms. I canno’ stop thinking of you, of what we shared this night. Of what we could share if I were to stay. But you must realize that I could no’ live with myself if I chose my own selfish desires over the needs of my clan. I am laird after my father Calum. I have been raised to think of my clansmen first, myself second and last.”
“You’re right. How could I expect you to come to love me when you were bred only for honor and loyalty?”
He gripped her face between his palms. He felt raw, exposed. “In this you are wrong. Aye, you have described my life well, my emotions and the reasons for them. And until this moment I would have fought to the death to defend them for the righteous creed they represent.” His hands began to tremble. “It is precisely this weakness of the heart that my da sought for me to avoid. It can cripple common sense, undermine good judgment. And yet I have fallen victim to it.” His pulse pounded in his chest, in his head, in his throat. “A willing victim. Perhaps I am filled with that supreme selfishness ye spoke of, for I canno’ look into your eyes for another second in time and not utter these words to ye.”
He brushed the gentlest of kisses along her lips and leaned his forehead to hers on a whispered curse. Then pulled back and looked deeply into her eyes.
“I could come to love ye, Delaney. With all the heart that God has seen fit to bless me with.”
Her mouth dropped open and he knew a moment of stark terror. And coward he discovered himself to be, for he could not wait for her to answer. He took her mouth with all the primal force of man joined to his perfect mate, the other half of his soul.
And she returned his kiss. Damn them both, she did.
And then it happened.
THIRTY-EIGHT
The sky went white with a flash of light so intense it made Rory and Cailean shield their eyes.
“What the he—” Rory broke off when the light shrunk down to one narrow sliver from which a young woman stepped. “Kaithren,” he breathed. He pulled Cailean to him, wrapping them both in the furs. “Why are ye here, Kaithren? Have ye not wreaked enough havoc in my life?”
The specter merely smiled at his words. He searched but spied none of the spite and hatred there that had carved her features the last time he’d seen her face. That moment had remained indelible in his mind’s eye for three centuries. It would remain so for all eternity.
“I am no’ here to curse you, John Roderick.” Her voice was soft and gentle, not at all how he recalled it.
He could still hear her strident screech of rape echo through the chapel. She might look the angel now, but he trusted her naught. “Then ye must be here to kill me.” The final irony—and victory—would be hers after all. After three centuries of hell on earth, he’d come to the moment when he wanted most to live, and instead, he would die. “I’m no’ ready to leave as yet, Kaithren. Leave me be.”
“You misunderstand, Rory. You have spent these years in a purgatory partly of your own making.”
“It was no’ I who placed the curse!”
For the first time, her serene countenance slipped a notch, but while there might be a touch of frustration, there was no hatred, no vengeance. “It was you who lied.”
“I would have told you I’d capture the moon for ye if I had a thought it would save my clan.”
“I knew better than ye what lay in store for us all. I couldna make you understand and nothing I said would have made ye listen.”
He wanted to argue the point and had there been even a thread of condemnation in her tone, he might have. But Cailean chose that moment to tighten her hold on his waist. He looked down into the wondrous expression and her gaze immediately shifted to his. He felt his heart expand and his will ignite. He looked back to Kaithren and could only speak the truth. “You are right. I would no’ have heard.”
“Ye’ve had three hundred years to right that wrong, John Roderick and ye never did it.” She stepped closer, the halo of light stayed with her, clung to her. “Until now.”
Rory did not have to think on her words to understand. “What of your wrong, Kaithren?”
“Yer no’ the only one who has spent time in purgatory. It has been my duty and my penance to follow the course of your life and do what I could to create the opportunities for you to learn from both of our mistakes.”
“I dinna recall too many of those,” he said.
A smile curved the corners of her mouth. “I canno’ say that I was thrilled with my lot either, Rory. I wasna much more a willin’ pupil than you. When I cursed our union, Rory, I had no intent to curse all MacKinnon and Claren unions, though if ye’d asked me that day, I’d have gladly made that part of it. I have done penance for that as well, but have been woefully inadequate to the task.” Her gaze shifted to Cailean. “Until this one was born. This Key. Then I knew.”
“And have ye found redemption, Kaithren?”
She looked into his eyes. “No.”
