‘I can’t offer you anything.’
No, he hadn’t made any promises and now she understood why. But if he hadn’t been able to offer her anything back then, what was he doing here now?
‘So why did you come here?’ she questioned. ‘And why now? Why did you seek me out, Kadir?’
His eyes narrowed with unmistakable calculation. ‘Can’t you guess?’ he said softly.
She shook her head. ‘I’m not in the mood for guessing games.’
‘I came for you because I have been fighting a war for the past two years and at times during that war, I was nearly beaten and broken and I lost... I lost much that was dear to me,’ he husked. ‘And sometimes, in the midst of the desert storms which raged around my troops, when my throat was raw and my body ached as if every bone I possessed had been snapped—I would think of you, Caitlin.’
‘Me?’ she verified, so surprised by his admission that she didn’t stop to ask what it was he had lost.
‘Yes, you.’ He paused, his voice suddenly growing smoky as he began to walk over towards where she sat. ‘I remembered how sweet and clean you had felt in my arms. I don’t know how many lovers you’d had before me, but you made me feel as if I were the only one and, somehow, I could never quite forget that feeling.’
She stared at him askance as she took in the implication of his words. How many lovers she’d had before him, he had said, and the irony was that he had been the only one and he hadn’t guessed. Not then and not now. She gave a wry smile. Maybe all that stuff about virgins being extra-tight was just the stuff of legend.
But the fact remained that he had come back because he wanted her—physically, at least. The watchfulness in his gaze had given way to a heated blaze, which Caitlin was discovering she was far from immune to, despite the shocking disclosure he had just made. Or had his bitter story made her want to offer him comfort of the most basic kind?
He was so close that she could see the pulse which flickered hectically at his temple and the way his lips had parted and it reminded her all too vividly of what she’d once had with him and still missed. No man before or since had ever made her feel the way that Kadir could and sometimes she thought that nobody ever could.
A sudden tension seemed to have descended on them, imprisoning them in a private and erotic world, and as Caitlin started to rise to her feet he reached out and pulled her into his arms. And she was so captivated by her own sense of longing that she let him. She looked up into the dark gleam of his eyes, unable to tear her hungry gaze away from them.
‘I want to kiss you,’ he murmured, his breath warm against her face. ‘And you want that, too, don’t you, Caitlin? You want it as badly as I do.’
It was a boast. A virile statement of fact, which couldn’t be denied without inviting a charge of hypocrisy. And to her eternal shame Caitlin found herself whispering, yes—such a tiny word but one which managed to convey a broken note of yearning, which seemed to spiral up from somewhere deep inside her.
He framed her face with his hands and for a long moment just stared down at her. His eyes were like jet-dark lasers but his mouth was unsmiling as he moved closer still. As he lowered his head like a bird of prey Caitlin felt as if she were in rapid free fall, and when his lips touched hers, it was like landing in paradise all over again. A willing captive to the power of that kiss, she swayed as the Sheikh’s tongue flicked into her mouth, tasting and exploring her as if he were determined to prove just how satisfying a kiss could be. And how ultimately frustrating.
Was that his intention? To kiss her for just long enough to make her respond. So that she would reach out her hands to anchor herself to him—encountering unfamiliar silk beneath her fingertips and realising how thin it was? She swallowed, rubbing at the hard flesh, his muscles so deliciously honed and powerful that she found herself longing to see him naked again. Yet despite her lack of experience, Caitlin could sense danger—only this time a much more subtle variety. She could feel her body starting to change and there was nothing she could seem to do to stop it. Her nipples were pushing urgently against the lacy scratch of her bra and that achingly familiar low coil of heat was beginning to unfurl deep inside her.
Was it the corresponding rush of desire which made her want to squirm her hips against his with unspoken invitation, as if she couldn’t wait to feel him inside her again? Was that what prompted a soft murmur which was tinged with triumph? Caitlin swallowed as he smoothed his hands down over her undulating curves, as if he were reacquainting himself with her by touch alone. In just a few minutes it would be too late, because she recognised that he would go right ahead and do it to her. Here. Now. His finger was already straying to the button of her skirt. Another second and he would be skimming it down over her hips and pulling her panties down and...and...
No matter how much she ached for that to happen—she mustn’t let it.
Because she was in jeopardy of reading too much into something which was purely carnal and she was much too vulnerable around Kadir, even after all this time. What chance would she have of standing up to him and fighting her corner if she submitted? How could she possibly safeguard her child if she was in thrall to the Sheikh and allowed him to weaken her with a single touch?
Her hands were trembling as she placed them over his powerful chest, tantalisingly aware of the thunder of his heart as she stepped away. Her own heart was racing so hard that she felt dizzy, particularly when she noticed the flare of frustration which backlit the ebony smoulder of his eyes. But she thought she could see something else, too. Was it surprise that she’d been able to resist him? She was pretty surprised herself.
Walking over to the window, she smoothed down her ruffled hair and adjusted her clothing before turning round to face him again, determined to keep her expression neutral.
‘That’s not going to happen,’ she said.
‘It very nearly did.’ His black eyes glittered. ‘You’re surely not denying you wanted to?’