“How have ye failed?”
“I was to see to it that you understood the true meaning of the bond I sought with you, one I only now understand could never have been ours. My final lesson is a difficult one, as I realize my goals were just as selfish as your own. It was no’ you I truly loved, Rory, it was what you represented to me.” She hung her head and her shoulders rounded. “My final punishment was to observe you finding that bond, knowing I’d never have that.”
“Are ye so sure that there is nothing awaiting you of such magnitude?”
She shook her head. “No, I am no’. But that is no longer in my hands.” She took a breath and straightened to her full height. “I was sent here to congratulate you on ending your purgatory. I am to personally escort you on your ascension, then await judgment on my own fate.”
Rory felt Cailean grab at his waist. “No,” she pleaded. “Don’t take him now.” She looked up to him. “I can’t do this, Rory. I thought I’d be strong for you, but I can’t and—Oh, God.” She buried her face into his chest.
Rory felt his own heart ripping apart. “Kaithren, it has been three centuries, surely you can grant me time.”
“Ye didna allow me to finish,” she said gently. “I was to come as yer escort, John Roderick, but as difficult and painful a journey as this has been for me, I knew there was one last atonement I must make if I’m ever to find peace within my own soul.” She stepped forward and knelt before them, bowing her head low, as if in fealty. “John Roderick MacKinnon, who would have been laird of his clan if no’ for my treachery. Your leadership would have been shortlived, but it was no’ my place to alter your destiny or your chance to change it.” She raised her head. “So, as a final act in my quest for full redemption, I have asked that I be allowed to give you the choice of destinies now. Only you must choose this moment.”
Rory felt Cailean tremble in his arms, then realized he shook too. “What are my choices?”
“You may ascend with me this moment, to reap the glory and all the rewards that await you.” She paused and looked to Cailean, then back to him. “Or you may reclaim your mortality and live on this earth as mortal man from this day forth, vulnerable to the whims of fortune and fate. And love. Choose now.”
Rory pulled Cailean tight into his arms and kissed her deeply and long. When he could, he pulled away and looked to Kaithren, feeling a pang in his heart as he spied the true hurt and regret in her eyes. “I forgive you, Kaithren Claren. We both acted as only humans can, though it has taken us a long time to truly understand the responsibility of our own actions and on whose shoulders that mantle lies. I hope you ascend to those rewards you spoke of. I think you have earned your redemption well.” He looked to Cailean and felt his
heart burst wide open with a joy that was insurmountable. “But I willna be escorting you there this fine moonlit night.”
She bowed and smiled, albeit wistfully. “You have chosen well, I think. God be with you, John Roderick.”
Both Rory and Cailean spoke. “God be with you, Kaithren.” But the sliver of light had evaporated into the night mist as if it had never been.
“Mortal,” he breathed, trying to wrap his thoughts around the gift of life he’d been given. “I dinna know how long it will take to comprehend it.”
Cailean’s smile and laugh quickly turned into sobs, of soul-shuddering relief and of limitless joy. He curled her into him and lowered her to the furs. “Dinna cry now, Cailean. No’ when we have a lifetime of love and laughter in front of us.”
“Oh, Rory, I thought you were lost to me forever.”
He shook his head, smiling in wonderment as the truth fully blossomed within him. He brushed the tears from her cheeks. “We’ll never be lost to each other. We have our lives on earth, and ever after in the heavens above.”
Cailean nodded and pulled his head down for a kiss.
“We should go down and make use of that nice soft bed,” he murmured.
She shook her head. “No, I want to make love to you under the heavens. It seems the perfect way to begin our lives together.”
He shifted her onto her back and moved over her. “Aye, it does, lass, that it does.” The stars winked as if in approval as he moved deeply within her.
Alexander and Delaney sat up, furs clutched to them, mouths open in awe as reality shifted. The very air surrounding them seemed to shift and bend, then become almost wavery and tactile, as if one could touch it and feel it, pass through it. Liquid.
They watched in amazement as this liquid air shifted to a wavery panel of light at the foot of the bed. The colors inside the panel shifted and altered, as if a window were evolving. A window to the past.
“The portal,” Delaney whispered.
The Legend Mackinnon Page 35