She shook her head. ‘How could I? But want and need are two very different beasts, Kadir. I may have just fallen into your bed last time around, but there’s too much at stake this time. We need...’ She swallowed. ‘We need to talk about the future. About what is best for Cameron—and I don’t want any unnecessary complications.’
Her words filtered into Kadir’s mind and he allowed himself to mull them over. A complication, was that how she saw him? As an obstacle or an impediment best avoided? Hadn’t his mother thought exactly the same? He felt his blood turn cold but maybe it was easier this way. Easier to do what he needed to do. For all their sakes, but most of all for the sake of his child. Deliberately, he kept his next words casual and to most people they would have sounded like nothing more than an aside. But if any of his aides had been present they would have been instantly alerted to the anger which was simmering away inside him.
‘I agree,’ he said. ‘The future is what matters now, not the past. I no longer wish to be a stranger to the child who shares my DNA and who will one day rule Xulhabi. Which means that Cameron will obviously need to spend time there.’
‘You mean...in the holidays?’
‘Not really. There is too much to be crammed into the odd week, here and there. He needs to understand his heritage and history, and be schooled in the many arts of kingship. I want to take my son back to Xulhabi with me, to introduce him to the land he will one day inherit.’
‘Are you completely insane?’ she breathed. ‘Do you really think I’d let Cameron go anywhere with you until I’ve got to know you better?’
‘Don’t worry, Caitlin. I fully intend for you to accompany him. And before you look at me with such horror in your eyes, what possible objections could you have? You don’t have a nine-to-five job and even if you did, I could easily compensate for any time lost at work.’
She was shaking her head. ‘Well, I can tell you right now that’s not going to happen. At
least, not yet—and certainly not now. This has been a lot for a little boy to take in. Can you imagine what would happen if we flew him out to the desert? He’d be completely overwhelmed.’
‘I can imagine it all too well, yes—but I don’t share your opinion. I think any young boy would enjoy the experience.’
She glared at him. ‘Well, I think it would make him lose all track of what is normal.’
Should he tell her that Cameron’s life was never going to be normal again? Kadir felt almost sorry for her as he made himself appear to consider her words. But he could read the fierce determination which blazed from her blue eyes and so he made himself go through the motion of shrugging. ‘Very well. If those are your wishes, then I suppose I will be forced to comply.’
‘They are,’ she said, looking at him with suspicion—as if she couldn’t quite believe he was agreeing so easily. ‘We can start out slowly,’ she added placatingly. ‘Little by little, bit by bit. We’ll get some dates in the diary. How does that sound?’
‘Wonderful,’ he said sardonically, reaching towards a bell to summon a servant. ‘I shall leave you now to get ready for dinner. We will eat early so that Cameron can join us.’
‘Dinner?’ she echoed blankly.
‘Of course.’ Kadir felt a rush of pure pleasure as he registered the discomfiture on her face. ‘You agreed to stay for a couple of days, didn’t you? Surely you haven’t forgotten?’
He could see her long neck quiver as she swallowed, before appearing to regain some of her customary fire. ‘I’m not going to reconsider letting Cameron go to Xulhabi with you,’ she warned. ‘If that’s what you’re thinking.’
‘Fortunately my thoughts are something you will never be privy to,’ he answered smoothly. ‘Though I cannot deny how disappointed I am that you have stubbornly refused to see the matter from my point of view.’
CHAPTER FIVE
‘DO WE HAVE to go, Mummy?’
Caitlin gritted a smile which hopefully conveyed a sense of calm she was far from feeling. ‘Of course we do, darling. We’d only ever planned to stay in London for a couple of days, remember? And someone needs to get back to Scotland to feed your hamster!’
With fingers which were trying very hard not to tremble, Caitlin did up the final button of Cameron’s brand-new coat, having to battle feelings of pride and resentment as the soft cashmere brushed against her skin. It suited him very well, as did all the other clothes Kadir had insisted on buying from one of the city’s best-known stores—a bizarre shopping trip, by any stretch of the imagination, mainly because they had shut the shop especially for him. And although natural maternal pride made Caitlin acknowledge how cute her son looked in his new outfits, she’d been aware of feeling as if she had somehow failed him by bringing him up in such frugal circumstances. How she had blushed when one of the many fawning shop assistants had gingerly picked up Cameron’s old anorak and questioned whether or not madam would be keeping it. Madam had declined, of course, though she’d been unable to rid herself of a stupid sense of disloyalty as she did so.
If only she could dislodge the uncomfortable feelings which were swirling around inside her, because this weird trip to London was making her realise that, physically at least, she was still in thrall to the father of her child. One touch from the arrogant Sheikh and she’d been all melting compliance. How weak was that? But you don’t have to see him again for a while, she told herself fiercely—and there was nothing to stop her building up some kind of immunity to him.
Giving Cameron an encouraging smile, she ruffled his hair. ‘The plane will be leaving soon and so we’d better go and find your...daddy to say goodbye.’
‘I don’t want to say goodbye!’ Cameron shouted, in a tone she’d never heard him use before.
‘It will only be for a little while,’ came a velvety voice from the doorway and Caitlin looked up in alarm to see Kadir standing there, his quiet tone of reason worlds away from the look of fury he was flashing at her. How long had he been standing there? she wondered. Long enough to have heard Cameron cooing that this house was nice and warm? The implication being that the fire which blazed in their little sitting room in Cronarty never quite managed to eliminate all the icy drafts which whistled through the house in the dead of winter.
‘Daddy! Daddy!’ Cameron ran across the salon and hurled himself at the Sheikh, flinging his little arms around the legs of the golden-robed figure who laughed indulgently at his son.
And once again, Caitlin felt like the outsider. The usurper. The spoilsport who wouldn’t allow what father and son both clearly wanted—for Cameron to accompany the Sheikh to Xulhabi. She had been forced to listen while Kadir had waxed lyrical about his land. His poetic words had created vivid images of the country’s capital city of Azraq, where apparently a pair of red-footed falcons—the rarest of all the falcons—lived amid the soaring golden towers of the palace. He had regaled Cameron with tales of horse-riding and archery and how, when he was just seven years old, he had learned to sword-fight.
‘Can I learn to sword-fight, Daddy?’ Cameron had asked plaintively and Caitlin’s natural fears had made her wonder aloud about danger, before Kadir had given her a withering look, which had scorched across the room over his son’s dark head.
‘You think I would put him in danger?’ he had demanded. ‘Don’t you realise that in some countries boys learn to sword-fight as young as five?’
‘Not in Scotland, they don’t!’
‘Then all I can say is—it’s a pity for Scotland!’
And that was how it had gone on. Their two-day stay in the Sheikh’s luxury home had been difficult, to say the least—well, for her anyway. Not for Cameron, that was for sure. He had been happy enough to participate in the dizzying array of treats which had been planned for him and had quickly adapted to the bizarre concept of discovering that his previously unknown father was a powerful king of the desert.
Maybe children weren’t as aware of status as adults were, she thought. Cameron hadn’t commented on the fact that Kadir’s house was so big you could have fitted ten of their tiny cottages into its extensive space. Or that countless servants could constantly be seen gliding past, or silently lurking in corners—always ready to do the Sheikh’s bidding. And he certainly hadn’t raised any objections when they were whisked around London in yet another fancy car, with a professional guide who had been hired for their stay. Though in truth she thought that Kadir could have qualified for guide status himself, he seemed to know so much about the city.
‘Xulhabi does a lot of trade with the world’s major cities—so naturally I make it my business to know as much about them as possible,’ he had replied, in answer to Morag’s question. But he had followed this up with a smile which had made the middle-aged nanny melt—as usual. A smile which was also doled out on regular occasions to Cameron.
But never to her.
For her he reserved his best icy expression—a look as chilly as the wild winds which howled around the shores of Cronarty. Was he still angry that she had refused to allow Cameron to go back to Xulhabi with him, when surely he must realise that her reasons were perfectly valid? Or were they?
Weren’t they based on fear? A nebulous fear she couldn’t quite grasp and certainly couldn’t articulate?
It had been a shock to find out about his late wife’s drug addiction and her subsequent coma, but in a way it had added to the confusion of her feelings. The reasons for his infidelity no longer seemed so black and white, but that didn’t change the fact that he had kept his identity and marital status secret from her. She just needed some time alone to make sense of all she had learned and then to come to some acceptable decision about their future.
Standing beside their small suitcase, Caitlin waited patiently while Cameron said his final goodbyes, but she could do nothing about the twist in her heart as the Sheikh gently disengaged Cameron’s arms and crouched down to look d
eep into his son’s eyes.
‘We will see each other again very soon, my boy,’ he said gently. ‘I promise.’
Cameron nodded fiercely and before Caitlin knew it, the limousine was outside waiting and ready to go.
She was quiet during the journey to the airfield, where the plane was waiting to take them back to Edinburgh—and the fact that the aircraft was much bigger and shinier than the one they’d flown in before obviously cheered Cameron up. But Caitlin’s heart remained heavy as they were taken through to a roomy cabin at the back of the aircraft and told to make themselves comfortable. Busying herself, she buckled up her son’s seat belt, then watched as he gazed through the window at the thick clouds outside.
As the engines began to power into life, she turned to Morag, needing some kind of reassurance. Wanting someone to tell her that everything was going to be okay—because why was some inexplicable sinking sensation in her stomach making her feel strangely doomed? ‘That didn’t go so badly,’ she observed quietly, more in an effort to convince herself. ‘Considering how difficult it might have been.’
‘No. Not bad at all. I like him,’ Morag added, and then, after a pause, her brogue grew very gruff. ‘I like him a lot.’
Caitlin wondered if she was imagining the faint reprimand behind the nanny’s praise, or was that just her own paranoia getting the better of her? A childish urge to grit out a litany of complaints about the Sheikh was making her face feel hot and flushed, but she suspected that Morag would have no truck with her objections. Why, she’d even been understanding when Caitlin had briefly explained that Kadir’s wife had been in a coma for most of their short marriage, though she didn’t explain why. If she had been expecting the middle-aged nanny to make a negative judgement about his illicit night with her, then she was destined to be disappointed.
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